I never thought there would be a consolation to losing money. I was wrong.
I had my second-best year in terms of picking NFL games this past season. I needed this because I had my worst year ever in 2012. I lost a chunk of money, but I don't mind too much because A) I won way more in the past, B) I never bet anything I can afford to lose, C) I had fun watching football in the process, and D) I received tons of hate mail for my poor selections.
Hate mail may not seem like a beneficial consolation prize, but trust me, it is. It provided me with great writing material on my NFL Picks pages. I recently browsed through all of my picks pages and collected all of the hate mail I posted throughout the entire football season. I copied and pasted it into a Word doc and then transferred it all over to this page. So, I'm sharing it with you because I've been too busy writing stuff up for the NFL Draft.
So here it is - the first half of every single piece of hate mail I received in 2012. The hate mail is in italics (unless it's a screenshot), and my responses are right beneath each of them.
From Kim: Pretty silly rankings. And the Jag comment makes you seem like a giant douche.
Thanks! Giant douche was exactly what I was going for.
From MarkB: Tebow wins games? That's your take? Bwhahahahaha!
I could have went with "Tebow circumsizes penises" or "Tebow is our lord and savior," but yeah, I went with "Tebow wins games." That's my take, and I'm sticking to it.
From GPS_Flex: What a dillweed. I mean really, you're still posting the phony Bevis and Butthead like Todd Hastings gif and expecting anyone to take you seriously? After the 49ers sat on your face and took a dump in that lax pie hole of yours last year you come up with
Who the hell is Todd Hastings? Are you sure you're not the dillweed?
From Mario: They must be high to rank the 49ers at #12
It's true. I snorted coke prior to compiling my power rankings. I'm sober now, but I still don't understand the issue. Should the Niners be higher or lower? My feeling is that they should be closer to the 15-18 range, but maybe I'm still a little high.
From Eric: More anti-9er bias. Shocker.
Oh, I guess they should be in the top 10. Who knew? But yes, my apologies. I was born and raised in Philadelphia, so I have a natural disdain for all things San Francisco, including the 49ers.
From Twitter: Your Insiders are all twitter aren't they? Yeah, we know. At least admit it. That's the only place you get information. Thumbsdown my comment all you want by the way. Let's me know I'm actually getting to you. Because I should. You have zero journalistic integrity.
All Twitter? Umm... no. There's also Facebook and Myspace. Duh.
From Jordan: To have the bengals at 23 clearly shows that your one of the worst nfl writers in the world. That's just pathetic that you hate on them show much. You gave them no credit on a really good draft and now your trying to say that they are going to be bad cause aj green does a gesture towards dalton? Your just stupid
I'm glad I could cement my status as "one of the worst nfl writers in the world" by placing the Bengals at 23. Do I get some sort of trophy, medal or plaque for this? I sure hope so. I'd hate to see all of my hard, but futile work go to waste.
From Walt Sucks: you actually think walt has a girlfriend? come on. he dreams of tebow running shirtless in the rain every night. great analysis walt. a bunch of poor attempts at humor. you suck
Hey, hey, hey, just because I dream of Tebow running shirtless in the rain every night doesn't mean that I can't have a girlfriend as well.
I had a horrible week, so that can only mean that I received loads of hate mail. Here are the highlights:
I knew I'd hear from this pgup9 guy. He's always the first to let me know that I sucked:
I am kidding about the -$10,000 thing, but it's probably going to happen.
Here are some from the comment board:
walt got 1 yeah thats right 1 game right picking on the early games! dude you suck!!!!
How quickly you forget that I got another one right in the afternoon games. That's two picks correct, dude. Get your facts straight.
Damn.. I like Raven and Over today but saw Walter picked the same. Now, I'm scare b/c Walter is like MUSHED (the guy who touches everything and loses)
Weird. Urban Dictionary defines mushed as "a forceful pressing motion to the forehead, used to show dominance (usually from a man to woman, or woman to woman) and confrontation."
Does somebody sane, still believe in this guy, Walter?, he works for Las Vegas books for sure.
You got me. They recruited me, and now it's my mission to make everyone lose money. Muhahahaha!
How many people do you have bare-a** fart into your face as you are making your picks for this site. I would have to estimate enough people to fill up a dump truck, but it could very well be more at this rate.
You know, I enjoy it when naked dudes fart into my face, but never once did I imagine that I could combine this with making picks. Thanks for the great idea!
Walt, I cleaned up this week, I think you are completely ridiculous and went opposite of all your picks. I did fantastic. Keep up the BS you are starting to develop a pattern.
When you have enough money to buy a mansion at the end of the season, remember who was responsible for this.
you should throw yourself off a bridge! you are the worst handicapper ever!
Well, I asked a friend to throw me off a bridge, but if you think I should do it myself, who am I to argue?
your 2-12 record is god awful.your insights have been proven to be meaningless.Shone Green is one of the best backs in the NFL but according to you he cant play. you cant play. Who knows how many millions were lost this weekend by bettors following your advice.In the real world you would be fired for gross incompetence.
If I referred to Shonn Greene as "Shone Green," I'd be fired for gross incompetence as well.
Ur a moron walt!!!!lol U seriously wrote on ur college football picks to not take ur college picks to heart as ur "way" better at picking pros..lol Well, that is almost hard to believe.. Do u realize how pathetic u are? I mean, seriously? U are aboust the worst handicapper in the history of sports.. Last yr when u would spit out pathetic week after pathetic week, u said it had to be the lockout and yada yada yada.. Well walt, i guess u need another lockout because last yrs absoulute pathetic season was nothing compared to this past week..lol Good work!(loser)
I am better in the pros. I guarantee that over a long period of time, you can lose less money with my NFL picks than with my college picks. Betting on my college picks will put you in a cardboard box in three years, but wagering on my NFL selections will take you five.
Walt, you realize that you were one game away from being a perfect loser don't you?! Do you feel like an idiot for doing all that work shooting your mouth off and then losing your a**? Get a real job or get a pet monkey to pick for you.
I'd get a pet monkey, but I can't afford one because of all the money I lost this past weekend.
His handicapping is downright terrible lately. Walt's focus has shifted to boring comedy that only he finds funny. This site used to be reliable but now Walt's just lost it.
Hey, that's just wrong. I know at least two other people who find my comedy funny.
lmaaaooo bro ur destroyed after 1 week like last year you had a few good years now ur fade material write ups are comical and worthless. I read a sentence here and there and every time I only think "fuhking tool"
Sweet. My write-ups are comical. That's three other people who find my comedy funny.
just give up -- you used to be not funny but at least have decent picks but now you're not funny AND your picks are terrible. hahahahahahahaha good to see your tebow loving a** go down
Hey, leave Tebow out of this. He did nothing wrong and is still as awesome as ever, especially when he runs shirtless through the rain.
WALT YOU CANT PIcK YOUR nOSE! How Many Did you Get Right? 1-2 picks out of like ten? You Suck
No. I got 1-2 picks out of 14 on Wednesday and Sunday. I wish it was out of 10!
I am laughing so hard right now. This is pretty amazing how bad walter is at picking games. he really has no knowledge and would be better off flipping a coin.14tsjf
Agreed. I'd actually be better off calling tails on a two-headed coin at this point.
Walt you missed almost every pick, you really need to stop picking football games you suck at it. I really don't need to back what I said up either it's all above me you're horrible at this.
I don't understand why so many people want me to stop. You can make tons of money betting against my picks. You can seriously become rich doing this!
I even got some hate mail for fantasy for ranking Ben Tate too high:
I need to say thanks to those who still support me. I'm really working hard to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I feel more confident this week, so maybe I'll go 6-10 instead of 3-13.
I am torn between Kate Middleton's tiitie pics or Jerry Sandusky's kiidie pics. Bottom line Atl -3 BTW that football analysis is just as good as Walts.
Wait, did you just admit to being a child molester?
Walt's QBDK name for Michael Vick makes him look like a child. His petty bias against the Eagles is pathetic. He refuses to give the Eagles team any credit. He keeps posting stupid facebook screenshots and other worthless crap as well. Your not funny Walt. You comedy sucks. The only time I laugh on this site is when I see you trying to riddle out why this whole football thing eludes you. I could tell you a million things you do wrong, like relying on arbitrary trends and meaningless psychological factors instead of looking at real football facts.
Here are some facts: 1) The Eagles haven't covered the spread yet and they're two plays away from being 0-2, so they don't deserve any credit. 2) I am not trying to be funny, but because you recognize my writing as comedy means that you do actually find it funny. Lawyered. 3) You support someone who took pleasure out of drowning dogs. I'll take not being funny over being a psychopath anyday.
Couldnt agree more, joe. If this thread was down I'm not sure I'd even come back. His "psychological edge" postings are a joke, and his fake conversations aren't even funny, it's embarassing. Please just post info and analysis.
The psychological edge postings that you despise so much are 32-27 against the spread since Week 1 of last year. Not great, by any stretch, but certainly not a joke. The fact that you are too ignorant to understand that it's at least somewhat effective makes me feel even better about my fake conversations. I may even add more because of what you just wrote!
Walt, your fake conversations and pseudo-comedy are pathetic. Please stick to capping games. You're driving away your serious readers with this nonsense, drop your QBDK shtick and annoying Facebook screen shots and spend more time giving good insight into football. This long time reader is one more idiotic update about random fb trolls away from not coming back. You were respectable, but your turning into the same sort of side show that you mock every week. -Ryan
Who said I wanted to keep any serious readers? Serious readers are stupid and boring. I want "unserious" readers who don't have sand in their vag like you.
I think it's kind of sad about the guy who asked to date your girlfriend on Facebook. I don't think it's very nice to humiliate the guy because he is lonely. You should be ashamed of yourself.... Please Stick to what you know, incorrectly picking football games
But humiliating creepy stalkers lonely people is so much fun... :-(
@Jennifer I agree your humor is classless and consists of putting other people down, equivalent to the kind of humor you see in grade school high school. What we should really do is make fun of your girlfriend.
I agree that Jennifer's humor is classless. Her hate mail to me was not funny at all. But I am curious about Jennifer having a girlfriend. I am very pro-lesbian. In fact, I'm thinking about becoming a lesbian myself.
so hows the bear looking?? hahhaahhaha fade walter all year
The Bear? Which Bear? There are 53 of them, so should I go down the roster?
Ok Walter you are the clown and laughing stock of the NFL football world at the moment. A 2-14 start for you is about as bad as it can be..right? I will let you my pet monkey and magic 8ball so you can get back on track. Thanks for that Bear pick last night. Made a $100 on GBay.
Now here's an "unserious" reader I want! This guy thinks I'm funny and everything. He may have his facts wrong - I started 3-14, pal - but at least his appreciates my comedic genius!
And finally, PGUP9, who takes pleasure in my misery, e-mailed me twice. This one was on Thursday night:
I heard from PGUP9 on Sunday, which was surprising because I was having my first winning day of the season:
I find it very disturbing that this guy seems to get off whenever I do poorly. It's like he's in his mom's basement, looking carefully at my picks with some lotion on his hand going, "Ohhhh yeahahhh ooooohhh yeaahhhh Walt's losing eight units thiss weeekk ooooohhh maaann that feeels goooood."
You may think that I only receive hate mail during football season and maybe draft season, but oh no! I can assure you that people like to get pissed off at me in the summer as well. There really is no offseason for hate mail.
I released some NFL Power Rankings over the summer. Under the Bills' capsule, I wrote, "I love how Mario Williams had to be convinced that Buffalo is an 'OK place to live' prior to signing with the Bills. I wonder what they said to him? 'Hey Mario, our Applebee's is awesome, and our Dave & Buster's is brand new, and the women... well, let's just say that it's a good thing you have a fiancee because the women... well...'"
This was obviously a joke. It was a spoof of what Willis McGahee said about Buffalo when he left the city several years ago. In fact, here's his direct quote: "Coming from Miami, I was used to partying, going out, just having something to do every night. Restaurants, whatever. Going to Buffalo, it was like hitting a brick wall. Like, 'Damn!' Can't go out, can't do nothing. There's an Applebee's, a TGI Friday's, and they just got a Dave & Busters. They got that, and I'm like, 'What the?' And, you know, the women..."
I thought Buffalo fans would find what I wrote at least semi-amusing because it related to what McGahee once said. Apparently, however, they have short memories. Some Bills' backer tagged me on Facebook and copy-pasted what I wrote, spawning numerous angry responses from some ignorant people in Buffalo:
Just so happens he went to Penn State,i wonder if he was one of "Jerrys Kids"?
That's nice. Very classy of you to disrespect the Penn State rape victims by making a joke out of it. You sound like a great person.
he lives in Philly - trust me, his life is sad - and he went to Penn State, nuff said.....ohhhh and Philly girls - there is a reason why I moved...
Hey, I've lived in Philly most of my life, and we're certainly the fattest city in America, as some poll indicated. In fact, it's so bad that I recently wrote an entry about four fat women who harassed me.
what a douchebag!
I am a douche bag, but not for this. Learn about your team, bub.
This guy is updating this page every day, even multiple times a day. I love the Bills and all of those comments, not just the one pertaining to women, made me angry and wanting to say something to him but that's probably what he's looking for. More people to chat with him via facebook because he is a loser. According to his facebook page, it doesn't look like he even has a job so it would be a waste of time to interact with this idiot.
I have a job. You're reading it. And supporting it by linking my Web site. So thanks.
Let's go to Philly and kick his a**!!
My a** has not been kicked, so this was a poor attempt at rallying the troops. Now, if only there were hot women in Buffalo to motivate people to kick my a**...
Cherepinsky...DEAD. Right after we get done with Nedermeyer.
I assume this is either a hockey reference or an Animal House quote. But I don't know much about hockey, and I don't remember that being said at all in Animal House. Meh, I'll just chalk it up to Buffalo people being weird. No wonder McGahee wanted to leave.
Walter should give up on the very poor comedy act and concentrate on his picks. Feels like I'm in high school every time I have to wade through the stupid stuff to read the picks.
That's awesome. High school was a fun time. I'm glad I can help you reminisce :-).
I love how Walter makes fun of other people's typos then he turns around this morning and puts that the Panthers won 36-7 last night on this page. Idiot!
You mean the Panthers didn't win 36-7? Ohhhhhhhh, so that's why 5Dimes claimed that I lost $440.
THIS SITE IS AWESOME! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ANALYIS WALT! YOU HAVE MADE ME SO MUCH MONEYYYY!!! BEST HANDICAPPING WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET!!! WHY????? all you have to do is take the opposite of what walt says, and your guaranteed MONEYYY! this guy has made me thousands!!!!!!
When you're able to move into your mansion in two years, remember who put you there!
I am on Ravens for 7 Units this week (Walter has Patriots for 7 Units). My fade Walter continues to pay - Great outright win by Giants (Walter had Panthers for 4U)
All good things...
Walt's method of "capping": - Respond to hate mail - Respond to spammers - Write hilarious fake conversation - Respond to more hate mail - Think about which team really, really wants to win a game - Place 4 units
You make my job seem so easy. That kinda makes me a little depressed because I feel like I put a lot of work into this.
Classic lol Looks like another Friday and Saturday night locked up in your office "recalibrating" lol
Hey, hey, hey, I don't do any "recalibrating" in my office. It's all business here. I do my "recalibrating" in... oh... you mean recalibrating my handicapping. Never mind!
Here's some hate via Facebook:
Very true, but at least I can spell Secretariat.
And finally, no surprise that PGUP9 e-mailed me. He's obsessed with me for some strange reason, and I'm convinced he whacks off to my incorrect picks. This was from Thursday night:
I did not hear from PGUP9 when I did really well in the early afternoon, but he predictably shot me an e-mail when my 4 p.m. picks were going down in flames:
Imagine how happy PGUP9 will feel if I post my stock picks. He can pleasure himself Monday through Friday!
I bet that hurts losing money on the Eagles game.
What? I had zero units on the game, and I also happened to have the right side. Lay off the crack pipe.
I think I need to stop reading this site before making my picks. I'm probably better off flipping a coin. lol
A coin would truly be 50 percent against the spread. I hope I can be 50 percent one day.
Last year i came to this website and bash on Walter on how horrible his picks are an i continue to get bash on by his fans. I dont know whats up with these Walter fan freaks but it seems to me like they love losing.
Oh, people want to win? And here all along I thought people wanted to lose. I guess I should post my winning picks now instead of my losing picks.
Jaguars over the Bengals???? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
And people say I'm not funny.
You attempts at humor and fake conversations are getting very tired, old, and repetitive. Just offering advice as I would to a friend who wont let go of "thats what she said" jokes. So, good luck, hope your site stays afloat... BTW, my apostrophe button does not seem to be working if that is what you plan on clowning.
I guess you did not read my epic Jaguars over Bengals joke that made the other guy laugh hysterically.
BILLS ARE GOING TO WIN VS THE BILLS! FADE WALTER, FADE THE PUBLIC, WIN WITH THE MOB!
This was actually correct. The Bills did, in fact, beat themselves. Congrats on your winnings.
@pgup9 Who the hell still uses AOL? Step out of 1999, buddy.
Ha! Great call. I predictably did not hear from PGUP9 this week. Poor guy couldn't use his lotion and tissues while looking at my losing picks this past weekend.
4 Units on the Steelers? When is the last time you won money? I noticed how you took the eagles off the overrated spot. Man you suck.
The last time I won money? Umm... Week 4?
Stop betting on Eagles games before you go broke. Your hate analysis is too biased and its costing you. "He just doesn't put as much stock into these non-conference tilts." Show me a head coach who doesn't put stock into every game and I show you a fired coach.
It's completely naive to think that coaches value every game equally. And the Eagles just covered their first game.
Haven't gone with Walter all year, figured even a blind dog finds a bone every once in awhile. He's us the epitome of bad luck. Bet against him the rest of the season.
Hey, I may not be able to see as a blind dog, but I did find three bones in Weeks 2, 3 and 4. Stop hating on physically disabled canines.
Wally isn't very happy tonight. He doesn't need the 49ers to make him look like a joke but they help him look like a pimple faced punk with copy of the Madden NFL computer game and a website.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. That's just wrong. I haven't played Madden in a long time.
you put the seahawks above bengals. get a new job outside of sports writing please.
This was posted prior to Week 5. Guess this guy needs a new job outside of posting on Web site message boards.
Cardinals or 4-0 and beat the Pats on the road so of course in makes since to have the Patriots in the top 5 ahead of them. Who have the Patriots beaten? The Bills and Titans.
I love the Team X beat Team Y, so Team X is better than Team Y argument. So, the Redskins swept the Giants last year. Were they the real Super Bowl champs?
do you actually hate the ravens? like i feel like you are always out trying to get them...i would really like an explanation. your credibility is quickly going down the drain...
Yes. I started watching football around 1991 when I was 9 years old. I learned quickly to hate the Ravens and have continued to despise them my entire life.
Please remove yourself from Timothy Tibowitz's scrotum you testicle lapping homosexual deviant.
No! I love Tebow's scrotum!
walt ur a loser. U only talk when you get unlucky. You werent supposed to cover hawks and or cowboys. Lucky fu*k. only complain when stuff goes against you. One good call was packers thats about it.
As opposed to you, a winner, who spends his free time insulting people on the Internet. Man, I wish I could be more like you.
LOL at walt. bro even blind drunk monkeys get lucky sometimes. its a coinflip game, if you play long enough eventually you will just get lucky. but hey chalk it up to skill at betting flips. stick to the numbers. bet dogs...o yeah you did
I don't understand what this guy is trying to say. Something about drunk monkeys getting lucky?
God, You SUCK Walt...The first 5 weeks I followed your picks..You were 32-44-1 picking against the spread. You lost me thousands...Finally this week I took the advise of your haters and picked all the opposite picks as you..So You FINALLY have a good week and again cost me a boat load..WTF even when your right your wrong..
I don't understand this. I was +$800 in Weeks 2-5, so why'd you suddenly decide to change in Week 6? You're either a liar or an idiot. Perhaps a lying idiot.
Walter, I feel sorry for you so I'm gonna lend you my picks. Study harder and stop messin with migelini and johnmoss. Ravens, the Cowboys are a joke. Patriots, I told you before to give any number under 9 and take if over. Cardinals, how will the bills out score anyone with a defense that cannot hold water? Don't cry and don't say I didn't tell you so.
Wait, is it too late to change my Week 6 picks?
Walter has lost his edge and mind.
Dude, I lost my mind years ago. My edge? Apparently not.
Walt you said,"I felt as though I had a very good week in terms of handicapping. No, really. When I'm wrong about a game, I'll admit it and try to figure out what I did incorrectly. I feel like I screwed up only one Week 5 selection. The other losses were the result of terrible luck." I disagree. The truth is you cannot judge the NFL correctly. If there is anyone out there that has had success picking games in the NFL, I would like to hear your picks for Sunday. Thanks.
Change your mind yet? If not, I don't blame you. Like some sort of drunken monkey getting action on the beach, I guess I just got lucky.
Walter Pick of the Month Green Bay??? Give me Houston for every penny I have.
Every penny you have? Oh no.
Walt is going to lose his shirt today! Fade him!!!
This is not a joke, but I actually did lose my shirt. I was going to wear my 1998 high school football t-shirt Sunday for good luck, but I couldn't find it.
Walturd, Stillers at 11 and Cowboys at 19... makes your "Rankings" irrelevant!!
First of all, I must compliment you on "Walturd." I've honestly never heard that one before. Nice job. And second, I have no idea what your problem is with my rankings of the Steelers and Cowboys. Pittsburgh will be good once everyone is healthy, while Dallas just sucks at life. Maybe you like the Cowboys because you suck at life as well.
YOU EFF-AGS AT WALTER SOCCER (YOU DONT DESERVE THE FOOTBALL NAME), YOU F-CKIN EURO TRASH, W-I-L-L BOW DOWN TO THE ALMIGHTY BEARS WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE. YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE CHICAGO. BUT YOU WILL FEAR AND RESPECT THE BEARS, YOU GREEN BAY BABY DICK GOBBLING F@GGOTS. BEARDOWN ON ALL YOU H0MOS POINT DIFFERENTIAL DONT LIE B1TCH. BEARS ARE #1, PURE DOMINANCE. ONE LUCKY LOSS ON THE ROAD TO A DESPERATE SLACKERS TEAM WHO HAD TO RESORT TO A FAKE FG TD AND REF HELP...means SH1T SUPER BEARS SUPER BOWL B1TCH, DEAL WITH IT
Someone alert the authorities! Someone escaped the Chicago mental institution!
The more I come on here the more I realize why it's not often that I check this site.
And yet you took the time to post on my comment board. Thanks!
It just dawned on me why wally is so silly with his picks....He's a closet gayboy without a big enough sack to admit it.
You make it sound like closet gayboys are a bad thing.
This power ranking proves my point that this guy has no respect and hates the bears. Has nothing positive to say about a 4-1 team with a scary good defense and and offense that hasn't found its grove yet. 4-1 and hasn't found its grove yet.
Sorry, I know nothing about finding groves. I live in a big city, so there aren't many trees here.
Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, or check out my 2014 NFL Mock Draft to see what's keeping me busy.