Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2016





Jerks of the Week: Oct. 24, 2016


JERK OF THE WEEK: Timeless

I think summer will always be my favorite season, but autumn is a close second. Of course, football is back, but there are other reasons to like it as well. The annoying kids in my neighborhood go back to school, so I don't have to worry about them scaring my dog or trying to con me into buying Dixie cups of lemonade. Plus, as an added bonus, I get to dump my dog's poop into my neighbor's yard, since it's always covered in brown leaves. He never knows the difference!

Another reason why autumn is great is because TV shows either return or debut. I mean, there's always an abundant amount of things to watch - my fiancee and I went through Twin Peaks this summer, which was awesome - but having shows like the Walking Dead, Gotham and Girl Meets World return just makes me extremely happy.

Of course, some new shows are complete letdowns. For instance, I wrote about Lucifer back in the spring. It was a horrible show, yet it was somehow renewed. I'm guessing the main actor who plays the titular Lucifer has pictures of FOX executives snorting coke and f***ing sheep up the anus. That, or someone paid people to watch that abomination of a show. Either or.

Then, there was Burfict Strangers. Cousin Sal brought this one up, citing that Vontaze Burfict received his own sitcom. Burfict is crazy, so it sounded like a great show. He said it streamed on the TVs you can watch at gas stations. I waited 10 hours one time for Burfict Strangers to air, and it never came on. Then, I came back the next day and did the same thing - and yet, there was nothing. Thanks a lot, Sal!

I suspected NBC's new program, Timeless would be a disappointment as well. I love shows about time travel and whatnot, but they always seem to screw it up. Either they get all of the concepts wrong, or they try to dumb it down because they don't think their audience will understand - and perhaps they're on to something, given that the general American public likes to watch stupid reality shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Dancing with the Stars and Eating Cereal with the Stars. I still have no idea how Jaleel White and Frankenberry upset O.J. Simpson and Cocoa Puffs in the semi-finals. No idea!

Nevertheless, I tuned into the premiere of Timeless. I was hoping I would be completely wrong, and it would become my favorite show once Game of Thrones came to an end.

Sadly, I was right - only I didn't know exactly how right I was.

Timeless, to be frank, was a steaming pile of s**t that a skunk sprayed and Rosie O'Donnell urinated on. In other words, it was absolutely horrible. It was terrible in almost every aspect, but rather than describe to you exactly why it was so putrid, I'll walk you through, scene by scene, discussing everything wrong with NBC's new show.




Scene 1: We get a flashback of Hindenburg in 1937. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen...? Oh no, it's crashing, I never saw that coming, AHHHH!!!

Scene 2: Following that cold open, we move to present day, where an attractive brunette woman is teaching a history class at a college. Her students are laughing at everything she says, as she constantly makes genitalia jokes. She's the greatest professor ever. Except that some dude with a goatee interrupts her class to tell her that he's canceling her tenure. She protests, citing that her mom "built this department." Great job by the writers establishing that our main character totally sucks because she tries to justify her position with some old-fashioned nepotism.

Scene 3: The brunette, Lucy, returns home and calls out for Amy, her sister. This is important, as I nearly forgot who Amy was later. Amy is sitting with their mom, who is bedridden. It appears as though she has cancer. Rather than worry about her dying mom, Lucy complains about losing tenure. "This is everything I've been working for; it's mom's legacy!" You mean, it's everything your dying mom has been working toward, right?

Scene 4: In some super-secret base, a black guy named Rufus is creepily staring at this semi-cute girl when bad-looking men arrive in trucks. I thought these bad-looking men were going to shoot Rufus - this is NBC, after all - but they have other plans: They board some object looking like a giant, white orb, which vanishes 10 seconds after powering up. The police show up and quickly begin asking Rufus, "Where did they go?" They then shoot Rufus eight times. Just kidding.

Scene 5: A Homeland Security agent, who identifies himself as Agent Congo, shows up to Lucy's house and takes her to some room where a hammy-looking dude is pretending to sleep because he's kind of drunk. The guy actually played Liam in the recent 90210, which I used to watch religiously even though I hated every single character on the show - except for Liam! An older woman then shows up and praises Lucy for being an outstanding professor. An outstanding professor... who... can't... get... tenure... all righty, then.

The older woman shows a video of the bad-looking men stealing the white orb. This is when a bald black man, who apparently is some sort of hot-shot scientist named Mr. Mason, shows up and begins explaining how time can bend enough that it creates a loop. He shows an example of this by rolling up a piece of paper. The Eating Cereal with the Stars demographic is completely dumbfounded right now.

Apparently, the bad men stealing the white orb, which is explained to be a time machine, didn't do their homework because there's another time machine, a silver orb - explained by Mr. Mason to be an "earlier prototype," is available - and he wants a professor without tenure and Liam from 90210 to go back in time and stop the bad men!

OK, let's take a step back here and discuss everything that is wrong with this.

First of all, what qualifies some professor who can't get tenure to lead an expedition back into the 1930s? They never explain why they choose her, outside of saying that "you know history." They're just impressed with her for some unknown reason. Again, she can't even get f***ing tenure, and she only has a job because of her mom!

Second, why only send three people back - they decide Rufus should join for some reason - when a group of armed men have to be stopped? How are a professor who makes corny jokes, some creeper, and an alcoholic supposed to stop time terrorists? Sure, this Liam guy is in the army, but why not send back multiple trained officers? How can this possibly succeed?

Third, Mr. Mason discusses the perils of what the bad men just did. "If they kill someone, who aren't supposed to die, they don't have the kids they're supposed to, and they don't do the things they're supposed to. Things change. Reality changes."

Except, reality didn't change. The time terrorists already went back into 1937, and yet no one notices any differences. That means one of two things: One, the time terrorists didn't succeed in their plans, or two, Lucy, Liam and Rufus are somehow successful in stopping the time terrorists and making sure absolutely nothing was changed. The thing is, the time terrorists and/or Lucy, Rufus and Liam already changed things, meaning the reality they're in right now is the one that has always happened, since they've always gone back to 1937.

This actually makes Mr. Mason brilliant, but also a complete a**hole. He knows by sending these three idiots back into 1937, he's fulfilling his destiny and making sure everything goes according to plan, but he could easily be sending them to their deaths.

The other possibility is that the version of the present that the time terrorists impact is in a parallel universe which was created as a result of their time travel, but if that were the case, Mr. Mason wouldn't have to worry about it because they wouldn't be affecting his universe.

Does any of this make sense? If not, I can discuss how stupid it was that Steve f***ing Urkel beat a proven killer in a cereal-eating contest. I mean, seriously, how the hell does that happen, and where are the time terrorists to make sure something like that never happened!?






Scene 6: Rufus talks to Mr. Mason, who wants to send him back. Rufus makes the greatest point ever: "I'm black. There's no place for me in American history." This is true. And yet, Mr. Mason doesn't care. Like I said, he's an a**hole willing to sacrifice three people to preserve the timeline, which might not even need to be preserved. But because nothing has changed, he could literally send a Dalmatian, an otter and a pig wearing a sweater back in time, and it would work because the course of history hasn't changed. In fact, he could just say "f*** it" and not do anything.

Scene 7: Lucy complains about her garments, which are conveniently there within seconds. "This skirt is from the 40s, and this bra is all wrong." So... why do they have a skirt from the 40s just available in this military compound? Liam, meanwhile, says, "No one's going to see your bra." Gee, I wonder if we're going to hear about Chekhov's bra again at some point...

Scene 8: Lucy, Liam and Rufus enter the silver orb and arrive back in 1937. They board a bus, and once they get off, Rufus sarcastically says, "The back of the bus was amazing." No one acknowledges this. Instead, Lucy looks around and says, "Wow."

Scene 9: After a throw-away scene at a bar where Liam hits on a woman who's about to die in the Hindenburg crash, the three heroes arrive at the Hindenburg site. A policeman questions them, but Lucy is clever and identifies them as Nurse Jackie and Dr. Dre from General Hospital. This gets them out of trouble somehow, even though she could've easily said Nurse Mary and Dr. Tupac from University Hospital. Except that General Hospital actually should've been an actual place. What if this cop were familiar with all the hospitals in the area and called her out on "General Hospital?"

Scene 10: Liam tries to save the woman from the bar - she's a news reporter - except Hindenburg doesn't crash. Dun dunn DUNNNN!!!

Scene 11: Lucy, Liam and Rufus figure out that the time terrorists saved the Hindenburg because they want important government officials to die in a subsequent crash. Again, it ultimately doesn't matter because these officials weren't dead before they traveled back to 1937, so they never perished in the first place.

The three heroes are arrested by the cop, who finally realized that General Hospital wasn't a real thing. The police put Rufus into his own cage and have Lucy and Liam share a cell. Liam's able to whisper to Lucy that they can escape using her bra underwiring - seriously - and Liam's able to use it as a lockpick while Rufus distracts the cops by calling them out on their racism. They're about to beat him up - NBC finally gets the police brutality it coveted - but Liam escapes just in time and beats up the cops with his fists of fury.

Scene 12: It only takes them like five minutes, but they find the bomb in the Hindenburg. It's hidden in the kitchen in plain sight. I'm beginning to think that these time terrorists aren't very intelligent.

Scene 13: Liam attempts to disable the bomb when a time terrorist attacks him with a meat cleaver. I have no idea why he doesn't have a gun. Did he find this meat cleaver in the kitchen and think, Hey, this is better than the weapon I already had; I'll use this instead!?

Anyway, Liam's disables the bomb just in time, but someone shoots a gun. The bullet ricochets throughout the Hindenburg, prompting a severe explosion. It crashes, but everyone gets out just in time. The main time terrorist then confronts Lucy, telling her that he knows her name and what her deal is. He shows her a diary with her handwriting, citing, "You haven't written this yet, but you will."

"You aren't meant to be a teacher," he adds.

Uhh... clearly, dude, you haven't heard her killer jokes in the classroom.

Scene 14: A shootout ensues. The main time traveler is struck, but he manages to run away. The woman from the bar, unfortunately, gets hit by a bullet meant for Liam. She ends up dying anyway.

Scene 15: The three heroes return from their trip. Somehow, no one in 1937 managed to see their silver orb.

Mr. Mason reads that the Hindenburg crashed in 1937, and the only casualties were a blond woman and a man holding a meat cleaver. Clearly, history has changed, but Mr. Mason and his cronies don't notice the difference - only Lucy, Liam and Rufus do.

OK, so it's clear that this show is using the alternate-universe theory, where Lucy, Liam, Rufus and the time terrorists created an alternate timeline by using the white and silver orbs to travel back into the past. I can buy that, but again, why was everyone so concerned about this when their own timeline wouldn't be affected?

Actually, if you want to go down a dark path, by emerging into this new timeline, Lucy, Liam and Rufus all exiled their other selves from the space-time continuum into something called Darkness Beyond Time because their former selves because time bastards, given that two of the same object can't exist in the same universe. It's later pointed out that Lucy isn't wearing her engagement ring, which was shocking to her because the Lucy we met at the beginning wasn't engaged. This obviously means that a different version of Lucy existed in this timeline until the Lucy we know showed up in her silver orb and took her place, erasing the engaged Lucy from existence.

For simplicity's sake, let's look at this chart, where Timeline A is the one where the Hindenburg crashes and lots of people die, and Timeline B is the one where only two people die in the Hindenburg explosion:

Time Period: ********* Past ********* | ******** Episode 1 ******** | ************** Episode 2, Onward **************
Timeline A: Single Lucy exists | Single Lucy goes back in time | Hindenburg still explodes (per Scene 5)
Timeline B: Lucy gets engaged | Engaged Lucy unaware of events | Single Lucy appears, erases engaged Lucy

As you can see, Lucy, Liam and Rufus just committed triple homicide - killing (or rather, exiling from existence) their Timeline B selves! Pretty dark stuff, huh?

All of this is theory, but I'm using the rules this stupid show has provided for us. And I don't mind illogic, but again, how can the government justify sending a professor who can't hold tenure, a drunk, and a creepy dude back in time and hoping that they preserve alternate timelines? Ugh!!!

Scene 16: Lucy theorizes that Flynn, the main time terrorist, is trying to "kill America in the crib." I think this show is trying to kill my sanity in the crib. Yeah, I don't know what that means. My brain has turned into mush from watching this again.

Scene 17: The chick Rufus was staring creepily at approaches him and asks him what it was like. He coolly says, "I'll tell you over dinner."

This is a PSA for all you lonely guys out there: If you want to impress a girl you creepily stare at, get a job at a company where a dude is inventing orbs that go back in time, and somehow finagle your way into being a passenger in one of these time orbs despite being completely unqualified. Go back in time, risk getting beaten up by cops, and return unharmed, and you'll get her to do naughty things with your wang in no time!

Scene 18: Lucy returns home and once again calls out for Amy. To her surprise, her mother is cutting vegetables in the kitchen, looking completely healthy. Her mom then asks, "Who's Amy?"

Dun, dunn DUNNN!!!

OK, this show has been insanely stupid for the first 58 minutes, but it caught my attention at the end. How did the Hindenburg erase Amy from this timeline? Has cancer been completely cured by a descendant of someone who survived the Hindenburg? And with Lucy's mom healthy, can she finally secure tenure at the university so that she can make more students laugh at corny jokes?

I'll find out in next week's episode. That's right! I'm going to watch it. It'll probably be horrible, but I now have to find out the answers to these mysteries. In fact, I'm so interested that I no longer care whom O.J. Simpson will out-eat in the finals.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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