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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009




Jerks of the Week for Sept. 21, 2009

JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers

Credit forum member Wraith for pointing this out to me. I make it an effort to avoid watching political news for a number of reasons (one of which being the fact that there is no unbiased media outlet), so I was unaware of Carter's remarks.

If you're just as ignorant as I am - and good for you if you are - Carter accused some fellow named Joe Wilson of being racist against Barack Obama because Wilson yelled "You lie!" during an Obama speech regarding illegal aliens (from this planet) and how the new health system will affect them.

If accusing this Joe Wilson person of being racist wasn't enough, Carter said that Wilson's outburst was part of a trend directed at Obama that has demonstrators equating Obama to Nazi leaders.

Carter isn't the first person to declare Obama detractors of being racist. There have been others, like Janeane Garofalo, but no one took her seriously because she's an idiot who tried her hardest to ruin Season 7 of 24.

Whether you like Obama and his policies or not, you have to admit that these a**holes who accuse people of being racist for opposing him have to be silenced.

Of course there are racists out there (and some of those racists support Obama as well), but 99 percent the people who oppose Obama don't hate his policies because he's black; they hate his policies because they think that they are short-sighted, naive and myopic. Conversely, the people who like Obama's policies aren't in favor of them because he's black; they like them because they think the policies can fix our economy.

I would actually prefer to be racist than to be one of these racism-accusing douche bags. These people (oh no, I said "these people" - I must be racist) obviously don't listen to logic. They hear someone trashing Obama's policies and automatically assume that person is racist. They're so closed-minded that they don't even listen to what that person is saying or even think for a minute that they themselves could be wrong. Instead, they play the racist card and embarrass themselves. By the way, why did no one accuse the Bush bashers of being racist? Because he's white? Pssh, like that's a legitimate reason.

I think as an American society we're way too uptight about racism. If someone makes the slightest stereotype, they are accused of being racist and are shunned by everyone. For example, a few years ago, Junior Seau told the media that he planned on slowing down superstar Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson by giving him fried chicken and watermelon. I thought that was hilarious. The media, meanwhile, bashed Seau for citing racist remarks.

America would be a better place if we took that stuff more lightly. I don't see anything wrong with being accused of liking fried chicken and watermelon. In fact, I love fried chicken and watermelon. If I could eat fried chicken and watermelon three times a day for the rest of my life, I'd die a happy man (at the age of 35 most likely). If someone came up to me and said, "Your white skin tells me that you like fried chicken and watermelon," I would reply, "Why thank you! I do indeed love fried chicken and watermelon."

And if someone came up to me and said, "Your white skin tells me that you are unathletic and lack rhythm?" I'd respond, "Yeah, that's pretty accurate."

Adam Carolla said it best on his podcast: "People wouldn't say stereotypes if they weren't true. You don't hear people going around and saying, ‘Black people suck at basketball' or ‘Asians suck at math.' They are stereotypes for a reason."

If we as a society became less anal about these silly things and saw everything as a joke, there would be less racism and hatred going around. Unfortunately, douche bags like Carter and Garofalo deny us this because they want nothing more than for people to feel bad about themselves.

Instead of putting together a logical argument or trying to convince Obama opposers why the president's policies will work, these morons take the easy way out and just accuse everyone of being racist.

As I said before, I'd rather be racist than that closed-minded any day.






JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Dumb Parents

Speaking of being anal, NBC is reporting that droves of parents are complaining to the NFL about "racy" ads that are appearing Sunday afternoons. These parents are furious that Cialis, Viagra and beer ads are corrupting their children.

Because I obviously know all of the answers, I'd like to chime in on this.

These parents are uptight a**holes, and if I ever become like them when I have kids, I'm going to drown myself in a pool or electrocute myself with jumper cables. Like the racism accusers, these dumb parents need to be silenced.

If you don't want your kids to find out about beer or sex, you're living in a fantasy world. It's not like some 12-year-old isn't going to know about sex, drugs and alcohol anyway; someone in their school yard or classroom will tell them about it. Are you going to pull your kids out of school too? Why don't you actually do your job as a parent and actually teach them about this stuff?

I'll never forget the first time I was introduced to porn. I was 11 and went to my friend Mike's birthday party. It was a sleepover (Eric Mangini was not invited), so after Mike's parents went to bed, he put on the porn channel for all of us. The porno we watched was Star Trek: The Making of the Next Generation. Now that I just reminded myself of it, I'll have to add that one to my extensive library.

The point is that kids are always going to try stuff that's taboo. We all heard that "sex is bad," but we wanted to see what it was all about. That's why cool teenagers drink beer in the woods or by the railroad tracks. That's why a lot of them start smoking cigarettes and/or weed. The same parents who want to banish the Cialis and Bud Light ads from our television sets are the same ones who didn't sit down and talk to their kids about why this stuff is bad. And when the kids find out about it from other sources, they're almost always worse off.

So, what's my solution? First, I'd tell these idiot parents to f*** off. Second, I'd have commercials advertising everything, from beer, to cigarettes, to weed, to porn. I'd also have naked women doing the advertising for my enjoyment. And finally, I'd send all racism accusers and uptight parents to prison.

I actually don't know what any of this would solve. I would just get a kick out of doing it.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Me (Misguided Discriminator)

If you've been reading my Jerks of the Week, you're aware that I tend to discriminate against fat people. My defense has always been that I'm actually doing a good thing - fat people will read my harsh remarks and then go on a diet to make themselves feel better.

If one person has gone on a diet because of my rants, then I've done my job. They've improved their lifestyle and will live longer. In a sense, I'm pretty much a hero. But I've never asked for any sort of recognition; I'm simply out to do good. Walt's my name and philanthropy's my game.

However, Matt McGuire sent me an e-mail concerning my hatred toward fat people. It really changed my mind about my stance. Take a look:

Did you consider that the Subway guy was ordering food for other people at home? Maybe he had a family?

I think you should nominate yourself for Jerk of the Week: You own stock in people being fat (McDonald's) and then you hate fat people. That's the definition of hypocrisy. Being hypocritical is worse than being fat.

Naw. Fat people would trade their fat for hypocrisy any day. But still, stop being a hater when you have stock in McDonald's.

Also, if you think about it, you are trying to make people healthier by criticizing fat people. I hope the readers of your site stop going to fast food restaurants and you single-handedly drive down your own stock price and lose bazillions (or $2,218.79) of dollars.

"McDonald's and Yum Foods stock has dropped down over 97% in the last two fiscal years. This can all be traced to the Web site WALTERFOOTBALL.COM where stockholder Walter Cherepinsky made fun of fat people so much that the fat football fans that visited his site, including Cincinnati backup offensive guard Andre Smith, stopped buying fast food and getting fat.

"Mr. Cherepinsky, do you have any comment in regards to single-handedly killing the fast food industry and your own financial wealth?"

"Debacled. That is all."

"But Mr. Cherepinsky! Blah blah blah asking reporter questions"

"No further comment."

I applaud you for making fun of fat people to try to help obesity in America. I think you are a moron by making fun of fat people on your Web site and at the same time own stock in cheeseburgers and fries. What gives?

What gives? Debacled, that is all.

My excellent philanthropy work has come back to haunt me. I've been helping fat people for almost 10 years, and all I've been doing is bankrupting myself.

That'll show me to care about fat people. From now on, no more! I will love all fat people so that they feel good about themselves and go to McDonald's. I will raise McDonald's stock price to a billion dollars a share, so my 2.5 shares will be worth 2.5 billion dollars! Muhahahaa!

(All of this is assuming I can resist making fun of fat people. I give myself three days before I make another fat joke.)





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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
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Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
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Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Oct. 20


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 15


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents





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