Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014





Jerks of the Week: May 26, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Night of the Six Stink Eyes

I used to consider it a win if I didn't piss anyone off throughout the day. I have an uncanny ability to anger those around me. Whether it's the old people plotting my death at the gym, or crazy girls on the train who think I'm stealing their screenplays, or disturbed individuals who yell at me on the comment boards (the guy with sand in the vag having an issue with the "sand in the vag" saying is rather amusing), I seem to infuriate people no matter what I do.

This used to bother me. Why does everyone hate me? I wondered. But one day, I realized something: I don't mind pissing people off. It's actually quite fun. The thought that people are discussing how much of an a**hole I am behind my back is hilarious to me. Besides, it gives me writing material, which is never a bad thing.

With that in mind, you can imagine how proud I am that a trip to Saladworks one evening resulted in six people getting pissed at me or each other. It's true. Like I said, I have an uncanny ability in this regard. And because of that, I'm able to provide you with this highly entertaining and humorous Jerks of the Week entry.

It all started when I left my house to drive over to Saladworks on Tuesday evening...


1. Barbie Trucker:

First of all, I have some exciting news to share with you. My Russian Gypsy Neighbors are moving, and I couldn't be happier. Not that they're bad people or anything; it just pisses me off how they park their cars.

They have three cars. They put one in the driveway, the second one next to the driveway and the third across the street from that car. I've drawn up a fancy illustration to give you a better idea of what this layout looks like every single day:



This may not seem like a big deal to you, but consider the following three things:

1. Having the two cars across from each other like that turns this road into something the size of a one-way street, where cars have to wait for one another to get through. This in itself is pretty inconsiderate, but as we all know, gypsies are highly inconsiderate people, with their caravans, and their voodoo dolls and their crystal balls.

2. Having "Gypsy Car 1" at that spot - which is just as much mine as it is theirs - makes it difficult to back out of my driveway because I can't see oncoming cars very well. I also have to take an odd angle pulling into my driveway, which is rather annoying.

3. It's not like the gypsies are screwed because they have three vehicles and a one-car driveway. There is plenty of parking right across the street on the other side of my house. It would literally take them 15 seconds longer to walk to their house if they parked their cars there, so I don't see why they do that rather than piss me the hell off. Perhaps it's the gypsy way to anger others. If that's the case, am I a gypsy? Maybe that's why everyone hates me.

I'm glad I won't have to worry about their cars anymore, but it was nearly too late. I got into my car and opened my garage door. "NOM NOM NOM ME GOING TO EAT BUFFALO CHICKEN SALAD," I hungrily said aloud as I backed out of my driveway.

I was inches away from pulling into the street when I had to slam my breaks. I came within a split second of driving over a little girl on a pink Barbie truck. She was driving it in the middle of the street with her parents walking behind her. I heard the father shout, "oh my God are you OK!?" I thought about saying "yes" when I realized that he wasn't talking to me.

I was so unbelievably pissed off at this situation. First of all, if it wasn't for that f***ing Gypsy Car 1, I would have seen them. But I didn't because that vehicle obstructed my view. The girl in the Barbie truck wasn't exactly tall, and she was sitting in it, so there's absolutely no way I could have seen her coming. Second, what sort of parents allow their little girl to drive a toy truck in the middle of the street? There's a freaking sidewalk. Use the freaking sidewalk! That's what it's there for!

Realizing that I nearly killed a little girl and that I would have gotten into severe trouble for it even though it wasn't my fault in the slightest, I lost it. I shouted at the top of my lungs, "F***ING IDIOTS! F*** THESE GYPSY MOTHERF***ERS AND F*** YOU A**HOLE F***ING PARENTS FOR NOT WALKING ON THE F***ING SIDEWALK!!!"

It was at that point that I realized I had my window open. The parents heard the entire thing. The mother gave me this horrifying stink eye, while the dad looked like he wanted to say something to me. I wasn't going to have it. I just drove off to Saladworks. If they were stupid enough to endanger their daughter's life like that, then they had nothing worthwhile to say as far as I was concerned.





2. Purple Hair Girl:

I arrived at Saladworks without hitting any other little girls. I guess it's a good thing that my entire neighborhood isn't comprised of a**hole gypsies.

I parked my car and headed toward Saladworks. Something instantly stuck out - a girl in her 20s wearing a black skirt was walking in front of me, and she happened to have purple hair.

Purple Hair Girl went into Saladworks ahead of me and stood in front of me in line. I stared at her because I was mesmerized by her purple hair. Thoughts raced through my mind: Was her hair naturally purple? Was this the result of a horrible chemical reaction? Did she dye it? And if so, why? Did she think she would look attractive with purple hair? What was the thought process there? Did she think, "I have pretty brown hair now, but I'll become a knockout with this amazing purple shade!?"

I was so perplexed by her hair that I continued to stare at it. I guess she finally noticed because she looked back at me and gave me an evil glare, almost as if she thought I was judging her.

Me? Judging people? I would never do that!


3. Soups Girl:

There's a girl who works at Saladworks that I like to call Soups Girl. I've never mentioned her before because I've never actually had a reason to write about her. She's pretty average-looking, but what makes her stand out is that she always asks, "Would you like to add any soups to your meal?"

This may seem normal to you, but no other employee ever asks this. It's almost as if she's overeager to give soup to customers. This seemed like a nice gesture at first, but then I thought about two possibilities: One, she might be on commission, and selling soup might be an easy way to make a quick buck. Two, she may have poisoned the soups in an attempt to murder every single customer who comes into Saladworks. My guess is that she wouldn't be operating under commission if Option 2 were true.

The reason I'm bringing up Soups Girl is because I noticed that she has a crush on me. She waved at me when I walked in, greeted me warmly, and said that she hadn't seen me in a while all while playing with her hair. Believe me, I'm the last person to know when someone's interested in me, but that wouldn't be the case if all girls were as blatantly obvious as her.

So, what does a stink eye have to do with her? Because she gave the other employee one. The blonde behind the counter who was stationed next to the salad dressing reacted to me similarly. As she was playing with her hair, Soups Girl gave the blonde an absolutely evil look - almost as if she were thinking, "B***h, stay away from my man! If anyone is going to make sweet love to him while feeding him poisonous soups, it's going to be me!"


4. Creepy Guy:

I finished ordering my salad and went to pay. There were three people in line - a mother and her 13-year-old daughter, as well as Purple Hair Girl - and two people staggered off to the side. They both looked like they were waiting for something. One was a short, fat woman, while the other was a shady-looking dude with a pedo-stache.

The woman was at least somewhat near the line, while the man was way off to the side, so I figured that I should only ask the woman if she was waiting to pay. She confirmed it, so I got behind her in line. As I did this, I barely heard the creepy guy mutter from the side of his mouth, "I'm waiting to pay too."

I turned to him and apologized.

Me: Oh sorry, were you in line?

Creepy Guy: No... heh, heh...

Me: Are you sure? I couldn't tell because you were off to the side.

Creepy Guy: It's OK... go ahead... heh, heh...

I took advantage of his generosity and remained ahead of him in line. I looked away for a bit and then eventually turned back about a minute later. I can't properly describe the expression on his face with words. He looked like he wanted to kill me for butting in line.

His face still frightens me. In fact, I'm going to have nightmares for weeks. And if I disappear sometime in the near future, you'll know who's responsible.







5. Apples and Beefs:

This line was all about making enemies. Both Purple Hair Girl and Creepy Guy hated me. The fat woman, meanwhile, was not getting along with the cashier.

"Can I have a side of apples and a side of beef?"

Huh? I stopped daydreaming and focused on what was happening ahead of me. The cashier just stood there, her mouth agape.

Fat Woman: I said, can I have a side of apples and a side of beef?

Cashier: What?

Fat Woman: A side of apples and a side of beef.

Cashier: Uhh... we can give you a packet of apples, but we don't have sides of beef here.

Fat Woman: You don't have beef!?

Cashier: No...

Fat Woman: What kind of establishment is this!?

The cashier gave the fat woman an evil stink eye, and then the fat woman reciprocated. I was hoping for some sort of epic standoff, but the fat woman finally relented and took the packet of apples.

I'm still wondering why she thought she could purchase a side of beef at a Saladworks. She was clearly out of her mind. Sadly though, that only meant she was a normal person at Saladworks that evening.


6. Cashier:

I guess the cashier was still recovering from her encounter with the fat woman because she didn't seem all together. She told me that my total was $7.41. I took seven $1 bills out of my pocket - yes, I'm a stripper by night - and then rummaged for change. I pulled out 41 cents, handed her the bills and then extended my arm to give her the coins.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... no wait, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven... Hun, there are only seven dollars here. You need to give me eight because it's $7.41."

I showed her the coins, but this didn't seem to process in her brain.

Cashier: That's great, hun, but I still need one more dollar from you.

Me: But I'm giving you exact change.

Cashier: I can see that, hun, but you need to give me one more dollar.

Me: Why?

Cashier: So I can give you change back.

Me: But I have exact change right here.

Cashier: I don't understand.

Me: I have exact change!

Cashier: But you need to give me $8.

Me: No! I have seven dollars there, in your hand, and 41 cents here, in my hand. Seven dollars, 41 cents.

Cashier: Oh... oh, I get it.

Wow, congratulations on figuring out basic math. I shook my head because I was so frustrated that it took her so long to realize I was giving her exact change. I guess she must have noticed because she gave me an evil glare in return.

"Next time, I'll bring my calculator," she said, sarcastically. I wanted to point out that she'd still have issues inputting the correct numbers, but I go to Saladworks frequently and don't want to make too many enemies there. I already have enough in my neighborhood.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
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Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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