Emmitt on the Brink – Season 8: Week 10

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt tasked to find Kim Jong-Jongson

REUNITING WITH OLD FRIENDS

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Saturday, July 20, 2019

Two men sat in a dimly lit cafe in a North Korean suburb. The two hadn’t said a single word to each other throughout the entire meal. The only instances where their silence was broken happened to be when the waitress, a beautiful, well-endowed, 18-year-old woman, asked them questions pertaining to their meal.

“Here’s the check; I hope everything was OK,” she said, placing it in front of the chubbier of the two men.

“Sorry, I’m taken,” the man snorted. “And I don’t have the money to pay for this, anyway. Not after my first wife cleaned me out in last year’s divorce. But he can pay for it.”

The chubby, disgruntled man slid the check to his muscular friend, who just stared at it blankly. The waitress raised an eyebrow and walked away.

“When do you think they’ll be arriving?” the chubby man asked. “They’re taking forever. I told my girlfriend that I’d Skype with her before bed, but they’re ruining it. And now my girlfriend’s going to be jealous of this waitress. Everyone’s ruining everything for me!”

The muscular man just shrugged his shoulders and opened up the check. He slid his credit card into it and handed it back to the waitress.

“Ugh, this is taking too long,” the chubby man whined. “That’s it, I’m going upstairs to Skype with my girlf…”

He stopped mid-sentence when he heard a car door slam shut. Seconds later, the cafe entranced opened, and the chubby man was staring at his old friend and employer, as well as two others he didn’t recognize.

“Emmitt, it’s been years!” the chubby man squealed. “I’d hug you, but my girlfriend would get jealous. How about we settle for a handshake instead?”

The chubby man extended his hand. Emmitt shook it, and was almost instantly repulsed by how clammy it was.

“Eric Mangina, it is great to see yourselves,” Emmitt said, trying his best to hide his revulsion. “And I see you’re still with your bestest friend, Shannon Shark.”

“It’s Mangini, Emmitt! And yeah, but I wouldn’t call him my best friend. Mother said that I had to take a trip with him to North Korea. My girlfriend wasn’t too pleased that I had to leave her, so I promised her that we’d Skype all the time. I… wait, who are your friends?”

“This is Ray Rice, he use to be a formal running back in the National Leagues of Conferences like myselves, and this girl Dianna Mariano Russia, she was a spy and pretend to be Kim Jongson’s girlfriend.”

“I… umm… hey, D- Dianna Mariano Russia,” Mangini stammered, clearly taken aback by the woman’s beauty. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go upstairs and Skype before my girlfriend gets jealous.”

Mangini bolted through the back door before Dianna Marie Russini could correct Emmitt’s introduction. The ninja accompanying Emmitt stepped forward.

“Shannon, any news on our target?”

“IGorwi hrg oie gboa rgbotenh lrtnh shy lenafo isdnl jndg bosrtphi rpith sodosopa sdbjb kzbfibrstk j hsrtboasbis,” Sharpe replied.

“Well, hopefully we’ll hear something from him soon,” the ninja replied.

“Wait, how on Earth did you understand what he said?” Russini asked. “It all sounded like gibberish to me except for one word.”

“I’m an expert in-” the ninja answered, but was interrupted by the back door opening. A young-looking man wearing a visor appeared.

“Guys, come quickly,” he said. “There’s something you need to see.”