Emmitt on the Brink – Season 6: Week 13

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

TWO FORMER PATRIOT COACHES MEET

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Friday, Nov. 16, 2018

Emmitt and Bill Belichick haven’t crossed paths all that much over the years despite the fact that they happen to be the two most recent former coaches of the New England Patriots. Emmitt took a hiatus from New England’s organization, but is now back with the team as the Arby’s Distraction Chief of Operations. Belichick, meanwhile, happens to be the general manager of the Jets. The two met when Emmitt made the trip down to the Meadowlands on Thursday afternoon.

Emmitt’s visit seemed to catch Belichick off-guard, as he wasn’t even dressed in his usual attire when Emmitt walked into his office. He wasn’t wearing a hoodie; rather just a plain, white t-shirt. It’s safe to say that Emmitt was taken aback by this.

“Coach Billick, you not wearin’ your usual shirt with hood on,” Emmitt said. “This surprise me. Very surprise me. You always wearin’ so many shirt with hood on that people thinkin’ you the dad or maybe uncle of that girl little red robin hood, who got eatened by her grandma, who was a werewolf.” Belichick’s didn’t respond vocally. His facial expression didn’t even change. He simply raised his arms in the air as if he were asking Emmitt what he was doing in his office. It took about five minutes, but Emmitt finally realized what Belichick was trying to convey.

“Coach Billick, I made the drive here to the Meadowlake to ask you a few question about the death of some guy who name Lloyd and the vanishment of Brandon… uhh… Brandon… I forgetted his last name, who also play for you in the month of 2012.”

Belichick once again remaining silent and stoic, scratched his chin as if he were thinking of a possible culprit for these crimes. He then flung his arms wildly as if to indicate that he had no idea. Emmitt then told him that he had a few questions for him. Belichick nodded his head, allowing Emmitt to proceed.

“Coach Billick, where were you on the night of… uhh… I forget?” Emmitt asked. Belichick simply shook his head.

“Coach Billick, do you has an alibi?” Emmitt asked, clearing his throat. “And Coach, do you know what alibi mean because it is here on the paper somebody give me to ask you question, but I never even hearded of this word before.”

Belichick, who continued to remain silent, simply turned his wrists to show that he didn’t know either.

“This word probably a mistake,” Emmitt assured himself. “The guy who wroted this probably forgot a couple of letter and he mean to say ability. Coach Billick, do you have an ability?”

Belichick didn’t even respond to that. Emmitt then stared at his paper again.

“Coach, if my math correct on this, I has 98 more question for you,” Emmitt said. “Question three, what have you doned with Brandon Lloyd – oh, his last name Lloyd; now I remember – what has you doned with Brandon Floyd’s chicken finger? Question four, do you have motivate to kill a guy? Question five…”

Emmitt kept rolling off questions without giving Belichick a chance to reply. Not that he showed any willingness to give any sort of response anyway. When Emmitt got to the ninth question, Belichick stopped him. He put his hand on his shoulder and said something that was barely audible. It was muffled; almost as if there were something concealing his vocal cords.

“Can’t … … now … I’m busy … for the game … up … the Pilgrims,” Belichick seemed to say despite the fact that his mouth wasn’t moving. “Those … Brandon … and … Hitner are … to be a …”

What we think Belichick tried to tell Emmitt was that he’s too busy trying to prepare for Sunday’s game against the Washington Pilgrims – formerly the Redskins – because Brandon Meriweather and Donte Hitner would be a handful for his Jets.

Belichick would be correct – these two safeties have wreaked havoc upon the NFL – but it still doesn’t explain why he was inaudible or why his mouth didn’t move, or why he was wearing a t-shirt instead of a hoodie. Perhaps these are all valuable clues for the investigation. We only hope that Emmitt picks up on them rather than spending energy trying to remember Brandon Lloyd’s last name.