Jerks of the Week - Sept. 25, 2017





Jerks of the Week: Sept. 25, 2017


Jerks of the Week: On the Road to Margate

I lied to all of you recently. I wrote two weeks ago that my trip with my fiancee to Ocean City, Maryland would be my final vacation before football. I thought that to be true at the time, but my fiancee's parents rented a house in Margate, New Jersey for the week (from Labor Day to the weekend after.) I was invited to come down, but I could only make it the Friday after the Patriots-Chiefs game because I was extremely busy otherwise. It was going to be difficult to make the trip, schedule-wise, but I wanted to spend some time on the beach and to see everyone.

I underestimated how taxing it would be for me. Because of the live kickoff blog pushing everything back for me, I didn't get to sleep the night of the Patriots-Chiefs game until close to 6 a.m. I told my fiancee prior to the game that I was going to leave the house after morning rush hour, so I initially planned to wake up at 9 a.m.

It turns out that I needed more than three hours of sleep. When I told my fiancee I didn't get much rest, she called me, and I could barely talk to her. She told me to get more rest. I tried to, but it didn't work too well. Soon enough, it was 11 a.m., and I barely slept since the phone call.

I had reservations about going because I was so exhausted. I even thought about turning around when I was driving my dog to overnight day care, as I was close to nodding off behind the wheel while making that short ride.

Taking my dog to day care should've taken 10 minutes at most. Instead, I was on the road for nearly half an hour, despite not hitting any rush-hour traffic. Why, you ask? Well, to answer that, I need to show you something first:



This was a tweet that local sports broadcaster John Clarke posted back in the spring. I had a good laugh at some of the responses:



It's funny because it's true. The city of Philadelphia is a major dump. I used to work downtown, and one of the worst moments of my day, save for getting yelled at by my a**hole boss at Mid-Atlantic Mortgage, was the urine smell that @dudebro86 mentioned in his tweet. The stench is real, and when I was fired from my job - just over 10 years ago - I was glad I wouldn't have to go downtown very often. It's so bad that I had this exchange with a friend of mine, who is looking to sell his downtown home:

Friend: Hey, here's a listing to my house. If your fiancee can sell it, she'll get 3 percent.

Me: I'll let her know, but it's going to be hard to find a buyer for a house in the slums.

Friend: You dick!

I'd delve into this further, but I feel as though I've gotten way off track. Where was I? Ah, yes, John Clarke's tweet. See that bit about the Nabisco plant? That was one of the best parts of the city of Philadelphia, sadly. There used to be a Nabisco factory about 10 minutes away from my parents' house, and every time we'd drove by it in my mom's car, I could always smell the fresh scent of cookies baking. It was amazing. In fact, I attribute that smell as the primary reason I've become a fat man as a grown up.

Unfortunately, the Nabisco plant closed a few years ago. I'd discuss how the city could've prevented this instead of becoming a complete s**t hole that happens to be extremely unfriendly to businesses, but I feel like I've done that many times already.

The Nabisco plant shutting down had an impact on my drive, as I pass it every time I go to doggy day care. The road, however, was closed for construction. There was all of this smoke behind a chain fence they set up, so I had to go around and drive the long way. As I passed by that road from the other direction 20 minutes later, I saw that half of the Nabisco factory was gone. They were in the process of imploding the building!

I can't properly describe how upset I was. The Nabisco factory was a huge part of my childhood. How could I have become a fat, grown man without it? It's an utter shame that they had to tear it down, though I do find it amusing that it took the city of Philadelphia years to get around to doing it. It was an abandoned building for what seemed like an eternity.

Still, this is a sad day. To know that kids in Philadelphia won't become fat as a result of the Nabisco smell is discouraging. All their olfactory organs will know of this city is the stench of urine, sewage and waste recycling, and that just isn't fair.




Realizing that I would have to take the long way to doggy day care made me extremely pissed. "That's it, I'm not going!" I shouted atop my lungs, inadvertently scaring my dog in the process.

Yet, despite this, I kept driving. I wanted to get away one last day, so I was willing to endure all of this bulls**t to do so. I dropped my dog off, and after a billion questions from a mousy, bespectacled woman who works there - no, I can't list all of my dog's allergies, a**hole! - I was on my way to the beach.

I wish I could've cruised above the speed limit on the way to Margate, as the roads were fairly empty because it was 1 p.m. Unfortunately, I spotted FOUR police cars as I soon as I hit the Atlantic City Expressway. All four were hiding in tiny alcoves that most drivers don't know what to look for. However, I'm of Russian descent, which means I'm super paranoid, and I know to look for these things.

I didn't get pulled over, but if I were less cautious, I certainly would have. And given how tired and cranky I was, I may have done something worse in my interactions with these police officers, getting thrown in jail in the process. You get locked up for spitting in a cop's face, right?

I hate these people, by the way. I have respect for real police officers who put their lives on the line and attempt to stop actual crime from happening. However, douche bags who hide in tiny alcoves to pull people over for going 10 mph over the speed limit are the scum of the Earth. They accomplish nothing aside from making people angry. I understand going after a reckless driver speeding at 100 mph, but someone who is eclipsing the limit by 5-10 mph is not breaking the law. These so-called "cops" are more like tax collectors. They're just doing this to raise money for their township, so that makes them more of an IRS employee than a law enforcer.

At any rate, I finally arrived in Margate, and I was able to spend about an hour on the beach. I wanted to go into the water, but the air temperature was only about 70, so I would've frozen to death after emerging from fairly chilly water. Instead, I collapsed onto a blanket on the sand. I got sand into my cell phone as a result, and it now makes a crunchy sound every time I try to text. I don't think that's a good sign!

Speaking of signs, we parked in front of one while going to the Ocean City boardwalk. An older man walked up to my fiancee's dad and pointed at this particular sign, which was a neon green-and-purple one, advertising a hotel.

Sign Guy: Wow, that's one beautiful sign, man.

Fiancee's Dad: Which one? That sign for the hotel?

Sign Guy: Yeah, that's one of the most beautiful signs I've ever seen.

Fiancee's Dad: Hmm, that is a nice-looking sign.

Sign Guy: Oh man, I need to take a picture of it and post it on Facebook.

Fiancee's Dad: Oh.

Sign Guy: This is so beautiful, I can't believe how beautiful it is, I've never seen anything so beautiful.

This guy kept droning on and on about this sign. Seriously, he spent 10 minutes talking about how beautiful he thought it was.

He was clearly high on something. That, or the sewage stench from Philadelphia f***ed up his brain a little too much.






After spending some time walking the boardwalk, taking my fiancee's 3-year-old nephew on some carnival rides and eating dinner, we went back to the house for a bit. My fiancee left before I did, as she goes to sleep much earlier than I do and wanted to get to bed. I took off an hour after she did.

My primary concern driving home was staying awake. However, thanks to the power of Coca Cola, I was able to keep from nodding off. That, and talking to myself really helped.

As I was stopped at a red light, I received a text my fiancee, who told me that she was still driving because there was major traffic on one particular highway. This became my new primary worry, as I didn't want to be stuck on the road too late with my lack of sleep.

With all of these issues, I didn't even bother checking how much gas I had remaining in my car. As soon as I crossed the bridge into Philadelphia, my yellow light went on, meaning I was at risk of getting stranded!

I planned on taking a different route home because of my fiancee's warning, so I got off at a much earlier exit. I was now in a shady part of town, and I pulled up into a gas station, expecting the worst. I went to the window, and had a very odd exchange:

Me: Hi, $30 on pump four, please?

Old Lady: Hwwaatt ddwoowwwggg twowowoo wwnananntt???

Me: Umm... $30 on pump four.

Old Lady: Noooo dodoodooo wanananntt hoototot dddaawwgggg.

Me: What?

Old Lady: Hwwaatt ddwoowwwggg??? Ttwwowowooww???

I wish I had a recording of this woman. She was slurring and mumbling her words so poorly that I couldn't understand what the hell she was saying until she pointed to two hot dogs on the counter. It suddenly occurred to me that she was asking me if I wanted to buy two random hot dogs that were on the counter. I don't know why she thought I wanted to make this purchase, but I declined.

Me: No thanks, just gas.

Old Lady: Noooo wwwnanananant thhoototot dododooawwgg??

Me: No, I don't really want random hot dogs sitting on the counter.

Old Lady: Oonnlyllylyly ggaasssss nnooooo hhootttt dssaawwwgggg?

Me: Yes. Can I just have $30 on pump four, please?

The old woman grabbed my money and nodded her head at me. I figured I was given the green light to pump gas, and I was right.

As I was doing so, another old woman approached me. This one was a bit younger than the gas station worker, but far uglier, as she was missing teeth.

Toothless Lady: Hi, do ya have some money I can borra?

Me: Eh, nah, I don't.

Toothless Lady: I saw ya carryin' in money to the store!

Me: Yeah, and I bought gas with it.

Toothless Lady: I saw ya had a lotta monay! Gimme some please!

Me: I have to buy food with this, I can't.

Toothless Lady: Come on, kid, I need it!

Me: Sorry, no.

Toothless Lady: Come on, how bout I do somethin' for that monay?

Me: Uhh...

Toothless Lady: Nobody will see us in the back, behind da store.

Me: No, no thanks.

She shrugged her shoulders and walked away. What struck me as odd is that she seemed genuinely shocked that I didn't accept her offer. I then wondered how much guys' penises she sucks on a nightly basis, but I nearly vomited when I envisioned her toothless mouth around some guy's wang.

I suppose I shouldn't have been shocked. This is Philadelphia, after all, where people are proud of urine, sewage and toxic waste smells.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 18


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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