Emmitt on the Brink – Season 6: Week 16

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AARON HERNANDEZ

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2018

Chances are, you’re just confused as we are. How could Aaron Hernandez be masquerading as Bill Belichick for the past five years? How did no one think that Belichick’s odd behavior since 2013 was a sign that something was terribly wrong? And if the Belichick we’ve seen walking around and getting into trouble with the NFL is really Hernandez, then what in the world happened to the real Belichick?

Luckily, here at the NFL Bible Network, we have the best resources at our disposal to uncover any story. We received a tape Monday night capturing the interaction between Hernandez and Belichick, and how they came to switch places.

Belichick summoned Hernandez into his office in late June 2013. Hearing that Hernandez would be charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd, Belichick wanted to say his goodbyes to one of his most talented players before releasing him.

“Come on in and sit down,” Belichick said, motioning to Hernandez, who was holding his nose because Belichick’s hoodie reeked like cat urine. Hernandez obliged, taking a seat across from his head coach.

“Aaron,” Belichick started, sighing as if he knew this would be difficult. “We’re going to have to let you go. I know it’s innocent before proven guilty in this country, but the evidence is damning. Plus, Mr. Kraft was complaining about how he hasn’t been able to eat as many Arby’s sandwiches because he’s had to answer questions about you. You know how Mr. Kraft gets when he can’t eat his Arby’s sandwiches.”

Belichick paused, waiting for Hernandez to say something. Hernandez just stared back blankly.

“Again, Aaron, I’m sorry about all of this, but we can’t afford this type of distraction here,” Belichick said in his usual monotone voice. “This must be difficult for you, but if you’re cleared for this crime, you’ll always have a home here.”

Belichick waited again, but still nothing. Hernandez nonchalantly looked back at his head coach, remaining silent.

“Aaron, do you have anything to say about this?” Belichick asked.

Hernandez did not, initially. He reached into his bag and pulled out two masks. One resembled himself. The other looked like his head coach.

“These are nice aren’t they?” Hernandez sniggered. “One of our Bloods members, Michael Silver from Yahoo! sports, made this during arts and crafts. Looks just like us!”

Belichick was now the one staring back in silence, as he had a completely confused expression on his face.

“I knew this day would come,” Hernandez said calmly. “It’s been prophesized in the Book of Bloods that one day, a football coach would betray his tight end, and I’ve come fully prepared.”

Hernandez, grabbing a machete, quickly sliced off both of Belichick’s arms. The head coach stared back in shock, whimpering, “Why… why…”

“Why?” Hernandez sneered. “Why is because you’ve betrayed me. Now, you will suffer my fate.”

Hernandez squeezed the mask resembling himself over Belichick’s head, and he donned the one that looked like the head coach.

“You will take my place in prison, and I will be the head coach of the Patriots – though not for long,” Hernandez hissed. “I’m sure I’ll find some way out of this – maybe I’ll videotape people again!”

“But I can just tell the authorities what really happened!” Belichick declared.

“Of course you can!” Hernandez bellowed. “But then, in retaliation, I will destroy your precious videotape library. I’ll burn all of the tapes. I’ll burn them all!”

“No, not my videotapes!” Belichick cried. “Fine, I’ll do anything!”

Days later, Belichick – wearing the Hernandez mask – was led out of his house without any arms, as seen in the famous picture:

People made jokes about the individual looking like Hernandez not having any arms in this picture, but the plan worked. With everyone focused on the missing arms, no one even noticed that the individual being cuffed was obviously wearing a mask.