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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013




Jerks of the Week for Feb. 11, 2013


Jerks of the Week: Jerks of Bowling Night

I hate bowling. I really hate bowling. I think it's the worst night activity to do, save for dancing. If my friends posted a Facebook event about going to the dentist on a Friday night, I'd be happier about that than a night of bowling.

There are tons of reasons I hate bowling, so there's no way I can list them all. Here are some of the primary ones:

1. Bowling shoes are the worst. I feel like I'm a clown wearing them because they look so big and weird. And they never fit right.

I went bowling with my friends the Friday night before the Super Bowl, and when we had to ask for bowling shoes, I paused. I did not know what size to request because I hadn't bought any sort of shoes in at least a decade. Actually, I don't know if I've ever bought a single shoe. I've had my mom and my sister do that for me my entire life, so I never bothered to learn what size my feet are.

I bent over to check my shoes. I figured their size would be listed there, but I couldn't find any sort of number or letter. It was very frustrating. Luckily, two of my friends, Jamie and Marlana noticed this. Once I told them I didn't know my shoe size, they each guessed 9 and 10. I went with 9.5, which ended up being a bit too big.

Still though, I don't understand why this is necessary. Why can't people just wear their normal sneakers while bowling? If anything, sneakers would seem like they're more effective because bowling shoes don't have any traction. It's easier to slip and fall with bowling shoes on, so sneakers should definitely be allowed. I feel so strongly about this that I want to open up my own bowling alley where people can wear sneakers while bowling. I think this would blow everyone's mind, so I'm determined to do this.

2. I'm the worst bowler of all time, and I am not kidding. I bowled a 62 in my second game during the aforementioned outing with my friends. I had the lowest score out of 10 people - and this includes a female friend of mine named Glimmer, who was writhing in pain every time she let go of her bowling ball because of arthritis. She managed a 63.

My friend Body Burner approached me at the game, shaking his head in disappointment.

Body Burner: You do realize that Glimmer just beat you in bowling, right?

Me: I can't... I can't make the ball go straight.

It's true. More than half of my attempts went into the gutter. Here's how my first eight shots went:

Gutter ball
Gutter ball
Three pins
Gutter ball
Gutter ball
Six pins
Five pins
Gutter ball

It was ridiculous. My shots would initially always curve to the left, so I stood on the rightmost side of the lane, but then they went into the right gutter. I moved to the left, and then they went into the left gutter. I then went back to the center, and the balls suddenly started veering into the right gutter.

I was so frustrated that I grabbed the lightest ball and rolled it slowly, solely focusing on having the ball go straight. Did that work? Nope! The ball still went into the gutter half the time. I then overcompensated, seizing the heaviest ball and heaving it recklessly. I somehow tossed a strike doing this, but then followed that up with three consecutive gutter balls. FML.

3. People who run bowling alleys are a**holes. I'm not even talking about the silly shoe policy or the fact that most lanes don't have bumpers set up, which I desperately need. Bowling alley managers just happen to be dicks in general.

We walked into the local bowling alley after having dinner at Applebees, which I'll discuss in a second. A fat man with a mini-afro and a blue button-down shirt told us that it was $20 for three hours, which seemed like a fair deal. However, he wouldn't let my friend Dani into the building because she was carrying a box of doughnuts.

I hate pretentious places that have that policy. It's not like this place sold doughnuts or anything, so why not let her bring them inside? The bowling alley wasn't going to be losing any money on this. It's not like she was going to buy some other food, given that she already spent that allotment of money on doughnuts. Perhaps this fat guy was just upset that Dani didn't offer him any of her doughnuts. Had she done that, I guarantee he would have let her in. As I know very well, all fat people can be bought off with doughnuts. If I had some government secrets, I would happily relinquish them for a baker's dozen.

Dani still managed to sneak the doughnuts into the bowling alley. She offered one to me, but I declined. You might be shocked by this, given that I'm an enormous human being, but there's a reasonable explanation. To tell you about it, I have to go back to the beginning of the night when Body Burner and Jamie told me to meet them at Applebee's for dinner.

1. Applebee's Menu

I usually order one of only three things at restaurants - a cheeseburger, a chicken parm sandwich or chicken parm with spaghetti. I feel like those are the only three things that should be on the menu. They're all awesome, and none of them have weird things like mushrooms or special sauces, or anything of that nature.

Some people might frown upon this and criticize me for not trying new things, but trying new things is stupid. People who try new things are often disappointed by them, and that often ruins their dinner. If, however, they had just stayed in their comfort zone and ordered something familiar, they almost surely wouldn't be dissatisfied.

I was perusing the menu, searching for the cheeseburger section, when Body Burner grabbed my menu and flipped it to the first page.

"Half-price appetizers tonight," he grumbled. OK then.

Appetizers are small by nature, so I ordered two of them. I went with the boneless wings*** and potato twisters, which were defined as, "A mountain of spiral-cut russet potatoes served with our spicy Queso Blanco and freshly-made pico de gallo." Unfortunately, I have no reading comprehension - as I discovered when I scored a 470 on the English section of my SAT - so all that entered my head was "potato skins with cheese and bacon on top."

*** Side note: Am I the only one who thinks wings are overrated? They taste good, but they're too messy. It's annoying. You constantly have to wipe your hands, yet they get sticky anyway. Boneless wings are awesome because you don't have to worry about that.

The waitress brought our food out after what seemed like an hour. The boneless wings seemed like they were tasty, but the potato twisters looked like this:



"Where were my f***ing potato skins!" I wanted to yell. But that would have been rude. Still though, what happened to the potato skins? Where was the cheese? What about the bacon? I didn't want potato chips and... what is that? White sauce? Was that Ranch dressing? Onion dip? Milk? See, this is what I get for trying something new!

I wasn't about to send this back without trying it first. I cringed as I dipped one of the potato chips into the white substance. It was... it was AWESOME.

I ate one of the chips with the dip. And another. And another. Then I stuffed a boneless wing into my mouth. Then more chips, more dip, more wings, more chips, more dip, more chips, more dip, more wings, NOM NOM NOM NOM.

Unfortunately, both of these appetizers were massive. I didn't expect them to essentially serve as a full meal. But because I'm like a fish and won't stop eating as long as there's food in front of me, I stuffed everything into my mouth. I could barely move by the time I finished everything. Perhaps this is why a girl with severe arthritis defeated me in bowling about an hour later.




2. Power Outage

No, not the Super Bowl power outage. Just as we finished our second game of bowling - the one where I infamously scored a grand total of 62 points - the power went out. I thanked the gods for ending my misery; otherwise I was stuck bowling for another two hours.

We sat and talked for a while, waiting for the power to come back on. As I was discussing my idea for a Dawson's Creek mafia game with someone (not that there's anything wrong with that), I saw Body Burner kiss our friend Pat on the lips. Yes. Two dudes kissed.

Now, before anyone alerts Chris Culliver, I quickly learned that some people jokingly decided to play spin the bottle while sitting in the dark. Unfortunately for Body Burner, his spin landed on Pat. And thus, the short-lived game of spin the bottle came to a swift conclusion.

People ventured over to the bar. I arrived just in time to hear a guy with glasses recount last night's events to a bartender named Jack...

Guy with Glasses: You should have been here last night, Jack!

Jack: Why, what happened?

Guy with Glasses: There were all these UPenn guys and they were, they were being so stupid!

Jack: Oh yeah?

Guy with Glasses: They were being so stupid and I was like aren't you Ivy League, and they were like bleeeeerrrrrr.

Jack didn't respond to this, but someone near the bar shouted, "Cool story, bro!" This random guy standing near me muttered, "Wow, what drugs is that guy on?" This, however, did not deter Guy with Glasses from continuing to tell his cool story to us.

Guy with Glasses: And then we played, we played laser tag and one of the UPenn guys was there and we were like you're Ivy League but we'll beat you at laser tag and he said, he said "bleeeeerrrr" and I was like we're, "We're going to beat you bad!" And then, and then...

Unfortunately, Guy with Glasses' cool story was interrupted by someone who asked Jack what the problem was. Jack said that the power went out "that way," pointing in the direction toward my house, because of construction. I was instantly pissed because there's a company called Aqua that has been drilling near my house since October. I mentioned it when I went to dinner on my sister's birthday on Oct. 2. Well, they're still doing stuff and causing major problems. I think I'm going to mercilessly troll one of the Aqua higher-ups in an ensuing Jerks of the Week entry if they don't wrap up soon.

Upon hearing this, people decided that it was time to quit waiting and go home. I was not a fan of this, given that the power was probably out at my house. Fortunately, my friends still wanted to wait for the bowling alley manager - the aforementioned fat guy - to come around and give us refunds...




3. Bowling Alley Manager

The fat guy eventually came our way. He asked us who was in charge of our group, and someone pointed to Jamie.

As he wobbled toward Jamie, I suddenly questioned whether this person was a guy or not. He had some female features, but there were also some masculine aspects to him - including his voice. He sounded EXACTLY like Varys from Game of Thrones.

It was suddenly clear to me how this fat person seized control of this bowling alley. Being a master of whispers, he/she/it learned secrets about all of his/her/its superiors. He/she/it then discreetly passed these secrets to others, and they eventually came to light. His superiors had to step down; the big fish ate the little fish, and this fat person eventually became master of this dominion.

Only one question remained: Was this individual a man or a woman? I asked others what they thought...

Me: Hey, is that a male or a female?

Dani: That's what I was going to ask but I felt bad!

Me: Pat, what do you think?

Pat: I have absolutely no idea.

Me: Glimmer, you're usually the best with identifying genders. Man or woman?

Glimmer: It's definitely a woman.

Me: Are you sure it's not a eunuch? It sounds like Varys from Game of Thrones.

Glimmer: Trust me. I've been to enough gay bars to know. My gaydar is better than anyone's.

Me: But we're not talking about gaydar, we're talking about gen-dar.

Bowling Alley Manager finally reached Jamie. Huffing and puffing, he/she/it asked for Jamie's information.

Bowling Alley Manager: What's your name, young lady?

Jamie: Jamie.

Bowling Alley Manager: OK Amy, I'm going to reimburse you for this evening. I really apologize for this. This almost never happens.

Bowling Alley Manager handed some stuff to Jamie. He/she/it started wobbling away when he/she/it noticed Dani's box of doughnuts sitting on the bar counter.

"We don't allow outside food here," he/she/it bellowed, staring daggers at Dani.

Everyone approached Jamie, expecting to receive a future discount. However, Jamie had just one slip of paper. Bowling Alley Manager apparently gave Jamie a voucher that said that if all 10 of us were to come back to this particular bowling alley, we'd each receive $5 off.

Can you believe that? Here I was thinking she'd give us a half-off discount at the very least, yet we couldn't receive any sort of markdown unless we just happened to have a group of 10 with us. Because gathering 10 people together and going bowling is so easy.

Most people were about to give up. Nearly everyone walked out. However, I, along with a couple of other people, approached Bowling Alley Manager and demanded a better reimbursement. Bowling Alley Manager, looking particularly annoyed, told us that she'd give us some free passes.

The power suddenly came back on. Someone joked about bowling again AND receiving the free passes, but Bowling Alley Manager stared at this person menacingly. There were no jokes after that.

The free passes eventually found their way into Bowling Alley Manager's hands. He/she/it begrudgingly gave them to us. "These are good for five free games," he/she/it said. "That's $25 worth of bowling games - $5 more than each of you paid to participate in the fun available at this establishment."

Fun? Fun!? I was thrilled my torturous bowling outing was coming to an end. I happily grabbed the free passes out of the Bowling Alley Manager's hands, but only out of principle - I had no intention of coming back anytime soon.

But then again, if this bowling alley allowed us to wear sneakers and installed bumpers on every lane, that could change my mind. Your move, Bowling Alley Manager.

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Lucka 01-02-2014 07:39 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.210 (total posts: 1)
1     1

You've hit the ball out the park! Inbledicre!
OMG 02-28-2013 06:05 pm xxx.xxx.xxx5.20 (total posts: 1)
11     4

Is this some lame/dumb super troopers game where you have to put the word eunich in EVERY column you write??

And you would destroy your knee if you constantly bowled in regular shoes. They are designed to glide.
iBergamot 02-17-2013 09:14 am xxx.xxx.xxx9.77 (total posts: 1)
5     4

Fantastic piece!
That "Guy with Glasses" would fit just right in any Bowling Alley, you know.
I heard an expression:"Life is like a bowling alley..." and bla-bla-bla. It terrified me, maybe because the first (and only one)I've seen was a dark smelly place with toothless alcoholics to my right and adolescent misfits to my left. Diluted drink didn't help either, and I never went back
Brook 02-15-2013 06:28 pm xxx.xxx.xxx89.3 (total posts: 3)
3     4

Nevermind, I am wrong.

Gutter ball (1st Frame)
Gutter ball (1st)
Three pins (2nd)
Gutter ball (2nd)
Gutter ball (3rd)
Six pins (3rd)
Five Pins (4th)
Gutter Ball (4th)
Brook 02-15-2013 06:22 pm xxx.xxx.xxx89.3 (total posts: 3)
2     5

Gutter ball (1st Frame)
Gutter ball (2nd)
Three pins (3rd)
Gutter ball (4th)
Gutter ball (5th)
Six pins (6th)

That would leave 4 pins if my math is correct...How could your next "shot" garner 5 pins?

Luke B 02-15-2013 06:10 pm xxx.xxx.xxx89.3 (total posts: 3)
9     5

Walt you would blow out your knee if you tried to bowl in sneakers...and that would result in a lawsuit.
Follow @ Damon Duece 02-13-2013 05:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.133 (total posts: 1)
4     4

As I was discussing my idea for a Dawson's Creek mafia game with someone (not that there's anything wrong with that),
Ha! What the hell!? Hilarious
Jimbo 02-13-2013 05:17 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.227 (total posts: 1)
5     5

It's true. Bowling sucks balls. Next time eat at Applebee's, order another plate of Potato Twisters, and head straight for home.
Homer Simpson 02-13-2013 01:49 am xxx.xxx.xxx.232 (total posts: 1)
15     8

Be more funny
Quincy the Sheep 02-12-2013 12:07 am xxx.xxx.xxx.179 (total posts: 1)
21     8

I used to enjoy your JOTW, but recently they've just sucked balls. Seriously dude, it's painful to read about how incompetent you are at virtually everything. This one was the last straw. FFS, bowling shoes are supposed to be slippery; the idea is to slide upon release. And please, learn how to use an oven.
Bowling Alley Manager 02-11-2013 03:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx7.99 (total posts: 1)
41     5

Shut up, I'm a hermaphrodite.
Dan 02-11-2013 02:58 pm xxx.xxx.xxx5.34 (total posts: 1)
27     5

Cool Stories Bro



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Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




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2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NFL Mock Draft - July 23


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


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NFL Picks - Feb. 2




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