Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Sept. 22, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Philadelphia

You know how black people can use the n-word freely without any sort of criticism, but no other race can? It's the same phenomenon with almost any group, including fat people. They can make fat jokes to each other, but if a skinny person does it, they are a dick. And let's not forget about our favorite Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Transsexual friends. It's all fun and games for them when they say the r-word to each other, but don't you dare say it to them if you're an outsider.

I feel like this same dynamic applies to being a Philadelphian. As someone who has lived in Philadelphia his entire life - right now, a block outside of it for tax reasons (f*** you, city government) - I think I can discuss how much Philadelphia sucks without any other Philadelphians being offended. If I were from Kansas or California, or wherever, I doubt I could do this without receiving any sort of negative feedback, but a Philadelphian can't be criticized for ragging on his own hometown.

That's precisely what this entry will be about - how much Philadelphia sucks. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. My friend Body Burner once said this to our mutual buddy Angry Asian Man, who happens to be from New York, "Here's the difference between Philadelphians and New Yorkers. We know our city sucks, and we admit it. You New Yorkers don't know your city sucks. New York sucks, but you think you're cool because you're from it. You're not cool. You're from New York, and New York is trash."

Body Burner is absolutely right. There is nothing worse than a native New Yorker because they're so pretentious. They're so completely clueless that they come from a terrible city, loaded with crime, douchey hipsters who think they're good at art/music, pollution, high taxes and the abomination known as Jay-Z. Ugh, who the hell would want to live there; let alone visit there? I'm proud to say that I've never been to New York in my life despite just being a 2-hour drive away.

Now, you might be wondering why I'm bagging on New York, when I'm not from there. It goes what I wrote against in my opening paragraph about being able to make fun of something only if you're a part of it. Uhh... have you read Jerks of the Week? I make fun of everyone, and I don't care. New Yorkers needed to hear this because they're so clueless about how disgusting their city is. In effect, this is a public service announcement. You're welcome, New Yorkers.

I want to concentrate on Philly though, and why it sucks. Of course, I've already written about why downtown is miserable nearly five years ago (has it really been that long?). If you're too lazy to click the link, it's basically the same reasons why New York sucks, minus Jay-Z. Not having Jay-Z here is a huge plus, and it's probably the biggest factor why I've chosen to stay in the Philadelphia area rather than move to New York. That, and I don't feel like paying $500,000 per month for a rat-infested apartment just so I can experience the dreadful New York lifestyle.

You might be wondering why I'm staying in the Philadelphia area. Well, my girlfriend, parents and friends are all here. I work from home - this is my full-time job, for those wondering, and as I'm typing this in my pajamas - so if I moved somewhere else, how would I meet anyone? It's not like I could go out with coworkers. I barely see my employees as it is - they work from their own homes as well - so I'd essentially be a bigger hermit than I am now if I moved anywhere.

I did have to move out of the city though. The taxes were ridiculous. Not only were they high, but I had to pay an entire year's worth of taxes to Philadelphia a year in advance because I am a "business." How stupid is that? My first complete year doing this as a full-time gig was 2008. When I met with my accountant in April 2009, I was absolutely appalled that I had to pay both 2008 and 2009 taxes to the city. I was just starting out, not even three years removed from graduating college, so I didn't have much money in my bank account then. I literally had to completely empty it just so I could pay the city.

And for what? Our crime rate is absurd; there are parts of North Philly where you will literally die if you stand there for 10 minutes. Our education system sucks because most Philadelphia students get pregnant at 13. Our transportation system sucks because the trains run once per hour, and everything shuts down at 12:30 a.m., so if you go to a downtown bar, you have no choice but to risk a DUI.

Despite all of this, Philadelphia is on the verge of bankruptcy. The corrupt idiots in the government confiscate all of the money and then raise taxes when they realize they can't pay anything. As a consequence, businesses - like mine - move out of the city because there's just no benefit of living in it.

Unfortunately, crappy Philadelphians still affect my life. Here are a few examples:


The Groper:

Watching the Philadelphia nightly news is depressing. I went to Penn State for six years, and the news they have there is markedly different. The top story in Central Pennsylvania towns will be something like, "Mrs. Johnson's cat got stuck in a tree again. Our brave firefighters were able to retrieve the feline. Unfortunately, Mrs. Johnson is senile, so she didn't even realize the cat was missing." Ooohhh, how exciting.

That story wouldn't make the Philadelphia nightly news. Not in a thousand years. The top story here isn't about someone dying; it's about how many people died. "Three teenagers were gunned down in a North Philadelphia neighborhood" is commonplace. "A mother and her newborn were stabbed to death in a West Philadelphia park." Yawn. "A gang is going around and lighting homeless people on fire." Happens like every week.

Do you understand now why I wasn't very ecstatic to pay a year's worth of taxes in advance to this crummy city?

Anyway, one unique story recently that barely made the A-block went something like this:

A black teenager is at large tonight. This teen, who is about 13 or 14 years old, has been groping unsuspecting women. This black teen typically grabs a woman's rear end and runs away. Five women have been groped thus far, and those are the only ones we know of. If you see a black teen who resembles this picture, please call your local law enforcement.

You know, for all the murder, rape and theft that goes on in the city, you'd think we wouldn't be as concerned about a pervy teen groper. In fact, I found it amusing that there was a 13-year-old kid running around the city, touching women's butts.

In fact, if I were a woman, and some teen touched my butt, I'd be flattered. I'd know that I had a nice butt. If my butt didn't get groped, however, I'd feel sad. Now that I think about it, I feel like the women who didn't get their butts groped are the ones who want this kid arrested. They're just jealous that they don't have nice butts.

Is this kid even worth arresting anyway? I feel like he's harmless. In fact, what he's doing is pretty commonplace for a teenager. Think back to when you were 13. When I hung out with my friends then, I played sports, hung out at the mall and bought baseball cards. Groping butts could have easily been one of our activities. I'm actually ashamed that we didn't grope any butts, now that I think of it. Doing so would've made for a very pleasant afternoon. I could have easily called my buddy and asked, "Hey, Frank, want to play basketball, then go to the card store and then touch women's butts?" Sounds like a perfectly normal afternoon for two 13-year-olds.

Unfortunately, I am now past my prime, so I can't grope butts. Adults can't do that without being arrested for something called sexual harassment. How absurd.

I feel like the cut-off limit for groping butts is probably 16. If you do so when you're younger than 16, you're just being a cute kid. If you're 16-plus and grope butts, you're a sexual deviant - unless you're a female. Then you can grope all the butts you want. Damn cruel world and your double standards!

So, live it up, kid. You have three more years in which you can grope all the butts you want. Make the most out of it, and please grope some for me and my deprived childhood, OK?





The Kidnapper:

This occurred a while ago because How I Met Your Mother was still on. That was a much simpler time. I'd do anything to go back. A world in which I didn't make the How I Met Your Mother finale the Jerk of the Year quite yet was much more tranquil. The HIMYM finale ruined everything. Did you know suicides have doubled since that episode? I found that fact in a Wikipedia entry that I edited, so it must be true.

Anyway, a new episode was airing, but CBS cut to a news update right in the middle of it. The words "Amber Alert" flashed onto the screen. Completely frustrated, I yelled in agony, "F*** YOU AMBER, WHOEVER THE F*** YOU ARE!!!"

CBS continued with its story: They had a video camera capturing a Muslim woman dressed in one of those black ghost costumes taking a 5-year-old girl from a school in a ghetto Philly neighborhood. CBS then pleaded for anyone with knowledge of where this woman - or "anyone who fit her description" - or little girl could possibly be to call 911 immediately.

Anyone who fit the woman's description? A Muslim woman wearing all black? Gee whiz, I wonder where I could find one of those... or one billion of those? Seriously, there are hundreds of thousands of Muslim women wearing black costumes in public in this city. I know this sounds racist because I'm stating that all Muslim women look the same, but I don't care: They all do look the damn same because they completely cover themselves up. How are you supposed to tell one apart from the other hundred thousand?

In other words, good luck finding Amber.

I've always wondered about this costume phenomenon. Mostly, I don't understand why male criminals don't dress up like Muslim women. Think about it: If you're a male criminal aspiring to rob a bank, just dress like a Muslim woman. Once you take the money and run out of the building, ditch your black ghost costume. The police will be looking for a Muslim woman, but you're a dude, so they won't even suspect you. This sounds like a foolproof plan to me.

Now that I think about it, perhaps a Muslim woman didn't even kidnap Amber. Maybe it was a guy who had the same idea I did. He grabbed a black ghost costume at the local Halloween costume, went into a school and then nabbed Amber in broad daylight.

I'd say this was genius, but why, aside from Jerry Sandusky-type reasons, would a man wearing a Muslim woman costume kidnap a kid? Why would you want to deal with a 5-year-old girl? All she'll do is poop and pee and cry for mommy the entire time. Before long, she'll annoy this cross-dressing guy so much that he'll want to give her back, rendering this Amber Alert completely useless.

Thanks for ruining my How I Met Your Mother episode, CBS. This one, and the finale.







The Pleader:

Speaking of 5-year-old girls, there was one at the local Wawa at 2 a.m. recently. I went there for some milk - the parking lot sucks, so I didn't want to deal with it when there were cars there in the morning - and I saw a middle-aged, chubby bald man there with his 5-year-old daughter. And I'll repeat: At 2 freaking a.m.!

Why the hell would you drag your daughter to Wawa so late at night? OK, maybe he's a single dad who didn't want to leave his girl at home alone, but that's what alarm systems are for, buster.

Anyway, this guy was literally buying the entire store. He continuously brought all sorts of items to the cashier, and before long, he had a pyramid of goods. It took the cashier about five minutes to scan everything, and it ended up being in the $255 and change. What was this guy doing, preparing for the end of the world? And should I have been doing the same?

Anyway, what happened next is absolutely unreal: This guy reached into his pocket, pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to the cashier.

Cashier: Sir, this all comes out to $255.

Guy: But this is all I have!

This is all I have!?!? You didn't consider this when you were carrying countless items to the register, all while making me wait in line?

Cashier: Sir, it's $255, so you need $250 more.

Guy: Please, it's all I have!

Cashier: I don't know what I can possibly do.

Guy: I only have $5 and I need all of this!

Cashier: I can't give it to you for only $5.

Guy: Please! Please!!!

Here's the kicker: The little girl saw a pack of candy beneath the counter. She grabbed and asked, "Can we get this too!?" The guy took the candy from her, handed it to the cashier and said, "This too."

This too!?!?!? What!?

This man begged and pleaded for another five minutes before the cashier cleared everything away and allowed me to pay for my milk. It took me 15 or so minutes just to buy milk, but seeing all of this was well worth it.

Now that I think about it, maybe this is the same man who kidnapped that little girl. Perhaps he also dressed in a black ghost costume and robbed a bank. That's why he thought he had all of this money, but he foolishly left all of it in the costume he ditched while trying to elude the cops.

Holy crap, I found the guy who kidnapped Amber!

I considered calling the police for a brief moment, but I decided against it. Take that, CBS. Maybe next time you shouldn't ruin my show.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
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Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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