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Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012




Jerks of the Week for April 23, 2012


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Old Hag Waitress

My friend Harris invited me to a birthday dinner in late March. He told me it was at some Italian restaurant on Castor Avenue. I've heard of Castor Avenue, but I didn't know exactly where it was, so I just had to ask.

Me: How do you get to Castor Avenue?

Harris: What do you mean?

Me: Where is it?

Harris: What the hell? You don't know where Castor Avenue is?

Me: Yeah. Is that weird?

Harris: Yeah! Yeah... it's only one of the major roads of Northeast Philly. I've never met anyone who didn't know where Castor Avenue is.

Harris looked at me like I was some sort of idiot. I am an idiot, but it's not my fault that I don't know where Castor Avenue is. As I've already established, I don't like to leave my house when it's below 55 degrees outside, and when I do, my destinations are pretty limited since I work from home. When driving, I go to Wawa, my new gym, my old gym, Saladworks, my parents' house or Taco Bell. And no, I haven't tried those Doritos tacos yet. I'm highly disappointed in myself.

So, Harris gave me directions to Castor Avenue. I just had one more question...

Me: Will I have to parallel park?

Harris: Parallel park? Maybe.

Me: Oh no...

Harris: You don't know how to parallel park?

Me: Nope, I've never parallel parked once in my life. I have no idea how to do it.

Harris: Do you know anything?

I do know some stuff. Not much, but a few things come to mind. For instance, I know what great food tastes like, so I enjoyed a great meal during Harris' birthday. Unfortunately, three things attempted to ruin my night...

1. Directions: Surprise - I got lost twice. I missed Castor Avenue the first time, so I had to make a U-turn. I also drove by the Italian restaurant. Fortunately, I didn't have to parallel park, but as soon I got out of my car, I saw a black guy wearing a hoodie walking toward me. I felt extremely threatened by him, for some reason. Not sure why.

2. Old Hag Waitress: One of the guys I was sitting next to told me that he likes the restaurant, but the only thing bad about it is a rude, elderly waitress. "I don't like her, she's a b***h," he said.

I saw her, and she looked pretty miserable. She was in her 70s and was wearing so much makeup that it made me wonder if she shopped at a clown store. She walked over to me and took my order. I told her that I wanted chicken parm with spaghetti.

Old Hag Waitress: Soup or salad?

Me: What kind of soup do you have?

Old Hag Waitress: Minestrone and vegetable.

Wow, what a b***h indeed. What kind of horrific person only offers minestrone or vegetable soup? Where's the tomato soup? Cheeseburger soup? Pepperoni pizza soup? Dorito Taco soup? And who likes to eat soup with vegetables or mines in it? Disgusting.

Me: I'll take a salad then.

Old Hag Waitress: Dressing?

Me: Caesar.

Old Hag Waitress: It'll cost extra for Caesar salad.

Unbelievable. Who charges extra for Caesar salad? I love Caesar salad, but I didn't want to be a dick and raise everyone's share of the bill, since we all agreed to split it. So, I settled for the next-best option:

Me: I'll go with Ranch.

Old Hag Waitress: We have French, Italian, Russian and some others.

Me: Ranch.

Old Hag Waitress: We have French, Italian, Russian and some others.

Me: I said ranch.

Old Hag Waitress: We have French, Italian, Russian and some others.

Me: You don't have ranch? It's not one of the "some others?"

Old Hag Waitress: No.

Seriously, would have been so difficult to tell me that right away, rather than read off half the list of the available salad dressings? Why couldn't she just say, "Sorry, we don't have ranch?" The lack of ranch dressing was depressing, but I settled for French. I know that makes me a communist, but I would argue that I was forced into it by a communistic establishment that didn't have ranch dressing and charged extra for Caesar.

Old Hag Waitress struck again later. One of the guys sitting next to me needed a napkin.

Guy: Excuse me, can I have a napkin please?

Old Hag Waitress: You want this one?

Old Hag Waitress picked up a napkin off the adjacent table and shoved it into the guy's face. This napkin still had spaghetti stains on it, yet for some inexplicable reason, she thought that he may want it instead of a clean one. The guy made a face and tried to shoo it away, but Old Hag Waitress wouldn't relent.

Old Hag Waitress: You want this napkin? You want this napkin?

Guy: HELL NO, I DON'T WANT THIS NAPKIN!

Old Hag Waitress walked away with a puzzled expression on her face. She brought the guy a clean napkin a few minutes later.

Maybe she's not a b***h. Maybe she's just some senile old woman who doesn't understand that she's constantly being an a**hole to the customers. Perhaps this restaurant did have ranch dressing, but she thought otherwise. Still, forcing me to eat French dressing instead of ranch makes her worthy of Jerks of the Week, regardless of whether she knows what decade it is.

3. Ice Cream Sandwich: I was eager to go home because I wanted to watch the season premiere of Mad Men. I ate lots of food at the restaurant, but I was still in the mood for a snack.

I went to Wawa and knew instantly what I wanted to get - an ice cream sandwich. The ice cream sandwich is one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. It has ice cream and the delicious brown cookie stuff, which I could eat by itself for three meals a day. Plus, it's healthy too. A doctor once told me that ice cream sandwiches have tons of the all-important Vitamin X.

I bought my ice cream sandwich. I then drove home and placed it in the freezer. I didn't want it to melt while I was getting changed and making a couple of quick updates on the site. I then went downstairs about 20 minutes later and opened my fridge.

My ice cream sandwich was gone. Seriously, it was gone. I rummaged through all of my microwavable pizzas and frozen chicken strips, yet I couldn't find my precious ice cream sandwich. This was one of the saddest moments in my life.

After about five minutes, I relented. I went back to Wawa and purchased another ice cream sandwich. I thought the fat, blond chick working the register would think I was crazy for purchasing two ice cream sandwiches in the span of 25 minutes, but she nodded at me as if she understood.

Like I said, the ice cream sandwich is one of the greatest inventions of all time.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Me

I ate so much that Sunday night I figured I should go to the gym as often as possible the following week. I swam a mile on Monday, and I planned on doing the same Wednesday prior to seeing Hunger Games with my friend Josh.

I thought about skipping the gym that particular day because my right arm was being weird. It felt really weak, and my collarbone hurt. I'm the biggest hypochondriac of all time, but I avoided WebMD.com because that Web site sucks. My knee hurt one time, so I inputted what was wrong into their symptom-checker, and it told me I had a torn ACL. Yeah, I must have ripped it to shreds when I was sleeping or eating Oreos on my couch.

I still went to the gym though. I hopped into the pool and started swimming, and I suddenly noticed that there was a chick who looked a bit younger than me (mid-20s) in the next lane. She was pretty fast, so I wanted to race her. I beat her initially, but my oldness and fatness caught up to me. By the half-mile mark, she was kicking my a**.

I couldn't even finish my mile. I was three-quarters of the way done when I stopped. She was getting out at that instant, so I wanted to get a good look at her. She was OK, though she did look somewhat familiar. Maybe I made fun of her in this section. Who knows? I expected her to ask me if I let her win so I could sleep with her, but she just introduced herself. I can't remember what her name is though. Like I said, "she was OK."

As she was climbing out of the pool, I realized that a guy a couple of lanes over was leering at me, almost as if he was jealous that I got to talk to the only chick in the pool under the age of 60. I would later find out that he was Walker, the guy I wrote about two weeks ago who got into a catfight with Swimmer, one of the other gym patrons.

I didn't think anything of it. I walked out of the pool and plopped into the hot tub. Walker also strolled over to the hot tub. As he was getting in, I noticed that he couldn't move his right arm. He was also dragging his right foot. I had to ask what was wrong.

Me: Hey, do you mind if I asked what happened?

Walker: One day, the right side of my body got paralyzed. That was about 27 years ago.

Me: Wow, do the doctors know what it is?

Walker: Nope. They have no clue.

That's pretty terrible. For him? Oh yeah, I suppose so. I meant more for me. My right arm was still feeling weak, so being a hypochondriac, I thought I was developing the same disease.

I talked to Walker some more, and he seemed like a nice guy, so I suppose Swimmer was the douche bag in the fight they had recently. I felt bad for him and I would have stayed in there until he got out, but I had to catch Hunger Games.

Me: I'm sorry, I have to go.

Walker: OK, see ya.

Me: I have to go watch Hunger Games with my friend.

Walker: Oh, OK. Have fun.

Me: I'd stay here longer, but I have to meet with my friend.

Walker: It's fine.

Me: But... I have to... movie... hot tub...

Walker: Talk to you later.

Me: I... Hunger Games... hot tub... ice cream sandwich...

Walker: Bye!

Walker clearly didn't want me to leave, but like I said, I had to get out of there. As I was walking toward my bag, my collarbone-shoulder injury flared up again. I started to make big circles with my right arm to stretch it out and get some strength back into it.

And then it hit me. I realized what I was doing. I looked back toward the hot tub and saw that Walker was giving me an evil glare. He must have thought I was showing off my right-arm movement because it seriously seemed like he wanted to kill me.

I'll make it up to him somehow. Maybe I'll introduce him to the next average-looking, 20-something chick I see at the pool. But I'll keep the hot ones to myself.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Hunger Games Evening

Josh was being really difficult. Neshaminy Mall (where we were going to see the Hunger Games) is right around the corner from me, so I told Josh to meet me at my house. He said that convening at Neshaminy Mall would be better for him. I couldn't figure out why, since Neshaminy Mall is a 5-minute drive from here, but Josh kept on insisting that we should meet there. He wasn't going to relent, so I eventually gave up.

I was so adamant about meeting at my house because I knew Josh was going to be late. We agreed to get there at 4:30. I arrived at 4:40, knowing he wouldn't be on time, and sure enough, he was still driving.

I decided to kill time by going into Barnes & Noble. I was browsing through all of the spin-off Hunger Games books when two black chicks accosted me. They asked if I had read Books 2 and 3 - I was just starting the third one at that point - and they wanted to know what happened in them. I gave them all the details, but as I did this, I noticed that one of the girls was wearing a hoodie. This made me extremely nervous.

I ended up buying two spin-off Hunger Games books and the first season of Game of Thrones. I left Barnes & Noble and called Josh. He told me he was almost there. Translation: "I'm like 20 minutes away, but I'm telling you that I'm close so you don't yell at me over the phone." We've been best friends since we were 5. I know how he operates.

I did random stuff after that. I walked around Moddell's. I picked up some weights there with my right arm to make sure it wasn't paralyzed. I leered at random chicks walking around the mall. I even took a crap. I was washing my hands when the phone rang.

Josh: Where are you? I'm standing in front of the ticket window, and you're not here!

Me: I'm in the bathroom!

Josh: Ugh. I'm here, and you're not, and you're always saying that I'm the one who's late!

I was THIS close to losing it.

At any rate, we saw the movie. We thought buying tickets for the IMAX version was a good idea, but since we like to sit in the fourth row at the theater, it made the experience much worse. We also had to pay $16 for a ticket. Sixteen freaking dollars! It's a good thing I seldom go to the movies, or I'd have to take out a loan at my bank.

Hunger Games was really good. I enjoyed the book more, but I thought they did a good job of adapting it. There were a couple of things they left out that I wish they would have utilized - i.e. the tribute features on the muttations - but I don't think they could have put that into a PG-13 flick. Hunger Games should have been rated R, but they wouldn't have made nearly as much money with prostitots not being able to see it. Of course, this could be fixed with a more realistic rating system, but our government sucks in that regard. But I digress...

Josh and I went to Nifty Fifties afterward. Nifty Fifties is an awesome 50's-style restaurant with mouth-watering food. I always get two cheeseburgers and cheese fries when I go there. I seriously have wet dreams about that place.

Of course, Josh and I didn't get the redheaded waitress with the nice a** or the cute brunette waitress - a monstrous behemoth took our orders. As we waited for our food, another hot chick came to my mind.

Me: Dude, I have to tell you something that happened at the gym last week.

Josh: What happened?

Me: We were playing basketball. Bball DBag was going for the ball on one play, and he rammed into Harris intentionally so he could get possession.

Josh: Really, he did that again?

Me: Yeah. Harris hit his head on the ground, and then...

Josh: Wait...

Me: No, let me finish. And then, this really hot blond chick came over to help Harris. She was so...

Josh: But...

Me: Dude, she was so hot. It was unbelievable. She goes to nursing school or something.

Josh: But I was...

Me: Harris was pretty lucky even though he may have suffered a concussion. I wouldn't mind if she nursed me back to health, giggity, giggity..

Josh: BUT I WAS THERE WITH YOU! I SAW IT HAPPEN! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS AS IF I WASN'T THERE!?

Crap. I realized Josh was right. He was there, and he saw the amazing blonde.

How could I forget that? Why was I babbling on like some senile person? Could it be? No... Could I have some awful neurological disease like Alzheimer's?

After we were done eating, I raced home, opened up my laptop and logged on to WebMD. I typed in my symptoms, and it told me I had:

Torn ACL.

Damn it, not again.

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craig 05-06-2012 08:07 pm xxx.xxx.xxx5.59 (total posts: 1)
10     13

Ive been looking at your mocks for a whiles but just ran across this stuff today hilarious
Hoodie 04-24-2012 01:17 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.126 (total posts: 1)
14     15

Hahahahahahaha
Shawn 04-24-2012 08:22 am xxx.xxx.xxx9.99 (total posts: 1)
21     16

So last week ???? is sexting you and now this week ???? happened to your ice cream sandwhich.... Start putting things together man. Someones out to get you
Funk 04-23-2012 09:52 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.135 (total posts: 1)
16     12

How in the sweet hell do you not have Alfonzo Dennard on here (I realize it is usually Jerks YOU personally meet, but he should be an exception)

The weekend before the biggest day of his life he punches a cop in the face? Seriously, you don't leave your eff
GongKong 04-23-2012 03:31 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.170 (total posts: 1)
33     34

Play through the pain. That isn't a weight barring bone. Suck it up and gte back out there

When the Browns do something usless in this draft, please have Average Browns fans be one of the jerks of the week with their pathetic reactions to their pathetic team.

(You are welcome to include me in the "average" as I will most certainly be throwing a tantrum and crying like every year)
Daniel 04-23-2012 10:22 am xxx.xxx.xxx.134 (total posts: 1)
17     14

^
Caveman 04-23-2012 09:40 am xxx.xxx.xxx8.22 (total posts: 1)
32     16

Season ending injury.



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Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
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Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




Fantasy Football Rankings - July 30


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NFL Mock Draft - July 23


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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