Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2016





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 4, 2016


JERK OF THE YEAR: The Top Five Jerks of 2015

This is technically the first Jerks of the Year entry for 2016, but it's really the final one for 2015. That's because I haven't declared a Jerk of the Year yet.

Why haven't I? Well, to be honest, I thought I already had. Facebook friend Luke T. posted the following on my wall on New Year's Day:



I replied that Jerry Jackson was Jerk of the Year, but when Luke responded that he wasn't, I checked back, and to my utter astonishment, I realized that Jerry Jackson was dubbed a plain old Jerk of the Week.

Jerry Jackson should have definitely received Jerk of the Year honors. If you didn't read that entry, check it out. Some moron who works at Starbucks created a fake identity on Facebook just to harass me. If maliciously trolling wasn't pathetic enough already, Jerry Photoshopped a picture of his face onto a portrait of a male body builder. Once someone else exposed this, Jerry scrambled to come up with a lie, ultimately stating that he happened to be friends with this body builder. Yeah, that made a lot of sense, since we all Photoshop our faces onto the bodies of our best friends. That's a super normal thing to do.

Jerry disappeared once I threatened to expose his real identity. You see, some of his Facebook friends happen to be friends with close friends of mine, so I told Jerry I would leak his entire identity so that he would never obtain employment beyond being a Starbucks barista. A typical coward, he vanished.

I thought that would be the last of Jerry, but because I was picking poorly earlier in the year, Jerry popped up on my Facebook wall a couple of times. He then sent me this very cryptic message:



Uhh... umm... lolz... what the hell does that mean? "Slay your fat pig schlong?" Why is he calling my wang a "fat pig?" And why would I slay it? Sadly, none of that is the weirdest part. That would be when he wishes best of luck (BOL) to my penis.

I guess I can't really say that I'm surprised that Jerry is a sort of disturbed individual who is obsessed with my manhood, but I suppose this can confirm it? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to slay my schlong when he's saying good luck to it and calling it a fat pig at the same time.

Yeah, I'm just as perplexed as you are.

So, what happened? Well, Jerry Jackson, in his typical cowardly fashion, blocked me again so that I couldn't even reply to him. How am I supposed to inform him whether I slew my fat pig schlong or not? How!?




I can't retroactively name Jerry Jackson Jerk of the Year and just move on to 2016 posts. That would just feel like a copout. Instead, I'm going to discuss five people who pissed me off the most in 2015.

Before I begin, as a rule, I won't write about anyone I've mentioned already. So, while the a**hole who vandalized my gym pool, and Adam Levine, who puked in my bed, and the weird lifeguard who took pictures of me to perhaps finger herself to later deserve mention as Jerks of the Year, this is going to be brand new material instead of some stupid clip show like Seinfeld tried to pull off every tenth episode or so.


5. Chip Kelly:

I live in Philly - or rather, a block away from it in order to avoid the city's horrific business tax - so people often wonder if I'm a fan of the Eagles. I'm not whatsoever. In fact, I hated the Eagles when they brought in QB Dog Killer. I removed myself from liking any football team so I could remain unbiased with my picks. Not that the strategy has been working or anything.

Having said that, my hatred for the Eagles carried over into the Chip Kelly era. I don't know why, but I just didn't like him. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but perhaps it was the smugness, or maybe it was the shape of his face, or it could have been his squinty little eyes or his rapid speech or spherical figure. Something about him irritated me.

Then again, maybe it had to do with how people in this city responded to him. I swear, if I stepped outside my house - granted, an uncommon feat because I'm a recluse - all I'd hear were shouts of "Chiiiip!" "Chiiiiiiiiiiip!" "Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!"

I wanted to strangle these people, or maybe even slay their schlongs, but I couldn't ever locate them. There would just be a**holes shouting Chip Kelly's first name randomly. I eventually referred to these morons as Chip Drones.

I never understood the infatuation with Kelly. He had never coached in the NFL before, and he was arrogant enough to think that his system could trump what sort of personnel he had on the football field. That has never worked ever in this history of the league. And yet he was suddenly going to change things? Why did people think that this was going to happen?

Alas, Kelly was a major failure in Philadelphia and was promptly fired after three years. My dad was one of these people who loved Kelly - as recently as September - but he quickly turned on him, as did everyone else in this city. I'll never forget what my dad said about Kelly upon hearing that he was fired:

"It's my dream. I hate his face. He always has his damn tongue out. I thought Andy Reid was bad, but he's an angel compared to him."

I laughed, but wasn't surprised to hear my dad have this particular take on Kelly. As a Hall of Fame running back once said, "The apple do not fall far from the orange."


4. Pineapple Guy:

Something I forgot to mention in my Christmas Shopping Jerks entry was that I went into H&M to buy a gift card for my girlfriend. It's typically her first stop whenever we go to Neshaminy Mall. Then again, that might be because it's near the food court, and the food court is my first stop whenever we go to Neshaminy Mall.

The cashier behind this counter was oddly dressed. He had this tight black shirt on, which looked weird because he had no muscles. He also was wearing short shorts even though it was the middle of winter. The shorts resembled what bikers would wear, only they were shorter.

Here's what our conversation was like, and no, I'm not exaggerating this:

H&M Guy: Ooohh, a gift card, who ith thith for?

Me: My girlfriend.

H&M Guy: Ooohh, fabulouth! Fabuloth!

Me: I guess.

H&M Guy: You're thuch a great boyfriend, you thould buy thomething for yourthelf!

Me: I already did, I was at the collectibles store and I...

H&M Guy: I have an idea for you! You thould buy thith thaving green, it'th pineapple flavor, it'th tho fabulouth!

Me: Pineapple shaving cream?

H&M Guy: Oh yeth! It'th tho fabuloth! It thmellth jutht like pineappleth, it'th tho fabuloth! Fabuloth!

This guy kept ranting and raving about this pineapple shaving cream. He told me the name of it, but I forgot because I just didn't care.

I wasn't rude, but I should've replied: "Dude, do I look like I would need pineapple thaving, I mean shaving cream? I'm a fat dude who eats multiple lunches per day, and I dress in a hoodie and pajama pants wherever I go. There's no way in hell I'm ever going to use pineapple thaving, I mean shaving cream, and there's no way in hell I'd ever take advice from someone wearing gay biker shorts! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

I didn't say that, however, as one of the rules in life is that you never insult a gay biker. Otherwise, his gay biker gang will kidnap you and slay your a**hole with their schlongs. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


3. Larry Culpepper:

Speaking of guys wearing short shorts, Dr. Pepper has been airing a particular ad campaign for two years now. It features some weirdo with a Captain Kangaroo haircut and short shorts telling everyone that he invented the college football playoff. Here's a sample for those of you who haven't seen it:



This commercial itself isn't terrible, but imagine watching football and seeing this Larry Culpepper guy on your TV every time the game cuts to a break. It actually wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't wearing such short shorts. I feel like there are only three groups of people who are allowed to wear shorts that short:

  • Gay bikers

  • Child molesters

  • Fat gym teachers who can't find longer shorts because they are so fat

    Larry Culpepper falls under one category once we eliminate the other two. He doesn't look like a fat gym teacher at all because he's not fat. He also doesn't appear to be a gay biker; otherwise, he'd be talking about pineapple shaving cream instead of the college football playoff.







    2. Matthew McConaughey:

    If you've been living under a rock, I envy you. Because that means you haven't seen any of Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln commercials. Here are two samples:





    I don't get it. I just don't get any of it. From the obvious things to why McConaughey simply turned around when he saw a bull blocking his path. Couldn't he have, I don't know, honked his horn or drove around it? Like, that's a hell of an excuse, right? What if you don't show up to work one day and tell your boss that a bull was blocking your path so you went home? But instead of just saying that, you went, "Ol' Cyrus... got in my way... I was not meant to take that road... Was not meant to go 'round Ol' Cyrus..."

    Not only would you be fired on the spot, but you'd be committed to a mental hospital.

    I also don't get the big picture either. Like, why do people think McConaughey is a good actor? All he does is talk softly and say existential things that don't make any sense. I feel like anyone could do that.

    I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way about McConaughey. South Park did a parody of these commercials last year:



    Anyway, I could go on and on about McConaughey, but I think I'll save it for a much longer Jerks entry. Let's just get to the No. 1 Jerk of the Year:


    1. PC Idiots:

    South Park has been on top of criticizing all of the a**holes recently, and their theme this past season was berating all of the PC Idiots who make life miserable for the rest of us normal individuals who actually have a sense of humor. I was hoping that bringing how much PC Idiots suck to light would make most of them go away, but their group seems to double in size each year.

    Want to know if you're a PC Idiot or not? Take a look at this picture and tell me what you see:



    If you...

  • Laughed: Congratulations! You're not a PC Idiot! You have a great sense of humor, and most people like you!

  • Shrugged your shoulders: Congratulations! You're not a PC Idiot! You may not have a great sense of humor, but at least you are a normal human being.

  • Felt appalled that a newspaper would write such a thing: F*** YOU, PC IDIOT, GET THE F*** OFF THIS SITE!

    I'm serious. PC Idiots are an abomination. They're a blight on western civilization. They drain all the fun out of everything, and they want to drag everyone down with them into their horrible, miserable existence.

    The headline is funny. Jared Fogle, who once peddled Footlongs for Subway, will now be getting boinked up the a**hole with a foot long in prison. It's a great play on words, and it's obviously great karmic justice for Fogle, who was convicted of raping young girls. He ruined the lives of these girls, so what better punishment is there than having a giant black guy named Bubba slaying Fogle's butt hole with his fat pig schlong? BOL to your butt, Fogle.

    So, why do I bring this up? When the New York Post released this headline, countless PC idiots on Twitter whined and moaned. I won't tell you what they said. Instead, I'll show you.

    The first thing I saw was when someone named Charles M. Blow tweeted the headline with his thought above it:



    I thought that someone named "Charles M. Blow" might just be a troll account, and I bet you may have thought the same thing. Rest assured, there are real morons who were offended by this:



    Want to know how to spot a PC Idiot? Upon hearing any sort of joke, regardless of whether it's funny or not, they'll use the words "juvenile," or "tasteless," or "immature" because they are miserable and don't understand humor. PC Idiot Chris Walker used all three. Congrats on hitting the trifecta, you douche!

    And then there's Njean Curl, whatever the hell that means. A "character assassination?" Really? The New York Post is "assassinating" the character of a convicted child rapist, and you're concerned that they're assassinating his character? What the hell is wrong with you? Like, seriously. I mean, all your friends knew you were a demented PC Idiot when you couldn't come up with anything better than Njean Curl as your Twitter handle, but this is outrageous.

    Here's another sign of a PC Idiot:



    Saying someone is a "16-year-old" or a "12-year-old" or whatever is definitely the mark of a PC Idiot. If there's a PC Idiot reading this right now, I imagine them snorting, "This tasteless, immature article is written by a juvenile 16-year-old raahhhh!" And they're shouting this while shoving tofu up their a**hole. Because that's what PC Idiots do. They shove international cuisine up their a**holes.

    And yes, there is something wrong with that.

    Here's one more:



    PC Idiots will always say something isn't a "laughing matter." Umm... yeah, it is. Prison rape has been and always will be a running joke. You know why? Because bad people go to prison. And if someone is bad, they deserve to get raped in the showers. Otherwise, they'll keep doing bad things. This is the point of prison. To punish those who are bad. I don't get how PC Idiots don't understand this, but then again, they are the ones inserting tofu into their butts.

    "Rahhhh this juvenile, immature 12-year-old keeps saying we put stuff in our butts, that's totally tasteless but kind of true, rahhhh!"

    Is that a great impression of a PC Idiot, or what?

    Anyway, in summary, Chip Kelly, Pineapple Guy, Larry Culpepper, Matthew McConaughey and PC Idiots deserve Jerk of the Year honors. However, I'm still going to give it to Jerry Jackson, who is truly one of a kind.

    Jerry, if you're reading this, congratulations. And no, my fat pig schlong has not been slain yet. Looks like your good-luck wish worked.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Sept. 20


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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