Humor

Jerk of the Week: An Ode to Around the Horn I used to have a friend named Andy. We swam on the same club team growing up. We were also both huge fans of the 5 p.m. block on ESPN. This was more than 20 years ago when Around the Horn initially began airing ahead…

Jerk of the Week: Lindsey the Cat Lady Long ago, I used to date this girl Emily, whom I used to refer to as Awesome Girl Who Loves Football on this Web site. I was not joking when I said she loved football. She could name the score of games from years ago and detail…

Jerk of the Week: The Magically Appearing Parmesan Cheese My son just turned three, yet he knows what the word “spammer” means. This is because no one calls my phone except for spammers and my mom. Nearly every time I get a call, I’ll look to see that it’s a spammer, and I’ll immediately cancel…

Jerk of the Week: The Dirty Hands Restaurant In the past few years, I’ve learned that I’ve taken restaurants for granted. I used to go out to eat with my wife or my friends all the time. I never appreciated it, however, and I wish I enjoyed the experiences more. For those of you who…

Jerk of the Week: Sammy Davis, Fake Lawyer Extraordinaire I already knew that there are many retarded people on Twitter, but the many posts about Lamar Jackson not winning MVP for the 2024 NFL regular season easily reinforced it. Twitter – I refuse to call it X – featured so many complaints from people who…

Jerk of the Week: Step by Step: Woke by Woke When I’m asked who my childhood Hollywood crush was, I have one answer: Al from Step by Step. Al, played by Christine Lakin, was a smokeshow. Not only did I think she was incredibly pretty; her character on Step by Step was one who loved…

Jerk of the Week: Goodbye, British Empire I always see the same guy when I take my son to swim lessons each week at the local LA Fitness. I enrolled my son at the British Swim School ever since he was nine months old. He’s three now, and yet we’ve run into the same person…

Jerk of the Week: The Toilet Name Tag I swear I’ve written this before, but I’ve had so much dental work over the years that my long-time dentist was able to retire early. I’m not even joking, well at least not about the early retirement part. “Business has been great, so I was able to…

Jerk of the Week: Doctor Cannabis The following passages are entries from a medical journal found in the WalterFootball.com headquarters: Saturday, Nov. 23, 2024: I felt an odd sensation on my forearm when I sat down at my desk. It was a large bump that was agitated every time I rested my arm on the…

Jerk of the Week: The Two Zombie Uncles If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you may not know that I like to troll people with nonsense replies. In fact, some idiots tried to cancel me over a response several months ago where I said that “women probably shouldn’t vote” in response to a cat…