Emmitt on the Brink – Season 3: Week 15

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Two years later, the Patriots are coming off the first 19-0 season in NFL history.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow the 2015 New England Patriots as they traverse the 2015 NFL season under Emmitt’s guidance. This page will be updated every Saturday during the real 2010 NFL season.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith name head coach of the New Zealand Patriots on 2015!

EAGLES RECEIVER LEADS ALL PLAYERS IN PRO BOWL VOTING

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Thursday, Dec. 17, 2015

Why does it seem like the Eagles have a different controversial player leading the league in Pro Bowl voting each year?

It all started back in 2010, when Michael Vick won the Pro Bowl balloting just a few years after electrocuting, hanging and drowning dogs. The fact that Vick drowned dogs and took bets on how long they would last didn’t bother the populace.

Last year, John Wayne Gacy took the honor of leading all players in Pro Bowl voting even though Vick drowned him early in the season in an attempt to save a little boy from being Gacy’s 34th murder victim. Vick has since been scorned by fans who believed that Gacy deserved a second chance.

This season, a new player leads the NFL in Pro Bowl voting. It’s none other than Osama bin Laden, Philadelphia’s new starting wide receiver.

Eagles fans initially were against the bin Laden signing, but that all changed after the renowned terrorist held a press conference.

“I’m sorry I did all those bad things,” bin Laden said. “I just want a second chance. I’m a different person now, I swears. Yadda yadda yadda, I’d love to play for the Eagles.”

Ever since bin Laden uttered those words, he has become a fan favorite. On an ESPN.com poll, 95 percent of the voters said that they were rooting for the ex-terrorist. Four percent were undecided. Only a handful of people, including WalterFootball.com owner Walter Cherepinsky, were against bin Laden.

“Don’t people realize how evil WR Terrorist is?” Cherepinsky wrote on his Web site. “I’ll never support WR Terrorist, OL Murderer or QB Dog Killer, no matter how many pieces of hate mail I get for it.”

It appears as though Cherepinsky is going to be alone on this one yet again. Despite logging just four receptions in 13 games, bin Laden has already received his first sponsorship offer with Nissan.

“Uhh… I’m glad… hem, hem… that Osama is getting… uhh… a second chance,” said Andy Reid while clutching a cheesesteak in each hand. “Osama’s a good guy… uhh… hem, hem… and good guys deserve a second chance… hem, hem…”

With an army of ex-convicts at their disposal, the 11-2 Eagles have every right to be confident going into their matchup against the Patriots. Sal Alosi, the team’s new strength and conditioning coach, guaranteed a victory for Philadelphia.

“The Eagles are gonna win RAWR!” Alosi exclaimed. “If the Pats are winning, I’m gonna hurt one of their players RAWR!”

Even Emmitt expressed concern about Sunday’s game.

“The Eagle have the leader in the Proud Bowl voting,” Emmitt said. “This have very concern about me. Osama Benjamin have only four catches on the year this season, but all four catching have very importance in the game that they were at.”

Regarding Alosi’s threats, however, Emmitt was more confident that his team would flex its muscles.

“Sal Acorn probably plannin’ on trippin’ somebody,” Emmitt revealed. “If that happen, you can bet your bottom dollar or bottom five dollar that the players on our teams are gonna’ fight back with revengeance.”

If that’s the case, the Patriots better be careful. The Eagles certainly have their fair share of players who have a history of violence.