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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010




Jerks of the Week for Aug. 23, 2010


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: The Poop Master

If you're my Facebook friend, you know of my basement bathroom troubles. If not, prepare for a disgusting story. Oh, and if you're eating, you may want to skip ahead to Jerk of the Week No. 2.

I had a housewarming party three weeks ago. I had beer pong set up in my basement, and some people who stayed over ended up sleeping down there. Those people must have used the bathroom because on the following weekend when I had a few people over for my birthday, one guy pointed out that the toilet was clogged.

I went to investigate. The toilet looked clear to me, only the water was a lot higher than usual. I didn't understand why it was clogged; there wasn't anything else in there besides the water.

I grabbed a plunger and thrust it into the toilet. I plunged with all my might, but the water just wouldn't go down. After a few minutes, I gave up and decided to just call the plumber on Monday.

The following day, my parents and my uncle were over. My uncle was checking out my house for the first time, so when he walked into the basement bathroom, he immediately came out holding his nose and said, "Looks like someone from your party threw up in the shower."

That didn't make any sense. No one I had over the night before got very drunk because we went out to the bar after an hour or two. No one who came back to the house was drunk at all; let alone went into the basement.

My dad walked into the bathroom and yelled, "There's s*** all over the toilet too!" He grabbed the same plunger I used the night before. As he plunged, the crap went down into the toilet and up into the shower. The stuff on the shower floor wasn't vomit; it was poop!

I just want to say, congratulations to the person who was able to clog my toilet so skillfully. I say this is more impressive than Randy Marsh's crap. Sure, Randy's poop was bigger than Bono, but Randy certainly didn't make s*** come up through his shower.

I posted this on Facebook, and people had fun at my expense. For example:

Brandi: S*** happens!

Awesome Kelly in Arizona: Brandi and I will come over, so we can get s*** faced!

Brandi: Walter, you're in deep s***!

John: Look on the bright side, at least Big Ben didn't rape anyone in your bathroom.

Brandi: What a s***ty friend. I hope whoever did this is reading this and feels like a real turd.

Kelly: No s***, mang

Josh: It's kinda funny cause I took a s*** in your upstairs shower, but someone beat me to the basement toilet. I was hoping to s*** anywhere in your house that I could find a drain.

Brandi: This situation sounds like s***ty workmanship.

Josh: Hey Walt... S*** happens.

Kelly: Gives Joshua an F in originality

Josh: My comments are original as s***!

Kelly: Agree to disagree. when in rome.

Josh: Hmmm... Quoting Happy Gilmore and Anchorman and criticizing me on originality?! This s*** won't stand! I killed a man with a trident!

Brandi: Where did you get your quotes Joshua? The toilet store? Badda boom badda bing...there's a couple puns in that one. Holy s*** I'm on fire today!!!

Alex: Hahahaha walt , time to move again... I always knew that your part of America was the sh*thole of the U.S.

Brandi: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast. How does it feel to be number 2 Joshua? Bwahahahhahahahah number 2.

See what I mean? I called the plumber on Monday, and he came by later in the week. It turns out that in addition to the massive s*** someone took in my basement, there was a crack in the pipe underneath my driveway, so they had to dig that up and fix it. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to take a shower at all or flush the toilet more than three times a day until they finished their job.

Luckily, everything is fixed now and I can finally take showers again. If Brandi is reading this, I bet she's thinking, "Walt doesn't smell like s*** anymore!"




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Borat Hater

Sticking with the s*** theme of Jerks of the Week, I couldn't swim Wednesday night because some kid pooped in my gym pool.

I'm not sure how it all went down because they closed the pool before I got there. Unaware of this, I changed in the locker room and walked toward the pool deck. The Russian swim coach (who coaches the swim lesson brats) warned me by yelling, "ZEE POOL IZZ CLOZZZED!"

My lifeguard friend later told me that they found poop in the pool. Wow, I guess the Russian coach really worked those brats so hard that one of them actually s*** himself. Or perhaps someone just tossed a Baby Ruth bar into the pool.

Disappointed that I wouldn't be able to work out until the following week (preseason games), I slumped into the sauna. Based on all of my experiences at the gym - including nearly being eaten by two fat women recently - I should have known better.

The sauna scene seemed innocent enough. There was only one guy in there. He looked like he was 20ish, and seemed like he was half Asian and half Russian. I didn't put much thought into it and sat down on the bench. A few minutes later, he broke the silence and said that he was new to this gym. In case you're wondering, I did not warn him about my experiences. There was no point. He already paid for a membership, so I'd let him narrowly escape the jaws of the fat ladies in the pool for himself.

It took me a few tries to understand what this dude was saying. He had some very weird accent. I asked him where he was from, and the following conversation ensued:

Sauna Dude: I am from Kazakhstan. I move here months ago. Very nice, do you like? I like! (OK, he didn't say those last seven words).

Me: Nice! I heard of Kazakhstan. Have you ever seen the movie Borat?

*** Sauna Dude gets a serious look on his face. ***

Sauna Dude: Oh, no. Never see Borat.

Me: Borat was supposed to be from Kazakhstan.

Sauna Dude: No, iz not right.

Me: What do you mean?

Sauna Dude: Borat no from Kazakhstan. He from Romania.

Me: Umm... I've seen Borat a few times, and he's definitely from Kazakhstan.

Sauna Dude: All American think Borat from Kazakhstan. Iz no good. Borat from Romania.

Wow. I wonder if everyone from Kazakhstan is in denial about this. I'm pretty sure I heard that the Kazakhstan government banned that movie from their country. If they're dumb enough to do that, it wouldn't be surprising if they told their citizens that Borat was some Kazakhstan imposter who was really from Romania.

If anyone from the Kazakhstan government happens to be reading this - a long shot, I know - you are aware that Borat was just a fictional movie, right? It wasn't real. He's not from Romania. He's not from Kazakhstan either. He's a Jewish guy who pretends to be from Kazakhstan to make people laugh. Stop being tyrannical douche bags, and learn to appreciate some self-deprecation.

At any rate, my conversation with the newly dubbed Borat Hater continued...

Me: So, what are you doing here? Are you in America for good?

Borat Hater: I am exchange student.

Me: Oh, where do you go to school?

Borat Hater: I go to Kazakhstan University.

*** Hmm... I wonder what sort of SAT scores and extra-curricular activities you need to get into there? ***

Me: No, I meant where do you go to school in America?

Borat Hater: I no go to school in America. I work construction here.

Me: I thought you had to go to school here to be an exchange student. Where are you doing construction now?

Borat Hater: I no do construction now. Job over.

*** OK, so this guy is an exchange student who doesn't go to school, and a construction worker who doesn't really do construction work at the moment. Very interesting. ***

Borat Hater: Do you know anyone who hiring now?

Me: Hiring? Not really. It's a tough economy.

Borat Hater: Yes. I know America have... uhh... critics?

Me: Critics?

Borat Hater: Uhh... crisis? Iz right word, crisis?

Me: I guess.

Borat Hater: Yes, America is crisis, and I do not have job and no have money. Can you please find someone to give me job?

*** Are you serious? You can barely speak English, you hate Borat, and yet you beg some random dude you met in the sauna to get you a job? Really? I think it's time for me to leave. ***

Me: I gotta go...

Borat Hater: Will you be here next week? I need job to make money.

Me: Umm... I might be here next week.

Borat Hater: Good. I wait to see if you can find job for me.

Ugh. I would have told this guy that I wouldn't be able to find him a job, but he looked like he was going to cry.

Anyway, I reached out to shake hands. Instead of normally shaking my hand, he grabbed my hand with both of his, and bowed down to me like I was some sort of king.

Now I feel bad. I'm not going to be able to find this weirdo a job. He's going to be waiting for me at the gym next week completely hopeful that I'll have something for him. I'm either going to show up empty-handed, or I'll completely avoid going to the gym all together. Either way, Borat Hater will remain jobless and poor.

Assuming I can't magically find this immigrant a job in the next couple of days, he'll probably be deported back to Kazakhstan. I can see it now - fueled by his hatred toward me, he'll start a Web site called KazakhstanFootball.com. He'll have a Jerks of the Week section, where he'll talk about how much of a douche I was.

But hey, at least I won't be his Jerk of the Year. I'm sure that'll be reserved for Borat.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Pepsi Throwback Nightmare

My sister bought me the best gift ever a couple of days ago. Was it a new computer? Nope. A new car? Better. A lifetime supply of Cheetos? Nom nom nom nom. Believe it or not, her gift tops that.

She gave me an 18-pack of Pepsi Throwback! If you remember, I ranted about Pepsi discontinuing Pepsi Throwback a few months ago. I guess Pepsi executives were reading that Jerks of the Week entry, because they've finally brought it back!

I wasted no time and chugged a can of Pepsi Throwback before dinner. It was awesome. The fat ladies in the pool could have eaten me at that moment, and I would have been fine with it.

That night, however, I found myself in BJ's Wholesale Club. I noticed a 30-pack of Pepsi Throwback, so I took it to the register and paid for it. However, I decided that I needed more.

Leaving my case against the wall, I scoured the shelves for Pepsi Throwback, but didn't have any luck. I did notice a couple of Encyclopedia Brown books for sale. These would have intrigued me if I weren't desperately searching for more Pepsi Throwback. Sorry Encyclopedia, I'll have to help you solve the Case of Bugs Meany's Disgusting Sneakers some other time.

I looked and looked, and only spotted one bottle of Pepsi Throwback. I ventured into the backroom, where I noticed that a BJ's employee was smashing bottles of Pepsi against the wall!

Me: What the hell are you doing!?!?!?

BJ's Employee: It's OK man. These are just regular bottles of Pepsi; not Pepsi Throwback.

Me: Phew. That's a relief.

BJ's Employee: Yeah, I'm not stupid enough to destroy bottles of Pepsi Throwback.

Me: Speaking of which, do you have any Pepsi Throwback back here?

BJ's Employee: Nope, we're all out. Sorry man.

Me: S***! I saw a bottle out there. I was hoping you'd have some more.

BJ's Employee: That's not Pepsi Throwback, dude. That's Diet Pepsi Throwback.

Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!! I went back and looked, and sure enough, it was a damn bottle of Diet Pepsi Throwback.

At that point, all hope was lost. I decided to check another store, so I went back to the front to retrieve my original case of Pepsi Throwback. Unfortunately, it was gone. I raced up to the cashier.

Me: Where is my case of Pepsi Throwback?

Cashier: Someone else bought it.

Me: Someone else bought it!? But I already paid for it! You saw me pay for it!

Cashier: Yeah, but they decided to pay more for it than you did. Sorry!

Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

I woke up in a sweat. I sat up in bed, relieved that it was only a nightmare. I shook my head and said out loud, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Now, a few days later, I've come to terms with my dream. Was it a little nuts? Absolutely. But considering all the pressure I was under from the clogged toilet, the poop in the shower and my quest for finding an illegal Kazakhstan immigrant a job, I'd say that nightmare was pretty normal.



More Jerks of the Week:
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
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Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




Fantasy Football Rankings - Aug. 21


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NFL Mock Draft - July 23


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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