Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014





Jerks of the Week: July 14, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport

I had a great time visiting Charlie, my NFL Draft senior analyst, last year down in Tampa. From the great nightlife, to the amazing food and beaches, to the chicks walking around in just thongs - it's called "Trampa Bay" for a reason - there were plenty of things to write about, which is why I was able to create the Tampa Trilogy - a four-part series about my awesome time in Tampa. You might be asking why there are four parts in my trilogy, and if so, screw you. If Star Wars can get away with having six movies in their trilogy, I can have four entries in mine.

This trip was going to be radically different than my first because I wasn't going to Tampa alone this time. I went with my girlfriend, and because of that, I was actually looking forward to this vacation even more. My girlfriend had never been down in that area before, so we planned to go to Disney World during one of our five days there. I had only gone to Disney once before - I was 14 - so reliving those memories was something I wanted to do.

Something else I desired was to find plenty of Jerks of the Week material. My wishes came true, as I ran out of room on my memo app on my new cell phone when jotting down notes for Jerks of the Week throughout my vacation. I'm not kidding. I had so many Jerks notes written down that it stopped me from texting with the following error message: "Maximum canvas size exceeded." See? My phone is even freaking out over all of the Jerks material I collected.

Of course, I was able to find some jerks before my girlfriend and I even landed in Tampa. That's because we initially had to go to the Philadelphia International Airport...


Philadelphia International Airport:

Going to the Philadelphia International Airport is never a pleasant experience. Half the people who work there are mindless automatons, while the other half are brain-dead crack addicts who only have a job because of some POS union. I had no idea how bad it was until two airport employees didn't know how to direct me to Terminal D a year and a half ago. One of them was a fat woman who was too busy eating a doughnut to answer me, while the second led me around in circles after responding to me with a "whatchu want?" after I came up to him and asked him for directions.

Something I find amusing at the airport is that the employees who check the IDs ahead of the security line look at everyone with their soulless eyes and ask, "Can you pronounce your name?" I've been to several other airports, and the only one that features workers who do this is the Philadelphia International Airport.

I suppose this is an attempt at some sort of security measure, but how can it possibly work? What sort of terrorist is going to be tripped up by this question? I can only imagine...

ID Checker: Whatchu want?

Terrorist: I want to go into the security line.

ID Checker: Lemme see your ID.

Terrorist: OK here.

ID Checker: Can you pronounce your name?

Terrorist: Yes. Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf.

ID Checker: That ain't what your ID say.

Terrorist: I mean Chris Jackson! It's Chris Jackson, I swear!

ID Checker: OK this is correct, please pass true the line. Keep in mine that we gonna check some bag, but probably not yours because you ain't white.

TSA actually checked my bag. I found one of those slips when I opened my suitcase in the Tampa hotel room. This really pissed me off. I felt like keeping that slip of paper in my luggage and writing, "Worthless TSA, can you please check bags that can actually belong to terrorists; not normal white people. Thanks."

What? That's racist? That's not racist in the slightest. It's just smart. It's a fact that white people were not part of the group that committed 70 percent of terrorist acts in 2011. This is not to say that every member of a race or religious faction is a terrorist or anything, but when one group leads the league in terrorist acts, they should be checked with more frequency. If white people or Russians committed more terrorism than anyone else, I'd totally understand if they checked me or my bag every single time. But that's not the case. This would be common sense for most people, but there are too many individuals with tons of sand in their vag for things to be like they should.




At any rate, I went through the security checkpoint without any issues. My girlfriend and I had about an hour and a half to kill, and we were both hungry, so we went to a mini restaurant called Villa Pizza in the U.S. Airways terminal. The food there looked delicious. In addition to pizza, they had some Stromboli, baked ziti and Caesar salad. I opted for the latter two items, which came with a garlic bread roll. My girlfriend, meanwhile, bought a slice of pizza with her salad.

As I was telling the woman behind the counter that I wanted sauce on my baked ziti, I overheard my girlfriend having some difficulty with the woman at the salad station. This woman was black and sounded like she came from the French part of Africa. She didn't seem to have any sort of grasp on the English language, as I quickly discovered when she and my girlfriend had the following conversation:

Girlfriend: I want a large salad.

Villa Pizza Worker: Yes you get salad.

Girlfriend: No, not the small salad. I want the large salad.

Villa Pizza Worker (pointing at me): He get small salad.

Girlfriend: OK, but I want a large salad.

Villa Pizza Worker: OK I give you salad.

Girlfriend: But...

Villa Pizza Worker: OK here salad.

Villa Pizza Worker either didn't seem to comprehend that my girlfriend wanted a large salad instead of a small one, or she forced a small salad upon her because I ordered a small salad. I absolutely have no idea what my order had to do with hers, and I doubt Villa Pizza Worker did either.

I'd take this opportunity to rant and rave about how people in America should at least be able to know enough English to not be any sort of hindrance like this, but the other Philadelphia International Airport employees who actually speak English (or some form of it) are just as incompetent.

My girlfriend and I talked about our difficulty with the Villa Pizza Worker as we struggled to eat - the croutons in our Caesar salad were extremely stale - and this prompted a discussion about how the airport restaurant employees are screened. We both agreed that terrorists who want to hurt people should find someone to work at these restaurants. The people at these restaurants might have an easier chance smuggling in bombs into the airport, and even if that's not the case, they could easily poison lots of people there. If I were one of these douchebag terrorists, I'd finish f***ing my goat and then spend time brainwashing a restaurant employee, telling them how bad America is for allowing Celebrity Apprentice to run for so many years. That's what all of this American hatred is all about, right?






Of course, the employees aren't the only stupid people at the airport. I have lots of material on the fliers as well, though I wouldn't consider one of them to be a jerk. As my girlfriend and I were waiting to check our bags, we overheard a conversation between two Indian siblings: a small girl (about 6 years old) and her older brother, who was around 10. Here's the brief exchange:

Little Girl: HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO WAIT TO GIVE OUR SOUP CASE?

Older Brother: It's suitcase; not soup case.

My girlfriend said aloud, "Aww, that's so cute!" right as I reached into my pocket for my phone to jot down this Jerks of the Week material. I can see how the little girl managed to sound cute by confusing "soup case" with "suitcase," but I bet she would have gotten it right if she wasn't so distraught over the Washington Redskins team name controversy. The name must be changed so more Indians don't start calling their luggage "soup case" - though the sound of "soup case" does sound quite delicious.

Luckily, there were people at the airport I can make fun of without feeling bad. I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands prior to eating my baked ziti and Caesar salad, and I instantly spotted a man in his late 50s/early 60s brushing his teeth. This would have been weird by itself, but he acknowledged everyone who approached the sinks by proudly saying, "I always brush my teeth before a flight, ho-ho!"

He was extremely enthusiastic about this for whatever reason. He beamed at everyone and informed every single person who washed their hands that he has a habit of brushing his teeth before boarding a plane. I have no idea why he did that, or why he seemed to think anyone cared about his routine. Perhaps he was worried that the cavity terrorists would board his flight and invade his mouth, and he was trying to help everyone by convincing them to brush their teeth to avoid this from happening. That, or he subscribes to my theory that the most likely terrorist attack in an airport would come from a food vendor. Maybe I should start brushing my teeth...

Anyway, I took a leak, and he was gone by the time I was done. An airport janitor, a large black man, was washing the sink area. I didn't think anything of it until a guy in his 50s with wavy gray hair and glasses approached him and said the following:

"You're pretty heavy, man!"

I wish I were making this up. He flat out told a large black janitor that he was "heavy." He smiled and had a crazy look in his eye, while the large black janitor, who was twice his size, grimaced and shot back an evil glare.

I think this is the first time I've ever pitied an employee at the Philadelphia International Airport. Most of them are complete worthless a**holes, but this fat guy was just minding his own business, cleaning the bathroom, yet a crazy-looking dude came up and told him that he was "heavy." That would spoil my day.

It was eventually time to board our flight. We approached the gate and saw something I despise: Everyone there was standing up and awaiting for their zone number to be called. I've written about this before, and I absolutely hate it. These people should be sitting down. It's not like they're going to miss their flight if they remain seated. Instead, lingering around confuses others, who think they're waiting in line instead of just standing behind some Zone 4 doofus who just heard Zone 1 called.

My girlfriend and I nearly missed Zone 1, but we caught it in time. The woman who scanned the boarding passes greeted my girlfriend warmly...

Boarding Pass Woman: Hi, how are you!?

Girlfriend: I'm great, how about you?

Boarding Pass Woman: I'm great, thanks for asking! Here's your boarding pass back, and I hope you have a great flight!

Girlfriend: Thanks!

I expected the same warm interaction from her when I handed her my boarding pass. Instead...

Boarding Pass Woman: Thanks...

Me: I'm great, I mean, how are you?

Boarding Pass Woman: Meh.

Me: Uhh...

Boarding Pass Woman: Here's your pass.

I don't understand why she was so friendly with my girlfriend and so rude to me. I brought this up with my girlfriend as we sat down on the plane.

Me: I can't believe how rude that boarding pass woman was to me.

Girlfriend: That's because people actually like me, Walt!

She said that jokingly, but maybe she's right. What if people are dicks to me because they don't like me? If they did like me, perhaps they wouldn't check my luggage, get me lost while directing me to a particular terminal, ask me to pronounce my name, give me small Caesar salads with stale croutons and be rude to me as I'm boarding the plane.

Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about this. How do you stop people you don't know from inexplicably hating you? Is there some sort of online class that teaches you how not to be an a**hole to people? I'm sure Rosetta Stone has a CD they could sell me for $299.99, but is there anything available for a reasonable price?

As for the actual flight, it was a bit frustrating. The glare from the sun shining through the window in front of me hindered my ability to use my laptop. I had to keep moving it around to type stuff, and even then, I misspelled half the words because I couldn't see what I was entering into the computer. My girlfriend told me I should ask the woman in front of me to close her window, but she was Russian, and therefore she would have rudely declined (see, I can be stereotypical against my own people!)

Our flight was supposed to be 2-and-a-half hours, but it ended up being a bit more than three because there was a thunderstorm hovering around the Tampa airport. As we were circling around, two babies were crying in the back of the plane. Why parents feel the need to travel with kids instead of locking them in a kennel, I have no idea, but at least we got "soup case" out of it.

The circling was endless and monotonous. I got so bored that I started mimicking the baby, which made my girlfriend chuckle. I then made some farting noises, and then added, "That's all I got."

We eventually landed and greeted Charlie. The flight sucked, but enduring all of the jerks at the Philadelphia International Airport was worth it because we had a great week in Tampa and Disney World. You'll be able to read about it next week - assuming I don't die from the poisoned food I ate at Villa Pizza.


Jerks of Disney World

Coming next week! This includes:

  • More stereotypes
  • More angry fat people
  • More stupid kids who should be locked in kennels

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Nov. 19


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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