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Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010




Jerks of the Week for March 15, 2010

JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady

I've been watching countless hours of college basketball to prepare for the 2010 NCAA Tournament. As a degenerate gambler, I'm determined to win money this March.

The only time this past week I hadn't watched any college hoops was on Friday afternoon. Around 2:30 p.m., my Comcast cable went out. However, instead of a black screen, the TV automatically switched to the QVC Network and my cable box read "EAS."

I couldn't change the channel. I tried everything. Pressing the buttons on the remote did nothing. Smashing the buttons on the cable box did nothing. Praying to God, Jesus and Tim Tebow did nothing.

Calling Comcast didn't work either. I couldn't get through. Once I pushed all of Comcast's stupid buttons ("please press '1' if you speak English," etc.) the operator lady kept saying, "We're sorry we can't connect your call at this time." I guess those Verizon commercials are right - Comcast service people must be weird, older, red-bearded recluses who download kiddie porn and stalk their next-door neighbors.

Once my fourth call to Comcast fell through, I had the option of watching QVC and hoping college basketball would come on, or doing something horrible like going to the gym and exercising. QVC it was!

QVC was currently airing some infomercial where two people were selling flowers and plants. These two people were complete weirdos. One was this fat woman who looked like she wanted to eat all of the plants. The other was a guy named Phillip who was wearing a tight, bright orange shirt. He kept saying stuff like, "These plants are handsome," and "That flower is so hot." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Here's what this infomercial sounded like:

Phillip: There's the queen Alexander.

Fat Flower Lady: MORE LIKE QUEEN YUM YUM

Phillip: That's so handsome. I have that in my garden.

Fat Flower Lady: CAN ME EAT SOME FLOWER IN YOUR GARDEN?

Phillip: That's the Cottage Farms Purple Laceleaf. That's hot.

Fat Flower Lady: *drools*

Phillip: The dark colors draw your eyes to this because the lighter colors are somewhat pastel.

Fat Flower Lady: BELLY EMPTY. CAN ME EAT PASTEL?

Phillip: Look at that beautiful pesto, it's a great companion.

Fat Flower Lady: PESTO MAKE STOMACH GROWL.

Phillip: It's really heavenly. That's so hot.

Those were Phillip's actual quotes. After watching this for a few minutes and realizing how comical it was, I decided to write down what he was saying. And of course the Fat Flower Lady wasn't actually talking like Sally Struthers; she spent the entire time kissing Phillip's a**, telling the audience that he wrote a book and praising him for being the best thing since lesbian porn.

Once in a while, an old lady called in. Here's what that sounded like:

Fat Flower Lady: WE HAVE DORIS ON THE LINE. HELLO DORIS, DO YOU HAVE FOOD FOR ME?

Phillip: Hello Doris, how are you doing on this glorious day?

Random Old Lady: Heeelllo shonny. Iiii have aaa ggarrrden.

Fat Flower Lady: CAN ME EAT SOME FLOWER IN YOUR GARDEN?

Random Old Lady: Iii juust mmovveed too Orreggoon from Pennsylllvaanniiaaa.

Phillip: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Old Lady: Nooowww the deeerrr can't eeeaatt mmmmyyy plaannttssss.

Phillip: Oh those handsome deer always find a way to ruin a beautiful garden!

Fat Flower Lady: BEST WAY TO GET RID OF DEER IS TO EAT DEER WITH A1 SAUCE AND KETCHUP.

Random Old Lady: Heeelllo shonny. Iii juust mmovveed too Orreggoon from Pennsylllvaanniiaaa.

Phillip: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when this infomercial was just about to get good - the Fat Flower Lady was leaning in toward Phillip and looked like she was about to bite off his hand - the TV switched back to college basketball.

What happened to these people? Did Phillip survive the Fat Flower Lady's appetite? Did Phillip sell all of his "handsome" and "hot" flowers? Did the Random Old Lady remember what year it was? I guess we'll never know.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie

While we're on the subject of college basketball, I wanted to address something that e-mailer David P. sent over to me.

There's an ESPN college basketball analyst named Doug Gottlieb. Gottlieb was doing a Kansas-Nebraska game earlier in the year when a small skirmish broke out between a few players, including Nebraska's Cookie Miller. As you can see in this video, Gottlieb calls Cookie a "punk" after Cookie made an a** out of himself.

This did not sit well with Cookie's father - who is comically named Big Cookie. That's not a joke. His name really is Big Cookie.

Big Cookie said that he wants Gottlieb to apologize because "family members and young children were watching the broadcast."

I don't know where to start. There are just way too many things to make fun of here:

1. What are the odds that upon hearing a story involving people named "Cookie" and "Big Cookie," Rosie O'Donnell hungrily hopped on a plane and flew to ESPN headquarters to ask Gottlieb where she could find these individuals?

2. I'm not surprised that Big Cookie is an angry man. Can you imagine how difficult his life has been with his name? If you're working at a pizza place and a potential customer on the phone places an order under the name "Big Cookie," you're either not taking him seriously or crapping in his food, right?

3. Big Cookie is mad because his son was berated in front of young children? What young child is watching a Kansas-Nebraska regular-season game? And I would think hearing that people are named "Cookie" and "Big Cookie" would be even more detrimental to these "young children." What if these young children grow up and name their kids "Cookie" and "Big Cookie?" This means that there will be tons of people in pizza parlors crapping in lots of food.

4. As Emmitt would say, "Do not throw stone from your brick house." Gottlieb calling Cookie Miller a punk is like Osama bin Laden calling QB Dog Killer a "dishonorable gentleman." For those of you who don't know about Gottlieb, he was thrown out of Notre Dame because he stole credit cards from his roommate.

Cookie Miller might be a punk, but at least he's not a thief. Cookie Miller should, however, consider changing his name - because, you know, all of these "young children" are obviously paying attention.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: If I Were President...

Back in college, I used to write long AIM away messages, which were actually abbreviated versions of these Jerks of the Week. I have them all archived, and I'll share them eventually.

One thing I used to do was to convince people that I should be President of the United States. I'd promise great things like no taxes, the elimination of feminism and great weather. I'm shocked no one voted for me.

I came up with three new things I would do if I were President of the United States...

1. Banish the NCAA Selection Committee Members to a Deserted Island: Some of you reading this may not be into college basketball, so let me make this really simple for you:

There are two teams, Team A and Team B. A committee has to choose between the two as a final entrant in their tournament. Both squads are playing hours before the committee has to finalize things, so they both obviously need to win.

Team A takes on one of the top teams in the country. They take the game into overtime, though they should have won because the referees screwed up. Team A ends up losing to this awesome opponent by one point.

Team B battles another very good team (but not as talented as the one Team A faced). Despite being in a must-win situation, Team B loses by 29 points!

So, you tell me - which team do you pick? Logic states Team A, right? It does. And that's why the idiots of the NCAA Selection Committee chose Team B. Fail. Now you see why they have to be banished to a deserted island (preferably one with polar bears, a black smoke monster, and a**holes named Nikki and Paulo.)

2. Chance Daylight Savings Time: Tired of moving your clock ahead and losing an hour each spring? You're not alone. Here's what I propose:

Instead of this fall backward, spring forward crap, I say we fall backward and spring backward. If I'm President of the United States, I'll make it so that we move our clocks back an hour in the fall AND spring. How awesome would that be? If you don't like this idea, you are a communist.

3. Sentence All Birds to Life in Prison: OK, so we moved our clocks forward an hour Saturday night. I was busy working on my 2010 NCAA Tournament stuff, so I didn't get to bed until late. Now, if this were a normal day, it still would have been dark. However, it was 6:30 a.m. instead of 5:30 a.m., which meant that the sun was rising and the birds were chirping. I consequently had trouble getting to sleep amid all of that stupid noise.

Eating birds is fun, so we can't eliminate them completely. If I were President of the United States, I would spend millions and billions of dollars to eliminate bird chirping. I'd hire bird experts to capture these annoying birds and throw them into prison.

Ha! I doubt these birds would continue to chirp once a 400-pound black man named Bubba drops his bar of soap and forces them to pick it up.





More Jerks of the Week:
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Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
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Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
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Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
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Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
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Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Free Agents - April 19


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 16


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


2014 NBA Mock Draft - March 26


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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