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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012




Jerks of the Week for Feb. 27, 2012


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale

Did you know that dinosaur chicken nuggets are considered vegetables? It's true. That's what my cousin Lev told me during a party at my house last Saturday.

Lev: Those chicken nuggets - what are they in the shape of?

Me: NOM NOM NOM NOM Dinosaurs NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

Lev: Oh, so they're vegetables?

Me: NOM NOM N... what?

Lev: Dinosaurs used to be green. So, dinosaur chicken nuggets are vegetables.

Me: What?

Lev: Look, all vegetables are green. Dinosaurs used to be green. Therefore, dinosaur chicken nuggets are vegetables.

Forum mod Injured Reserve, who was at the party, felt the need to jump in.

Injured Reserve: Wait, wait, wait... we don't even know that dinosaurs were green.

Lev: What do you mean? Of course they were green!

Injured Reserve: No one knows if they were green or not! All we have are the bones!

Lev: But on TV, whenever they show dinosaurs, they're green. In the museum, the dinosaurs are all green. Are you saying the TV and the museums were lying to me this whole time?

Unfortunately, I don't know how this conversation concluded. My doorbell rang, so I had to stop eating my dinosaur chicken nugget veggies to let some people in.

This party wasn't even supposed to be at my house. Don't get me wrong; I had fun. I'd rather have events at my house because it's more convenient. Plus, I learn new things. For instance, I opened my oven door for the first time ever that night. My sister had something in her hands, and she asked me to do it. The door felt heavier than I imagined. It was weird.

At any rate, like I said, this party was planned to be elsewhere. It was actually a surprise party for my sister's boyfriend. She wanted to have it at my parents' house. What prevented that from happening was a lunatic woman, who qualified as a Jerk of the Week because of her crazy Facebook posts.

So, my dad had shingles two weeks ago. It was painful for him, but not a big deal to anyone who has ever had chicken pox before. Because of my sister's boyfriend's female friend was pregnant, my sister was kind enough to alert her. She told her that my dad had shingles, but that he was cleared by his doctor to go to work. In other words, he wasn't contagious anymore.

This, apparently, did not appease my sister's boyfriend's female friend. Let's call her Shingles Shenanigan Shemale (only because I couldn't think of an appropriate noun that began with sh-.) You'll see why soon. Here's what she had to say initially, with my cousin Alla's response to it:



Mid-wife? What the hell is a mid-wife? I've heard of wife before, and ex-wife, and future wife. How does one get a mid-wife; preferably a hot mid-wife? And can you have multiple mid-wives? Either way, Shingles Shenanigan Shemale didn't take too kindly to this:



BOOM! Cat fight alert! In all seriousness, Alla is right. Why did Shingles Shenanigan Shemale have to spread my dad's business all over Facebook? And if she's going to do that, why not go all out and buy an ad in the newspaper, so she could tell the entire city about it?

This obviously scared some people:



And just like that, my sister's party plans were unraveling because Shingles Shenanigan Shemale had to open her big mouth on Facebook. My sister consequently was pretty pissed off:



Of course, I had to offer my brotherly support by belittling Shingles Shenanigan Shemale:



As you can imagine, this escalated:



Shingles Shenanigan Shemale had enough. She fired off a super-long text to my sister:

Wow did it really have to come to all of this. U can be mad at the situation but to have ur friends disrespect Michaels friends is really uncalled for. I appreciate u letting me know about the situation but I had to tell MY FRIENDs why I wouldn't be there. U should have told everyone attending, its a serious situation. Ur posts and comments are immature and I don't need it in my life. Please delete my number. I guarantee when michael finds out about all this he will NOT be happy! Have a nice party!

Shingles Shenanigan Shemale proceeded to tell everyone, including my sister's boyfriend, about what transpired. Thus, the surprise (and the party) was completely ruined. The only way to salvage it was to host it at my place.

So... where was I? Oh, yeah... the dinosaur chicken nuggets. Someone interrupted my daily intake of veggies. I answered the front door, and three people walked in. The guy and one of the girls were both friendly. The third person, a tall, husky woman, grunted at me and barely said hello. I'd discover later that she was Shingles Shenanigan Shemale.

She may have grunted at me, but I will have the last laugh. I will sleep with her sexy mid-wife, and then I'll top it off by eating some more veggies. It'll be a glorious, glorious day.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Jeremy Lin's Brother

The best thing to ever happen to my Asian friend Not Asian Guy is Jeremy Lin. Ever since Lin came into the spotlight, Not Asian Guy has been using the line, "Jeremy Lin is my brother" to chicks at the bar. And it's worked for the most part.

*** Side note: For the record, I think this whole ESPN "Chick in the Armor" headline is so overblown. The guy who wrote it obviously didn't mean that as a racial slur because if he did, he would have known that he'd be fired. He was just stupid - and that's why he deserved to be axed. He should have known that idiots who have sand in their vag wouldn't take too kindly to a headline like that.

For those who do have sand in their vag reading this, there's nothing wrong with saying a "chink in the armor." If you're too stupid to realize that a "chink in the armor" has been a popular saying since the 1600s, then you're an ignorant moron.

No one would be fired for saying a "chink in the armor" or a "niggard host" in a perfect world. Unfortunately, we live in a world where way too many people have too much sand in their vag to open a dictionary and learn the English language. Whatever. I think I'll just go calm my nerves by eating some Cracker Jacks. Oh, crap, I think I just offended white people! Good thing I can't fire myself. End rant. ***

So... where was I? Oh, yeah... Not Asian Guy has been having some success with the ladies - just not those he's been aiming for.

Not Asian Guy's first attempt was directed toward the super-hot blond female bartender at Tango (formerly Whiskey Tango.) All she said was, "Haha, that's funny, hun." She has a boyfriend, unfortunately; otherwise, it would have worked.

There were some new girls there that particular night who met up with me and my friends. I asked them what their names were:

Me: Hey, I'm Walt.

Girl 1: I'm Demaryius.

Girl 2: I'm Stephania.

Being drunk at the time, I referred to them as "Demaryius Thomas" (a Denver Broncos' football player) and "Stephania Bell" (a female ESPN analyst). Demaryius Thomas didn't know what the hell I was talking about, but Stephania Bell found this amusing because she's a Penn State sports journalism major - just like me. Giggity, giggity.

Demaryius Thomas, meanwhile, was more interested in Not Asian Guy. It was not mutual, unfortunately, but she still went over to him when he was waiting for a drink at the bar.

I observed from a distance. I couldn't make out what Demaryius Thomas was saying to Not Asian Guy, but suddenly, I heard a chubby woman drunkenly yell from across from the bar.

Chubby Woman: Heeeeyyyy yeewwwww!!!

Not Asian Guy: Me?

Chubby Woman: Yeeerrr Jeerrmmm Llllliinnsss brrooothhurr!!!

Not Asian Guy: Uhh... no, I'm not... I swear...

Chubby Woman: You'rrrr cuuuuuttee cannn I buuyyy yeewww a shahhhhht!?!?

Not Asian Guy: No thank you.

Chubby Woman: Commmmee onnnn Juurrrmmyyy Liiinnnn, I'll buyyy yewwww a drruunkkk!!!

Not Asian Guy: No, it's OK, really.

This went on for 10 minutes. Not Asian Guy walked away from the bar, and I laughed at the entire situation.

Me: Not into the fat woman who wants to buy you drinks?

Not Asian Guy: Haha, no, not at all.

Me: What about that Demaryius Thomas girl? What was she saying to you?

Not Asian Guy: Who?

Me: The girl who sat down next to you. What did she say?

Not Asian Guy: Oh. I have no idea.

Me: What do you mean?

Not Asian Guy: I didn't know what she was saying at all.

So, Not Asian Guy didn't want to date a budding NFL star. That's understandable, I guess. His proclamation that he's Lin's brother continued to backfire, however, because a guy who was playing pool hugged him out of nowhere later on that night. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Lesson learned - if you're going to announce that you're a famous athlete's brother at a bar, you'll have to deal with female football players, fat skanks and heterosexually challenged pool players. I wonder if Not Asian Guy still wants to be Jeremy Lin's brother.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Tango Stalker

There were many characters at Tango the following weekend, ranging from hot chicks to complete weirdoes.

My friend Jess pulled me over at the beginning of the night to alert me of two people.

Jess: See that guy with the black jacket and the weird hat across the bar?

Me: Yeah.

Jess: He's the guy I told you about before who wants to meet up with both Adrienne and me. He's a stalker.

Me: How's he a stalker?

Jess: He followed me around everywhere, including outside. He didn't really say anything, but he once started laughing about a joke he made about playing darts. I had to ask my friend Matt to pretend to be my boyfriend so he'd stop stalking me.

Me: I wish a hot girl would stalk me.

Jess: Speaking of, see that girl over there?

Me: Yeah, she's hot.

Jess: She's the one from the bowling alley that you wrote about.

Me: Whoa. What's her deal?

Jess: Well... she has a boyfriend.

Me: UGH! Who cares about her!?!?

My friend Caveman overheard me and started laughing. We then had a conversation of our own about trying to game girls with boyfriends.

Me: I'm so done with girls who have boyfriends. It's just too mentally difficult to deal with that crap.

Caveman: Yeah, you probably feel guilty at the end about making the girl cheat.

Me: Guilty? Why would I feel guilty? Don't be ridiculous.

Caveman: Haha, then why is it so hard for you?

Me: It's just too much effort. It wears me out. You have to do so much mind manipulation and coercion that it wears on you. It's not really worth it.

It's true. I wouldn't recommend going down that road. I don't think there's anything immoral about having a girl cheat on her boyfriend - it's not like they're married or anything - but it's just too mentally draining.

Later on that night, Not Asian Guy told me about some sort of Web site that has videos of bugs fighting each other to the death. This piqued my interest.

Not Asian Guy: Insects that fly have a huge advantage.

Me: I never heard of this before. What about scorpions?

Not Asian Guy: Scorpions are actually pretty lame. If their stinger falls off, they can't do anything.

Me: That sucks. What about iron scorpions? I'm sure they kick a**.

Not Asian Guy: Wait... what'd you say?

Me: Iron scorpions.

Not Asian Guy: Eye-RON? Who pronounces "iron" eye-RON?

Me: That's not how you say iron?

Not Asian Guy: No!

I called everyone over and asked them how they pronounced iron. I was the only one who pronounced it "eye-RON." Everyone else said "EYE-urn."

I was so depressed about this that I had to go to the bathroom to ponder my existence. As I was taking a piss - in a stall, of course - I heard a strange sound emanating from across the bathroom. It sounded like, "hhhhwwwwwaaaa, hhhhwwwaaaaa poooooooooo."

For a minute there, I thought that two heterosexually challenged males were having a sexy time in the bathroom. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not something I wanted to see. To my surprise, I discovered that there was only one person in the bathroom when I stepped out of the stall - it was the same stalker guy that Jess pointed out earlier. This strange man initiated a conversation with me.

Tango Stalker: Hey, did you ever realize how ugly you are when you hock a loogie?

Me: What?

Tango Stalker: Look in the mirror when you hock a loogie next time. You won't believe how ugly you look!

Me: Umm... OK, will do.

Tango Stalker: No, seriously, look... look at me... hwwwaaaa poooooo! Hhhhwwwwwaaaa poooooooo!!! Don't I look ugly when I do that?

Me: Yeah, sure.

Tango Stalker: So, I have to ask you a serious question.

You have to ask a serious question? To a random dude you just met in the bathroom? Not that there's anything wrong with that. At all.

I figured Tango Stalker would ask me about Jess, and whether or not he had a shot with her. To my surprise...

Tango Stalker: Did you ever see that Family Guy episode where they made fun of Alan Rickman?

Me: Alan Rickman?

Tango Stalker: Yeah, you know who Alan Rickman is, don't you?

Me: Of course I do...

Tango Stalker: So, did you ever see the Alan Rickman Family Guy episode?

Me: No.

Tango Stalker: Oh wow, you're missing out. It went like this: "My name... is..." Oh, this was when Alan Rickman recorded a voicemail message from the future. "My name... is..." Oh, and keep in mind that Alan Rickman of the present is calling the Alan Rickman of the future. It went like this: "My name... is... Alaaaan... Riiiickmaaan..."

Me: Ha ha, that's funny, well, I'll see you...

Tango Stalker: Wait, I'm not done. "My naaame... is... Alaaaaaaan Riiiickmaaaaaan...

He wouldn't let me leave. He continued to speak in his Alan Rickman voice and deliver quotes from that particular Family Guy episode. This went on for 10 minutes. I didn't leave at first because I figured he'd stab me, but that didn't seem so bad when I began thinking about drowning myself in the toilet. Fortunately, another person walked in at the very last second.

Tango Stalker: Hey, did you ever see the Alan Rickman Family Guy episode?

Other Dude: No.

I used this opportunity to bolt out of the bathroom. I couldn't listen to Alan Rickman impressions any longer. One more minute of that, and I would have grabbed the knife he had stuffed in his pocket and stabbed myself with it.

On the bright side, if I did stab myself, I could have used that opportunity to garner sympathy sex from the hot bowling alley chick. That's one way to get a girl to cheat on her boyfriend without any effort.




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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 22


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


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