Emmitt on the Brink – Season 10: Week 16

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

REAL EMMITT, BACK IN THE REAL WORLD

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Thursday, Sept. 24, 2020

When real Emmitt and his companions opened their eyes, they found themselves still standing in the Florida Gators’ football locker room, except there were three urinals secluded from the rest instead of one. Real Emmitt also found it particularly interesting that there was a mirror in the middle of the room.

“How can there be a millor here in the medium, I mean middle of the room?” real Emmitt asked.

“I was about to ask myselves the same questionmark,” the mirror image replied.

“Hey, Emmitt, that’s not a mirror,” the striped leopard said.

“Yeah, Emmitt, that’s not you,” Dante Fowler said.

“If that not a millor, and that not me, then who are it be?” real Emmitt asked.

“I was about to ask myselves the same questionmark,” the mirror image responded. “Wow, it seem like I always ahead of myselves when thinkin’ the same questionmark in my headness.”

“Emmitt, that’s Evil Emmitt,” the single ranger whispered.

“Emmitt, that’s another Emmitt,” Ezekiel Elliott said at the same volume.

Both Emmitts’ eyes popped open, as they realized what had happened.

“How you comed to the real world!?” Evil Emmitt snapped. “I lock you in fake house without key, it were unpossible that you get outside!”

“My friend all help me, and now I have the Sword of Legendary Sword to help debeat yourselfs!”

“The Sword of Legendary Sword!?” Evil Emmitt gasped. “Well it still do no matter. I knowed your every move because I amed you, and my evil friend gonna kill your friend too as well also so they gonna help me once they do these.”

“But you forgetteinged one thing,” real Emmitt said. “Or maybe you do not forgettinged because you do not even knowed these, but I have a geese.”

“Kneel before the Father of Geese!” the striped leopard and the single ranger shouted in unison.

“Another unpossibles!” Evil Emmitt shouted. “No goose exist in the evil world!”

Real Emmitt brandished his goose, to the utter shock of Evil Emmitt. Elliott, Fowler and Michael Vick didn’t seem to understand what the big deal was until the goose shot into the air and began creating lightning bolts that shocked both Fowler and the striped leopard at the same time. They united into one. The same thing then happened to Elliott and the single ranger. And then, the dog and Vick. As it turns out, each was the “good” version of the evil counterpart in the real world.

“Ah, it feels good to stand on two feet again,” Fowler said, turning toward real Emmitt. “It’s me, the striped leopard. Well, maybe I was a striped jaguar the whole time. The evil version of myself is gone because of your goose.”

“Same here,” Elliott said. “I’m the single ranger, though I suddenly don’t feel anxious to talk to women. Not that I want to unclothe them either like my evil counterpart, but I just want to be respectful toward them.”

“Ah, I can talk,” Vick said. “It was rough being a dog. Get it? Rough. Ha. Anyway, after this battle is over, I’m going to help the ASPCA as much as I can to make amends for what the evil version of myself did – though I will admit that I have an urge to groom dogs.”

Real Emmittt smiled, turning toward Evil Emmitt.

“Your friend all gone, and mine still there, I mean here,” real Emmitt said. “Prepare to be gone too as well also.”

Real Emmitt raised the Sword of Legendary Sword and prepared himself for the battle of his life.