Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Feb. 3, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Cooking with Me

I've recently realized that I don't know what the hell I have in my refrigerator. My girlfriend Anti-Facebook Girl and I were too lazy to go anywhere one Friday night in the fall, so we ordered a tomato pie with bacon-and-cheese French fries. She told me to ask them for some Ranch dressing on the side. I did so, but they forgot to give it to me.

"Don't worry," I assured her. "I have some Ranch dressing in my fridge!"

I scurried over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Ranch dressing. I proudly handed it to her, but she seemed a bit trepid.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Is it still good?

Me: What do you mean?

Anti-Facebook Girl: Did it expire yet?

Me: Oh, I'm not sure. There's no date on it so I assumed it would never expire.

Anti-Facebook Girl: What? Let me see that...

Anti-Facebook Girl took the bottle and scanned it carefully. It took her about 20 seconds, but she found the expiration date that I failed to locate.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt! This expired in November 2012!

Me: Oh... does that mean we can't eat it?

Anti-Facebook Girl didn't even bother responding to that. She got off the couch and scoured the fridge to see if she could have more luck finding some Ranch dressing. She didn't have success in that regard, as the 2012 version was the only bottle of Ranch dressing that I had in my possession.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, you have five jars of salsa, yet you don't have a single bottle of salad dressing?

Me: Is that weird?

Anti-Facebook Girl: Yes! Why do you need five jars of salsa anyway?

Me: Umm... I don't know? Emergencies, I guess.

Perhaps the better question would be, "Who wouldn't want five jars of salsa in their fridge?" I know all of you reading this are jealous right now because salsa is freaking awesome. All of you, that is, except for the person who happens to have six jars of salsa in his fridge. And in that case, I'm jealous of you, my friend. Well played.

Anti-Facebook Girl perused the rest of my fridge. She discovered a bottle of cranberry juice that had expired in October 2012 and some chocolate syrup that went back in December 2012. I wasn't even aware that I had chocolate syrup in my fridge, so the realization that I couldn't use it made me extremely depressed.

Perhaps the most amusing item that Anti-Facebook Girl found was some orange juice that she discovered later when she was making breakfast (some delicious bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwiches).

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, I bought some orange juice, but did you know that you had a carton of orange juice in your fridge that expired in August 2012?

Me: Oh, that's cool.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Cool? The orange juice was blue!

Me: Really? That's disgusting then, but I guess it would make for a good decoration.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, if I find one more expired thing in your fridge, I'm going to make you eat or drink it!

Me: Nooooo!!!

I've since been more cautious about things in my fridge. For example, I just recently found a bottle of apple-cranberry juice (**) I don't remember putting in there. I looked for an expiration date, and saw that it's June 2014. Huzzah! Even though I won't drink it at all, I can keep it in my fridge for another seven months!

(**) Who the hell drinks apple-cranberry juice? More importantly, who thought mixing apples and cranberries would be a good idea? Sounds disgusting to me. Why not just have a grape-Windex concoction, or perhaps a blueberry-arsenic cocktail?

Let me back up for a second. The reason why Anti-Facebook Girl was so curious about the Ranch dressing expiration date was because she's already had a cooking experience with me. A few Sundays prior to this, Anti-Facebook Girl came over with dinner - pizza burgers! The caveat was that she would teach me how to make them.

If you've been reading Jerks of the Week for a while, I can only imagine how flabbergasted you must be right now. After all, I don't even know where to buy eggs because I still don't know where the local eggery is located. I keep asking people, and all they do is either look at me strangely for laugh in my face. Well, EXCUSE ME for being unaware of these eggery locations. Because there are like sooo many of them!!!

Making pizza burgers with Anti-Facebook Girl turned out to be quite an awesome experience. Not only did the pizza burgers turn out to be delicious; but I found it amusing to discover how many simple culinary-related things I was unaware of.





The Oven:

Before I begin, I feel obligated to put a disclaimer in here. If you're as clueless as I am when it comes to cooking, please don't use this as any sort of learning guide. This happened back in early October, so I'm writing it off memory. I'm not responsible if you burn your house down while trying to make your own pizza burgers. Not that I care if your house burns and half of your face is blown off; I just don't want you to sue me. K, thanks.

The first thing Anti-Facebook Girl asked me to do was turn on the oven. Uh oh...

Me: How do you do that? This button?

Anti-Facebook Girl: No, that's the microwave.

Me: Oh, I thought that "microwave" and "oven" were synonyms. Maybe I'm thinking of "stove" and "oven."

Anti-Facebook Girl: Haha, I hope you're not being serious.

Me: Uhh... yeah, just joking! How do I turn on the oven, this button?

Anti-Facebook Girl: That's the pilot light.

Me: This button?

Anti-Facebook Girl: You just pressed the button to change the time.

Anti-Facebook Girl showed me how to turn on the oven on. At least I think it was the oven. Maybe it was the stove... or perhaps the microwave... I turned a nob, and voila, a little blue flame lit under one of the four squares. I was on my way to becoming a cooking pro!


Frying Pan Cover:

Anti-Facebook Girl then asked if I had a frying pan cover. Uh oh...

Me: I didn't know frying pans had covers.

Anti-Facebook Girl: How'd you even get this frying pan?

Me: It was a housewarming gift!

Anti-Facebook Girl: Well, we need something to cover the patties. Do you have a pot? We can cover them with the top of a pot.

A pot? Hmm... I knew I had a pot somewhere, but I couldn't remember where it was. I searched high and low, but had no luck.

Me: I can't find my pot. I think someone stole it.

Anti-Facebook Girl: What? It's right here by the toaster. I was asking if you had a larger pot.

Me: Oh, I didn't see that. I know how to use the toaster. It only took me two hours to master that!

Anti-Facebook Girl: That's great, Walt, but we need a larger pot. I assume you don't have one.

Alas, I did not own a larger pot. Quite honestly, I thought the pot I had was as large as they came, but then I remembered that witches often boil skulls and stuff in large cauldrons. I don't know of any magic spells, so I never thought that I'd need a cauldron. Then again, I didn't think I'd ever be making pizza burgers either.


Cutting Board:

My pot lid was small, so we were only able to cover two patties at a time. Anti-Facebook Girl manned that operation, so she told me to cut the rolls and the cheese.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Do you know where your cutting board is? Wait, that's a stupid question. Do you think you have a cutting board?

Me: What's that, like a board you cut stuff on?

Anti-Facebook Girl: Yes...

Me: That sounds familiar!

My mom bought me a cutting board a couple of years ago. "You can cut apples on this," she said. I've never cut a single apple. I'm sorry, but I'm just wary of knives. What if I'm cutting an apple and the knife slips and I chop off my hand? Worse yet, what if the knife really slips and slashes my eye out?

This is why I've never used a knife before to cut anything. I have knives in my house, but they were housewarming gifts. I wouldn't be opposed to using my butcher's cleaver. That was also a housewarming present, but I've been using it primarily as a weapon against possible intruders who want to steal my Beverly Hills 90210 DVD collection.

However, it was time for a change. Apples are just apples; pizza burgers are another story. Being a fat man, I was willing to sacrifice my hand or my eye for a pizza burger, so I grabbed a knife and began slicing the rolls. I was being careful, but it still seemed overly difficult.

Me: This isn't working too well.

Anti-Facebook Girl: That's because you're using a butter knife.

Me: They have knife for butter?

Anti-Facebook Girl: Yes! Grab a knife with sharp ridges on it.

This worked better, but I was still having issues. I cut crookedly and slowly even though I tried to speed up the process. Anti-Facebook Girl laughed at my struggles and took the knife out of my hand. She then sliced the rolls very quickly.

I was in awe, but I was very confused about how she managed to complete this task so quickly. I think I'll stick to my butcher's cleaver.







Recycling:

Anti-Facebook Girl then had me slice up some cheese. Once again, she had to take over because I was making a mess of things. She had some difficulty this time because my recycling materials kept getting in her way.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, what are all of these bottles doing here?

Me: They're recycling.

Anti-Facebook Girl: I know, but can you move them somewhere else?

Me: On it!

Finally, a task I could accomplish on my own! I quickly gathered all of the recyclable materials and moved them to the kitchen table.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, are you serious?

Me: Serious about what?

Anti-Facebook Girl: Don't you have a recycling bin to put those things in?

Me: Yeah, I guess, but I like having them on the kitchen counter so I can take them straight to the garage whenever I go to my car.

Anti-Facebook Girl laughed at me again, but she no doubt would eventually see the brilliance in my recycling system.


Spatula:

At one point during the cooking process, Anti-Facebook Girl asked me if I had a spatula. I just stared back blankly at her.

"Never mind," she said. "I'll look for one."

I thought she would come up disappointed, but it turns out that I did indeed have a spatula! I'm still not really sure what a spatula is or what it does, but I have one! I'm sure you are all jealous.


Can Opener:

Anti-Facebook Girl brought a can of tomato sauce. I love tomato sauce. There was just one problem...

Anti-Facebook Girl: Ah crap, I just realized that you might not have a can opener.

Me: A can opener? I have a butcher's cleaver. That might work.

Anti-Facebook Girl: No, we need something that'll open up a can.

Me: Like a corkscrew or spatula?

Anti-Facebook Girl: No, an actual can opener.

Me: Uh oh...

We once again searched high and low, but we were unable to find a can opener. I just assumed that all cans opened by themselves, but I guess you learn something new every day.

"Maybe you have some tomato sauce in your fridge!" Anti-Facebook Girl said hopefully.

She opened the fridge and looked around.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Walt, why do you have five salsa jars?

Me: Salsa is awesome.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Yeah, but... eww... this salami you have here expired in May!

Me: That's lame!

Anti-Facebook Girl: Why didn't you throw that out? Oh, here's some tomato sauce! Is it still good?

I honestly had no idea because I had no clue that I even had tomato sauce in my fridge. We couldn't find an expiration date on the jar, but Anti-Facebook Girl tasted it and determined that it was fine.

About 15 minutes later, I was scarfing down the first of my three pizza burgers. It was delicious.

"See?" Anti-Facebook Girl said. "Now you can make your own pizza burgers!"

I wasn't as confident. I told her that I'd need to be supervised during the next few tries. After all, someone will need to drive me to the hospital if I poke my eye out trying to slice a roll of bread.




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Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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