Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Nov. 2, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks at My Sister's Wedding - Part 1

I never thought I would be angry upon learning that my sister would be getting married, but that was the case last Thanksgiving when she and her fiance, Rich, made the announcement.

Sister: We're getting married!

Me: That's awesome!

Sister: We're having the wedding on Oct. 25.

Me: That's coo... wait, what day is that?

Sister: It's a Sunday.

Me: ... A FOOTBALL SUNDAY!??! I'M NOT GOING!!!

I was pissed. I normally don't show my emotions at all, but this angered me. I run this Web site for a living and employ half-a-dozen full-time employees, so missing such an important day on the calendar - every football Sunday, the NFL Combine, the start of free agency, the NFL Draft - would be catastrophic.

Despite my anger, no one did anything about it. The specific date was chosen because my sister wanted her reception to be at this specific restaurant, which could only book her on that day, for some reason. Making matters worse, A) I was asked to be in the wedding, so I'd have to be there all day for pictures and such, and B) There happened to be a 9:30 a.m. London game that particular Sunday. It's as if Roger Goodell learned of my misfortune and plotted against me. I could see him sitting in his fortress, tapping his fingers together and hissing, "You have made fun of me for far too long, WalteFootball, so it is time I have my revenge, tee-hee-hee-hee."

I was furious and nervous for months, wondering how I would possibly both go to the wedding and do my job. I work about 80 hours per week during the season, so falling behind so much would be crushing. I eventually came to the realization that I wouldn't be sleeping at all the week after my sister's wedding. Maybe I'd be able to take an hour nap, here and there, but I wouldn't have enough time to actually go to bed. I already pondered buying an entire case of five-hour energy and alerting ambulances to be on standby for my inevitable heart attack.

Fortunately, I have some great employees. Without even informing me that he would do so, Charlie Campbell communicated with Chet Gresham and Pat Yasinskas, and they all agreed to cover all of the games on Sunday. That was awesome, as it would shave off close to eight hours of my work week.

"That's awesome, I might actually sleep a little bit that week!" I told Charlie after thanking him.

While this helped me a ton, it was still going to be a very hectic week. I'd still have to watch all of the games after the wedding, since I'd need to know what happened so I could do my NFL Power Rankings, post my crappy NFL Picks and compile my Weekly Fantasy Football Rankings, which have been surprisingly good this year. In other words, while I would actually be able to go to bed that week, thanks to Charlie, Chet and Pat, it would still be a crazy schedule.

I'm typing this the Friday after the wedding, and I'm beat. I'm only a bit behind my work now, but I feel exhausted. I was only able to take a 2-hour nap Sunday night, and I've slept an average of about five hours the other nights. I'm no longer hallucinating, though, which is a good sign. I thought I saw a purple blob outside my house Tuesday (seriously), and I could have sworn my black laptop turned red late Wednesday night. It has since reverted to black - African American? - so I may have just imagined that. Or, the guy at Best Buy neglected to tell me that my new laptop is a chameleon. I suppose that's a possibility, and if so, I'm beginning to feel worried about the blob.

At any rate, my mom knew that I was completely frustrated with this situation, so she offered a consolation: "You'll be able to write about the wedding at least," she said.

That apparently is the case, as this is what I'm doing now - unless, of course, this is another hallucination.





Rehearsal Dinner:

As if dealing with this ridiculous schedule wasn't enough, I couldn't even go to bed early the night before because I was required to attend the rehearsal dinner. It was at some place called the Mansion.

Girlfriend: What do you plan on wearing to the dinner?

Me: I dunno, a button-down shirt and jeans?

Girlfriend: You can't wear that.

Me: Why not?

Girlfriend: It's at a place called the Mansion. You can't wear jeans to a mansion.

Me: Why not? I don't dress up like a mariner when I go to Red Lobster.

I called my mom to make sure, and my girlfriend was right - dress pants were required. Fortunately, I didn't have to put on a tie, which was a relief, since I'd be forced to wear one the following day. I absolutely hate ties. They're ugly, they're uncomfortable, and they're impossible to put on. I've never been able to do it, and please don't say, "Walt, just look at a YouTube video and learn how to do it." That never works. I must've watched five YouTube videos on how to tie a tie, and none of them have worked for me. I'm super terrible when it comes to doing things with my hands, so I don't think I'll ever learn.

At any rate, we arrived just before they were about to show a video of how my sister and Rich met. I had a few moments to scoop pieces of cheese and celery (with Ranch dressing, of course) onto a plate, but both my girlfriend and mom didn't think this was a good idea.

Mom: Walt, it's about to start! Come on!

Me: Hold on. Need more cheese and celery with Ranch dressing.

Girlfriend: Come on! We're going to be late! Put the food down, and let's go!

Me: Hold on, just a few more pieces. Wait, is there meat here?

Unfortunately, there wasn't, so I was stuck with just cheese and Ranch dressing. As the video was playing, I began eating. My girlfriend kicked me and told me to stop because it was rude. I thought it'd be ruder to just leave the cheese and Ranch dressing on a plate unattended, so I continued to shove food into my mouth.

Afterward, they announced that they were calling up tables to get food. I love when they do this because I get in line right away, even if my table isn't announced. I've found that this is a good strategy. First of all, it's essential, since there's always a risk of the best food being unavailable when your table is finally called. Second, there's no downside to it. What are they going to do, turn you away? Definitely not. Worst-case, if they are dicks and don't allow you to get food, you can just say that you misheard, but from my experience, it works like a charm every time. I recommend that all of you start doing this as well rather than conform to archaic, table-calling policies.

Once I scarfed down all of the delicious food - I piled turkey, pasta and potatoes onto my plate and grabbed more pieces of cheese - I said hello to everyone. Something that annoyed me was that every single person said "congratulations" to me. This confused me at first, and I seriously replied, "For what?" the first time someone said this.

I really don't understand. Congratulations for what? They can say congrats to my sister, obviously, but what did I do? I personally didn't accomplish anything worth congratulating, so why say this to me? I eventually began messing with people and replying, "Oh, thank you, I worked so hard for this day, and I finally managed to get the job done," but they just gave me odd looks and walked away.

I need to mention my cousin Megan as well, but not because she said congratulations to me. Megan showed me something interesting on her phone - results from an NFL picking contest that she had from work. Megan, apparently, is 64-50 against the spread this year. If you're not familiar with NFL handicapping, that's outstanding. Most professional bettors hit at a 57-percent clip, which is considered the gold standard, so she was just a shade off. I've been so miserable with my picks this year that I can't even get to 50 percent, which just seems absurd because flipping a coin would net better results. It's been so horrible that I can't even fathom what a winning week would feel like at this point (Edit: I wrote that on Friday, but I just had a winning week, though I'm not sure if it really happened.)

I just had to ask her, "How are you doing this?" Her response:

"I don't know any of the players except for like Tom Brady, but I think like this: For example, Oakland is playing San Diego. People in Oakland sound like they're tough, so they should be able to beat San Diego."

Wow. I was flabbergasted. I watch every game, study all of the metrics and matchups, pay Killersports $300 per year to house various trends, have access to information on where the money is going, have numerous sources within the league, and yet I'm worse than both flipping and coins and guessing how teams will do based on the perception of the cities they play for. And yet people were saying congratulations to me? It'd be more appropriate to approach me and say, "You're f***ing terrible, Walt!"

I sat back down and got to talking to the guy sitting across from me. He wanted to chat with me because he's a former NFL agent who happened to be familiar with my Web site. He complimented the site and told me that he could give me a list of National Scouting's prospect rankings, which NFL teams only have access to, for the most part. He let me look at one of the pages on the list and said that he'd be more than happy to forward the attachment over my way.

Pretty cool, right? Well, I got a Facebook message from him, saying, "Hey, did you want that National Scouting list? I can send it your way in exchange for $2,000."

WHAT!? Two grand!? I thought he was going to send it over for free!

I texted Charlie about this, wondering if I was underestimating the value of these rankings. Charlie laughed, saying that the list was probably outdated and definitely not even worth close to the money he was asking for. Charlie then said that if we needed them, he could probably get updated National Scouting rankings from one of his team sources.

I still can't believe that he asked two grand for that. It literally would take him no effort to forward it to me. Seriously, all he'd have to do is tap his phone screen a couple of times; it's not like he's going out of his way to help me. My sister just married someone he's closely related to, so we're basically like family now. How can you rip family off like that? I'm highly insulted. Like, if he would've asked for a link to his family business on the site, or perhaps some advice on FanDuel, that would've been perfectly acceptable. But two grand? Wow. Leave it to an agent to try and make a quick buck.







Being Late:

Believe it or not, I was yelled at/chastised for being late by five separate people, all of whom were in the wedding party. While I am chronically late, it was not my fault at all.

I told everyone that I'd meet them for pictures at 1:30. This was the earliest I could possibly do this because A) Buffalo and Jacksonville were playing in that aforementioned London contest, and B) I needed to make sure that everything was properly recording for the games. If the DVR didn't record properly - and sometimes it screws up - I'd be totally f***ed up the a**hole (not that there's anything wrong with that), since I wouldn't be able to watch any of the games. As it turns out, the DVR did, in fact, screw up, so I had to press record again.

Despite this, I was still making good time. The picture location was about 20 minutes away, and I left my house at 1:05. As I was getting into my car, I received a text from my girlfriend, who told me that I needed to go to my parents' house beforehand for some reason. The picture location was sort of on the way, so no big deal.

I rang the doorbell and instantly got mauled by the three dogs at my parents' house. My suit was now all covered in dog hair. I didn't even think I'd have to go inside; I figured I'd just ring the doorbell, and we'd be on our way, but my mom told me to let the dogs out to pee instead.

"Your dad's not ready," she said. "He's still putting on his suit and going to the bathroom."

At the same time? In that order? I never asked, but did as I was told anyhow. Two of the dogs tinkled, but of course, the stubborn Akita didn't.

"You'll just have to pee in the house!" my mom yelled at her. Eventually, my dad came downstairs, and we were on our way - but we were pretty late. I received plenty of calls and texts while on the way, and when we finally arrived at the picture place close to 2 p.m., I received the stink eye from everyone, and no one wanted to talk to me. I was officially the late a**hole with dog fur all over his suit, yet none of that was my fault.


Cameraman:

The guy filming everything was my cousin. However, the older man snapping pictures of us was some short dude I've never met before. By the end of the afternoon, I wanted to strangle him.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this, but this guy told me to "put your chin down" 50 times during the photoshoot. Fifty damn times. I didn't even know what he meant, either. My chin wasn't up. I wasn't staring up at the sky. My chin was parallel to the ground. If I put my chin down any farther, I would've been looking at the ground.

Here's an example of what it sounded like:

Cameraman: Walter, put your chin down.

Me: OK.

Cameraman: More down.

Me: OK.

Cameraman: Chin still up.

Me: No it's not.

Cameraman: Put your chin down. Down, down, down.

Me: Ugh. It's down!

Cameraman: More down, Walter. More down.

Me: F*** YOU, A**HOLE!!!

OK, out of respect for the event, I didn't curse at him, but I definitely had a strong urge to.

This wasn't the only thing the cameraman instructed me to do.

Cameraman: Walter, move your foot to the left.

Me: OK.

Cameraman: The other left. My left.

Me: OK.

Cameraman: No, now the other way. Too much left.

Me: OK.

Cameraman: Still too much left.

Me: All right...

Cameraman: Now, not enough left.

Me: Ugh. OK.

Cameraman: Still not right. Make it look like an "L."

Me: OK.

Cameraman: Doesn't look like an "L," Walter.

Me: Now?

Cameraman: Other "L."

Me: Other "L?"

Cameraman: Yes, foot other way.

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I had enough. I wanted to strangle this dude and storm off - and I probably would have done so if everyone already wasn't mad at me.

Anyway, I was about to discuss the actual wedding, but I just checked and saw that I've crossed the 2,500-word threshold already. Holy balls! I guess I'll have to cut this into two parts and discuss the wedding ceremony and reception next week, since I have lots more to say.

Check back next week for that. If you don't see an article posted, however, please alert the authorities because there's a good chance a purple blob would have eaten me.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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