Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2016





Jerks of the Week: April 18, 2016


JERK OF THE WEEK: Starbucks Sucks

I just performed the following Google search: "WalterFootball Jerks of the Week Starbucks" in order to see if I've ever written about Starbucks before. Numerous results came back, but all of them fell under one of two categories:

  • Writing about the sorts of new-age hippie douche bags who frequent Starbucks and spend countless money on their mocha frappe happy lattes while composing crappy music or writing terrible poetry.

  • Making fun of the notorious Jerry Jackson and his butt-buddy Marco Manila for working there.

    The point of my Google query was to see if I had ever ranted about Starbucks itself, and I apparently have not. This is not a surprise, as I seldom have a reason to enter one of those abominations. That's because I hate coffee. There, I said it. I hate coffee.

    I imagine that 95 percent of you reading this are thinking, WTF, he doesn't like coffee? What the hell is wrong with him? Meanwhile, the other five percent are probably illiterate, because they'd probably be thinking the same thing. Though, I guess that begs the question why they're reading Jerks of the Week in the first place.

    At any rate, everyone is thinking this right now because everyone drinks coffee. Everyone. I haven't met another adult who doesn't drink coffee. When I tell people I don't consume coffee, they look at me as if I were some sort of alien being who told them that I don't breathe oxygen.

    I really don't get it. I've tried coffee multiple times. I'd say I've done so on half-a-dozen occasions. And I've thought it was horrible each attempt. I don't understand how people can drink it. It really is f***ing terrible. I've wanted to puke and/or brush my teeth every time I've tried it.

    This is a typical exchange I've had with someone after I tell them I don't drink coffee:

    Me: I don't drink coffee.

    Someone Else: WHAT YOU DON'T WHY NOT DO YOU HAVE CANCER!?!?!?

    Me: No, it sucks. It's disgusting.

    Someone Else: Oh. Ha. You'll get used to it. It's an acquired taste.

    Get used to it? Why would I get used to it? And why does everything have to be a f***ing acquired taste? I don't want to get used to something, and I don't want to acquire any f***ing tastes.

    Instead of this acquiring tastes bulls***, why not drink something that actually tastes good, such as lemon iced tea, Pepsi or Dr. Pepper? All three of those beverages have caffeine, so why would anyone in their right mind prefer coffee over something that is actually delicious? It makes no sense to me. It's like if people suddenly began drinking vomit. Everyone would do it, and then there would be Starbucks-type establishments where they'd serve mocha frappe happy vomittees, and people would pay $10 for a grande and then paint crappy portraits. And then I'd have to explain to more idiots why I don't drink vomit. "Oh, you'll get used to it; it's an acquired taste," they'd say, and then I'd shove my foot up their a**hole.

    OK, maybe that's a slight extreme, but it really isn't too far off. Coffee, as I said, is f***ing disgusting. Vomit is disgusting, too. Maybe it's more disgusting, but it's still in the same family of flavor. And believe me, those new-age hippie douche bags will try anything as long as they think it makes them look progressive.




    Believe it or not, I was in Starbucks the other day. It's true. No, I didn't transform into a new-age hippie douche bag. OK, maybe I am a douche bag - you'll get no arguments from me about that - but I'll be damned if I turned into one of those new-age hippie losers. I'll be dead before I compose terrible music and draw horrible paintings.

    The reason I ventured into Starbucks? I went to work out at LA Fitness, and my girlfriend asked me to pick up some sort of coffee-type thing for her after I was finished at the gym. Easy enough, right? I thought so until she texted me what she wanted:

    "Can you get me a soy flat white?"

    Uhh... a soy flat white what? Am I supposed to know what this is? Or is there a beverage called a white, and she wants the soy flat version of it? If so, there better be a beverage called a "black" or a "dark," because the Black Lives Matter movement will be all over it, shoving their misspelled signs in the faces of Starbucks employees. I actually hope they do this because anything that makes Jerry Jackson's life more difficult is a positive in my book.

    Completely mystified, I walked into Starbucks, ready to embarrass myself because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I felt like a foreigner who just entered a strange land.

    "If new-age hippie douche bags can do this, so can I," I told myself in an attempt to build my self-confidence. It didn't work.

    I looked up at the menu for some guidance. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see a section of beverages for Whites or Blacks or Darks or Asians. Most of it was for coffee. There was a small area for iced tea, which I found disheartening because my girlfriend sometimes buys me lemon-flavored iced tea whenever she goes to Starbucks, and it's quite good. However, the only two iced teas they had listed were Green Tea Passionate Fruit and something similar. I figured I'd just ask the cashier if they had regular iced tea that someone normal would drink.

    The cashier was some chubby Asian dude in his early 20s. He asked me what I wanted, and I read off the phone.

    "Can I get a soy flat white...?"

    I expected him to ask me some obscure Starbucks-esque question, such as "Would you like that in a moppe fratte latte happy?" To my utter shock, he did not. He just smiled and asked, "What size?"

    A simple question, I thought.

    "Umm... I don't know, it's for someone else, so I guess a medium," I replied.

    He hesitated and looked perplexed.

    Chubby Asian Cashier: Umm... OK, a grande then.

    Me: Wait? No, I said medium.

    Chubby Asian Cashier: It's a grande.

    Me: No, can I have a medium?

    Chubby Asian Cashier: It's a grande.

    Me: I said medium, dude.

    Chubby Asian Cashier: Grande is medium.

    Me: No. Grande is large. I want a medium.

    Chubby Asian Cashier: No, grande is a medium here.

    Me: I don't understand. I want a medium.

    Chubby Asian Cashier: I know. A medium-sized coffee is a grande at Starbucks.

    Me: WHAT!?

    Chubby Asian Cashier: So, you can have a grande, which is a medium. It's exactly what you asked for.

    Me: I don't get it.

    OK, I did get it at the very end, but I... actually, no I still don't get it. Grande means "large." I even Googled it. And I'm going to copy-paste it for proof. This is from SpanishCentral.com:



    Look. It says that "grande" means large, big, tall or grand. NOWHERE IN THERE SAYS THAT IT MEANS MEDIUM. NOWHERE!!!

    So, why is "grande" medium in Starbucks? Is this what the new-age hippie douche bags decided? They can't paint portraits that sell for more than $5.99, and they can't write music that doesn't make people's ears bleed, so they have to confuse normal individuals about beverage sizes? Is that it?






    If you thought my troubles at Starbucks were over, well, you don't know me very well. My difficulties would continue because I thought it would be a good idea to order the iced tea my girlfriend always purchases for me.

    The chubby Asian guy, trying his hardest to hold in his laughter, looked like he'd have to put forth more effort in that regard once we began discussing iced teas.

    As noted earlier, I saw that they had two iced tea options on the menu. So, they were either concealing their other choices for some strange reason, or they stopped producing the lemon-flavored iced tea I so greatly enjoyed. Thus, my next question can be seen as quite reasonable:

    "Do you have iced tea besides the two green teas on the menu?"

    The chubby Asian cashier looked at me like I had two heads, then appeared as though he was about to burst out laughing. Well, excuse me, Mr. Big Shot, maybe I'd know which iced teas you had if they were on the f***ing menu!

    "We have black tea, the green tea you mentioned, peach tea, passion tea..."

    I held up my hand. "Let me stop you right there," I said. "I don't want to hear about any sort of iced teas that normal people don't drink like passion fruit. I just want lemon-flavored iced tea. Do you have that?"

    He was about to die. He couldn't hold it in anymore, so he started laughing.

    "No, we don't have lemon-flavored iced tea," he snorted.

    Ugh. Why is this so funny? Isn't it reasonable to expect a place that sells iced tea to have lemon-flavored iced tea? Snapple's trademark iced tea is "Lemon Tea" for f***'s sake.

    Some other employee, a short, brunette girl with pigtails, who would've been cute if she didn't look like she dunked her head into a box of makeup, overheard us and stepped in.

    "We have lemonade iced tea," she said. "Do you want that?"

    Lemonade iced tea? Maybe? I didn't know. It didn't sound quite right.

    Me: Is that pretty much lemon-flavored iced tea?

    Pigtails Girl: Not really. It's lemonade and iced tea. We also just have lemonade if you want that.

    Me: Ehh... is the regular iced tea from before sweetened?

    Pigtails Girl: No, and what regular iced tea?

    Me: Is black iced tea regular?

    Pigtails Girl: Ah... sure. Do you want that unsweetened?

    Unsweetened? What do I look like, some communist? What sort of American drinks unsweetened iced tea? People who have defected from communist countries might do this if their former dictator hogged all of the sugar, but why would any non-diabetic American prefer unsweetened iced tea over sweetened iced tea? It would be like going to Best Buy and purchasing a TV, and the employee asking, "Do you want your TV to be colorless?" Uhh... no, because I'm a f***ng, non-diabetic American, moron.

    I told her I wanted sweetened black iced tea, and that seemed to be it. I handed over my money to Chubby Asian Cashier, who continued to laugh. I laughed as well because the whole thing was ridiculous. I was clearly out of my element. It was like Kim Kardashian taking a college course. She'd fail with flying colors, and so did I.

    Minutes later, Pigtails Girl handed me the two beverages. I took them out to the car and drove away. When I reached the first red light, I popped a straw into my sweetened black iced tea and took a swig.

    BLEGH!!!

    It was f***ing horrible. I tried it again, and it wasn't any better. It was the most disgusting iced tea ever. It was so bad that I stopped in at CVS on the way home and purchased a bottle of Snapple lemon-flavor iced tea - i.e. a drink that didn't taste like puke.

    When I came back home, I handed my girlfriend her White drink, and then frustratingly slammed my iced tea on the counter.

    "What the hell is wrong with this!?" I shrieked.

    She tried it, and replied, "This iced tea isn't sweetened."

    Wow. After all that, they gave me something I told them I didn't want. You know, this wouldn't have happened if unsweetened iced tea wasn't an option. Why is it one? And why is sweetened iced tea not the default? You should have to go, "Hey, I'm a diabetic, can you not put sugar in my iced tea?" That actually makes sense. Why on Earth would anyone else choose a worse-tasting option? Going back to the Best Buy analogy, it would be like colorless TVs being the default, and you'd have to specify if you want a color TV. It's so completely stupid.

    My girlfriend tried to remedy the situation by putting sugar into the iced tea, but that didn't work because there was suddenly too much sugar. Plus, there was no hint of lemon at all.

    "For future reference," she said, "I always get you the lemonade iced tea."

    Wow, I never would've guessed.

    "And if it makes you feel any better," she continued, "My drink is perfect!"

    That didn't help, and I was furious. My girlfriend then did make me feel better by reminding me that I had a Snapple.

    Ah, thank the gods. I could enjoy a Snapple iced tea. You know, something that normal people actually drink.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Nov. 24


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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