Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014





Jerks of the Week: April 7, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Clothes Shopping

Every time I hang out with my sister, she always greets me the same way. It's not "hey" or "What's up?" or "How are you?" It's "I got you that shirt!"

That always happens to be the case because she has purchased 90 percent of my wardrobe. The other 10 percent is from my mom. In fact, outside of a couple of hoodies and gym shorts, I don't think I've bought a single article of clothing in my life.

Why is this? Well, my story begins in my early collegiate days. I had major issues talking to girls as a freshman and sophomore at Penn State. I'd approach one at a frat or apartment party, and the conversation would always go the same way.

Me: Hey.

College Chick: Hey.

Me: Who do you know at this party?

College Chick: I have a boyfriend.

They all had boyfriends. Every single female at Penn State was in a relationship. It was remarkable. At first I thought it was a coincidence, and I would vent about it to my freshman roommate on our walk back to our all-male dorm (the only all-male dorm on campus, to my knowledge, and those f***ers stuck me in it). However, I would eventually come to realize that most of these women were using the boyfriend excuse to get out of talking to me.

All of the women at these parties talked to the same type of dudes - the ones who wore cool clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, etc. Thus, my roommate and I started calling these people "Abercrombie & Fitch's A**holes & B***hes," though I think both of us would have killed to be an Abercrombie A**hole so we could bang a Fitch B***h.

Several years later, however, my sister began working at Hollister. She would always buy stuff for me because she'd get a discount. At first I resisted. "I don't want to wear gay clothes (not that there's anything wrong with that) from a company that refers to guys as �dudes' and girls as �bettys!'" I insisted. But my sister wouldn't have it. Soon, everything I owned was from Hollister. With these new clothes and some new-found confidence stemming from switching my major to computer science to journalism - think there were more girls to talk to in my new classes? - I quickly became an Abercrombie (or Hollister) A**hole myself. Or so I thought.

My sister eventually stopped working at Hollister, but since I had so many clothes from that store, I figured more wouldn't hurt. So, I decided to go in one day. I wanted some new khaki shorts, but it took me forever to find them because the place was like a labyrinth. It seemed like 10 minutes, but I finally stumbled upon them. I grabbed two, when it dawned on me that I should probably look at the price tag. I was expecting $15, maybe $20, but my eyes popped out of my head when I learned that they were $50 each.

"F*** this, I'm out of here!" I shouted. I then proceeded to find the exit. Well, I at least tried to. The labyrinthine design of the store had me going in circles, and every new section had the same surfer-looking dude - a tall, skinny guy with spiky hair and scrawny shoulders. He'd look at me and go "Sup bro?" I "Sup broed" each of them back, but I eventually felt too claustrophobic to do so because I was trapped in this maze.

I went right - "Sup bro?"

I went north - "Sup bro?"

I went right again - "Sup bro?"

I went south - "Sup bro?"

I went right, "Sup bro?" I went south again. "Sup bro?" Left. Sup bro? North. Sup bro? Left again. Sup bro? South. Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro? Sup bro?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I closed my eyes and just ran in a straight line, hearing "Sup bro?" echoing all around me. And just like that, I made it out of the store. I have no idea how I did it, but I escaped from Hell.

I vowed then never to go into a clothing store ever again, and that is why almost every article of clothing I own has been purchased by someone else.

Flash forward to a few weekends ago. I was hanging out with my girlfriend, who wanted to go to the mall. Unlike most guys, I enjoy the mall because it's easy to find tons of jerk there to write about. However, I was hesitant once she told me that she had to buy some clothes and shoes. I wondered if I would get lost again, but I figured it was OK because I was with someone this time.

As it turns out, it was definitely OK - in fact, it was awesome. Not only was I able to gather a great amount of writing material; I also learned a key life lesson.


Store 1: Little Girls and Biker Shorts:

I've never realized how many clothing stores there are at the mall. There are 500 of them. Literally 500.

I just don't get why there are so many. I figured maybe one or two would suffice, but why does every other store need to be for clothes? Aren't they all the same, anyway? By that way of thinking, why aren't there 500 video game stores? Sure, they'd all sell the same thing, but isn't that what clothing stores essentially do?

I honestly can't remember what these stores were called except for H&M, where we went first. I have no idea what H&M stands for, but I imagine that they ripped off the name from M&M - the delicious candy; not the charlatan rapper from the suburbs who pretends he's a thug - which is just wrong. At the very least, they should sell M&Ms in the store along with clothes. How great would that be? While my girlfriend was buying clothes, I could have been devouring M&Ms. I think that's every man's dream.

Anyway, we weren't in the store for two minutes when this black girl (around 12 years old) ran past us. Seconds later, two white girls, about the same age, ran in her direction, as they apparently were chasing after her.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, the white girls had no chance of catching the black chick because the latter is more athletic. What, that's racist? Against us slow white people, maybe. And I'm white, so I can't be racist against my poor-dancing people, so let's move on.

There was actually nothing malicious here, if you're wondering. They may have been playing tag or something because they were all laughing gleefully as the two white girls hopelessly tried to catch the black chick. This was all rather annoying though. They were knocking stuff over and bumping into people. One nearly ran into me, and I had to use this juke maneuver to get out of her way. And being an old, fat man, this was extremely taxing on my body, so I was fatigued for hours.

My girlfriend asked if we should say something to them, but I was more worried about one of the store workers - a short, pudgy guy with wavy hair. What stood out were these weird biker shorts he was wearing. They were shorter and tighter than most biker shorts, and it was just wrong to see that much leg on a man - especially a store employee. I imagine the manager would've told him to change if it was wrong to wear something like that, but because this guy was gay, it must have been in style.

How do I know he was gay? Well, the fact that he kept leering at me was an indication. He also licked his lips once, almost as a sign that he wanted to French kiss me. Coincidentally enough, that's more action than I got in my first couple of years at college.

As we were leaving the store, I noticed a yellow puddle around where the girls were running and the biker-shorts guy was folding clothes. One of the girls may have peed her pants, but I'm willing to bet it was the gay guy, who wanted to show me he was into watersports.

Unfortunately for this pervert, I am straight. I also happen to be in a relationship. And unlike the Fitch b***hes I talked to at Penn State, I'm telling the truth.





Store 2: The Lifer and the Airhead:

As I said, I only remember the H&M name. I have no idea what the second store was called, but my girlfriend needed leggings. My back was already giving out - I wasn't kidding about being an old, fat man - so I decided to sit down while my girlfriend looked around for stuff.

Fortunately, I was able to eavesdrop on a conversation between two of the female store employees. One was a super-skinny white chick in her early 20s. The other, a black girl, was probably in her late 20s. The latter was obviously folding clothes more quickly because of the athleticism factor I mentioned earlier. Sorry about being racist against white folk again, by the way.

Here's how their conversation went:

Black Girl: You going to college?

White Girl: Nah, I'm just going to work here.

Black Girl: You really should go.

White Girl: Nah, this is my future.

Black Girl: Really?

White Girl: Yeah! I have it all planned out! I'm going to work 36 hours here per week until I get married!

Black Girl: Why 36 instead of 40?

White Girl: Because I'm going to use those four extra hours to go to the gym!

Wow. The black girl was thinking the same thing I was because she just shook her head. First of all, what kind of a plan is that? Was this white chick aware that people work 40-plus hours per week and still find time to go to the gym? What was she doing in her spare time that she needed to shave off four hours of her work week to run on the treadmill? And second, she was so damn skinny that she didn't need to go to the gym. She should spend four hours per week eating at KFC to beef up a little.

Amazingly, this girl wasn't the dumbest person at the store. That happened to be the cashier - a white chick in her mid-20s who would have been attractive if she didn't have billions of freckles all over her face.

I can't recall how this came up in the conversation, but my girlfriend said something about not being able to wear a particular article of clothing because it was too cold outside. This prompted the following exchange:

Cashier: OMG YA LIKE I KNOW I WANT WARM WEATHER AND STUFF YA KNOW!

Girlfriend: Yeah, it's been way too cold.

Cashier: YA I KNOW, LIKE COME ON WARM WEATHER WHERE ARE YOU AT LIKE YA KNOW!

Girlfriend: It feels like we're gonna get snow every week until May!

Cashier: OMG YA LIKE I KNOW WHAT IS UP WITH THIS SNOW I LIKE WANT WARM WEATHER AND STUFF LIKE YA KNOW!

Me: Yeah, the hotter the better for me. I want it to be 90 degrees.

Cashier: OMG YA LIKE THAT WOULD BE AWESOME AND STUFF LIKE YA KNOW!

Girlfriend: Ehh, I don't like when it's that hot!

Cashier: OMG YA LIKE SERIOUSLY I LIKE HATE THE HOT WEATHER AND STUFF LIKE YA KNOW!

I'm not exaggerating this at all. She sounded extremely ditzy, and she managed to contradict herself within seconds. She made the 36-hour work week girl look like a genius, which is a remarkable feat.







Store 3: Plastic Trees

The third store - I once again can't remember the name - was smaller. My girlfriend had to buy a couple of belts, so she grabbed them and went to the cashier. We happened to be standing next to this fat woman, who was complaining about the store not having a belt that fit around her waist.

"We'll order one your size, and we could actually have it delivered to your house with our online store," one of the employees assured her. The fat woman probably wondered if she could order a dozen hamburgers along with her belt. Now there's another great idea for a store: Clothes and Hamburgers!

At any rate, the cashier at this store was even dumber than the one at the preceding outlet. She didn't talk like a ditz, but she said something completely stupid.

Cashier: OK, $40 is your total. Let me just put these in a bag for you...

Girlfriend: Oh, it's OK. I have this plastic bag here from the other stores.

Cashier: Oh, that's good that you're saving the environment!

Girlfriend: With a plastic bag?

Cashier: Oh, plastic is bad for the environment? Is it because they're tearing down all of the plastic trees?

Me: What?

Cashier: Oh, do plastic bags not come from plastic trees?

Girlfriend: Have a nice day!

My girlfriend and I quickly exited the store as the cashier pondered whether or not plastic bags were made from torn-down plastic trees in some sort of plastic rain forest.

You know, I'm beginning to have zero regrets about my first couple of years of college. These apparently were the Fitch b***hes I was missing out on. Had I known this, I'd be the one telling them I was in some fake relationship.




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Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 25


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 23


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 21


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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