Jerks of the Week - Jan. 26, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 26, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Going to the Flyers Game

I've written about my dad's reactions to the various crappy players the Philadelphia 76ers have selected over the years in my live draft blogs. I've lost track of how many times he has sworn at the TV and yelled at the current 76ers' general manager for being a completely incompetent buffoon. My dad screams and swears because he cares; he loves his 76ers, as incompetent as they may be.

Believe it or not, but the 76ers aren't my dad's favorite team. That would be the Philadelphia Flyers. He watches their games every night, even when they happen to be terrible. That happens to be the case this season, which is why I was surprised when my mom asked me if we wanted to split the Christmas gift of Flyers tickets for my dad.

Me: But they suck this year. I was thinking about that present when they're actually good.

Mom: Oh, he'll love it anyway!

All right. I logged onto Stub Hub and ordered six tickets for us, my girlfriend, my sister and her fiance. The date: Jan. 15, 2015. The opponent: the Vancouver Canucks. Game on!


The Urine Story:

I figured I'd find plenty of Jerks of the Week material at the game, but my dad offered some on the drive over. "Put this story in your Jerks of the Month article," he said. "This happened to me a couple of weeks ago..."

I was driving and I really had to take a piss. I tried to find a McDonald's or some other restaurant, and I couldn't find one! I felt like my bladder was about to explode, so I pulled into an empty parking lot. There were a couple of cars there, but they were on the other side of the lot. I zipped open my pants, took my coffee cup, and then... this idiot woman pulls up and parks RIGHT NEXT TO ME! WHAT A F***ING B***H! SHE HAD THE WHOLE F***ING PARKING LOT, BUT SHE JUST HAD TO PARK NEXT TO ME! F***ING C**T!

I waited for this b***h to leave her car so I could take a piss, but she just sat there in her car. So, I went to another empty parking lot. This one didn't have any lights, so I couldn't really see what I was doing. But I zipped open my pants, took that coffee cup and started pissing in it. No f***ing b***h pulled up to me this time, thank f***ing God. I put my finger near the top so I could tell when it was full, but I didn't feel anything. That's when I realized I peed all over my car floor; it was so dark, I couldn't see where I was peeing.

So, I made sure I aimed this time, and I finished pissing in the coffee cup. I rolled down the window and threw the piss-filled coffee out - and right at that moment, there was a strong gust of wind that blew the urine from the cup right on my face! My face was covered in my own piss!


If that wasn't an omen that the night wouldn't go well, I don't know what would have been.





General Flyers Game Observations:

I know you're going to be shocked by this, but I have a few things to complain about...

1. My parents took me to some 76ers' games when I was a kid. I had fun, but parking was a nightmare. I recall waiting for what seemed like hours to both find a parking spot and to leave the parking lot.

This was back in the 90s. It's now 2015, and yet parking still sucks just as much. It's remarkable. We can communicate with someone across the globe instantly via e-mail, and we can send videos of our wangs to these people in split seconds, and yet event parking hasn't been solved yet.

We arrived at the stadium around 6:05, a good 55 minutes before the puck would be dropped, yet by the time we got to our seats, we had just seven minutes left. That's how long it took to park our car! At one point, we were standing still at the same spot for five minutes. I don't know what the people in the car holding everything up were doing. It's like the parking attendant was waiting for them to finish jacking off to their favorite porno; I can't think of any other explanation for not budging at all for five minutes.

This enraged me. That's because I saw kiosks for Chickie's & Pete's heading toward our seats, but I didn't have enough time to purchase their delicious crab fries before the game started - all because the a**holes who run the stadium can't figure out the parking situation!

Here's a possible solution: You know how people with EZ-Pass can just go through toll booths quickly? Those who buy season tickets for Flyers games should be given something similar, so all they'd have to do is have their car scanned as they enter lot. They'd park quicker, which would hasten the process for everyone tremendously. Unfortunately, this will never happen because the morons who run event parking are inbred hicks who haven't graduated middle school.

2. I don't know if it was because of my awesome John LeClair throwback jersey, or the new spiffy haircut I just got, or because I was with my girlfriend, but I got looks from at least five good-looking chicks that said, "I want to take you into the janitor's closet, rip your clothes off, strap you to a chair, shove Viagra down your throat, and rape the s*** out of you until the game is over!"

Kind of inappropriate. First of all, janitor's closets are disgusting. Second, I'm with my girlfriend. And third, this is a freaking hockey game. If you want to bang dudes, meet them at bars afterward. I came to this game ready to stuff hot dogs and Chickie's & Pete's crab fries down my throat, all while washing all of it down with beer. I wanted to be a fat slob; expecting me to get sexually abused in such fashion just made me stressed out because of the high expectations.

3. The Flyers announced a raffle for a "50-50" multiple times throughout the game, and the amount in the 50-50 remained beneath the score on the Jumbotron all evening. At one point, I heard the guy to the right of me murmur to his friend, "Yo, the 50-50 got to 20 grand, we gotta buy some tickets!"

It made me realize how much of a Ponzi scheme the 50-50 raffle is. Sure, winning 50 percent of more than 20 grand sounds nice, but the odds are not in the fans' favor. There are options to spend $20 on multiple 50-50 tickets, which is just insane. They announce the winner of the 50-50 near the end of the third period by posting a ticket number on the Jumbotron. For all anyone knows, this number could be a complete fabrication; it could be no one's number, which allows the Flyers to pocket all the money they raked in themselves.

I personally think it's genius. If people are dumb enough to blindly buy these tickets in hopes of scoring half of 20 grand at a sporting event, they deserve to lose money. And with this money, the Flyers might even be able to resolve their parking problems with an EZ-pass-type solution. Right. As if that'll ever happen.


Fans Around Me:

There were plenty of a**holes worth writing about who were sitting near us. The guy right in front of me was wearing this obnoxiously long pointy hat. It's like he was some sort of wizard. The sorcerer's hat obstructed my view of what was going on in the near side of the rink right in front of me, so I always had to maneuver myself when there was action in front of me. This usually happened to be the case because we were sitting near the Canucks' end of the ice, where the Flyers were trying to score in the first and third periods.

The wizard was actually the least-annoying person around me. Just prior to the puck dropping, my girlfriend asked me if there were any Canucks' fans. It was hard to spot any in the sea of orange and black in the stands, but when asked she finished asking her question, two chicks sat down a few seats to the right of me.

Both of these chicks were Asian skanks wearing Canucks' jerseys. OK, well, that's not fair. On the off chance that they happen to be reading this site, I need to apologize to them. I'm sorry. The two skanks may not have been Asian. It's possible the skanks could've been Hawaiian, or perhaps even American Samoan.

The Asian/Hawaiian/Samoan skanks pissed me off. Not only were their Canucks' jerseys obnoxiously blue, but they constantly laughed at the Flyers' ineptitude. When the Flyers attempted their one shot on their power play, a weak effort, they laughed and cackled, "OMG this team sucks hahaha!"

You know what, Asian/Hawaiian/Samoan skanks? You can go back to Asia, Hawaii, Samoa or whatever stupid country you're from. We know the Flyers suck; you don't have to rub it in our faces!

Meanwhile, some guy sat down next to me during the second period. This pissed me off because the seats were so cramped that it made me claustrophobic. I was able to space out when the seat next to me was empty, but he just had to sit down to the right of me in the second period.

This was the same genius who told his friend that they should purchase 50-50 tickets. He spent the rest of the time moaning and groaning about how much the Flyers were sucking.

"I live and die by my team, bro," he stated at one point. "This team's playin' so bad, but I'm still livin' and dyin' by my team, bro."

Uhh... OK? Why? I understand rooting for a team and buying jerseys and other paraphernalia, but "living and dying" by a team seems kind of stupid. Maybe you should, I don't know, advance your career so that the Flyers aren't the most important thing in your life.

I suppose it's a good thing that he is the one living and dying by the Flyers. It would've been much more worrisome if he had said, "All of these people live and die by my team bro," because he would've whipped out a gun and shot those around him in the event of a Flyers' loss.

Well, I guess if he took out the wizard and the two skanks, I wouldn't mind that too much.







Other Jerks:

There was some commotion in our section. Halfway through the first period, event security grabbed hold of a man and escorted him out of his seat. Why? Because he was insanely drunk.

Words can't appropriately describe how intoxicated this guy was. His eyes were rolling in the back of his head, there was drool coming out of his mouth, and he couldn't even stand up straight. It took four security guards just to lead him down the narrow steps. It's a miracle he didn't topple over and drag everyone down with him.

I could understand if this guy had to be escorted out of the arena during second intermission, but he couldn't even make it to the latter stages of the first period! How could he get intoxicated so quickly? I suppose he drank heavily before the game, but why? It's not like there was any major tailgating going on prior to a Flyers-Canucks matchup on a cold Thursday night.

Meanwhile, we had some issues with event staff ourselves. My girlfriend and my sister decided to go to the bathroom prior to first intermission. I told my girlfriend to buy me Chickie's & Pete's crab fries, which I was craving the entire time. She went toward the stairs, but had to wait for my sister, who was getting money from her fiance. As my girlfriend waited, she sat down so she wouldn't obstruct the view of the Asian/Hawaiian/Samoan skanks, which was nice of her.

The security guard didn't think so. This middle-aged woman, who wore 50 pounds of makeup and looked like an ugly toad with a perm, barked, "Don't block the aisle, miss!"

Huh? So, what's my girlfriend supposed to do, stand in front of the Asian/Hawaiian/Samoan skanks? Leave the seating area prematurely without my sister? Squeeze by everyone to go back to her seat until my sister was ready? My girlfriend later complained, "You're a f***ing rent-a-cop. Stop wearing so much makeup, b***h!"

I assume this security guard was just mad because she was so ugly. If I looked like a hideous toad with perm, I'd be pissed off all the time too. Then again, I'm pissed off all the time now, so I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I were so disgusting-looking.


Intermission Distractions:

The Flyers planned various events during the intermissions. On both occasions, they had little kids play hockey against each other. There wasn't any scoring, as most of the kids just flopped and fell down; the South Park depiction of this was very accurate.

I was rooting for all of the kids to lose. I don't even know if that was possible, but if an announcer exclaimed, "And after some boring hockey where there were more flops than shots on goal, all of these kids lose!" I would've been extremely happy.

My girlfriend asked me why I wanted all of the kids to lose, and my answer was simple: No one asked me to play hockey during Flyers' intermissions when I was growing up. I would've loved to do this. Why are these a**holes allowed to play hockey, and I wasn't!?

At any rate, the fat sideline reporter who constantly made announcements on the Jumbotron dubbed the goalie to be the "Mite of the Night." He asked him all sorts of questions like, "What were you thinking when you made that one save!?" and "Can I have half of your hot dog for interviewing you!?" He also asked the kid who his favorite Flyer was. I thought it'd be funny if the kid just made up a name like "Matt Waffle" or something, prompting the fat guy to look at him quizzically and ask, "Who the f*** is Matt Waffle?"

Maybe that's why they didn't let me play hockey when I was a kid.

Meanwhile, the Flyers also made an announcement for some wounded warrior who returned home from war. Everyone stood and cheered for him, but I did not. My girlfriend looked appalled and asked why I wasn't standing. First of all, the wizard in front of us wasn't standing either, and given that he's wiser than anyone in the stadium, I thought I should follow his lead. Second, we were all the way on the upper deck. The wounded warrior wasn't going to know if I stood or not. It's not like he was going to cry himself to sleep, muttering, "Why didn't that one fat guy stand up for me!?"

And most importantly, I had the Chickie's & Pete's crab fries in my hand. I was too busy eating them, and I also had to worry about my beer spilling. Again, the seats were so narrow that I would've spilled my fries and/or beer trying to sit down after standing for a few seconds for someone I never met before.

Sure, this guy defended this country for me and others, but I think he'd understand it if I didn't stand up just so I could preserve my crab fries and beer. That, after all, is what this country is all about.

In the end, the Flyers lost 4-0. Their goalie was terrible, while Vancouver's goalie dominated the contest. Philadelphia never had a chance, and the crowd booed heavily once the final buzzer went off.

But did my dad have a good time?

"Watching the Flyers is better on TV," he said.

I don't blame him for feeling that way. With obnoxious wizards, Asian/Hawaiian/Samoan skanks, and dumb kids at the game, it's so much better to stay home. Besides, my dad could just use his own bathroom rather than urinating in the busy Flyers' parking lot.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 25


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 23


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 21


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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