Emmitt on the Brink – Season 10: Week 1

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

A YEAR OF EVIL EMMITT

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Friday, Sept. 4, 2020

There was sand all over his car. But that didn’t really matter, did it? It technically wasn’t his car, after all. He didn’t know whose vehicle happened to be; he stole it from a handicapped space in a church parking lot. The person driving this automobile probably would need it the most, so it seemed like the most logical target.

The person in the wheeled chair gonna be real upset when he see him car gotten stolened, Emmitt thought to himself, smiling at this person’s impending misery. Maybe he gonna have to crawl home, unlessed his wheeled chair like the thing in the Transformation movie and it becomed a giant monster who evil and then he can fly home and explosion.

Emmitt came to a stop at a red light. He thought about just going through the intersection illegally, but his foot was bothering him. Realizing that there was sand in his shoe, he emptied the contents onto the car floor.

That’s when he remembered the letter. He didn’t know how Robert Kraft found him, but the New England Patriots owner somehow had a piece of mail delivered to Emmitt.

“How did he found me?” Emmitt asked himself, retrieving the letter out of the glove compartment and staring at it once more. The smell of the barbeque stain on the piece of paper wafted into his nose. Emmitt’s stomach growled as he read the note.

Dear Emmitt,

If you see any ghosts, be careful. They will give chase if you turn away.

I have enclosed a jewel that helps protect you.

Robert Kraft

There was a second letter as well. Emmitt scanned it just as quickly:

Dear Emmitt,

Please ignore the first letter. That was meant for someone else.

I need your help. Please come posthaste. The future of the New England Patriots organization lies in the balance, and so does our well-being. Please, I need you. I know your secret.

Robert Kraft

“What do he mean he knowed my secret?” Emmitt asked himself aloud. It had been nearly a year since Emmitt escaped the Evil Dimension, trapping the “good” version of himself there for eternity. Emmitt – or rather, Evil Emmitt – had spent the past 12 months doing horrible things throughout America. He had walked out of convenience stores without paying for sandwiches. He left the faucets running in various bathrooms. He spotted Mrs. Hopkins’ missing cat in the tree and didn’t bother to inform her. And of course, there was the business in the desert. All of this had been done under the radar, but Evil Emmitt’s plans were suddenly in danger. All because Robert Kraft knew his deep, dark secret.

A noise startled Evil Emmitt, knocking him out of a trance. A man driving a Honda Accord beeped his horn once more and raised his fist in the air, shouting expletives.

“Move your f***ing car, it’s a f***ing green light,” a man in his late 30s shouted impatiently.

Evil Emmitt was just as impatient. He stepped out of the car and slammed the door, shattering the side window in the process. He stomped toward the man, who sank into his chair, suddenly looking very afraid.

“I- I- I’m sorry,” he whimpered.

“And I sorry I has to do this to you,” Evil Emmitt replied. He shot his hand out and reached into his eyes. Blood gushed out of them, and the man convulsed. Seconds later, his body was still, and Evil Emmitt had chunks of his brain in his hand.

“I sorry I just lie to you because I sorried, not sorried,” Evil Emmitt snickered.

Add another murder to the list. The convenience store workers, the bathroom attendants, Mrs. Hopkins. The man in the desert. And now this angry individual who dared to raise his voice at Emmitt.

“And Mr. Kraft, you nexted if you knowed my secret,” Evil Emmitt hissed.