Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012
Jerks of the Week for Oct. 1, 2012
JERK OF THE WEEK: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
It's almost election time. That only means one thing - half the people on Facebook are posting political crap like, "OMG OMG O'BAMA SPEND TO MUCH MONEE AND PUTTING US IN DETT!!!" or "OMG OMG ROMNEE IS GREADY AND WONT MAEK RICH PPL PAY TEXAS!!!" while the other half are going, "Jeezth Chrith if I like see like one more political post I'm gunna like cancel my Face Book account and sthuff!"
Me? I'm just spamming links to my Web site, as usual, trying desperately to increase my page views. I just don't give a damn about engaging in political debates because most people have their beliefs set in stone, and no amount of logic will ever sway them. It also doesn't help that nearly half of the population is clueless - for evidence, check out a study that says 45 percent of the public thinks Joe Paterno molested the kids at Penn State. So, trying to prove points to someone who is probably both clueless and stubborn is a futile process.
I do, however, want to discuss some laws that need to be implemented as quickly as possible. No, I'm not going to delve into whether or not there should be gay marriage*, whether or not there should be abortions**, and whether or not Rosie O'Donnell should be continue running her human feeding farms***. All of those debates have been discussed ad nauseum. What I want to do is suggest 10 new laws that will fix the socioeconomic crisis that the United States of America is currently battling. These 10 laws will revolutionize this country and put an end to all the suffering that the most recent recession has caused.
*Side note A: If you're wondering about my stance on gay marriage, I'm all for it - and you should be too if you're a straight man. Think about it. If two dudes marry each other, that means there will be more women for the rest of us straight men, since these gay guys won't have to fake-marry women. What sort of straight man wouldn't want that? By that logic, only gay men would be opposed to gay marriage. If only those jerks would be more open-minded.
**Side note B: If you're wondering about my stance on abortions, well, it's a tough subject, but ultimately, I've decided that I'm against it for one reason. In about 20-25 years, when all of the Baby Boomers are gone, there will be a major decrease in the population of this country. As crazy as it sounds right now, there won't be enough workers, so we'll have to open up the border to Mexicans. Now, I have nothing against Mexicans, but I do have something against genuine Mexican restaurants like Las Margaritas. If there are more Mexicans in this country, there will be more Las Margaritas and fewer fake Mexican joints like Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell, and anyone who wants to take them away from me is an a**hole. So, we need to stop abortions so that we have more domestic workers in 20 years, and as a consequence, more Taco Bells.
***Side note C: If you're wondering about my stance on Rosie O'Donnell human feeding arms, I don't understand why 45 percent of the people in this country think it's OK for Overlord O'Donnell to do this. I mean, call me crazy, but I don't think it's cool if she captures people, fattens them up, tosses them into her giant oven and then gobbles them up when they're well cooked. Yes, yes, the pursuit of happiness is one of the American adages, but how would you feel if you were one of those locked up in Overlord O'Donnell's cells? I think you'd be changing your tune pretty quickly, tune-changer.
So, what are my 10 fantastic laws? Well, I first got the idea for this when I had a horrible experience at my new gym, but let's begin with something more visual:
When forum member Hunter posted this, it made me extremely happy because I thought the blond cheerleader was rubbing one out for the mascot. Then, I came to the horrifying realization that her right hand was going up; not down, which clearly forced the mascot to take care of business himself.
This made me think - wouldn't the world be a better place if hot cheerleaders walked around and randomly fondled men's junk? Every single heterosexual male would have a much brighter outlook on life. I really see no downside to this.
2. Speaking of hot women, it recently came to my attention that some guy named Rick Santorum was on a crusade to put an end to porn. I immediately thought, "Wow this guy must not know any good Web sites that'll give him excellent porn without endangering his computer with a virus."
I discussed this with my editor, Ryan, and he pointed out that he's seen anti-porn ribbons on cars - like this, for example:
Protect our children from porn? What the hell does that mean? How are kids threatened in any way by porn? I watched porn for the first time when was 12 years old. I'll never forget that glorious night. A bunch of us were at our buddy Stein's house for a birthday sleepover, and he, for some reason, had all types of porno channels on his cable box. We turned on one of the channels and watched Star Trek: The Making of the Next Generation.
It was an incredible experience. There we were, a dozen dudes, ages 12 or 13, watching porn together. Not that there's anything wrong with that. No really, there's not. All of us turned out fine. None of us became serial killers or rapists because we watched porn as kids.
So, it should be extremely obvious that we need more porn; not less porn. This really makes me want to create pro-porn ribbons, but meh, I'm too lazy.
3. Look at what I found when I Googled "stop porn:"
This law is a fairly obvious one - whoever made this sign should be executed.
4. I don't think I'm making any startling revelations that we have a food problem around the world. Something really must be done about it.
If you're very ignorant and don't know what I'm talking about, well, just drive down a busy road and look at all of the fast-food restaurants - McDonald's, Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, etc. All of these amazing restaurants have delicious foods, but they all happen to be unhealthy, which is obviously a major bummer.
The government needs to stop worrying about hungry kids in third-world countries like Africa, South America and Camden, N.J. It's very selfish that they're getting all of the attention. Instead, they need to focus on making yummy food extremely healthy.
Imagine going into a KFC, buying six fried drumsticks and bolstering your body with important nutrients. I can't imagine anything better. Even hot, molesting cheerleaders pale in comparison.
5. One of the worst days of the year is coming up in about a month - the end of daylight savings time. Yes, we get an extra hour of sleep, but we have to move our clocks back, which means it'll get dark around 4:30 in December. And ultimately, we'll lose that hour of sleep in March anyway, so what does it matter?
I think we can all agree that we need to have daylight savings time all year round. It should never get dark before 5:30. It's depressing. Hard-working Americans need some sunlight after they're finished work at 5. It's bogus that they have to labor all day, and then it's suddenly night time when they leave the office, factory, public facility, etc.
I've tweeted at Barack Obama to coax him to keep daylight savings time the entire year, but he never responded. I thought about voting for this Matt Romney character because Obama never answered, but then it dawned on me that I could just run for U.S. President myself.
And that brings us full circle because I initially came across my idea for these new laws during the aforementioned trip to the gym. It was a dark and stormy Tuesday afternoon...
6. Like everyone else, I hate driving in the rain because it's slippery and stuff. Plus, you can't have the windows open.
It was pouring when I pulled up to the gym. I drove across the front entrance to gain access to the parking lot when a figure walked into the road. I slammed my brakes and nearly skidded into the sidewalk. I came THIS close to hitting the figure, but thank God I didn't, or something disastrous might have happened, like my car insurance skyrocketing. The horror.
The figure was a woman in her late 50s who smiled at me. I nearly ended her life, so I don't understand why she was so happy. I also didn't get where she was coming from. The only thing behind her was a large bush.
What was she doing in the bush? Peeing there? Having sex there? Plotting to destroy the world in there? Whatever it is, women who dwell in bushes must post a sign for oncoming traffic. I don't want my car insurance payments to increase.
7. The Girl with the Arm Tattoo wasn't working the front desk, so no one tried to roofie me on my way uneventful, but pleasant trip to the locker room.
There were two other people in there - a pair of kids of about 12-13 years old. I was just getting changed, minding my own business, when I heard one of the kids, a tall, pimply nerd sporting an afro and braces say something like, "that guy" and then they both looked in my direction and laughed with each other.
What the hell? Did I have a booger on my face? Dandruff on my shoulders? A chocolate stain on my shirt? No, no and no - I checked - so I don't know why they were making fun of me.
I wanted to take action. I've been losing weight recently, so I'm in tip-top shape - better than most players in the NFL, I'd say. I could have taken those kids on. I could have beaten them up.
But I didn't. Why? Because I would have been arrested for assaulting minors. I think that's bulls***. If a pimply nerd kid with an afro disrespects me, he should pay the price. All of this assaulting-minors crap is just bureaucracy anyway, much like complicated tax and health-care codes. Everything would be so much simpler if we had the same rules for everyone.
8. I walked out of the locker room and approached the life guard stand to get a look at what the water temperature was. My jaw dropped upon seeing that it was 78 degrees in the pool. Ugh.
There's nothing worse than jumping into a cold pool. Like, 80-81 is bad enough, but at least I can warm up eventually and complete my mile. There's no warming up from 78.
I voiced my complaints to the lifeguard, a blond chick whom some of my friends there find pretty attractive.
Me: What's up with the water temperature?
Lifeguard: What about it?
Me: It's 78 degrees! It's too damn cold!
Lifeguard: It's not cold.
Me: What!? It's 78. Seventy-freaking-eight degrees is freezing!
Lifeguard: No it's not.
Me: What do you mean it's not?
Lifeguard: It's not cold at all.
Ugh. At least show some empathy for us poor pool patrons who have to slog our way through ice-cold water.
It took me about 10 minutes to man up and jump into the pool. I nearly had a heart attack. It was freezing. I started swimming as fast as I could, but of course, I couldn't warm up. After about 300 meters, I stopped because I no longer had the motivation. See, if every pool in the world had to be heated to at least 82 degrees, there wouldn't be any issues. Instead, I couldn't complete my workout.
9. I wanted to complain some more but the aforementioned lifeguard was done her shift. A chubby guy with an afro took her place. I had an aversion for guys with afros at that point, so I didn't want to talk to him.
This is something that really bothers me. You know how women can't be in the NFL? Well, I think there shouldn't be any male lifeguards. Two reasons for this:
One, if you're drowning, do you really want some dude giving you mouth-to-mouth CPR? No thanks. I'd rather drown, thank you very much.
Two, this doesn't really affect me because I have a great girlfriend, Awesome Girl Who Loves Football, but other dudes at the gym want to game hot female lifeguards like the one who has an affinity for cold water. While I was splashing through my 300 meters, I saw my friend Jerry talking to her. Good for him, I thought. However, when she left, he looked very depressed. He no longer had any purpose there. He hates cold water, like me, and he certainly wasn't going to game the chubby afro lifeguard. Not that there'd be anything wrong with that, but still.
Simply put, female lifeguards create a cheery atmosphere. Male lifeguards? Well, unless you're heterosexually challenged, drowning actually becomes a preferable option during your gloomy experience at the pool.
10. You know what sucked about that gym trip? Not only did I nearly run over a woman, get disrespected by a pimply nerd, freeze to death, fail to have a good workout and come close to getting mouth-to-mouth with a chubby male lifeguard, I also couldn't go into the hot tub because it was closed.
The hot tub at this new gym has been closed for about three weeks now. I don't understand how this could possibly be. No hot tub should ever be closed. And I don't understand why it's been broken for so long. It shouldn't take that long. Here's how you fix a hot tub:
First, you scoop several hundred pails of water from a nearby water source (the pool) and dump it into the hot tub.
And second, you boil the water. Once it's boiled, people can go into the hot tub. I have no idea how to boil water, but I'm sure there's a switch or a knob somewhere. Hot tubs are basically pits with boiled water, so I don't understand how one could possibly be closed for three hours; let alone three weeks.
In conclusion, these are my laws. I know you love them. Why wouldn't you? They're perfect. Not only are they fun; they would also fix all of the problems in this country.
So, when you go to the voting booth on Election Day, remember - vote Walter Cherepinsky as your U.S. President in 2012. God bless America.
More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings - May 24
2013 NBA Mock Draft - May 22
2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 21
Charlie's 2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 20
NFL Picks - Feb. 3
© 1999-2013 Walter Cherepinsky : all rights reserved
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