Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013





Jerks of the Week for Sept. 9, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad

I've discussed my trips to Tampa and the Jersey Shore over the past two months. However, in doing so, I've neglected to mention what's been going on in my area. I wrote this Jerks entry several months ago, but I'm publishing it now that my summer series are over.

In my Jerks of New Computer Day entry that I published in the middle of April, I wrote the following: "This might be the last Jerks of the Week entry I write on my old computer."

I lied. I'm still using the old one.

Why am I still using my old, slow laptop? It's funny you should ask! I could list a bunch of reasons, but there was one overarching hurdle: I hate learning new things.

Adjusting to a new laptop in itself is no big deal, aside from leaning the new keyboard (more on this later), but this laptop that I purchased runs Windows 8. I noticed this when I made the purchase, but I thought, Windows 7 is easy enough to use. Eight is greater than seven, so Windows 8 should be better than Windows 7. Plus, I like the number eight because it reminds me of chocolate chip cookies, so I'll have an easy time adjusting.

Oh, how wrong and na�ve I was. Windows 8 is super-damn complicated. For those of you who haven't used it yet, they've replaced everything with a flashy screen containing lots of pictures. It took me five minutes to figure out how to go to the desktop. And that's when it happened - that a**hole system update window saying that your computer will restart automatically in 10 minutes popped up. Whoever decided it was a good idea to put that on computers is a gigantic piece of s***. Seriously, he needs to be hanged. What if you're typing something important and happen to step away from the computer for a bit? You come back, and it restarted because of some bogus system update. Ugh. If you're the dick who invented this, and you happen to be reading this, f*** you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, that system-countdown window popped up. On my old laptop, I used to click on the Windows symbol in the bottom left and type "cmd" in the area where it says "search programs and files." I then opened that up (using right click to run it as admin) and entered "net stop "windows update"". It would then completely disappear for like two weeks. It was an awesome trick I picked up via Google search. However, I couldn't do this on my new laptop because there is no Windows symbol on the bottom left. I tried Googling to find an answer, but the clock hit zero by the time I could find a solution. And thus, my new laptop restarted and installed some super-serious updates, I'm sure.

So, how do you get to "cmd" in Windows 8? You go to the Windows 8 screen and type "cmd." That would be simple - if they would have just made a freaking notification on the damn screen telling you to type if you want to search for files. I have no idea why they made this so cryptic.

Ugh. Anyway, if you're still not convinced that Windows 8 is super complicated, this is what I felt like while trying to figure out that new operating system.

Windows 8 feels like the same type of gibberish. Granted, I don't speak the Asian language, but that's my exact point. Windows 7 and Windows 8 are completely different languages despite only being one number apart. I might be a fat, stupid man, but that seems ridiculous to me.

At any rate, I recently wrote down a list of 10 goals I want to accomplish this summer. One of the items on that list is "figure out new laptop." So, I sat down one afternoon and used all of my energy to solve Windows 8. It ultimately wasn't too bad. The most grueling thing about this experience was actually discovering a way to install automatic last song, next song, stop, play and pause buttons on my keyboard. My old HP has those and makes listening to music very convenient, but this new laptop is missing those keys for some strange reason. Way to go, Sony. Luckily, I was able to find a solution on Google. I downloaded something called "Windows Media Player Plus," and using that, I was able to assign the four blank F keys at the top to function as last song, next song, stop and play/pause. Huzzah!

I was all in at that point. I was prepared to permanently begin working on my new laptop. I was excited about scratching one of the items off my goal list. All that was left was installing Microsoft Office...

And that didn't work. Excel functioned normally, but whenever I started up Word, it would freeze as soon as I tried to do something. I uninstalled and reinstalled it. I did a quick repair and an online repair. I searched Google for answers. I tried everything, yet nothing worked. I was just glad at that point that I didn't pay tons of money for Microsoft Office.

Oh, wait, never mind. I thought for a second that we lived in a world where Microsoft Office was available at a reasonable price. As my neighbor joked, "I'm just glad Microsoft doesn't own the rights to water, or they'd charge you $5 every time you took a sip from a water fountain."

What did I do to fix this problem? Go to Best Buy and get the Geek Squad's help, of course! My computer came with one year of Geek Squad service, so I figured that this was my best solution. Oh, how wrong I was...





Soulless-Eyed Lady:

There was only one person in front of me in the Geek Squad line. I thought that wouldn't be a big deal, but I completely underestimated the incompetence of the woman behind the counter. She was a fat, black lady with giant hoop earrings and soulless eyes. Looking half-asleep, she was with a customer who was an even more obese woman, and whatever she was doing was taking forever. I zoned out at first, but after about five minutes, I paid attention to see what the holdup was.

Soulless-Eyed Lady: What's yo numba?

Obese Customer: It's 2-1-5.

Soulless-Eyed Lady: Hold up one minute, you said first numba 2?

Obese Customer: Yes. 2-1-5.

Soulless-Eyed Lady: What come afta numba 2?

Obese Customer: One.

Just inputting Obese Customer's number into the computer took two minutes alone. I guess I had a pissed expression on my face because Soulless-Eyed Lady looked at me and said, "I be wit you in one minute."

It took 10 more minutes, but it was finally my turn. More frustration ensued.

Soulless-Eyed Lady: Welcome to Best Buy, whatchu want?

Me: My Microsoft Word doesn't work. I bought this laptop here about...

Soulless-Eyed Lady: Oh, so you gotta computa problem?

Me: Uhh... yes.

Soulless-Eyed Lady: OK, Geek Squad only set up via appointment now but maybe you can try ta walk in, whatchu wanna do?

You need an appointment to see Geek Squad now? What the hell is up with that? On the brochure they gave me, it says, "Geek Squad is on duty, 24/7/365, ready to serve you." It doesn't say anything about any sort of appointment. I never needed an appointment before, so why would I need one now?

Me: Can I see someone now?

Soulless-Eyed Lady: Lemme check the computa.

It took Soulless-Eyed Lady five minutes to do whatever she did, but she somehow determined that I could walk in now. "Go to the otha winda, and somebody will be wit you real quick," she said.

This would turn out to be another broken promise.


Geek Squad, Part One:

I waited there for 10 minutes. Various Geek Squad people walked by the window, but not one said a single word to me. I even tried to yell "excuse me," but that didn't work. One tall, lanky black dude heard me. He replied "one minute," but never returned. Eventually, this skinny, woman resembling Skeletor with a wig noticed me.

Wigged Skeletor: Are you being helped?

Me: No, I've just been standing here like an a**hole for 10 minutes.

That's what I wanted to say. I told her I was not being helped, so she fetched some young black guy with glasses. The glasses made him look smart, but I quickly discovered that it was all a facade.

Bespectacled Worker: What seem to be the problem, sir?

Me: My Microsoft Word doesn't work. Excel does, but Word doesn't.

Sure enough, Microsoft Word failed again when he tested it. Bespectacled Worker then began typing away. He was interrupted a minute later when a non-Geek squad Best Buy employee, a semi-attractive Mexican chick, yelled to get his attention.

Mexican Chick Worker: Ain't nobody back there to help wit the lines?

Bespectacled Worker: Whatchu mean?

Mexican Chick Worker: The line gettin' too long!

I looked, and sure enough, there were now eight people waiting for Soulless-Eyed Lady as she sluggishly worked with her current customer. Thank the seven gods that I hadn't walked into Best Buy 20 minutes later. I would've been waiting there for hours.

To make it worse, neither Mexican Chick Worker nor Bespectacled Worker had any motivation to fix this problem.

Mexican Chick Worker: Tell somebody to come help wit the lines!

Bespectacled Worker: Nah, I don't feel like doin' it, you do it.

Mexican Chick Worker: Why you don't feel like doin' it? You scared or sometin?

Bespectacled Worker: I ain't scared, I jus don't feel like doin' it.

Mexican Chick Worker: I don't feel like doin' it neitha!

Wow. This is one of many reasons why our country is going down the crapper. It's not that we don't have enough jobs; it's that we have too many idiot workers who don't give a damn. I can confidently say that I'm never going to that Best Buy again. But since I was already there, I was going to allow Bespectacled Man to fix my Word problem.

I left my laptop and number, and he told me that he'd call me in a half hour. My old gym is right around the corner from that Best Buy, so I figured I'd kill time by working out...







Homeless Clown Lady:

It's a tradition. Every time I go to that Best Buy, I stop by my old gym, and I see Homeless Clown Lady.

I've written about this strange individual on a couple of occasions. I described her as, "one of the most disgusting human beings I've ever seen. Her long, brown hair looked like it hadn't been washed in months. She had thick veins protruding the skin on her neck and forehead. She was wearing a purple shirt that had stains on it. And worst of all, it appeared as though a blind person put on her makeup."

Homeless Clown Lady was doing some leg workout when I entered the weight room, so I didn't think anything of it. I did some bench press sets and minded my own business. However, after my third set, I caught Homeless Clown Lady acting weirder than ever. I took some notes on my phone so I wouldn't forget anything:

"Homeless clown lady is walking around with a spray bottle and spraying the walls. I have no idea what she thinks she's doing."

The spray bottle she was using is the one people are supposed to clean machines with after they're doing using them. I never bother to do this because I'm an indifferent douche, but Homeless Clown Lady apparently felt the need that she had to wipe down the wall. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why, and I still haven't come up with an answer.

My weight-lifting session lasted about a half hour. Bespectacled Man still hadn't called. I figured he ran into an issue, so I decided to go swimming to pass the time. A mile later (another half hour), I got dressed and checked my phone. Still no call. I had nothing else to do at the gym, so I drove back to Best Buy...


Geek Squad, Part Two:

The first thing I noticed upon reentering the Best Buy was that there was no longer a line for Geek Squad. Soulless-Eyed Woman was gone, and she was replaced by someone who was actually moving pretty quickly. Coincidence?

I stood by the Geek Squad Window. Again, I waited for what seemed like 10 minutes despite several employees walking by me. Wigged Skeletor once again saved me. I told her that I dropped my laptop off an hour ago, so she went away and summoned the tall, lanky guy I mentioned earlier.

Tall, Lanky Employee: Which computa yo's?

Me: The Sony Vaio - that one right there.

Tall, Lanky Worker: What problem you come in for?

Me: My Microsoft Word didn't work.

Tall, Lanky worker: Oh yeah, I rememba that. That problem got fix.

Really!? So why didn't anyone call me!? Argh!

Tall, Lanky Worker grabbed my computer just as Bespectacled Worker waltzed over. "I re-install Microsoft Office, so the problem got fix," he said. He then opened up Word normally. But that was never the issue. It always froze when I tried typing something, so I hit a key, and it froze again. Both employees looked completely befuddled.

Bespectacled Worker: I don't understand what the problem is. I re-install Microsoft Office so I thought it would work!

Wow. That's what I did. At home. When I sought Geek Squad's help, I figured some pimply virgin nerd would fix the issue in a matter of minutes. However, I actually put more effort into the problem than these illiterate buffoons. And speaking of effort, why didn't he bother checking if Word worked or not before telling me that he solved the problem? Is he that lazy?

Bespectacled Worker: I am confuse by this problem. What I can do is have someone go through the problem, step by step.

Me: OK, how long is that going to take?

Bespectacled Worker: I would say one week maybe.

Me: One week!?

Bespectacled Worker: Maybe bess-case scenario is two or three days cause we gotta go through the problem, step by step. Worse-case scenario, we gotta delete the entire hard drive and we re-install Windows.

My God, what is this world coming to? I was so pissed and frustrated at that moment, I just froze. I didn't know what to do. Bespectacled Worker handed me some paper to sign. I was so mad, I didn't even read it. I handed it back to him, and he said that he'd call me when the problem "got fix."

I don't expect my phone to ring anytime soon.




More Jerks of the Week:
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 23, 2015: Gym Patrons and Their Mistakes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 16, 2015: Return to Kyoto - The Japanese Nightmare
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 26, 2015: Going to the Flyers Game
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 19, 2015: Return to Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 12, 2015: Chris Christie, Clorox, Gay Jokes
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 29, 2014: 2014, Year in Review
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 22, 2014: Jerks of Christmas Shopping, 2014
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 15, 2014: Idiots at the Gym
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
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Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
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Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
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Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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