JERK OF THE WEEK: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
For those of you who only come to this Web site for Jerks of the Week, I have an entire section dedicated to Emmitt Smith's grammatical blunders. Emmitt was once an entertaining analyst for ESPN - but only because he was such an inept speaker. He said things like "their offense got debacled" and "you can't change the stripes of a leopard" and "that kill two stones with one bird."
Unfortunately, ESPN fired Emmitt, but his legacy lives on here. I have a section called Emmitt on the Brink, which is a satirical look at the NFL, featuring Emmitt as the main character. I also compile a yearly Emmitt Smith NFL Mock Draft, where I obviously have Emmitt make his own NFL Mock Draft.
I usually take a break from Emmitt in the summer, but why not change that? Since Emmitt is probably just relaxing and watching his favorite shows on TV, why can't he review them..
"I was so surprise when King Robert get his head chop offed in Game of Throne!"
Game of Thrones:
Game of Throne one of my favorite TV on TV. One day my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Jr. come to me and say, "Dad, you has to watch Game of Throne," I say, "Emmitt Smith Jr. the IV, I trust you more than life itselves, but why would I watch a episode about a game that happen on a throne?" He say, "Dad, it have nothin' to do with those." So, I gave it a try, and I got blowed away!
The plot of Game of Throne about so many people that there are a lot of people. My favorite caricature in the episode is a small guy call Tyron, who nickedname the Pimp. The Pimp have blond hair an now he have a scarf on his face. He also marry a tall girl with red hair call Sansa Lankaster, who is his sister. How he can have marry to his sister and then ask to have sexist with her is ridiculous in my minds! I do not go, "Emmitt Smith IV the Jr., you must have sexist with your sister, Emma Smith III the Sr." I look up this word in the dictionasaurus, and he say that it is call insects.
Of course, this not the only instant where there is insects. In the very first show of the episode, the guy who nickedname the Kingsayer have sexist with the Queen of the North and then he throw out the little pervert who watchin' the sexist out the window. Queen of the North have blond hair like himselves, and then I later learn they are twin cousins! It make me sickness to my stomach that the twin cousin try to have sexist with themself.
But that is where I get confuse. Very confuse. The guy, Rob Starks, call the King of the North when everybody cheer his name. So, if he King of the North, and his sister the girl with the red hair who marry the Pimp, and the Pimp sister the Queen of the North, this mean that the Pimp have insects with his sister and his other sister have insects with both of them twin cousin. Those a lot of insects!
But there is more than insects on this great episode. There a lot of mysterious and vampire and a girl who even own three dinosaur. I always thinkin' about this episode so hard that it hurt my brain and my mind, but I has comed up with a few theory about the Game of Throne.
1. Not Really Brother? In the beginning, all the Starks gather in the village of Winterfoot. This include Rob Starks, Arian Starks, Timmy Starks and Jon Snowman. Everybody say that Jon Snowman the brotherhood of Rob Starks, but I do not agreement on these. First of all, Rob Starks and Jon Snowman do not has the same last names. One guy Starks and another guy Snowman. Second of all, I... uhh... forget what I think second. And third of all, they do not look anythin' alikes. Rob Starks have brown, curly hair and Jon Snowman have black hair that straightness.
I look at my children as evident. Emmitt Smith Jr. the IV have the same hair colors as Emma Smith Sr. the III so they obviously brotherhood and sisterhood, but Jon Snowman and Rob Starks probably not has no relationshipment!
2. Girl with Dinosaur. The girl with dinosaur very interestin' girl. First of all, she have three dinosaur, which tell me the Game of Throne occur in the passed because dinosaur finally become instinct a few year ago. But it look like the girl with dinosaur only girl in the world who have dinosaur, especially dinosaur who throw fireball!
Girl with dinosaur also haved a brother in the passed, but he die when the big guy with muscle dump apple juice on his head. But I believe girl with dinosaur also have another brotherhood, and he currently the king on the silver throne. This may comed as a surprise to you, and it comed as a surprise to me as well when I laying in bed and thinkin' about the episode. The king and girl with dinosaur both has yellow hair, and they the only people on the episode with yellow hair. They both very angrily. They also both love dinosaur and they both king. They also have some other thing in common I forget. Oh, they also do not reveal their last names. Everybody always mention Rob Starks and Jon Snowman, but why not anybody say anythin' about girl with dinosaur name or king with yellow hair name?
But girl with dinosaur good person. She spended all season tryin' to free the slave, that the evil guy try to selled to America. If she do this, then America will never have slave, and then Abraham Lincoln probably never becomed president.
3. Fat Guy. There is a fat guy in the snow. I do not even know his name because he not too interestin', until he kill a vampire with a wooden steak. Now he the only one who know how to kill vampire, which mean he real importantly.
The vampire probably havin' a meeting about this. He probably thinkin' that they can draft fat guy in the NFL Draft to be their offense tackle or guard. That would be real smart move because then fat guy would not killed the vampire, and the vampire also winnin' lots of football game against the other city in the country because fat guy probably good blocker.
4. Guy Learnin' How to Read. The guy who learnin' how to read not real interestin' until I see he losted four finger, so his name Littlefinger. It real obvious that the guy who torture Timmy Starks chop off the finger and eat him for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That guy real evil. He even eat Timmy Starks manhood. I got so sickness to my stomachness that I almost throwed up on the TV but then I do not look real braveheart in front of my children.
But Little Finger up to somethin'. I can feel it in my lungs. He takin' a course on English with a little girl who the teacher? But she never gived him any test! What grade do he earn in the class? If he get a bad grade, he cannot played football, which what almosted happen to me when I went to the University of Florida City.
I taked one English class in the University of Florida State. They teached us different between noun, verb, pronoun and proverb. A noun a person or thing. A verb is a word that begin with the letter V. A pronoun is like noun but it real strong, so it is a pro. And a proverb is a word that begin with the letter P. The profession gived me C- in this class so I still play football! I wonder if this little girl teached this invaluable lesson to Little Finger.
5. Little Pervert. I do not know what relationship the little pervert have with anybody elsed on the show, but he real special because he can make his eyes white and then somethin' happen. He goin' beyond the hall, so maybe he try to fight the vampire with his white eye. Unless his eye have wooden steak inside or maybe garlic, he do not stand a fightin' chance!
The little pervert have a couple of friend. One girl fight with bow and narrow. Another kid also a pervert. There a big dog too. And also a real tall guy who always say the same word over and over again: "Hordor." I look this word up in the dictionausurus, but he do not even know what it meands.
When the little pervert getted his blood suck by the vampire and all the other kid die too, the big man who say Hordor probably gonna flee, and then he probably gonna meet up with the big lesbian who escort the Kingsayer to the country of King's Land. They both real big, so they probably gonna fall in love even though the lesbian girl a lesbian, but that probably mean she turn from lesbian to nontlesbian. It have happen before, and it probably gonna happen again.
So that all my theory for Game of Throne. It really pain my heart, soul and will that we gonna have to wait till the year of April to see more show. Luckily, I have other episode to postoccupy myselves.
When I buyed the DVR for Madmen, I pop it into my DVR, and it start playin'. The first thing I see is a man with suit fallin' from the buildin'. I'm thinkin' this show gonna be real excitement with lot of action. Do the mad men becomed so mad that he throw himselves off the buildin', or maybe he throw somebody else from the buildin'?
But then the show start and nothin' really happenin'. No action. No excite. Everybody just talkin' most of the times. Sometime people have sexist, like the man caricature Dan Dripper. He always havin' sexist with everybody but his two wifes. If he swore a vowel to love his wifes to the day he die, why he breakin' the vowel? I would never break a vowel on my awfully wedded wifes.
My favorite caricature on the episode a guy name Roger Sterling Cooper. Roger Sterling Cooper also love havin' sexist but he do not have wifes. He also very smart man on the office and in the last show, he juggle three orange ball at the same time. I do not even knowed how to juggle one orange ball at the same time, let home alone peel orange ball so I can eat orange ball. This very confusion to myselves.
Even though nobody getted mad on the show even though it call Mad Men. I think they should called it Sad Men because a lot of people get sadness. This always happen when a history thing happen. For examples, Martin Luther King Sr. die on the show when he got shot and kill at the movie theater. This a very sad day for me, and I was not even borned yet, so I can only imagine what the caricature in the episode goin' through, even though somed of them white guy who not effect by Martin Luther King Sr. freein' the slave like the girl with dinosaur.
The thing that real interestin' about this episode the little kid. These little kid probably my age. The episode take place around the month 1980, so they probably 10 year old of age, so if you add 50 to 10 it becomed 40, so they probably 40 year old of age right now, which put them in my age class. I do becomed real concerning though when the bellhop say the two girl who probably 10 year old of age look like two runaway model. Do he say this to try have sexist with themself because that mean he goin' to jail. But then I becomed confusion because he say the same thing to two fat women, who definitely not runaway model. Maybe he tryin' to have sexist with everybody like Dan Dripper.
That is not the only time I become confusion. The show where Dan Dripper and the other guy, his main rivalry, Teddy Chow sit in a bar and discuss thing. They suddenly decide to throw all hatredness inside and become partnership so they can buy a car together called a Chevy. I was under the expression that Don Dripper have lot of money, so why do he need his rivalry to help him buy Chevy? I heard of Chevy before in my lives, and I do not think it was so expensive you need to marry a rivalry to buy it, but I guess I do not know everything! Like the wise man say, you learn something news every day.
I'm real interestin' to see where Mad Men go. He probably gonna go into the month 1990 soon, and then 2000 comed after that, and then the month we in now, 2011. This mean that Mad Men gonna happen in front of our very eyelids. I just hope Don Dripper try not to have sexist with the lovely woman in my lives!
I almost cry when the Office comed to an end a few month ago. Since my childhood, I watch the show and watch Tim and Pam get marry, get divorce, get marry again and then have five childrens. They really expire me to believe that true love always insist, even through the bad time and the badder time.
I am happy that Tim and Pam decide to move to Dallas to become fan of the Cowboy, the best team in the city of America. However, they leave a lot of unanswer question. First of all, why the fat guy get fire? He real good with number. I am bad with number, I am still tryin' to figure out what comed after the letter 80, but the fat guy even make up his own number, which so creativeness. If I smart enough to make up my own number, I probably can worked for Bungler Muffin Paper Company.
I also hate the Bernard guy who try to becomed a country music actor. I like him because he make me laugh when he call Tim "tuna fish" but then he go on a cruise for three year and do not even telled his girlfriend Aaron. Aaron real attractiveness, so I'm happy she decide to marry Tim little brother, but then I get mad when the two con art introduce themself as her parent. If you do not know what con art mean, it is a guy who con people and then draw somethin'. These people con Aaron and then paint the picture that Pam stolened at the very end.
Two thing make me very happiness about the last show. First, I almost have a tear in my eye when Scott Michaels comed back to the show. I thought he die from disease, but then he say "that's what she say," and it maked me cry and laughter at the same times. I still do not know who she is who he always talkin' about but it make me laughter. Very laughter.
I also very happiness White marry the angry little girl who his sister. This also insects, like Game of Throne, but everybody know farmer always marry his sister or cousin or mother or daughter. That way he knowed he can trust his wifes to not steal his crop.
I guess we go full square in this review. I start by talkin' about insects and I endin' on insects. Writin' this articles make me real eagerness to become a TV critical. Maybe ESPN will hired me back to talk about TV show. As far as I'm concerning, I already proving myselves.