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Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010




Jerks of the Week for July 19, 2010


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: NFLShop.com

Awesome Kelly in Arizona, my friend and avid WalterFootball.com reader, celebrated her birthday last Sunday. She's a huge football fan, so I planned to get her something from NFLShop.com.

Now, I should have known better. This past Christmas, I purchased four gift certificates for friends to use at NFLShop.com. They didn't receive these gift cards until about Jan. 20. Maybe I should have realized that NFLShop.com would screw me, but at the time I considered that past experience a fluke or something. I mean, all of those people on the NFLShop.com commercials look so happy with their merchandise. And if they're happy, NFLShop.com's service must be great!

Well, I'll let you be the judge of that. As I said, Kelly's birthday was on a Sunday. My plan was to make her a custom-made Arizona Cardinals jersey that said "Awsum Kel AZ" (that's the most I could fit) and order it the previous Monday. NFLShop.com indicated that it takes custom jerseys 2-3 days to leave the warehouse. So, that would be Wednesday or Thursday. By mailing it overnight, it'd get to her by Friday, or Monday at the very latest.

That Monday, I made the jersey and popped in all of the information NFLShop.com needed. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the option for overnight delivery - because there was none. Apparently, custom-made jerseys can only be delivered via standard 2-3 day shipping. I guess all of those happy people on the commercials knew that going in. Well, I didn't. OK, so my gift was going to come two or three days late. Not the end of the world, right? Well, three days later, I received the following e-mail from NFLShop.com:

Dear Walter Cherepinsky:
We regret to inform you that we are unable to complete your order. If you elected to pay with a debit/check card, your statement may already reflect the charge for this order. You will be credited for the order amount. If you elected to pay with a credit card, it will not be billed at all. We sincerely apologize for this inconvenience.


That was it. No explanation. No nothing. For a moment, I thought maybe NFLShop.com hired Emmitt Smith and this was his way of getting revenge for all the times I've made fun of him, but then I realized that the e-mail would have looked like this:

Deer Walter Cherepinsky:
We have regretly to informed you that we have become unabled to complete you're order. If you electioned to pay with a debt/check cart, you're statement may already reflectioned the charge for these order. You will be credit for the order amountment. If you electricioned to pay with a credit card, it will not be killed at all. We sincerely apology for this inconveniosity.


Now aware that Emmitt wasn't behind this, I was really at a loss as to why NFLShop.com inexplicably canceled my order. At least give me a damn reason.

So, I called the NFLShop.com number and was ready to angrily b**** at someone working there. Unfortunately, I didn't get the opportunity to do so because I wasn't able to reach a live person.

I selected all the right options and was asked to enter in my order number. I did so, and a computer voice said, "We cannot find the status of your order. To repeat this message say 'repeat.' Otherwise, say 'goodbye.'" I chose to repeat, and the computer repeated the same message.

At that point, I thought saying "goodbye" would prompt the NFLShop.com phone service to ask me if I was satisfied with that answer, and if not, ask if I wanted to talk to a live representative. So after saying goodbye, I heard, "Thank you for calling NFLShop.com. Goodbye!"

What the hell is that? My order is canceled, and when I call to find out why, I learn that they cannot find the status of my order. What complete garbage.

Next, I decided to e-mail NFLShop.com. It took me about 10 minutes to find the right page to shoot over some feedback. Two days later, I received a response. "Great," I thought. "Now I can find out why my order was canceled."

HA! Instead of a live person e-mailing me back, I got an automated response that gave me a checklist of things I may have done wrong. Some of which included, "inappropriate language in the customized words." Yeah, "Awsum Kel AZ" is really inappropriate. In fact, it was actually a code for terrorists telling them when and where to attack this country! Muhahahaha!

I was about to give up when in frustration, I went onto NFLShop.com and tried to order the same exact thing just for the hell of it. Three days later, I received the following:

Dear Walter Cherepinsky:
We're pleased to inform you that the following item(s) from order have been shipped.

What!? How was this possible? They couldn't ship something one week, yet they could ship the same exact thing the following week? Unfortunately, I scrolled down and saw the item information. The jersey read "AWSUMKELAZ."

Yep. No spaces. Maybe Emmitt works there after all.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Jesse Jackson

LeBron James stuck a knife into the back of every Cleveland fan last Thursday. Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert chastised him for doing so that night. And of course, Reverend/Racist Scumbag Jesse Jackson chimed in on the situation.

I'm sure you've all read Jackson's silly statement by now, so let's actually break down every sentence he uttered out of his ignorant mouth:

[Gilbert] speaks as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers.

If Gilbert thought he was the owner of LeBron, why would he be upset that LeBron left for Miami? Wouldn't he want to own LeBron in South Beach rather than owning him in the decaying bankrupt city of Cleveland?

If anything, Gilbert sounded like a frustrated Cavaliers fan, which is why I liked his Comic Sans rebuttal to LeBron's decision. Gilbert was upset over losing his star player. If you ran a team, and your star player left for someone else, wouldn't you be upset? And what if this star player pulled in a bazillion dollars for you, wouldn't you be so distraught that you'd resort to e-mailing all season-ticket holders with a giant Comic Sans font? I know I would.

His feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality.

Ding, ding, ding! Jesse Jackson is right. Gilbert is a slave master, and LeBron was his slave. Only Gilbert was going to pay LeBron $120 million. This of course pales in comparison to Kunta Kinte's $20 million over five years.

He sees LeBron as a runaway slave.

"Come back here, slave! I have a $120 million check I need to give to you!"

In all seriousness, Jesse Jackson and his butt buddy Al Sharpton are morons. Instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity to exploit things that actually are racist, these clowns make a spectacle of everything and undermine their own integrity, which is nonexistent at the moment.

This is an owner employee relationship - between business partners - and LeBron honored his contract.

Agreed. LeBron had every right to leave Cleveland to "take his talents to South Beach" (even though the Miami arena isn't anywhere near South Beach.) But he shouldn't have made a huge spectacle about it on TV. If he wanted to play for the Heat, he should have just told a couple of reporters he was doing so, much like Michael Jordan simply said "I'm back" when he unretired from basketball the first time.

If LeBron took the respectable route and didn't do things so narcissistically and callously, I doubt Gilbert's response would have been so extreme.

Of course, the question needs to be asked if Jesse Jackson would have responded like this if Gilbert reacted the same way toward losing a white player. I'll go out on a limb and say that Jackson wouldn't have crawled out of his cave to give his opinion on it - which is precisely the problem.

This is an attack on all NBA players.

Look out, all NBA players - angry owners everywhere will be upset if you leave. Some owners may even opt to use red Comic Sans font!




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Paris

No, I'm not making fun of the city. Maybe another week. The Paris I'm referring to is the restaurant where my parents had their 35th wedding anniversary last weekend.

Now, before the owner sends me an angry e-mail, I'm not going to bash the restaurant in any way. Save for one thing, I didn't have a problem with it. Instead, I want to make fun of the people and things I saw that night:

1. Music: The music probably sucked, but I was too drunk to notice. What I did notice was how loud the music was. I had to yell to talk to the people next to me, and I couldn't communicate anything to my cousins sitting across the table. At one point, I think one of my ear drums started to bleed.

This is one thing I hate about most popular bars or clubs. I've never understood why they feel the need to make the music insanely loud. When I'm out, I want to be able to talk to my friends or the STD-ridden whore I'm trying to game. Obnoxiously loud music makes this impossible.

2. Rude Waiters: Sensing my parents would pick out horrible food, I ate at Subway a few hours beforehand. Ironically, the $9 I spent on a chicken parm Footlong and potato chips was probably better than anything on the menu.

Since I was full, I barely ate anything. I had some bread and cut-up potatoes, but that was it. I guess the waiters roaming around saw this and were convinced to get me to eat something. They constantly came up to me and shoved some weird-looking food in my face.

At one point - and at this stage, I was sober enough to remember - the waiter showed me a plate full of things that looked like white blobs. My cousin actually took one and ate it. I haven't talked to him since, so I'm not sure if he's still alive.

Eventually, whenever I saw a waiter coming toward my table, I quickly shook my head and my hand. They got the message.

Later that night, the waiters went around collecting dirty plates and silverware. I spent the entire time mixing drinks with my knife. I didn't want to lose this knife, so I hid it under my plate. Unfortunately, the waiter found my knife and took it away. I tried to tell him not to, but the music was too damn loud and he didn't hear.

3. Red Drank: Speaking of mixing drinks, we had pitchers of water, Coke and this red stuff on the table to complement the vodka, wine, etc. I drank some wine because I was told it was good (it sucked) and then I threw together my usual Coke-and-vodka concoction.

Eventually, the red stuff piqued my curiosity because no one had touched it. After yelling for about five minutes to get my cousin's attention, she passed the pitcher down to me. I tried it without alcohol, and I really couldn't tell what it was. It wasn't cranberry juice. It wasn't a Shirley Temple. And sorry, JaMarcus Russell, it wasn't cough medicine. I had my cousins try it, and they couldn't identify it either.

So, I did what any ordinary drunk does - I mixed it with alcohol. I poured some vodka into a glass and filled the rest with the red stuff. I took a sip and was speechless. I took one more to make sure - I couldn't taste any of the vodka. And there was a decent amount of vodka in there.

I was astonished. A few of my cousins tried it, and they were equally astonished. I got the attention of this hot blond Russian waitress (the only waiter I didn't shoo away the entire night) to ask her what this red stuff was.

Me: What is this red drink?

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Me: What!?

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Me: What!??!?!

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Me: What!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Thankfully, the music stopped. Hot Waitress told me she'd be right back to ask the manager what it was. She returned two minutes later.

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Me: What!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Me: What!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?

Hot Waitress: *Something inaudible; music was too loud.*

Eventually, I heard her say "cranberry juice." Or at least that's what I think she said. I don't care whom she asked; that was not cranberry juice. Everyone at the table agreed that it wasn't.

So, I guess I'll never find out. But in honor of JaMarcus Russell, we named it Red Drank. "Do ya tink so?"

4. Old Pervert: There was a dance floor behind me, but since I don't dance (like my hero Brandon Walsh) this didn't concern me. Not until the end of the night anyway.

I was talking to a female cousin of mine when this old Russian guy (late 70s?) approached our table.

"Can I have dance?" he asked, pointing to my cousin. My cousin looked at me in shock. Being a drunken jerk I replied, "Sure, go ahead."

Now, I assumed he just wanted to dance with her for one song. But he literally kept her going for like 15 minutes. Eventually, her mom (my aunt) walked over to the table. She quizzically looked at him and asked, "Who's that?"

And in drunken jerk moment No. 2, I replied, "Your new son-in-law." She gave me an evil glare, and I laughed. Good times.

5. Not Quite a Cleaning Woman: Old perverts weren't the only people on the dance floor. There were a couple of hot chicks from another party, including this super-hot Russian brunette.

I pointed this chick out to my male cousin, who immediately recognized her. "My dad almost hired her for his cleaning service, but he figured she was just in America to party," he said.

What's so wrong with that? She's hot, so she wants to party. She can work too. Damn it, why are hot girls always discriminated against?

My uncle walked over a few minutes later, and he confirmed that she was in fact someone he nearly hired as a cleaning girl.

"Your hiring standards are too high," I yelled. My uncle laughed, but I wasn't joking.

See, I just bought a house. Because I'm completely inept with household things, I'm going to hire my uncle's company to clean my house every two or three weeks. And I'd prefer if he had hot chicks wearing skimpy maid outfits doing the job.

Sure, this unlicensed Russian immigrant chick probably has a billion STDs, but I just want a happy ending with my cleaning service. Is that so unreasonable?



More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Free Agents - April 19


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 16


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


2014 NBA Mock Draft - March 26


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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