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Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012




Jerks of the Week for April 2, 2012


JERK OF THE WEEK: Crappy Commercials Part II

I discussed three crappy commercials last week if you missed it, including proof that Pitbull is the worst "musician" of all time. It's a good thing Pitbull doesn't read this Web site, or he would have sent me the following e-mail:

Boom, boom, boom, boom, why you making fun of me, yo? Boom, boom, boom, boom, better stop making fun of me, yo. Boom, boom, boom, boom, my friends will hurt your famil-ee-o. Boom, boom, boom, boom, my lawyer will give you sub-poe-na-ee-yo.

All I have to say is, thank God Pitbull is too busy banging Dolly Parton is Costa Rica to read Jerks of the Week. Phew.

Pitbull won't be suing me anytime soon for making a more creative song using his beat, so I can continue on with Crappy Commercials. I wrote about three last week - the Pitbull Bud Light ad, the "Cute Neighbor Sarah" Budwesier failure and the NCAA public service announcement. As promised, I have four five more to get to.


4. American Airlines Mom Commercial

Aww... how sweet. The absentee mother has to do business around the world, but can still talk to her little girl. And by talk, I mean, well, just look at what she has to say:

"Good, you like trees."
"Good point."
"Ohh..."
"Hehehe."

And then, in her IM window:

"Ohh..."
"EWW!!! LOL!"

Who the hell talks like that? And why is the little girl saying more intelligent things than her mother? Seriously, look at the IM window. Whereas the mother types one or two words per IM, the daughter is writing full sentences. How does something like this happen?

I think we should all pray for the little girl. She's going to grow up and have severe mental problems because all her mother ever said to her was "Ohh..." and "EWW!!! LOL!" I can only imagine a deep conversation between the two in 10 years...

Daughter: Mom, I'm pregnant.

Mother: Ohh...

Daughter: I think Dylan's the father.

Mother: EWW!!! LOL!

Daughter: I'm thinking about having an abortion though.

Mother: Ohh...

Daughter: But abortions cost a lot of money, and Dylan wants to keep the baby.

Mother: EWW!!! LOL!

How can someone not go into therapy after a conversation like that? More importantly, how can a woman as stupid as this one maintain a job that requires her to fly around the world? What exactly goes on in these business meetings? Hmm...

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: I am a preese to meet you.

Mother: Ohh...

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: I hope we make great business together.

Mother: Good point.

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: I want to ask you, how you plan to make a more money for my company?

Mother: EWW!!! LOL!

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: Eww??? What is a so eww?

Mother: EWW!!! LOL!

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: Oh no, I have a booger on my face. Preese, I make a great dishonor for my famiry.

Mother: Good point.

Stereotypical Japanese Businessman: Yes, you seem to understand a Japanese custom. You very smart woman. You can have all of my business.

Mother: Ohh...

The good news is that the mom will be able to pay for her daughter's abortion because of her crafty business tactics.





5. USAA Retirement Commercial

This guy had something more important to do than look for financial advice. Oh no, he had the task of growing old, wrinkly and senile. That kept him busy.

This commercial is too damn depressing. We have a war veteran here who got married, but is now extremely old. All of his friends shown in the video are probably dead, and they don't even show his wife in the current-day shot. That only means one thing - she ran off with the sexy milkman. I guess the horny woman just wanted some of his dairy products, giggity, giggity.

One thing in particular bothers me about this commercial. It occurs when the old man kisses the little girl, whom we presume to be his granddaughter. Look at how she flinches. She's obviously disgusted by this. But why? I've come up with three possible reasons.

1. She's not really his granddaughter. They had to hire a little girl actress to play his granddaughter in his commercial. It's sad, but apparently his wife and the sexy milkmen took his kids when they eloped to Mexico.

2. She's upset that her grandfather doesn't know who she is. Poor girl. She wants to play games and sing songs with her grandfather, but he's long gone mentally. In fact, they may have had this conversation before the cameras started rolling.

Granddaughter: Grandpa, grandpa!

Grandfather: Weh? Who are you little girl?

Granddaughter: It's me, Molly! I'm your granddaughter!

Grandfather: Weh? I don't have a granddaughter! I'm 25 years old and I'm in Vietnam!

Granddaughter: Grandpa, you don't remember me?

Grandfather: Sucky sucky five dolla, you say? Weh? Get down, soldier! There's gunfire in the distance! I'm going to blow those Vietcong bastards to smithereens!

It's a good thing the old man's brain is jumping around so quickly; otherwise, she may have had to consider the $5 sex offer. Speaking of which...

3. She's scared because her grandfather is really Jerry Sandusky. But this is the least likely of the possibilities. We all know that Sandusky wouldn't kiss little girls. It's little boys that he's after. Unless... unless he's evolved and become Sandusky 2.0. We haven't heard from him in a while, so don't discount this possibility.


6. TD Ameritrade Mayans Commercial

Did these retirement-fund corporations get together and decide that they would show the most depressing commercials ever this year? Seriously, what the hell is this crap? "You'll be dead by Dec. 21, 2012, but on the off chance that the Mayans were wrong, set up a retirement fund with us!"

First of all, why would polar shifts reverse the Earth's gravitational pull? There have been polar shift changes before in our planet's history, and it has never disrupted gravity. If you search for "Pole Shift Hypothesis" on Wikipedia, it doesn't even mention the word "gravity" once. And everyone knows that Wikipedia is the most reliable source for anything in the entire world.

Second, the fact that individuals actually believe the Mayan doomsday prophecy is really amusing. OK, so, people have laughed at American Indian religion for years, finding it completely absurd that there could be tree spirits and rock spirits, but as soon as there's some prediction that the world is about to end, those same people treat it as gospel.

You have to go all or nothing with the Mayans. Either you believe nothing that they've ever written, or you have to start believing in grass spirits and bush spirits and doomsday theories.

Me? I'm going to eat Oreo spirits and Cheeto spirits on Dec. 21. And on Dec. 22, I'll wake up and eat more Oreo and Cheeto spirits. And I'll be sitting on my couch, with gravity holding me down, and no stupid TD Ameritrade retirement fund in my portfolio.





7. Blu de Chanel Commercial

Oooo00o0o0oo0o00o0o0 he's not going to be the person he's expected to be anymore 0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o!!!

Who is this loser expected to be anyway? And who, exactly, expects him to be a certain way?

I have no idea what this commercial is supposed to mean. Why is this idiot so angry at his press conference? Why does he not want to be what everyone expects him to be? And why does he look at the girl when he sees this? Is he admitting that he is heterosexually challenged? Does the woman expect him to boink her, but he can't because he likes wangs in his buttocks?

Whom, exactly, does this ad appeal to anyway? No straight American male is watching this and thinking, "Man, I gotta get me some Blu de Chanel so I can act like I have a dildoe up my a** during my next press conference!"

There are only two types of people who want to buy Blu de Chanel: First are heterosexually challenged men. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Second are Eurotrash males who wear this crappy cologne and go to fancy clubs. In fact, here's a common conversation between two such individuals while watching this commercial:

Slav: Melvis, look at zis commercial. Blu de Chanel make you smell like real man with big penis. We go buy Blu de Chanel, zen vee go to zee club to meet Russian voomen.

Melvis: Good idea Slav bro. Ve make deal. You go buy Blu de Chanel, I go buy expensive gold chain and track suit from store. Ve meet back at my house and zen go to club.

Slav: Oho, Melvis, you very smart vis good plan. No vooman can resist man vis Blu de Chanel cologne and expensive gold chain and track suit.

Melvis: You right. Sometime man cannot even resist ozer man vis Blu de Chanel and expensive gold chain and track suit. I hope no big guy rape me in anoos like last time.

Slav: Yeah, my anoos still hurt real bad from last time!

If you ever plan on using Blu de Chanel, for whatever reason, please don't combine it with a cheesy gold chain and a track suit. You could end up getting some wang up the backside from a large Eurotrashy dude. But if you think this sounds appealing, and not that there's anything wrong with that, then by all means, buy Blu de Chanel.


8. Peter Frampton Buick Commercial

I originally didn't plan on making fun of this commercial, but CBS has played it so much during its NCAA Tournament coverage that I started noticing all of the stupid stuff in it.

For example... a frame is $35,000? And this woman just happened to have it stuffed in her attic somewhere? Who pays $35,000 for a frame? I don't even get art, and I'm certainly not one of those fancy-shmancy losers who stands in a gallery all day and says pretentious things like, "The red square that this arteest painted comes straight from his soul. I feel the pain and agony that he used when he attacked the canvas with his paintbrush."

Hey a**holes, sometimes a red square is just a red square. Get a freaking life - or at least draw some stupid red squares on your own so you can sell it for money.

Other things that piss me off about this dumb commercial...

The Meter Man: The black guy who wants to put a quarter in the meter is 25 minutes too late - but he somehow hasn't gotten a ticket. This is unrealistic. First of all, everyone knows that if a cop saw a black man driving a car, he'd call for a tow truck immediately. Second, metermaids are some of the worst people in the world. There's no way they'd miss an expired meter by 25 seconds; let alone 25 minutes.

And then there's the matter of the black guy himself. He seems normal at first, but pause the video when they show him. See anything weird? The weird blue thing around his neck? What the hell is that? I don't think I've ever seen any black guy wear a scarf in my life. But I guess it's better than a hoodie, am i rite?

Peter Frampton: I'd like to point three things out about this segment.

1. Why is Frampton at some strange dive bar? What the hell was he doing there, and why is he sober enough to play the guitar with some amateur band? There are like 20 people in this place. Shouldn't Frampton have something else better to do?

2. Look at how the brunette chick looks at him. Frampton could do anything with her at this point, and she'd agree to it. Anything. If he took her back to his hotel room and said, "Yo, babe, I want some action, but my dog would be jealous, so f*** me and then f*** my dog," she would do it without any sort of hesitation. I guarantee it.

3. Isn't it a little bit convenient that the guitar player in this band got sick? Suuureee. He got "sick." And by "sick," the guy in the band meant, "We saw Peter Frampton here, and we really wanted him to play with us, so we bought some poison from the shady guy in the corner and slipped it into our guitar player's beer. Our guitar player is dying right now in the back closet, but we don't care because A) he was kind of a douche - he never once used a coaster in my apartment - and B) Peter Frampton's going to play with us! Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, Peter Frampton!"

So, in summary, lots of unexpected pleasures for the woman until she has to bang the dog; some unexpected pleasures for the 15 drunken dudes in this dive bar who get to listen to Frampton; and unexpected death for the guitar player.

Report Card Kid: Why is the father fist-bumping his wife? Because his son got good grades? Who the hell cares? Look at that kid's stupid haircut. He looks like a girl. If I were that dad, I'd send my son for military school for attempting to look like one of the Hanson brothers. Unless it helps him score chicks. Hmm... Maybe I should try this tactic.

Tim and Erica: Poor Tim. He has no idea what he's getting himself into. Sure, he'll be able to dance with the cutest chick in his dance class, but then what? He'll ask her out on a date, and she'll laugh in his face. Tim will cry himself to sleep every night, while Erica will go out with the captain of the football team and get impregnated.

Once that happens, Erica and the girl from the American Airlines commercial can share the same babysitter, and perhaps have a lesbian experience together. Now that's an unexpected pleasure.

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1) McDonalds Nuggets commercial.

I'm sure there are available hot chicks sitting alone at fast food dives flirting with random guys. Given the seasonl, I think an ad with the Easter Bunny would be more realistic than one with an available hot chick.


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More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
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Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
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Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
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Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Free Agents - April 19


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 16


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


2014 NBA Mock Draft - March 26


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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