Emmitt on the Brink – Season 10: Week 7

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EVIL EMMITT HAS A MEETING OF THE MINDS

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Sept. 15, 2020

Evil Emmitt had finally assembled his team. He sat with Ezekiel Elliott, Dante Fowler and Michael Vick at a diner table, drinking black coffee. Elliott, Fowler and Vick sat silently, waiting for their boss to address them. They were afraid to say anything, as they all sensed something sinister about him. Finally, evil Emmitt spoke. “Gentleman, it great to have the whole team consembled together for the first time in history,” evil Emmitt said. “But we must not rest on our Laurens. We got a real important mission to took care of, a mission that so real important that you do not even knowed how real important this mission are.” “So, what do we have to do?” Ezekiel Elliott asked, slapping the buttocks of a waitress who happened to walk by at that exact moment. “Alexplicable Elliott, you my two, Dominant Fowler, you my eighth, and Merkel Vick you my third, but I am the first, the first number in the alphabet, so I am the only one privilege to that informations,” evil Emmitt said. “But Emmitt,” Vick began to protest confidently, but softened his voice once he remembered whom he was addressing. “I- uhh- well- what should we do in the meantime? I left my haircutting business to help you. I have bills to pay. The electric cables and drowning pools aren’t going to fund themselves.” “I like pool because you can swim inside him,” evil Emmitt said. “Because this, I’m gonna give you a clue on the mission. And not the clue that are the board game where you try to find out who kill Mrs. Scarlet Johansson. I always have a suspicious that the guy who kill herselves is Colonel Ketchup, but maybe it Professor Apple. No. Not this kinda clue. The clue that detective buy at the clue store and then he crack a clue and draw a card.” “So, what’s the clue, man?” Fowler asked, his eyes bloodshot from an activity he was participating in prior to this meeting. “There is two me,” evil Emmitt finally revealed. “Two the alphabet after the letter one. So there are myselves and another myselves. The other myselves real bad because he the guy who gonna stop us from doing fun thing. Alexplicable Elliott, he gonna make it so you can never unclothe another women ever again in the history of the world of time. Dominiria Fowler, he gonna make drug unlegal so you never gonna be able to inject yourselves with a marijuana needle ever again in the history of the world of time. And Merkel Angela, he gonna make pool unlegal so you can never gived your cat or dog a bath ever again in the history of the world of time.” The three men were speechless. Emmitt felt satisfied, knowing that he’d have their unwavering allegiance. “But do not ferret, I have a planned to stop himselves,” Emmitt said. “Anything to stop him,” Elliott said. “I’ll unclothe every single woman on the planet if I have to.” “Agreed,” Vick nodded. “If I have to drown any animal, including squirrels and penguins, I’ll do it.” “You guys gonna order cheese fries?” Fowler asked. “I love cheese fries, man.” Evil Emmitt beamed, as his plan would soon be complete, and the real Emmitt would soon never pose a threat ever again.