Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Sept. 15, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: All Waiters Hate Me

As the title says, all waiters hate me. And the word "hate," in this case, is an understatement. I'm convinced that the waiters and waitresses of the world have a voodoo doll of me that they stick pins into during their monthly Waiters of America meetings. Those, of course, are held in some seedy hotel in downtown Detroit.

No matter where I dine, or whom I'm with, or what I order, or what day it is, or what time of day it is, or what type of restaurant I go to, or what I wear, or how many times I've showered that week, the food server always manages to screw up my order. It's without fail. It happens all the time.

I don't know what I did to deserve this. I've thought about it, and I've come up with the following possibilities:

  • I potentially broke up with a girl in the past who eventually became a waitress. She was so scarred from the breakup that she vowed to take revenge. So, she traveled to New Orleans, found some weird voodoo person and had a doll made to represent me.

  • The waiters and waitresses are so appalled by how fat I am that they lose concentration and forget what I ordered.

  • The food servers are convinced I'll eat anything because I'm an obese individual, so they just #yolo my order.

  • I've made fun of some waiters before in Jerks of the Week, so they've dubbed me an "anti-waiterite."I swear to God, I am not an anti-waiterite!

  • Most waiters are incompetent a**holes who should die in a fire!

    OK, OK, maybe I'm kidding about that last one, but the rate in which my orders are botched is ridiculous. I discussed one instance back in January when I tried ordering something at a place called Chow284:

    The loud music disrupted our ordering process. I had to tell the waitress what I wanted like three times. I tried ordering a "giant turkey sandwich" while holding the mayonnaise and onions.

    The food came out about 15 minutes later, and I immediately noticed that there were onions in the sandwich. There was no mayonnaise, fortunately, but I also didn't notice any cheese (it was supposed to come with Swiss). I tried complaining to the waitress.

    Me: There are onions in here, and I don't see any cheese.

    Waitress: What? The music's too loud!

    Me: There are onions in here, and I don't see any cheese!

    Waitress: There's a scab on my knees? Where!?

    Me: THERE ARE ONIONS IN HERE, AND I DON'T SEE ANY CHEESE!

    Waitress: Mr. Freeze!? No, he's not my favorite Batman villain!

    Me: THERE ARE ONIONS IN HERE, AND I DON'T SEE ANY CHEESE!

    Waitress: Oh!!! Onions and no cheese... I can take that back into the kitchen for you so they can fix it.

    I thought about it, but declined her offer. I've been told by many people in the food industry to never send anything back into the kitchen. Best-case scenario, they spit in your food. Worst-case, the chef whacks off and splooges into your meal. That's exactly why I ask them to hold the mayonnaise. Some men enjoy swallowing splooge - not that there's anything wrong with that - but I'd rather avoid consuming it.



    I've had worse experiences since then. Fortunately, there was no splooge involved. At least not that I know of...


    Worst Breakfast:

    There's a diner right down the street from my house. It has a creative name: Suburban Diner. It's convenient because it's right here, but I dread going there for meals because something always goes wrong. Back when I lost my power in the crazy snowstorm in February, I asked if I could use my laptop there, and the manager said I could "leave it charging by the exit," as if no one was going to take it. Then, there was one incident when my girlfriend and I went there for breakfast one morning.

    I had a craving for cheesy eggs, so I asked our waitress, a frail woman in her 60s, for the American cheese omelet. I must emphasize that it actually said "American cheese omelet" on the menu, so it's not as if I made some adjustments while telling the waitress what I wanted.

    The omelet came with toast and some sort of meat. I asked for white toast but with no butter on it. I hate butter. I like things plain. Why does every sort of food have to come with some gooey substance or some whacky condiment on it? I feel like you should specifically have to ask for butter. They shouldn't automatically stick a disgusting glob on your slice of bread without your permission. A**holes.

    Anyway, my choice of meat was Canadian bacon. I would have went with normal bacon, but my girlfriend made some delicious bacon for me recently, and there was still some left over at my house. Why we didn't stay home and just eat Cocoa Puffs and bacon � the bacon being in the cereal, of course � is beyond me. I think we just were in the mood to go out, but I would end up regretting that decision.

    Waiting for food was annoying. Not only did it take a while, but there were annoying kids all over the place. They wouldn't stop yelling and screaming, and I had the sudden urge to hurl my glass of chocolate milk at them. Alas, I only had one glass.

    After what seemed like hours, our food had finally arrived. My girlfriend got exactly what she wanted. My meal, however, looked underwhelming. The omelet was small, there was butter on the toast, and I didn't see any Canadian bacon.

    Me: Excuse me, I asked for no butter on the toast, and I also asked for Canadian bacon.

    Waitress: Oh, I thought you wanted butter on your toast and you didn't want Canadian bacon.

    Uhh... what? Why would I ask for butter on my toast when the menu explicitly mentioned that butter came with it? And here's a better question: If my meal came with some sort of meat, why would I specifically ask for no Canadian bacon? It's like if you withdrew money from a bank, and you told the teller you didn't want it in $100s, would they just not give you any money at all? It makes no damn sense.

    The waitress walked away with the toast. My girlfriend began eating, and she soon noticed that I didn't start on my omelet. I told her I wanted everything together, so I wasn't going to start eating until the waitress brought everything back.

    I expected to wait years for my toast and Canadian bacon, but the old woman returned after a few minutes. I don't know why it took her so long the first time, but I was grateful that I could finally stuff food into my mouth. She placed the Canadian bacon down first, and my mouth watered because it looked good. And then the toast... WHICH STILL HAD BUTTER ON IT!

    I felt like flinging the toast at the old woman, but she probably would have slipped and fell, and then I'd owe her money because she shattered her hip or something. My girlfriend, noticing that I was upset, cleared the butter off the toast. Meanwhile, I took a bit of the omelet into my mouth, and was disappointed because it was bland. I then tried the Canadian bacon, which tasted like cardboard.

    After a couple more bites of the omelet, I was convinced something was off. And that's when it hit me � there was no cheese in this omelet! This idiotic waitress gave me an American cheese omelet without American cheese.

    My girlfriend asked why I didn't ask for a new cheese omelet � one that actually had cheese on it. I thought about it, but decided against it. It would probably take her another hour to bring it out, and even if she did, it would probably taste like cardboard, just like the Canadian bacon did.

    I ate the rest of my breakfast in misery. An obese slob in misery.





    Worst Lunch:

    My girlfriend and I were coming from the mall one afternoon sometime in the spring. It was about 4 p.m., so it wasn't the normal time for dinner yet, but we were both starving. We were approaching this pizza joint named Angela's. We had eaten there before, and it turned out to be a fantastic meal. We had a meat lover's pizza, but that wasn't the best part. We ordered these buffalo chicken strips, which were awesome. They also had these delicious mozzarella bites that came for free. I'm sweating just thinking about those.

    I haven't been to Angela's since. Our experience there after that spring day was that terrible.

    Our waitress was this brunette. She would've been attractive, but she had this hideous butterfly tattoo on her neck. I like some tattoos, but this one was just obnoxious. And I'd like to know her thought process behind getting that one. Did she think it would make her prettier? Did she ever wonder what would happen if she stopped liking butterflies? Like, what if she was driving her car one day, and a butterfly landed on her windshield, and she got so distracted that she got into an accident and killed the passenger? Would she regret the butterfly tattoo then?

    Butterfly Waitress was extremely incompetent. In fact, I'm willing to call her the worst waitress in the history of humanity. She was guilty of the following during our meal:

  • She didn't give us straws for our sodas.

  • She didn't bring us any silverware.

  • She didn't ask if everything was OK at all.

  • She didn't bring us the check.

    We had to go up to her every single time. All she did was sit down and text on her phone. She made us approach her for straws, silverware and even the check. I'm convinced we could have walked out of Angela's without paying, and she wouldn't have even noticed because she was too busy texting.

    Maybe that's what we should have done in the first place. While she was looking up more crappy tattoos to paint on her body, my girlfriend and I could have been snacking on free buffalo chick strips and mozzarella bites. That would have actually been a meal I would've enjoyed.







    Worst Dinner:

    My girlfriend heard about this restaurant called Bar Louie that she wanted to try out. It's a place where you can sit outside and have a beer, so it sounded nice. Unfortunately, there was too much of a wait for an outdoor table, so we had to settle for sitting inside.

    Our waiter looked like Troy Polamalu. He was a tan, Pacific islander in his 20s with crazy, fuzzy hair that was tied up in a ponytail. He was also gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), as I quickly discovered when he talked to us with that sort of voice. He asked us if we wanted to start off with something to drink. My girlfriend asked for a Yuengling, while I went a Miller Lite.

    Gay Waiter: Wait a sec! You're getting the Yuengling, and he's getting the Miller Lite!? Shouldn't it be like the other way around!?

    Me: What's wrong with Miller Lite?

    Gay Waiter: Oh nothing, it's just that like the guys usually order the manly beers like Yuengling, and the girls order the light beers!

    Me: But I like Miller Lite!

    Gay Waiter giggled and walked away. My girlfriend, who used to be a waitress when she was in college, shook her head. "You're not supposed to do that... the guy usually pays the bill, so servers shouldn't insult them like that."

    Believe it or not, but that was the least-offensive thing Gay Waiter did that evening.

    I ordered a meatball parm sandwich with pepperoni on it. That came with my choice of French fries or tater tots, and I naturally selected the latter. I also asked for a salad. I picked up on the fact that he didn't ask me what type of dressing I wanted, so I asked him about it.

    Gay Waiter: The salad comes with this house dressing, it's fabulous!

    Me: House dressing? Ugh...

    Girlfriend: Do you have Ranch? He'll only eat Ranch.

    Gay Waiter: Yes, we have Ranch dressing.

    Me: YES!!! I'LL TAKE IT!!!

    I don't know why he didn't mention that in the first place. Why would he assume that I wanted house dressing? What the hell is a house dressing anyway? I don't want salad dressing made out of a freaking house.

    Gay Waiter returned with our salads. The dressing was in a side saucer, which offended me because I hate mixing things. If I'm paying for a meal, I shouldn't have to mix anything. That's complete bulls**t.

    I poured the dressing onto the salad, it didn't look like it was dripping right. Trust me, I'm a Ranch dressing connoisseur. I know Ranch dressing when I see it, and this was not Ranch dressing. I tasted it to confirm, and sure enough, it was putrid.

    I nibbled on my salad in misery, though I was hopeful at the same time because my meatball pepperoni parm sandwich was coming. It seemed like it took eons, but the food finally arrived. The sandwich itself looked fine, but the tater tots were missing. There were fries on my plate instead.

    I was pissed. Not only did this a**hole insult my choice of beer, but he gave me the wrong salad dressing and served me fries instead of tater tots. I understand that Gay Waiter may have been pissed that Michael Sam didn't make an NFL roster, but he didn't have to take it out on me! What did I do to deserve this!?

    I complained about my lack of tater tots, and he apologized. As I was waiting for them, I saw my girlfriend do something fascinating. You know how when you have fries, you put a glob of ketchup on your plate and dip the fries into them? Well, she actually poured the ketchup directly onto the fries and ate them with her fork. I was speechless.

    Girlfriend: What?

    Me: That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

    I copied her maneuver. I stuffed ketchup-covered fries into my mouth, and then the replacement tater tots arrived. I was in heaven.

    Now that I think about it, most of my dining experiences aren't that bad. Sure, the servers hate me and want to kill me, but that's pretty much how everyone else treats me. And yet, those other people don't give me free, ketchup-covered fries.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Nov. 19


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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