Emmitt on the Brink - Season 4: Week 8

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt's quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2016

It's been five years, and still, no one is showing up.

Terrell Owens held a workout Tuesday afternoon where he showed off his speed, catching ability, and of course, his six-pack abs.

"He's almost 43, but he has the body of a 25-year-old," said super-agent Drew Rosenhaus. "I have the Tennessee Titans on hold as I'm speaking, and they're about to give him an offer."

The Titans refuted this, claiming they had no idea Owens was still trying to play professional football.

Things are looking pretty bleak for Owens. Not only did he invite the NFL; he also sent notifications of his workout to all teams of the UFL, CFL and Arena Football League. No one from any of those organizations showed any interest, presumably marking Owens' e-mail as spam.

One team did at least address Owens' announcement. In a desperate attempt to play for anyone willing to take him, Owens begged all the franchises from the Handicapped Children's Football League to attend his workout.

"T.O. would love to play for the Handicapped Children's Football League, so T.O. could show off some of his skills," said Owens, talking in the third person. "T.O. might be 43, but he can make a play as long as he gets the football."

Some expected the Washington Wheelchairs to make a move for Owens. They lost wide receiver Montana Boss for 5-7 weeks with an injury, and owner Jimmy Valmer is known for his frivolous spending. However, Valmer issued a statement Tuesday evening, indicating that Owens is not on his radar.

"T... T... Terrell Owens is a f... f... f... fantastic football player very much," Valmer said. "But he's also a d... d... d... douche bag, very much. Wow, what a great audience."

Another team that was expected to show interest in Owens was the Cincinnati Arm Slings. Owner Timmy Burch has shown no restraint for acquiring players with character concerns, but the team's latest incident might have him thinking otherwise.

Cornerback Q*bert James was arrested last week. He "made it rain" when he tossed tens of thousands of tokens in the air during his birthday party at Super Fun Time. One of the tokens landed in the mouth of one of the Super Fun Time mascots, and the person inside the costume suffocated to death.

"TIM-MAY!" said Burch afterward.

Perhaps the Q*bert James incident is why the Arm Slings haven't contacted Owens. Or maybe it's because they, like every other team in the Handicapped Children's Football League, see Owens as a declining player who drops passes, runs ineffective routes and throws teammates under the bus, ultimately destroying team chemistry in the locker room.

But we're sure the media will continue to slurp Owens and report every single insignificant move he makes until the end of time. Hell, we just did so in this article.

ANOTHER CRAZY RECEIVER UP TO CRAZY ANTICS

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Emmitt on the Brink - Season 4: Week 8

NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN

ANOTHER CRAZY RECEIVER UP TO CRAZY ANTICS

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