Humor

Jerk of the Week: Goodbye, British Empire I always see the same guy when I take my son to swim lessons each week at the local LA Fitness. I enrolled my son at the British Swim School ever since he was nine months old. He’s three now, and yet we’ve run into the same person…

Jerk of the Week: The Toilet Name Tag I swear I’ve written this before, but I’ve had so much dental work over the years that my long-time dentist was able to retire early. I’m not even joking, well at least not about the early retirement part. “Business has been great, so I was able to…

Jerk of the Week: Doctor Cannabis The following passages are entries from a medical journal found in the WalterFootball.com headquarters: Saturday, Nov. 23, 2024: I felt an odd sensation on my forearm when I sat down at my desk. It was a large bump that was agitated every time I rested my arm on the…

Jerk of the Week: The Two Zombie Uncles If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you may not know that I like to troll people with nonsense replies. In fact, some idiots tried to cancel me over a response several months ago where I said that “women probably shouldn’t vote” in response to a cat…

Jerk of the Week: Christian’s Bad Touch Uncle I’m usually not aggravated during a winning betting day, but the way the Week 16 Sunday slate ended was frustrating. I lost all three player prop bets during the 4 p.m. window, thanks to one player being benched and another player having a touchdown removed by penalty….

Jerk of the Week: The Wing Flinger 3000 I can’t believe my son is a week shy of turning three years old. It felt like yesterday that he was born, and yet three years have zoomed by in a flash. Where did all the time go? And will the next three years go even quicker?…

Jerk of the Week: The Pediatrician’s Appointment My dad made a stunning admission recently. I had my kids over my parents’ house, and my daughter went No. 2 in her diaper. I announced that I had to leave the dining room table to change her diaper when my dad said, “I don’t know how you…

Jerk of the Week: Stepping on Jace and/or Ace I learned something interesting when my parents took those ancestory DNA tests. For instance, my mom came up as 12-percent Arabic, or something. This is one of two reasons why I can now identify as a person of color. Of course, the other reason can easily…

Jerk of the Week: Q Any avid fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation might be confused about the title of this Jerks of the Week entry. I imagine I’d be as well if I didn’t know where I’d be going with this. Q, for those of you who don’t know, is an omnipotent being…

Jerk of the Week: Figs My teeth are the worst. The absolute worst. I’ve had so much dental work that my dentist was able to retire early. And no, that’s not a joke. That’s quite literally what happened. The dentist I’ve gone to since I moved into my current home in 2010 was this nice…