It's now September, meaning I had just four more months left to find the Jerk of the Year. Fortunately, the Jerk of the Year for 2016 fell into my lap when Colin Kaepernick refused to stand up during the national anthem and then whined afterward about being oppressed. I don't think I could've found an easier Jerk of the Year winner unless some a**hole wearing a t-shirt that said "Jerk of the Year" broke into my house, stormed into my office and took a dump on my laptop right in front of me.
Before getting to Kaepernick, whom I've permanently dubbed Communist Kaepernick on this Web site, let's discuss three other Jerk of the Year candidates...
3. Fantasy Football Commissioner:
I've referenced this story in one of my mock draft videos with Kenny - you can check out the WalterFootball YouTube page here - but I didn't discuss the entire story. I was kicked out of one of my fantasy leagues!
This league was an auction keeper format. For those of you unfamiliar with those terms, teams in this league were allowed to keep players on their team from year to year with salary restrictions. The previous owner of this particular team left the roster in shambles. I took over three years ago, and with the help of my friend Body Burner - he attended the auctions because preseason football prevented me from going - we rebuilt it pretty well. Our team was the worst in the league when I took over. Last year, we nearly made the playoffs. Going into this season, our team was looking very strong, as we were keeping numerous talented players (Russell Wilson, Mike Evans, T.Y. Hilton, others at low prices) and still had tons of money left over to spend at the auction. Body Burner and I actually looked over all the rosters, and we truly believed we were the best-positioned team in the league!
That particular auction was to take place Saturday, Aug. 27. The Monday before, the commissioner, some guy named Joe, e-mailed us and told us that he dropped our entire roster. In other words, all the hard work we had put in over the past three years was gone!
Body Burner e-mailed the commissioner back and asked what happened. Here was their exchange (I'm paraphrasing the conversation):
Body Burner: Why did you drop our entire team? We wanted to keep seven guys!
Commissioner Joe: Because you didn't e-mail me and tell me who you wanted to keep by the deadline.
Body Burner: What deadline? I never heard about a deadline.
Commissioner Joe: I set a deadline, which was Saturday, Aug. 20. You never sent me an e-mail, so your entire roster is gone. You can buy those players at our auction on Saturday.
Body Burner: I was on vacation and didn't check my e-mails. The auction hasn't happened yet, so can I keep the players I want to now?
Commissioner Joe: No! I set that deadline, and you refused to obey the rules. I can't bend the rules for you because then I'll have to bend the rules for others!
OK, Mao. Way to set an arbitrary deadline with absolutely no relevance. Like, seriously, why screw over members of your league like that? Sure, we missed this so-called deadline, but it's not like this was a legal document or anything. He's a commissioner of a fantasy league comprised of idiot owners who send horrible trade offers and spend $40 on bums like Chris Johnson two years ago.
Body Burner: What are we supposed to do? Start over from scratch?
Commissioner Joe: Yes. You missed the deadline.
Body Burner: That's ridiculous.
Commissioner Joe: Well, if that's ridiculous, you and your partner can leave!
And so, we left. I don't know how this moron found someone to take over a team with absolutely no one on it in just five days.
At first, Body Burner and I were fuming about it. Then, Body Burner said something that made me feel better.
"You know, I'm kind of glad we're not doing this league anymore, since that means we won't be getting dumb trade offers every morning."
Great point! Anyone who has followed my picks pages and seen those trade offers knows how completely asinine they were.
2. Microaggression Video:
These a**holes were going to be my Jerks of the Year...
But Kaepernick trumps them, sadly. Fear not, however, for I will be doing a Jerks of the Week entry on these douches soon enough!
I am a Jerk of the Year candidate. Why? Well, why wouldn't I be? I was once told the following by a devout Jerks of the Week reader:
Reader: Walt, you do know that you're the real jerk in Jerks of the Week, right?
Me: Uhh... duh!
The problem with naming me Jerk of the Year is that I'd be better suited for the Jerk of the Decade; nay, Jerk of the Century!
But I bring myself up here in this particular instance because I recently posted a Jerks of the Week entry about how I was spanked by a hot nurse in Las Vegas because I didn't finish my food at a restaurant called Heart Attack Grill. A reader on Facebook asked me if I had any videos or pictures of this, and I said that I unfortunately did not.
I lamented this to my fiancee, who looked at me like I was some kind of idiot.
"Walt, I videotaped the whole thing!" she exclaimed.
I asked her to send it over to me so I could upload it on YouTube, so here it is:
It still feels like my a** is bleeding!
OK, enough's enough. Let's discuss the 2016 WalterFootball.com Jerk of the Year, Communist Kaepernick.
In case you've been living under a rock or Rosie O'Donnell's shadow and somehow haven't heard the news, Kaepernick, a backup quarterback on the 49ers, who once played in the Super Bowl, refused to stand up for the national anthem during a preseason game. When asked why afterward, Kaepernick said that he refused to acknowledge a flag that oppresses blacks and others of color. Kaepernick then referred to blacks "dying in the streets" at the hands of police officers, and such.
It's crazy how polarizing this topic is. It feels like half of this nation is against Communist Kaepernick, while the other half has dubbed him some sort of Muhammad Ali-type hero.
If you haven't guessed, I belong in the former faction. The latter faction is comprised of idiots.
If Communist Kaepernick had any sort of intelligence level - and he does not, if his inability to diagnose defenses, prompting his regression, is any indication - someone logical could explain the hypocrisy behind his actions to him, and he would understand how wrong he is. Alas, that is not the case.
Many who defend Kaepernick argue that as an American, he has the right to sit during the national anthem. And that's totally true. He has the freedom to do so, and I would never argue otherwise. However, everyone else also has the right to condemn him for it and to point out how stupid he is.
You see, while Communist Kaepernick has the right to sit during the national anthem and turn his back on the American flag, it's the American flag that represents his right to do so. If Kaepernick lived in a nation where he was actually oppressed, he would be imprisoned, or perhaps even executed for what he just did. My grandfather, who lived in Soviet Russia under Joseph Stalin's regime, once told me a story about his neighbor, whom he was friends with. He said his neighbor constantly spoke out against Stalin. My grandfather told him not to do so, but he wouldn't listen. One day, his friend and neighbor vanished. Gone, without a trace, and he never returned. He loved his wife and kids, so he wouldn't just abandon them. The government took him and either killed him or sent him to work in Siberia.
That is oppression. Real oppression. Communist Kaepernick, on the other hand, is not oppressed. In fact, no one in America is oppressed. Not one single person. And if someone wants to argue otherwise, then they are clueless, self-entitled morons who want to blame someone else for their own incompetence and don't understand the true meaning of oppression. Because in 2016, you can't be arrested or shipped off to some coal mine in the middle of nowhere and be forced to live out your entire life that way for speaking or acting out. If Communist Kaepernick were truly oppressed, he'd be in a mine somewhere in Wyoming right now.
And yes, there are blacks dying in the streets. Most of that, however, is black-on-black violence, which is way more prevalent than police-on-black violence. Hell, the percentage of blacks shot by cops this year has been the same as whites shot by cops. That is a fact. So, why is no white activist whining about whites being oppressed since we're "dying in the streets" as well? Why did no one make a big stink about the 18-year-old white kid who was shot and killed by cops in Fresno a couple of months ago? That was on tape, so why does no one know his name? If you're in the pro-Kaepernick derp-dee-doo camp, please tell me his name right now. Oh, you can't, yet you know names like Freddie Gray and Michael Brown? Why is that? It's Dylan Noble. Google it and actually educate yourself, you self-hating racists.
Anyway, if Communist Kaepernick, who earns $19 million per year, feels oppressed, why doesn't he just leave? He has the funds to do so. He can go to a country where he feels like he won't be oppressed as much. Then again, he is stupid, so he'll probably move to a place where he'll be arrested for stating his beliefs.
Hearing people defend Communist Kaepernick is what sparked my decision to write this entry. When Kaepernick sat during the national anthem, I just dismissed him as a clueless, self-entitled buffoon who bought in too much to the media and the Blackkk Lives Matter (funded by billionaire white racist George Soros) BS propaganda.
Most of the people who have defended Communist Kaepernick are just as dumb - if not dumber - as I discovered when I began trolling Kaepernick's Facebook page as Mario Migelini...
Unfortunately, no one responded, as no one in that thread was interacting with each other. They were just posting random comments, expressing their thoughts, one way or another. Half of the thoughts were smart and well thought-out. The others? Well...
In case you've been living under a rock or Rosie O'Donnell's shadow, the North and South fought in the Civil War because the South wanted to leave the Union. This idiot is implying that southerners still have racist beliefs, which may or may not be true, but what this really is about is patriotism and respecting what the flag really stands for. The flag allows Communist Kaepernick to sit during the national anthem, so isn't it ironic - at least in this moron's mindset - that the supposed southern side to this argument is pro-America, when they wanted to leave America in the first place?
See what I mean about dumb posts? Sure, I mean, anyone who has voiced a complaint about Communist Kaepernick must not have a job whatsoever, since it takes so much time and effort to do so!
By the way, I think this commenter is implying that most white people are on crack. Since Communist Kaepernick complained about blacks being oppressed, the "racists" this idiot is referring to are white, so we can infer that he means to say anyone opposing his viewpoint are drug addicts. Talk about being racist!
I've never heard of the KKK marching through black neighborhoods in the recent past, but more importantly, I find it amazing that the KKK can infiltrate the police with the sole purpose of shooting blacks. More remarkably, many of the police officers who have shot blacks are black themselves, so per this idiot's logic, there are now black KKK members working for police departments all across the country. Maybe Communist Kaepernick is right after all!
But he did have it easy. He was raised by a wealthy family and got a free ride at the University of Nevada because of his ability to play football. Now, he makes $19 million per year to hold a clipboard. It doesn't get any easier than that. In fact, I'd say Kaepernick has led one of the top 10 easiest lives in the history of the universe. Just look at this guy:
Oh wow, look, he's so oppressed, guys, let's all give him a big hug so he's not oppressed anymore.
Communist Kaepernick has never been oppressed. Not a single day in his privileged life. He has no idea what the meaning of oppression is. No one in America does, in fact, as oppression no longer exists in America. And if you disagree, I urge you to go to a Middle Eastern country, or perhaps North Korea, and express your viewpoints there. Please, go ahead. And report back to me once you've done so. I'd like to know if you're still alive or out of prison, and then - and only then - you can explain the true meaning of oppression.
There's no oppression in America, but if there is, the people who know how hypocritical Kaepernick is are being oppressed by having to listen to morons arguing the other side of this "debate."
If you're one of those people, who somehow doesn't understand why Kaepernick is wrong, don't bother commenting. Because I'm done listening to your crap. I've had enough already.
For those of you who agree, thanks for reading and being smart.
For the tl;dr crowd, Kaepernick has the right to sit down, but we have the right to point out how much of a hypocrite he is, given that he wouldn't have the right to express his beliefs if it weren't for the American flag and what it represents.
For the I don't care crowd, if you somehow made it this far, you can check out me being spanked by the hot nurse again:
No human in America knows what oppression is, but my a**hole sure as hell does!