Humor

Jerk of the Week: Ire of the New Swim Ladies I wrote in last week’s Jerks of the Week entry that I signed my kids up for sports this summer. My 4-year-old son Conrad ventured into the realm of gymnastics, where he cried so much the first day that I had to perform some gymnastics…

Jerk of the Week: Walter Gymnast It feels like my kids were born yesterday, but it’s been much longer than that. My son Conrad just turned four-and-a-half, while my daughter Lilly will be three in August. They’re growing up before my very eyes, which means I have to engage them in more things. This year’s…

Jerk of the Week: The Spaghetti Party I’ve been writing about nothing but kids birthday parties for the past four weeks. This has been such a frequent topic of conversation that you would need to alert the authorities if I didn’t have children myself. The people hosting the fourth party in four weeks happened to…

Jerk of the Week: The Whack-a-Kid Party I just re-read this title and it dawned on me that it’s great that I didn’t include the word “off” in there. I’ll let you determine where that would cause me trouble. But no, in case you’re somehow wondering, I didn’t attend a party with creeps like Bill…

Jerk of the Week: The Father-Son Water Problem I’ve had a few multi-episode segments in Jerks of the Week over the years. I’ve written multiple posts on my trips down the shore or to Las Vegas. Last year’s Las Vegas saga lasted a mind-boggling 12 entries. All of these multi-part entries have been planned. I…

Jerk of the Week: Preschool Graduation Before I had kids, I’d sometimes hear parents say something like, “The big day’s coming up! We have our son’s preschool graduation soon!” I’d hear this and think, “My God, you’re such a loser. Who the f**k cares about preschool graduation? It’s literally the easiest thing ever because all…

Jerk of the Week: What Do We Do When Times Are Tough? There’s an old saying that goes, “Kids say the darndest things.” I don’t know where this saying originated from, or who even said it in the first place. I suppose I could look it up on the same laptop I’m typing this Jerks…

Jerk of the Week: Finally an X-Ray!? This is Part 3 of my ankle X-ray saga. Here are links to Part 1 and Part 2. If you don’t feel like clicking those links, here’s a rundown of what transpired to lead me on a 3-month journey to procure an X-ray on my ankle: I sprained…

Jerk of the Week: Is Burger King the New King? I’ve ranted about fast food restaurants many times throughout my Jerks of the Week entries in recent years. It’s been several months since I’ve done so, however, so allow me to do it again. A fun part of my childhood was going with my mom…

Jerk of the Week: Shrinkflation at Red Lobster Some people collect baseball cards when they are kids. Others collect action figures or Barbies. Some collect stuffed animals, comic books, or Pogs. Remember Pogs? And then, there are some kids who collect crab legs. Yes, crab legs. If you don’t believe me, you’re reading the words…