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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011




Jerks of the Week for Jan. 31, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jerks at the Mall

A month ago, I posted the Twelve Jerks of Christmas - 12 jerks that I saw at Neshaminy Mall when I was doing my Christmas shopping.

I went back to the scene of the crime on Friday to buy my mom a couple of birthday presents. As I suspected, I found more jerks to rant about:


Parking Space Hog:

I actually wanted to get to the mall earlier in the week, but that was impossible because of all of the snow. On Friday afternoon, I finally made it out of my house for the first time since Tuesday evening. As I pulled out of my garage, I hissed at the sun and covered my eyes. And what was this tingling sensation I was feeling on my skin? I always keep my house at 74 degrees. It was colder than 74 degrees in my car. Unacceptable!

The roads were clear, so I made it to Neshaminy Mall safely. Unfortunately, the parking lot was a mess. Only about half the spots were available, as mountains of snow covered the other spaces.

After about 10 minutes of driving around in circles, I finally found a parking spot. However, this fat Indian lady (or Native American lady, if you want to be politically correct) pulled into the spot across from me. This wouldn't have been a big deal, except she parked half of her car across the line.

So, thanks to Parking Space Hog, I had maneuver my car as close to hers as possible. I did a good job with this, yet a third of my car was still sticking out. Unfortunately, Parking Space Hog already rolled off to the mall, so I couldn't yell at her.

Not that I would have anyway. Being super politically correct, I wouldn't want to sound angry about taking a Native American's parking spot away. Haven't we stolen enough from them already?


Justin Bieber Fan:

My mom likes to read, so my first stop was Barnes & Noble. I found a couple of books and brought them to the register. This Mexican family was ahead of me in line. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until the youngest of the three Mexican children, a chubby boy of around 11 years old, ran to the magazine rack and exclaimed:

"Justin Bieber!!!!!!!"

Really, kid? Of all the celebrities on the covers of the magazines, you're most enthralled with Justin Bieber? Not Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus or that Lauren chick from the Hills?

Justin Bieber Fan called his brother over.

Justin Bieber Fan: Jason, look, it's Justin Bieber!

Older Brother: I don't care.

Justin Bieber Fan: But it's Justin Bieber! Justin Bieber!!!!!! Justin Bieber!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, I have no problem with Bieber. He seems like a decent kid, and his music isn't terrible. Sure, he has a lesbian haircut, but who doesn't nowadays? Even Tom Brady's a fan.

But for a young, chubby Mexican kid to be completely smitten with him? Well, not that there's anything wrong with that.


The Poop-Poop Train:

Upon exiting Barnes & Noble, I heard something in the distance that sounded like some sort of train. It was weird.

As I walked toward the food court, the sound gradually grew louder. I eventually saw what was causing the noise.

This little kid (maybe 5 years old) was holding both of his parents' hands and yelling: "POOP-POOP! POOP-POOP! POOP-POOP!"

He wouldn't stop. Either this kid had to drop a deuce, or he wanted to ride some sort of magical poop-poop train.

I don't know about you, but the poop-poop train sounds kind of fun.


Fat Card Chick:

I eventually purchased all of my mom's gifts (and something for myself, of course). The only thing left was finding a card.

I like to buy funny cards, but all of the dog cards at Hallmark were really lame. Seriously, there was a card of a dog with a plane flying in the sky in the background. The inside read: "I'm an air head." Seriously. People are paid to come up with crap like that. What is this world coming to?

I spotted a card of Barack Obama. I was curious as to what this one would say. "I'm an air head?" Now that would be a funny card.

I opened it up and laughed out loud as I read, "President Barack Obama. See... There are scarier things than turning a year older."

I took this card to the register. The fat chick behind the counter (late-20s) smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. She seemed nice, so I wondered what her agenda was. Did she think I was hot? Did she want to eat me? Perhaps both?

I stopped thinking about this when I spotted this hot blond chick wearing a purple hoodie walking around the store. She was with an older woman, presumably her mom, so I couldn't attempt to get rejected by her or anything.

Meanwhile, the fat chick behind the counter wasn't too pleased. I'm not sure if she was offended by the card I bought or insulted that I was checking out another girl, but she scowled and literally tossed my change back at me.

Now that's the spirit, Fat Card Chick! I'm sure throwing money at me is the most exercise you've done in years, so it's a start. Keep doing that and you'll lose about 600 pounds in no time!




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: State of the Union Address

Barack Obama supporters, no need to skip this entry. I'm not going to discuss the actual State of the Union Address, and how hypocritical and myopic it was. Seriously, Barack, don't compare the United States-China economic competition to the Space Race when you shut down the space program, moron.

You see? I'm not going to criticize the speech at all. I just hated this State of the Union Address because I've always hated the State of the Union Address.

The State of the Union Address is the worst time of the year. On a random Tuesday in January over the past 12 years, our president - whether that's George Wonderbread Bush or Barack No-Bama - has gotten on stage, said absolutely nothing meaningful and bored us all to death with lies. Worst of all, they've preempted my favorite TV shows.

In the early 2000s, it was 24. Then it was Lost. This year, it was V. I was looking forward to V. Forget the ridiculous plot line; the blond chick on the show is amazingly hot. Unfortunately, around 7 p.m. I realized that V would be postponed because of the stupid speech.

My dad was also upset about the State of the Union Address. I went to my parents' house that night, and I sat down with my dad as he was listening to Obama. What my dad said during the president's speech was hilarious. Here are some of his comments:

"Shut the f*** up, motherf***er!"

"Piece of s*** f***ing idiot."

"Talk talk talk, all do is talk, but you don't do anything motherf***er!"

"Bull - s***! Everything you say is bulls**t!"

"Spend spend spend! Let's spend some more, motherf***er! We haven't spent enough!"

"F*** you! F**********k you!!!!"

"Our economy will be horrible! You've ruined everything, a**hole motherf***er!"

My mom, who was in the next room, repeatedly told my dad to calm down, but it didn't work. Every word Obama uttered made my dad more and more agitated. About 10 minutes later, he couldn't take it anymore. He picked up the remote, changed the channel and exclaimed, "I can't listen to this f***ing a**hole anymore." This was probably for the best because my dad recently had a heart attack.

So, congrats Obama. Not only did you cancel V; you nearly gave my dad another heart attack. I doubt I'll be voting for you in 2012 - though setting me up on a date with that hot blond chick from V might sway me.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: My Night in the Dark

I saw the most amazing thing Wednesday evening. It was snowing hard out, and it was actually thunder storming at the same time. I've never seen the two occur simultaneously, so I Googled it just to make sure all hell wasn't breaking loose on Earth. Sure enough, this rare phenomenon is called thunder snow.

Concerned that I'd lose power in my house, I tweeted (@walterfootball) that I'd have my NFL updates posted momentarily unless I lost power.

Turns out I'm some sort of prophet.

This prophet was dropping a deuce around 2:30 in the morning. Afterward, I planned to update my home page, do my daily 15 minutes of crunches and then go to bed. As I was on the toilet, I was reading a review of a new video game called Dead Space 2 in the Game Informer magazine. Dead Space 2 is about a guy trying to fight off disgustingly frightening necromorphic aliens on a space station.

Suddenly, all the lights went out. It was completely dark. Were the necromorphic aliens coming to get me? If they were, couldn't they at least wait until I finished pooping?

Running to my office with my pants down - don't get too excited, ladies - I reached into my desk and grabbed a flashlight before sprinting back to the bathroom.

After finishing my business - it really helped that I could now see what I was doing - I looked outside and noticed that all of the street lights were out.

Normally, I would have just gone to bed, but as I mentioned, I had to update my home page. So, I went back into my office and located the number for PECO. I dialed the number and heard an automated message that asked me to input my home phone number. Unfortunately, I didn't know my home number - I've never used it - so I guessed.

The PECO machine told me the number I entered was invalid, so it asked me to input my account number. That would have been easy - unfortunately, at that very moment, my flashlight died, so I couldn't see my account number on the bill. The PECO machine, meanwhile, was getting impatient.

PECO Machine: Please input your PECO account number now.

Me: Wait. Ah, crap.

PECO Machine: We're sorry, but that account number is invalid.

You think?

I hung up and decided to call my house with my cell phone, but that didn't work because the caller ID wasn't on. Then, I realized that I could just look for the house number in the contacts list on my cell phone. You see, when the lights aren't on, it takes me a while to figure these things out.

I called PECO back, but I didn't have to input anything this time. The PECO machine somehow knew my house number and asked me if it was correct. After replying "yes," the PECO machine told me that power would be restored between "3:20 a.m. and 5:30 a.m."

Ugh. So, what was I going to do for 2-and-a-half hours?

I went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. This proved to be difficult, because I couldn't see where I was putting the toothpaste. I completely missed my toothbrush and felt the toothpaste plop onto my sock. After that, I washed my face - only I had to look up every five seconds to make sure an undead alien wasn't about to eat me.

I then realized that there might be another flashlight in my house. I went downstairs and reached around in my kitchen drawer. I grabbed something that seemed like a flashlight, but I picked it up and noticed it was a pizza cutter. I put it back, rummaged some more and grabbed what appeared to be a flashlight, but it was the same pizza cutter. Undaunted, I tried again. I finally found the flashlight - the third time had to be a charm, right? - except it was the pizza cutter once again.

I gave up. I went back to the office and turned off the screensaver on my laptop, which had about 70 percent battery life remaining. I went to my iTunes and listened to a LOST podcast I downloaded a while ago as I did some crunches. However, I was interrupted by a phone call from the home security people.

Hot-Sounding Girl: Hi, this ADT security calling.

Uh-oh. With my power out, the necromorphic aliens may have gotten into my house - and all I have to defend myself with is a stupid pizza cutter!

Hot-Sounding Girl: We noticed that your power is out. Do you need any assistance?

How about you assist me, baby? Giggity, giggity.

I told the hot-sounding chick that the entire neighborhood lost power, so everything was OK, save for the toothpaste on my sock. She didn't seem to care about my current sock problem.

I don't know what happened during the next hour. I killed time by doing more crunches, stretching out my horrible back and looking at random porn on my computer. At 4:15, I finally decided that I was too tired to wait.

As I was going to bed, I decided to call PECO one last time for an update. As the PECO machine answered my call again, all the lights turned on. Yay! The PECO machine, however, wasn't convinced.

PECO Machine: The problem will be fixed between 4:20 a.m. and 6:30 a.m.

Me: Screw you, PECO machine!

I walked back to my office and finished the home page updates. I posted them in the forum and discussed my night. Forum member Chg91 replied:

When white people's lights go out, they panic. When black people's lights go out, they plan it.

Me? Panic? As if. I was ready to battle undead aliens with a pizza cutter. Yeah, like that's panicking.

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oscar m 03-26-2011 10:51 am xxx.xxx.xxx.241 (total posts: 1)
17     16

giving a kitchen drawer a reacharound at 4 am

fookun priceless
Politics 02-11-2011 11:24 am xxx.xxx.xxx.9.1 (total posts: 1)
16     17

Being able to voice our opinions on politics is one of the freedoms we enjoy as Americans. However F**K you is not a valid opinion... IMO.
ComeOnMaaan 02-07-2011 10:29 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.146 (total posts: 1)
18     16

Your dad is a Jerk of the Week Walt. He's referring to the President as a "m******ker" and screaming "f**k you!!!" at him? What is that dude. I bet you dad didn't have a prob when we were, and still are, funding some bs war.

I don't agree with everything this Presidency has done, but your dad is little off - though I appreciate that he is your dad you'll defend him to the end. Obama didn't come into some rosy situation. But, he was supposed to work miracles based on this whole "Yes We Can" bit. Good President, but rather unlucky to have won during only the second depression this country has ever seen. Such is life.
Bizarre 02-05-2011 11:40 am xxx.xxx.xxx.197 (total posts: 1)
16     19

I find it a little bizarre that I agree with you on almost all of your idiots of the week and have similar ones around here. Sadly true but a good laugh too! And Obama, God help us!
Walt, keep up the good work.
Tom 02-04-2011 09:21 am xxx.xxx.xxx6.66 (total posts: 1)
16     16

Anthony, bloke? wanka? your weak Anthony. WEAK.
Anthony 02-03-2011 09:08 am xxx.xxx.xxx.238 (total posts: 1)
15     17

Walter is a top bloke and a legend and his website is great and this section is funny and Tom, you are a wanka.
Tom 02-02-2011 08:22 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.186 (total posts: 1)
15     17

Walter, I wasnt sure until I read this piece. Now I am 100% certain. You're an idiot. So is your dad.
Casey 02-01-2011 12:30 am xxx.xxx.xxx7.57 (total posts: 1)
16     17

At least you don't live in D.C. and have to deal with PEPCO. Lost power Wednesday afternoon, before anything even started. They were apparently preparing me for the 72 hours without power
M. 01-31-2011 09:40 pm xxx.xxx.xxx1.28 (total posts: 1)
16     18

Wow, your dad is really insightful! Have you considered having him apply to be a political analyst? With his deep base of knowledge and complex fact-based arguments, I'm sure he'd really help put this country back on track.
Kenny 01-31-2011 08:33 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.77 (total posts: 1)
16     15

Walt- ur the f****ing man!!!!!! I love your dad's comments
LT79 01-31-2011 06:13 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.133 (total posts: 1)
16     13

Thunder snow is awesome! We get it almost every time it snows here in Oklahoma. In fact, we're supposed to get 12 inches tonight ... wish I was so lucky.
Bronson 01-31-2011 04:47 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.204 (total posts: 1)
16     22

Come on, Aaron, his smugness isn't COMPLETELY unfunny. I'm guessing you either have a thing for Obama, Bieber, fat chicks or all three. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Facts 01-31-2011 04:32 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.172 (total posts: 2)
19     16

<i>Seriously, Barack, don't compare the United States-China economic competition to the Space Race when you shut down the space program, moron.</i>

The Space program has not been canceled. NASA is still going strong, with its largest budget ever. The space shuttle, a craft well past its retirement age, has been put out to pasture. Unmanned exploration and private sector contracting for space flights continues.

I hope you didn't inherit your blood pressure from your dad. I'm afraid you already inherited his ignorance.
MOUF 01-31-2011 04:30 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.125 (total posts: 3)
16     18

sorry that came out wrong about your father, just meant more along the lines of some interesting and profound expression of his thoughts..

Just saying 01-31-2011 04:29 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.172 (total posts: 2)
15     22

V is a crappy show based on an old campy miniseries based on blah book. The fact that anyone would get upset about it being preempted is mind boggling.



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Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
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Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
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Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 23


2014 NBA Mock Draft - April 23


NFL Free Agents - April 22


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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