Emmitt on the Brink – Season 11: Week 7

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

ROGER GOODELL FINALLY MEETS WITH EMMITT REGARDING STATUES

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2020

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has often leaned on Emmitt’s expertise when attempting to resolve a problem. It started when he asked for Emmitt’s help to find the culprits of Bountygate II, and most recently, Emmitt was able to discover who killed Carson Palmer. Goodell, however, refused to request Emmitt’s help in the wake of the earlier controversy regarding the non-paying customers who were banished from Gillette Stadium. Emmitt was considered toxic, so no one wanted to associate themselves with him. That changed, however, in the wake of Emmitt agreeing to remove the statues from the Gillette Stadium grounds in the wake of the homicides found near them.

Goodell summoned Emmitt, who made the quick flight to NFL headquarters on his goose. Emmitt’s goose was chained in a dark dungeon because people feared it, yet it was still as loyal as ever despite being held in captivity.

Rather than the private meetings Goodell and Emmitt have been a part of in the past, this one was very public. It seemed to Emmitt that Goodell asked the media to be there to draw attention to this particular meeting.

“Greetings, Emmitt, and wercome to NFR headquarters,” Goodell said, beaming at the camera. “I rearry grad you make it this historic meeting.”

“Uhh… thank you, Mr. Goldman,” Emmitt said. “I glad to be met you, but why do the medians here?”

“The media is here because this is a historic meeting,” Goodell said. “The media said that I was giving up too much to meet you, but I just shook my head. Arr I’m giving up is just a meeting.”

“Uhh… if all you giving up is a meting, and you has the meting, do this mean that you not really meting me since you gived up the meting in the last place?”

Goodell scratched his head, looking rather confused.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Goodell admitted. “But nevertheress, we here together because I need to ask you something, Emmitt.”

“OK, do that question count for you ask me something?” Emmitt asked.

“Umm… no, OK, so I have another question to ask you, is that fine?” Goodell asked.

“I see, so do that question count for the other question you asking myselves?” Emmitt asked.

“No, Emmitt you making me rear angry!” Goodell said. “I wirr just get to point. I…”

Goodell leaned closer to Emmitt, whispering into his ear.

“I fear I rosing my mind, Emmitt,” Goodell said inaudibly to everyone but Emmitt. “If you remember, I rearry Kim Jong-un, I was abre to keep it under contror but things changing. I need you to remove arr statue from arr stadium, and then maybe that gonna herp me.”

Goodell stepped away and began speaking loudly again.

“What do you say, Emmitt?” Goodell asked. “Wirr you herp me remove arr statue from NFR stadium? We on red arert and we need your herp!”

Emmitt took a quick look at the press. It seemed as though they expected him to say no, given that they had compared him to Adolf Hitler in recent weeks. Emmitt then glanced at Goodell once more.

“I will help you remove all statue,” Emmitt said. “Because you say it red alert. Red alert sound real seriousness, and much more seriousness if you say green alert instead.”