Jerks of the Week - Feb. 23, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Feb. 23, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Gym Patrons and Their Mistakes

I'm so glad that AFC Fitness took down my advertisement. I went to that gym quite often because it was closer to my house than the old gym, but it just wasn't as fun. I knew fewer people there; the pool happened to be a frigid 80 degrees, which was unbearable in the winter; and, most importantly, there wasn't enough Jerks of the Week material.

I mean, sure, I ran into plenty of people worth writing about like Smelly Swim Coach, who reeked of cat urine, and Lazy Lifeguard, who made me skim a Band-Aid out of the pool because she didn't feel like standing up, but these a**holes paled in comparison to the likes of No Space Man, a probable child molester who was uninvited to his "best friend's" birthday party because there was "no space" for him, and Homeless Clown Woman, who spends her time walking around the pool because she believes that's where the government can't spy on her.

My days at AFC Fitness are officially over. I wrote back in June how AFC Fitness tried to screw me by taking down the sign I paid for in advance and not telling me about it until a friend pointed it out to me. They gave me the option of free membership for six months or reimbursement for the months the sign was down, and I opted for the former; I figured I was just going to use the money on the membership anyway.

Well, I've only gone back there once since that day. It happened to be after a dentist appointment, and AFC Fitness happened to be on the way home. The experience was yet another disappointment; the pool was 80 once again, while the hot tub was barely warmer than that. I haven't gone otherwise because it left a bad taste in my mouth when they tried to steal money from me. Besides, like I said, my other gym is better for a variety of reasons.

I made a mistake by not accepting reimbursement from AFC Fitness. Scratch that - I made a mistake by going to AFC Fitness in the first place. I should have just stuck with my former gym, even if it was a bit farther from my house.

At least I'm not the only one making mistakes. Plenty of people at my gym have made them as well recently, and I was fortunate enough to be there to catch them so I could later make fun of them behind their back in Jerks of the Week. I guess it's a good thing that I made up for my mistake.


Mistake No. 1: Measurement Conversions:

I usually encounter something strange when I step out of the locker room and onto the pool deck. In my previous entry, I wrote about how Homeless Clown Woman collided into me, which nearly had me vomiting all over the place because I caught a whiff of her wretched stench.

More recently, I overheard a strange conversation between an old Russian man and the lifeguard. It seemed uninteresting at first, but it quickly escalated to a one-sided shouting match...

Russian Man: How long zis pool?

Lifeguard: Twenty-five yards.

Russian Man: How many meter in yard?

Lifeguard: I have no idea.

Russian Man: How many feet in yard?

Lifeguard: Three.

Russian Man: No, I think you wrong!

Lifeguard: No, there are three feet in a yard.

Russian Man: No sree feet in yard! More feet in yard zan sree!

Lifeguard: Trust me, there's three feet in a yard.

Russian Man: You stupid! No vay only sree feet in yard!!! You no finish high school or somesing!?!?

The old Russian guy already sounded dumb, but he managed to top it off by accusing this girl of not finishing high school. As if knowing how many feet in a yard is something you learn in 12th grade. Yup, there's calculus class, physics class, English class, and the most-arduous feet-in-yards class. Definitely need to pass that last one to get your high school diploma!

I'll give the lifeguard credit though - if someone called me stupid for not knowing something simplistic, I would've went off on him. She remained calm, however, and flipped out her phone.

Lifeguard: I'll just ask my phone how many feet are in a yard.

Russian Man: How can you ask phone!?

Lifeguard: Like this: "Siri, how many feet are in a yard?"

Phone: There are three feet in one yard.

Russian Man: No!

Lifeguard: The phone says there are three feet in one yard.

Russian Man: No, phone wrong!

Lifeguard: The phone is wrong?

Russian Man: PHONE WRONG! YOU WRONG! PHONE PROBABLY NO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL!!!

And just like that, the old Russian man stormed off into the locker room. It's a shame because I wanted to jump into the conversation and ask him if he thought that the phone had graduated high school prior to thinking that it was wrong about the foot-yards conversion.

It sounds silly, but the old Russian man was so bewildered by the fact that the phone could talk that he may have thought that a person was trapped inside the phone, and that the person trapped inside didn't graduate high school. That's my best guess.

Either way, the guy is a moron, and I'm beginning to wonder if he even graduated high school.





Mistake No. 2: Hitting on the Lifeguard:

It took me a while to get into the pool because I wanted to eavesdrop on another conversation. As soon as the old Russian man stormed into the locker room, one of the maintenance men, a middle-aged black guy, came out onto the pool deck, spotted the lifeguard and approached her.

Maintenance Man: Hey gurl, what's goin' on?

Lifeguard: Nothing, really.

Maintenance Man: What's yo name?

Lifeguard: (She said her name).

Maintenance Man: What's yo sign?

Lifeguard: Umm... (she said her sign).

Maintenance Man: What's yo favorite color?

OK, he didn't ask that last one, but he might as well have because it would've been much more insightful than "what's goin' on?" and "what's yo sign?" The lifeguard, meanwhile, was not interested in the slightest. She kept giving him one-word answers and looking off into the distance. I can't blame her for that; after all, why would she want to date a maintenance man about 20 years older than her?

The maintenance man made the mistake. His error wasn't trying, because why not? What did he have to lose? His mistake was the effort. There was no way he was going to score a date with someone way out of his league by asking dumb questions. What he should have done is stage an assault or something. If I were him, I would have hired a friend to attack her, and then I would've appeared with a mop and beat the assaulter with it, "forcing" him to run away. Instead of asking, "What's yo sign?" I would have said, "I just saved you from that evil man with my trusty mop. Will you do me the honor of having dinner with me tonight?"

She probably still would've rejected him, but he would've had a much better shot if he put some effort into it.


Mistake No. 3: Smelling Stuff:

The maintenance man was not pleased that he was rejected. He grumpily headed back toward the locker room before getting stopped by another old man.

Old Man: It's awful! You need to fix it!

Maintenance Man: What up?

Old Man: Something in the steam room! It's horrible!

Maintenance Man: What's goin' on in the steam room?

Old Man: Something under the mat in the steam room! It really smells! I almost threw up!

Maintenance Man: Aight, I'll take a look at it in a bit.

Both went away, and I was finally able to start my mile because nothing interesting was going on for a change. I was nearly done when the old man emerged from the locker room again, and he approached the lifeguard this time, so I had to stop and listen.

Old Man: The mat in the steam room still smells!

Lifeguard: It does?

Old Man: Yes! And it's even worse under the mat! I lifted it up to smell it and I almost collapsed!

Lifeguard: OK, I'll call maintenance and see if they'll fix it soon.

Why would this guy lift up the mat to smell it if it already reeked in the first place? That doesn't seem too bright. He must not have graduated high school either.

I guess the lifeguard summoned the maintenance man because he appeared a few minutes later. I was finished with my mile by then, so I was able to listen in.

Lifeguard: Hey, the old guy came back and said the steam room still smells.

Maintenance Man: Tough luck.

Lifeguard: Tough luck?

Maintenance Man: I ain't fixing that s*** until closing.

Lifeguard: Why?

Maintenance Man: You know why.

Whoa, so this guy wasn't going to do his job because he was butt-hurt that the lifeguard rejected him? This had nothing to do with the lifeguard anyway; it's not like she needed to have stuff cleaned. So, since this guy's pride was hurt, he was going to have everyone in the steam room suffer through some horrific stench?

Sorry bro, the lifeguard definitely won't be handing out her number to you now. Go ask some other chick what her favorite color is.







Mistake No. 4: The Irish Woman:

Nothing else eventful happened in the pool area on that day, save for this old man asking me if I needed a job as a lifeguard at this gym. "There's an open shift from 5 to 9 tonight!" he said. Oh golly gee, let me quit my job as a football writer so I can be a lifeguard again - a job I once maintained 10 years ago!

I went into the locker room to get changed, but it took me a half hour to get out of there. That's because the aforementioned old man who inexplicably sniffed a smelly mat in the steam room wanted to have a long conversation with me. I ordinarily would've been pissed that he kept me for so long, but I was able to emerge out of it with awesome Jerks material.

I was putting on my socks when he approached me and asked an innocent question...

Old Man: How old are you?

Me: I'm 32.

Old Man: You finish school already?

Me: Yeah, I graduated from Penn State nine years ago.

Old Man: What did you study there?

Me: Sports journalism.

Old Man: Journalism!? HA! That's not a profession!

Me: It's my profession.

Old Man: You can't make a living from journalism!

Me: I do. I run a company and employ a few people.

What an a**hole. How does an 80-year-old man know what a profession is? He probably doesn't even remember if he changed his adult diaper in the morning.

This, however, was just the tip of the iceberg. He told me he wanted to show me something. He grabbed his wallet, opened it and pulled out a picture.

Old Man: See this man? The man in the $2,500 suit? He's my son!

Me: Oh, cool.

Old Man: Remember my son? I told you about my son. He's the vice president of American Express!

Me: No, I don't remember this. I've never spoken to you before in my life.

Old Man: You remember! See this? He's my son, and he's very successful! He's not a journalist!

I was getting pissed off at this point, so I made up my mind that I was going to be as abrasive as possible to this geezer.

Me: Well, he might just be a vice president, but I'm the president of my company.

Old Man: My son is very successful. He has a house in Manhattan and a house in Connecticut. He has two lovely daughters - my granddaughters - look at this.

The old man showed me a picture of two chicks, both of whom were hot brunettes. I wasn't fully convinced they were his granddaughters; it was likely that he found a picture of two girls on the ground - perhaps under the steam-room mat - put it in his wallet and then thought that they were his granddaughters.

Our conversation took an odd turn...

Old Man: My eldest granddaughter, the one on the right. She's beautiful.

Me: Yeah.

Old Man: She's very smart too. She just graduated from Cornell.

Me: Oh, cool.

Old Man: Do you have a girlfriend?

Me: Yes.

Old Man: Ah, what a shame. I would introduce you to her otherwise. She's an attractive girl, you're an attractive boy...

Me: Oh, wow, thanks.

Uhh... OK? This guy was trying to set me up with his possibly fictional granddaughter, but why? He had just met me, and he trashed my profession. Why would he want me dating his possibly fictional granddaughter? And is it odd that he called me an "attractive boy?" I mean, I was flattered, but as a Penn State alumnus, I know very well that horrible things happen in locker rooms involving old men and what they refer to as "attractive boys."

The old man moved on to his younger, possibly fictional granddaughter.

Old Man: My youngest granddaughter. She goes to school in Trenton.

Me: Oh, cool.

Old Man: She's not very smart. She's studying journalism.

Me: Ah, I see.

Old Man: Stupid profession. I told her, "You're not going to get a job." But she doesn't care. Daddy is rich, so she can do whatever she wants.

Me: Makes sense.

Old Man: You don't want to go on a date with her. She's too wild for you.

Too wild for me? How does this guy know that A) she's wild, and B) I'm not into wild? And why is he pimping out his possibly fictional granddaughters to random dudes he meets at the gym?

All of this was very strange, but it wasn't even the craziest part of our conversation. That happened to be when he began talking about his second son.

Old Man: I have a second son. He's a good boy, but he made one horrible decision that ruined his life.

Me: What was it?

Old Man: He met an Irish girl in college.

Me: Haven't we all?

I thought I'd get him to laugh, but he didn't. He had a very sorrowful expression on his face, and it looked like he was going to cry.

Still, I wondered how meeting an Irish girl in college could be deemed a horrible decision. I figured he said he caught a drug habit, or something. Meeting an Irish girl doesn't seem as serious. Heroin, Irish girl... Irish girl, heroin... maybe I'm crazy, but it doesn't seem like the two would be on the same level.

The old man explained why his second son made such a terrible choice...

Old Man: I told my second son, don't get involved in college! Go out, have a good time, meet different people, travel, and so on. When you graduate college, start working for a while, get a promotion, and then meet a girl you want to marry.

Me: That makes sense.

Old Man: What did he do? He married this Irish b***h!

Me: Oh, wow.

Old Man: Do you know why he married this Irish b***h?

Me: Why?

Old Man: Because she opened her legs! If she didn't open her legs, he wouldn't have married her, am I right?

Me: Ha, probably.

It's kind of weird that this guy would talk about his daughter-in-law, the mother of his grandchildren, that way. Calling her a "b***h" is one thing, but implying that she was a slut because she "opened her legs" for his son in college was a bit overboard.

Nevertheless, the story continued...

Old Man: My second son, he is a computer engineer. He only makes $100,000 per year!

Me: Oh, how horrible.

Old Man: This is not a lot of money, but not a small amount of money, but his Irish whore spends this money like water!

Me: Really?

Old Man: When my wife and I visit them, we always go out to dinner! Do you know how much dinner costs for seven people - us and their three children? About $150!

Me: Yeah, about that much.

Old Man: Why do they need to spend this $150? I don't need to go out to dinner. I'd rather eat at their house. Order a pizza, or something. Instead, this Irish whore needs to go out to dinner. She always wants to go out to dinner!

And there we have it. This old man is so grumpy because all he wants is for his supposedly skanky daughter-in-law to order him pizza. If she did that, perhaps he wouldn't refer to her as an "Irish whore" who opened her legs.

It begs the question: Why doesn't he just order the pizza himself? Then again, this is a guy who tried to set up his possibly fictional daughter with a random dude at the gym whose profession he criticized minutes before that, so who the hell knows what he's thinking? He's just losing his mind, though I guess the same could be said for everyone else at my gym - including me.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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