Emmitt on the Brink – Season 11: Week 10

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EMMITT’S GOOSE ON THE LOOSE

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Thursday, Nov. 12, 2020

Emmitt was tasked to destroy all of the statues at each NFL stadium a couple of weeks ago, but he just can’t seem to get the ball rolling. There have been distractions abound, ranging from DeShone Kizer’s eye surgery, to unhelpful former teammates, to Michael Bennett pushing Kizer’s grandma to the ground.

It’s likely that Emmitt would’ve been accused of stalling by the social justice warriors, but there was a legitimate excuse this time. Emmitt’s goose was on the loose.

Emmitt’s decision not to lock the goose in a vault on this occasion has come back to haunt him. He learned this Monday when an old man visited his office, holding some bones.

“This was my daughter,” he said sullenly. “Your goose… your goose attacked her and burned her to a crisp.”

There were many other reported attacks from Emmitt’s goose. Emmitt, of course, was the Father of Geese, but his goose had gotten so big that he lost all control of it.

However, despite all of the destruction the goose was responsible for, Emmitt was lauded for his actions on Twitter.

“Emmitt is very brave, and I know this as someone who also does brave things, given how much I speak out on Twitter,” said a Stanford student whose parents fully paid for his tuition. “Emmitt’s brave for not locking up his goose. It shouldn’t matter how many people the goose kills; it’s all about preventing animal captivity from happening.”

This praise was nice, but it didn’t help Emmitt, especially when the assassins came. Those fed up with Emmitt in his entirety used this as an excuse to take him out. Emmitt’s goose did a good job of protecting him, but there were so many of them. It seemed like all hope was lost.

That is, until Eric Mangini showed up! Mangini brandished his sword, cutting heads off of the assassins, left and right. Mangini moved like the wind; the assassins had no answer for him.

“I’ll hold them off, Emmitt, you get out of here!” Mangini shouted. “And tell Erin Andrews-Sanders how I saved your life! Maybe she’ll finally acknowledge that I’m her boyfriend!”

Emmitt nodded and boarded his goose. The two flew away, as Emmitt looked down below to see Mangini literally fighting his way out of the friend zone.