Emmitt on the Brink – Season 7: Week 5

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EMMITT AND FRIENDS LEAVE THE ISLAND

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2019

Emmitt and his companions spent the night at Jerry Jones’ shack. They needed their rest, and Jerry wanted one more night with his girls.

“That one lady, Ginger, wow,” Jerry said while walking alongside Emmitt the following morning. “I know she is half my age, Emmitt, but I think I am in love. I have never met someone I have had so much in common with before.”

“What do you has in commons with Gingerbread?” Emmitt asked.

“Well… uhh… we both love to take pictures with each other,” Jerry answered. “And then there… there are… oh boy, Emmitt, why are you befuddlin’ me with these doggone hard questions?”

Emmitt, Jerry, Josh Gordon, Ray Rice and Robert Kraft boarded the private jet on the runway on the other side of the island. The jet was very much like Jerry’s shack; the strobe lights were annoying, and the loud music hurt Emmitt’s ears. There were also half-naked girls everywhere.

“Ah, there is the love of my life, Maryanne!” Jerry exclaimed.

He and the big-breasted blonde embraced, and then someone snapped a picture of them. Emmitt, not wanting to interrupt his former employer, walked to the back of the aircraft. He sat down, but some rummaging in the bathroom startled him. Rice was even more frightened.

“Who’s there!?” Rice shouted. “If you’re a scary woman, I swear, I have two fists and I know how to use them!”

A short man emerged from the bathroom, and Rice instantly cowered under his seat. The man was in his mid-20s and reeked of alcohol. He held a rolled-up $20 bill in his hand.

“Johnny Manziel!” Gordon shouted. “What the hell are you doing here!?”

“I’m just a 21-year-old kid, living the life,” Manziel replied. “You know, I’m just having fun, like any other 21-year-old kid because that’s just what I am. A 21-year-old kid living the life.”

“You’re not 21, you imbecile; you’re 26!” Gordon shrieked. “You already destroyed my career, and now you’re going to ruin our goal to stop the Walking Bucs from attacking everyone!”

“Whoa, I ruined your career?” Manziel asked with a puzzled look on his face. “If I remember correctly, you’re the one who got busted for weed. I can’t believe you smoked weed. That’s literally the worst thing you could do. Why didn’t you hit some woman like Ray here? You would’ve gotten two, maybe three games if there was no videotape. But no. You just had to smoke that reefer, and let’s not forget that you ruined Cory Matthews’ life by making his daughter super annoying. You paid the ultimate price for your actions.”

“Well… well…” Gordon stammered. “At least I’m not holding coke in my hands! Another rolled-up $20, Johnny? So I can’t do weed, but you can snort coke?”

“Ugh, for the billionth time, this isn’t coke,” Manziel replied with some frustration in his voice. “I’m not rolling coke into these $20 bills. I’m rolling Fruity Pebbles. I love snorting Fruity Pebbles. They’re magically delicious.”

“That’s the slogan for Lucky Charms; not Fruity Pebbles, you idiot,” Gordon barked.

“Whatever, man,” Manziel replied nonchalantly. “I’m just a cool 21-year-old, living the life, partying in Vegas clubs and snorting Fruity Pebbles. You wish you could be me.”

Gordon sat down and folded his arms. He looked out the window, not wanting to take part in this conversation anymore. A befuddled Emmitt had one final question for Manziel.

“Johnny… uhh… Ballfoot, I have a confuse,” Emmitt said. “I mean, I has a question. If you is 21 years old now, and you were draft five year ago, do that mean you was 14 year old when you was draft?”

Manziel smiled. “Like I said, I’m just a 21-year-old kid, living the life.”