Emmitt on the Brink – Season 7: Week 2

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

WHAT’S NEXT?

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Monday, Dec. 31, 2018

Emmitt, Ray Rice and Josh Gordon ran as far as their legs could carry them. They wanted to distance themselves as far as possible from the Walking Buc-infested Downtown Abbott. Seeing their former friends and employers turn into walking automatons with disgusting lesions and boils on their faces provided the motivation, though Gordon had to make multiple stops because he was constantly winded. Rice shook his head disapprovingly as Gordon coughed up his lung on multiple instances.

Hours later, the three men reached a clearing and opted to make camp there. They built a fire in silence and then huddled around it to keep warm.

“What do we do next, guys?” Rice asked. “We have to warn people not to approach Downtown Abbott. Can you imagine if an outsider shares a toiletry with one of the infected? There could be a mass outbreak!”

“Why do we not go to the policemen?” Emmitt asked. “The policemen have gun, so he can stab all the Walkin’ Buc in the back.”

Gordon shuddered at Emmitt’s suggestion.

“We can’t go to the police!” he shrieked, prompting Rice to shush him. Gordon continued in a quieter tone. “I mean, I can’t go to the police … people can’t know I’ve fled America, or I’m finished.”

“Well, maybe next time you shouldn’t become a criminal mastermind,” Rice snapped. “I still think we need to tell the authorities. They need to quarantine the estate.”

“No, we absolutely can’t go to the cops,” Gordon responded. “Even if you go without me, the police will look into the Downtown Abbott records and see that I worked there. It’s just not something we can consider.”

Rice grumbled. “Well… maybe there’s another option … maybe we just leave. England is effectively an island, after all, so who cares if it gets overrun by Walking Bucs? They’ll just have to quarantine the entire country anyway.”

Gordon nodded in agreement, while Emmitt looked at Rice quizzically.

“How the England an island?” Emmitt asked. “The England is a city – a big city – so how can you say he becomed an island?”

Now, it was Rice’s turn to sport a perplexed expression. “Emmitt, England is a body surrounded by water, so it’s an island.”

“But the England do not have any palm tree. Where are the palm tree? I do not see any tree with coconut either. Island must has palm tree and coconut.”

Rice was now trying hard not to laugh. “Just look at your atlas, Emmitt.”

Emmitt reached into his back pocket and revealed his trusty atlas – he carried it with him wherever he went – and flipped through it until he found England. His eyes widened, and his mouth was agape upon making his newest discovery.

“England indeed an island…” he said to himself. “But where the palm tree? Where the coconut? Did the Englishman chop him down and take him?”

Rice, growing bored of Emmitt’s ignorance, turned to Gordon.

“What do you think, Josh?” Rice asked. “Should we just bolt out of here and leave the English to fend for themselves?”

“There’s just one problem,” Gordon replied. “I won’t be able to board a plane or anything without showing my passport, and then everyone will know that I’m here. I came to England smuggled on a cargo ship filled with sheep and other livestock. They’d poop on my face each night while I was asleep, so I’m definitely not going through that again.”

“If only we had a plane…” Rice said looking up at the stars.

“I have a plane!” Emmitt chimed in. “Well, my boss, Robert Krafts have a plane, and he say I can use it whenever I need him.”

“It’s settled!” Rice exclaimed, ignoring his own previous warning about being too loud. “Emmitt, call Mr. Kraft in the morning, and we’ll have him rescue us. In the meantime, let’s get some shuteye.”

The three men lied down. Emmitt tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. He sat up and noticed that Gordon was awake as well.

“Can’t sleep?” Gordon asked.

“No, I do not have anyone to read me a bedtime stories,” Emmitt responded.

“Want one? I can tell you a story about dragons, or one about demons.”

“Yes … but I want you to telled me how you got under the rest in America and how you becomed a criminal mastersmind.”

Gordon sighed. “OK, Emmitt, but you’re going to think I’m a monster after hearing this story…”