Humor

Jerk of the Week: The Karate Belt My 4-year-old son Conrad just began karate lessons. Let me tell you, it’s very intense. During my Conrad’s first lesson, he began talking to a female student about his age. It was just innocent chit-chat, nothing more than that, but another student – a boy with blond hair…

Jerk of the Week: The DMV Black Lodge I did something extremely stupid the other day. I think most people would be embarrassed to share it, but I don’t understand why any adult would ever feel that way. I don’t think I’ve been embarrassed in nearly 20 years because I really don’t care about what…

Jerk of the Week: 80 Cent You may have heard of 50 Cent. The rap artist is from New York. Here in the suburbs of Philadelphia, we have our own version of 50 Cent. His name is 80 Cent. My encounter with 80 Cent occurred at the grocery store. And yes, this is another Jerks…

Jerk of the Week: The Free Grocery Trip I hate to brag, but I’ve become an extremely skilled grocery shopper. I never would have guessed that this would happen more than a decade ago. I specifically remember hanging out with a group of friends. We did something and then went to eat at Saladworks. There…

Jerk of the Week: Ire of the New Swim Ladies I wrote in last week’s Jerks of the Week entry that I signed my kids up for sports this summer. My 4-year-old son Conrad ventured into the realm of gymnastics, where he cried so much the first day that I had to perform some gymnastics…

Jerk of the Week: Walter Gymnast It feels like my kids were born yesterday, but it’s been much longer than that. My son Conrad just turned four-and-a-half, while my daughter Lilly will be three in August. They’re growing up before my very eyes, which means I have to engage them in more things. This year’s…

Jerk of the Week: The Spaghetti Party I’ve been writing about nothing but kids birthday parties for the past four weeks. This has been such a frequent topic of conversation that you would need to alert the authorities if I didn’t have children myself. The people hosting the fourth party in four weeks happened to…

Jerk of the Week: The Whack-a-Kid Party I just re-read this title and it dawned on me that it’s great that I didn’t include the word “off” in there. I’ll let you determine where that would cause me trouble. But no, in case you’re somehow wondering, I didn’t attend a party with creeps like Bill…

Jerk of the Week: The Father-Son Water Problem I’ve had a few multi-episode segments in Jerks of the Week over the years. I’ve written multiple posts on my trips down the shore or to Las Vegas. Last year’s Las Vegas saga lasted a mind-boggling 12 entries. All of these multi-part entries have been planned. I…

Jerk of the Week: Preschool Graduation Before I had kids, I’d sometimes hear parents say something like, “The big day’s coming up! We have our son’s preschool graduation soon!” I’d hear this and think, “My God, you’re such a loser. Who the f**k cares about preschool graduation? It’s literally the easiest thing ever because all…