Jerks of the Week - May 18, 2015





Jerks of the Week: May 18, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Catching Up on Gym Jerks: Two Abominations, Two Creeps and a Monster

I know it hasn't been years since I've written about the jerks at my gym, but it sure feels like it. That's because my last gym jerks entry - in which I showed you pictures of Homeless Clown Woman and poop running down the walls of a bathroom - occurred prior to the NFL Draft.

I love the NFL Draft, but after each one is over, it feels like five years of my life expectancy have been shaved off. Between all the work I do leading up to the draft, and stressing about getting an adequate amount of picks right, and grading each selection - particularly on Day 3, when there are usually more than 150 - I come out looking and feeling like a zombie. And what sucks is that I don't even get to eat people's brains. Not legally, anyway. God, I can't believe how much American laws suck.

Since it feels like eons since my last gym jerks entry, I feel the need to update you on some prominent people/things I've made fun of from there. I have some interesting tales to tell, and I've even included a new picture of Homeless Clown Woman that you will absolutely cherish!


Fat Women:

The person who said that the two constants in life were death and taxes omitted a third item on the list: fat women at my gym. There always have been and always will be fat women at my gym. There's always one in the pool, rain or shine, winter or summer. They're such a constant that I've become convinced that there's a hidden cache of snacks at the bottom of the pool somewhere. My money is on Doritos.

Most of the fat women there don't bother me. They just gaze at me longingly, licking their lips, as if they imagine that I'm a giant turkey they'd like to devour for their third dinner of the evening. There is, however, one fat lady who pisses me off. She's a woman in her early 70s who dyes her hair blond and gets it permed. Despite this, she not only goes into the pool, but she also yells at anyone who splashes and gets her hair wet. She must not be aware of the Doritos; otherwise, she would dive underwater with all of the other fat ladies.

As you may have guessed, this fat woman has yelled at me on several occasions. I'll never forget one instance that occurred several years ago. I performed a flip turn when reaching the wall, and I must have splashed her, because the next time I came down, she kicked me as I was swimming by her. It hurt, too! I stopped to see what the problem was, and she shouted at me, "Vhy you splash! No splash vater! No splash vater me!" So, naturally, I made sure to splash her even harder the next time.

This fat woman is still alive - I'm shocked she hasn't suffered a heart attack yet - and I saw her recently yelling at someone else. Upon entering the pool deck one day, I overheard her shouting at the lifeguard.

Fat Woman: Vhy vater so cold!?

Lifeguard: It's not cold.

Fat Woman: Vater cold! Vhy you make so cold!?

Lifeguard: I didn't do anything.

Fat Woman: You make cold! You make vater cold! Vhy you do zis!?

Lifeguard: Again, it's not cold. It's 86 degrees, which is normal.

Fat Woman: Ahh, you idiot! You no know vater cold!

As the fat blob waddled away, I tested the water to see if she was right. She wasn't. The water was nice; it didn't even sting when I flopped in.

I didn't get what the fat woman's problem was until I thought about it. She must have been upset that some other obese lady took the last of the Doritos.





Pool Deck Bathroom:

Want another story about old Russian people yelling at the lifeguard? Well, this one involves the pool deck bathroom, which has been barricaded because it literally has crap running down its walls:



It's been closed now this entire time, but don't tell that to an old Russian couple that tried using it recently. These elderly people got out of the pool and began walking slowly toward the bathroom. Completely disregarding the signs that said the bathroom was closed, they reached for the door, which caught the lifeguard's attention.

Lifeguard: The bathroom's closed!

Old Woman: I need help my husband change cloze!

Lifeguard: Yeah, but the bathroom is closed. You can't go in there.

Old Woman: Vee always go to basroom! Basroom vhere I help my husband change cloze!

Lifeguard: I get that, but you still can't go in there. It's a mess.

Old Woman: Vee go! Vee go!

Ignoring the lifeguard and all warnings, the Russian couple ventured into the bathroom and emerged what seemed like 10 minutes later. The husband was now fully clothed, but his pants had brown spots all over them. The woman, whose clothes did as well, did not look pleased.

Old Woman: Zere poop on vall in basroom!

Lifeguard: I told you, the bathroom was closed.

Old Woman: Vhy you no tell basroom have poop on vall!?

Lifeguard: I told you not to go in there!

Old Woman: But you no say no poop!

The lifeguard tried to respond, but the old woman grabbed her husband and marched off. I'd write something like, "Lesson learned, if a sign and an employee tell you the bathroom is closed, you'll probably get fecal matter on your clothes," but these two idiots would probably make the same mistake all over again.


Singing Bard:

As you can tell, the average age of the patrons at my gym is nearing triple digits. Besides the employees, myself and some annoying kids - I'll have an entry just for them later - no one who goes to my gym is younger than 50.

I mentioned one of the old men before. I've referred to him as Singing Bard because all he does is walk circles around the kiddie pool/hot tub and sing to himself. He looks extra goofy while doing this because he's always wearing a tight blue Speedo and closing his eyes while singing. He gets really into it. In fact, there are two occasions in which I did not see/hear him singing. The first was when he was checking himself out in the locker room mirror, completely naked. Another geezer asked him if he was measuring his penis size, and Singing Bard replied, "I'm trying to see if I'm fit enough for the ladies!"

The second instance ties into that. I was sitting in the kiddie pool/hot tub one day when Singing Bard was doing his usual chanting. I have no idea what song he was muttering, but he suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Watch this," he said.

Watch this? What was I going to watch, exactly? He literally could've done anything, and it wouldn't have surprised me. He could've chanted another song, attacked a gym member or taken off his blue wiener bikiner and shat in the pool, and I wouldn't have been surprised.

What he had planned involved the lifeguard, because he approached her...

Singing Bard: What are ya doing, taking a water test?

Lifeguard: Yeah.

Singing Bard: I always get confused between the chorine levels and the PHP levels, heh heh heh! So I'll have to learn them before I take your job, heh heh heh!

Lifeguard: You can have it.

Singing Bard: How old are ya, heh heh heh?

Lifeguard: I'm 22.

Singing Bard: Where do ya go to college, heh heh heh?

Lifeguard: Bucks.

Singing Bard: You just start there, heh heh heh?

Lifeguard: Nah, I've been going there for a while.

Singing Bard: And you'll be going there for much longer, heh heh heh!

Lifeguard: Wait, what?

Singing Bard: How old are you, heh heh heh?

Lifeguard: I already said 22.

Singing Bard: I'm going to swim laps now, heh heh heh!

Lifeguard: OK.

Umm... so, I'm still confused about what Singing Bard wanted me to watch. What was he trying to do, exactly? I have no idea if he was hitting on the lifeguard, trying to take her job, or doing his best to insult her.

Come to think of it, maybe that's why he wanted to watch. In eight simple sentences, featuring 24 combined "heh heh hehs," he managed to accomplish all three items. Quite an impressive feat!







Grandpa Pimp:

I've seen Grandpa Pimp, an old man who once tried to set me up with his granddaughter even though he had never met me before, only once since the draft. However, our encounter was an eventful one. He saw me walk into the locker room and approached me, as he usually does.

Grandpa Pimp: Excuse me, young man, I need to tell you something.

Me: Sure.

Grandpa Pimp: You are a journalist, yes?

Me: Sort of.

Grandpa Pimp: You are a journalist, so you know all journalist schools!

Me: OK, if you say so.

Grandpa Pimp: My granddaughter, she's trying to be a journalist. Not my eldest granddaughter. She's smart, so she married a wealthy, young man, and now she won't have to work formoney, but my youngest granddaughter, she's stupid. She wants to be a journalist!

OK, three things:

1. We've already had this conversation before. It was the same exact one from the previous time we saw each other, though as you'll see, it'll take a different turn.

2. Why, exactly, is his youngest granddaughter stupid compared to his eldest granddaughter? Marrying into money, especially if someone doesn't have much, is an intelligent maneuver that should be exercised more frequently, assuming, of course, that it's a possibility. That's because it solves a ton of problems, creates more opportunities, and provides security for both future offspring and retired parents. It's basically the modern-day natural selection, except that crack/meth heads and people who leech off the government are having children more than functional human beings now, so humanity is basically f***ed.

However, just because Grandpa Pimp's youngest granddaughter wants to expand her horizons and earn her own money doesn't mean she's stupid. On the contrary, it's commendable that she wants to make something out of her life.

3. What's up with this old geezer insulting members of his family to people he barely knows? This is the second time he has talked s*** about his granddaughter, and before that, he referred to the mother of his grandchildren as an "Irish whore who couldn't keep her legs closed."

Anyway, the conversation continued...

Grandpa Pimp: My granddaughter wants to go to journalism school in London!

Me: Really?

Grandpa Pimp: Yes! She asked her daddy, and her daddy said she can go to London for journalism school!

Me: Oh, OK.

Grandpa Pimp: You know all journalism schools! Is there a good journalism school in London?

Me: I don't know, I only know of the ones here.

Grandpa Pimp: I have a homework assignment for you! When you go home, look up journalism school in London, and the next time I see you, you tell me if there are good journalism schools in London!

OK, three things:

1. Homework assignment? Why is this old man giving out homework assignments to people at the gym he barely knows? I'm not in school anymore, so go f*** yourself, old man.

2. I'm glad I haven't bumped into Grandpa Pimp recently... because I haven't done my homework assignment. And it's not like I can say my dog ate it.

3. The old man brings up a good point: Why is his granddaughter going to school for journalism in London? That's great if she wants to be a journalist, but why would she waste her money doing so in London, when there are plenty of great journalism schools here in America that would cost a lot less? It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Now that I think about it, Grandpa Pimp is definitely on to something. His youngest granddaughter is definitely an idiot, after all.


Homeless Clown/Grudge Woman:

And now the moment you've all been waiting for - a new picture of Homeless Clown/Grudge Woman!

If you didn't feel like clicking on the earlier link, here's a picture from the previous gym jerks entry in which Homeless Clown Woman was seen on a bike, looking like the monster from the Grudge:



Homeless Clown/Grudge Woman, of course, is known for A) lifelessly walking around the pool nearly a dozen times and B) muttering to herself that the government is spying on her, so I've vowed that the next time I see her performing these actions, I'd snap a picture of her doing so and ask her why she wanders around the pool aimlessly.

The bad news is that I haven't seen her around, so I haven't been able to ask her what she hopes to accomplish by creeping out the people at the pool. The good news is that a friend of mine spotted her walking around the pool and was able to take a picture:



How scary is that? Now, imagine if you joined this gym for the first time, hopped in to swim and then saw this abomination walking around the pool numerous times. You'd probably be scared that this thing would kill you, just like her look-alike monster from the Grudge movies.

No wonder there aren't any young people at my gym. Between the fat ladies, poop-covered bathrooms and the scary freak who parades around the pool, my gym is a pretty frightening place.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 21


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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