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Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011




Jerks of the Week for June 27, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jerks at Dennis' Party

Dennis was college roommate at Penn State during my freshman and sophomore years. He's in charge of DraftDebacled.com, a project that we've been working on for two years now.

Dennis got married in May 2009 - read all about my drunken time in the live blog - and his birthday party was a few Saturdays ago. Naturally, I found a few jerks to write about:


1. Me:

About a month before the party, I received an e-mail from Dennis' wife. I opened the e-mail and there was a message saying "Guess whose birthday it is?" and a link to an e-vite or something. Since I'm fat and lazy, I didn't feel like clicking the link. Instead, I IMed Dennis.

Me: Hey man, I just got the e-mail about your birthday party.

Dennis: What birthday party?

Me: The e-mail your wife sent out about your birthday party.

Dennis: I had no idea I was having a birthday party.

Dennis then spoke to his wife. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

Dennis: Hey, I didn't know you were throwing me a birthday party.

Wife: How did you find out about the surprise party already!? I just sent out the invitations seven minutes ago!

Dennis: Walt told me.

Wife: I'm going to kill that fat slob!!!

Just kidding - his wife didn't say anything like that. Or at least I hope not. The fact remains, however, that I completely ruined the surprise party. When I arrived at Dennis' house that Saturday, his dad greeted me.

Dennis' Dad: Don't worry Walt, I've got your back.

Me: What do you mean?

Dennis' Dad: All the women in there want to kill you for ruining the surprise.

It actually wasn't that bad. People gave me s*** for it, but everyone was pretty much drunk when I arrived, so they were nice about it.

Thank God. I thought they were going to keep the beer, hot dogs and hamburgers away from me as punishment. That would have been a nightmare.


2. Babies:

Speaking of hot dogs and hamburgers, I piled several onto my plate around 6:30. I remember the time because everyone gathered around the TV to watch the Belmont horse race.

As I stuffed food into my face, this hot chick sat down to my right. She looked at me like she had instantly fallen in love with me. I thought really hard and came up with something clever to say to her.

Me: Mwfejewwmefmghrregmef.

Yeah, so talking while chewing hot dogs and hamburgers proved to be more difficult than I realized. However, despite my inability to speak the English language at that moment, Hot Chick still stared at me lovingly. I got game, what can I say?

The weirdest thing happened after that. Hot Chick began making baby noises while looking at me. I thought about saying, "Yo, Hot Chick, I know I have ketchup all over my face, but that doesn't mean you have to talk to me like I'm a baby. I'm a grown man, damn it."

I would have said this to her, but then I looked to my left. There was a baby on some dude's lap. It turns out that Hot Chick never once stared at me; she was admiring a baby - her own baby, I would soon find out.

Oops. Oh well. I couldn't game Hot Chick, but I still had my precious hot dogs and hamburgers, so I was very happy.


3. Little Kids:

Forgive me for picking on babies and little kids, but they were the true jerks of Dennis' 30th birthday party.

There were tons of little kids there, presumably the children of Dennis' siblings and cousins. I was too drunk early on and too busy eating the awesome food to ask who everyone was.

The little kids caused havoc, however. First, they completely ruined our game of beer pong. I don't know who the culprit was, but one kid thought it would be funny to smash all of our beer pong cups. Fortunately, Dennis had some cups in reserve.

Second, the little kids drew all over Dennis' driveway with chalk while we were playing beer pong. That normally wouldn't be an issue, except one kid wrote the following in green chalk:

"God hates flags."

I'm not making this up. We were all shocked by it. I didn't know 7- and 8-year-old kids could be artsy-fartsy new-age, tree-hugging, rat-bastard hippies.

We quickly forgot about this unforgivable act of communism when we saw what one person did to Dennis' car. Someone - presumably an adult - wrote "Gay Pride" on Dennis' windshield with different colors of chalk.

I guess it's a good thing that the kids didn't write "God hates fags" on the driveway. Otherwise, we would have had a major dispute between the gay kids and homophobe adults at the party. That definitely would have ruined beer pong.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Jerks at Polina's Party

My cousin Polina is getting married. She asked if she could have her engagement party at my house, and I was happy to oblige. Why? Well, not only was it the nice thing to do; it meant that I could get as drunk as balls and not worry about driving home.

It proved to be a rough night. While playing Wii with two chicks, I couldn't get past the first level of Ghosts and Goblins. And if that's not enough, I puked all over my basement bathroom at 3:30 a.m. The following day I discovered that I completely missed the toilet and vomited all over my wall. The cleaning ladies couldn't even get it out the following Tuesday. As the hot cleaning lady said, "I was in there 20 minutes and I was gagging the whole time. I can't get the puke off the wall."

At any rate, I was barely able to function the next day. Alka-Seltzer saved me. Fortunately, I was able to recall two jerks from Polina's party:


1. Party Pooper:

When I looked at the invite list on Facebook, I noticed that this unbelievably hot chick named Kristin RSVPed to the party.

Unfortunately, Kristin never showed up, which shocked me since women are usually so reliable with plans.

I ended up talking to this hot Asian chick. She didn't seem to mind that I was super drunk. In fact, I was surprised she didn't walk away in disgust when we had the following exchange:

Me: It's nice to meet you.

Hot Asian Chick: What? We met before at your Halloween party.

Me: Oh, oops!

Hot Asian Chick proved to be quite gamey. Maybe I'm recalling things differently because I was drunk, but I remember her touching my arm and saying stuff like, "I love your house" and "I love your hot tub."

It was on. Well, almost on. Her friend would prove to be my downfall.

Let's backtrack a bit. Hot Asian Chick walked into Polina's party with two friends. One happened to be Crazy Horse Girl. The other was pretty attractive as well, but said that she didn't want to drink any alcohol because she was tired from work. I instantly referred to her as Party Pooper.

Now, I was talking to Hot Asian Chick when Party Pooper wanted to leave.

Party Pooper: I want to go home.

Hot Asian Chick: She's my ride. I guess I have to go.

Me: It's so early, you guys should stay.

Hot Asian Chick: Yeah, let's stay a bit longer.

Party Pooper: I've been up since 8 a.m.

Hot Asian Chick: I've been up since 6 a.m. and I'm fine!

Me: Yeah! I've been up since noon!

Party Pooper: I'm so tired guys, I really need to go to sleep.

Hot Asian Chick: Oh, that means I have to go.

Me: I'll drive you home.

Hot Asian Chick: OK!

Party Pooper: No, I don't want to leave by myself.

Me: Why not?

Party Pooper: Because then I'll feel bad.

Hot Asian Chick: Oh, I guess I have to go then.

AHHHH!!!!!!! What. The. Hell. I seriously hate girls who do this. They're having a bad time because they're lame, so they have to drag everyone else down with them.

Ugh. I'm so disgusted that I feel like I have to vomit on my bathroom wall again.


2. Me:

Like most people, I say and do stupid crap when I drink. A telltale sign that I'm drunk is when I try to prove to everyone that I'm not intoxicated by reciting the alphabet backward as quickly as possible.

Man-Eaters, Injured Reserve's fiancee, called me out on this at Polina's party.

Man-Eaters: You're so drunk right now.

Me: No I'm not! Look, Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R...

Man-Eaters: You memorized that.

Me: Nah-uh!

Man-Eaters: Say the months of the year backward.

Me: Fine. December, November, October, September, August, uhh... June... uhh... March... Australia...

Despite this, I was allowed to play 21 - a drinking game where people sit in a circle and take turns counting up to 21. The only initial rule is that you say "seven" instead of 14 and "14" instead of seven. Once you get to 21, the person who gets to 21 is allowed to make a new rule. For example, that person can elect to skip 13, rotate backward at six, or have everyone say "That's my mom you're talking about you lying sack of s***" instead of 21. If someone gets their number wrong, they have to drink, and then everyone starts back at one. It's a fun game, and I encourage everyone to play it.

At any rate, we were playing for a while, so we decided to have one final elimination round. There were only four of us remaining, setting up the epic fail of all epic fails.

Jess: One.

Injured Reserve: Aye captain.

Man-Eaters: Three.

Me: Uhh... uhh... 18... I mean eight!

The correct answer would have been four. Whoops.

I was eliminated. But this was not the worst thing I did all night. And neither was the bathroom wall vomit.

My friend Adrienne and her 17-year-old brother Will came to the party. A few hours in, I noticed that Will wasn't drinking. I'm an enabler when I'm intoxicated, so I naturally had to ask Will why he didn't have a cup in his hand.

Me: Why arrrn't yewwww drinkunnnn?

Will: I'm driving.

This made me angry.

Me: WHAT! YOU LIVE LIKE TWO BLOCKS AWAY! WHY DIDN'T YOU WALK?

Will: I dunno.

Me: Dude, you can drink and drive two blocks. It's not a big deal.

Will: Nah man, I'm cool.

Me: Dude, seriously, you can drink like three beers right now and then stop drinking for a couple of hours, and your blood alcohol will be zero. ZERO!

Will: It's OK. I'm fine.

Me: DUDE! SERIOUSLY! DRINK ALCOHOL NOW!!!!

Will: Maybe next time.

Me: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About an hour later, Adrienne caught wind that I was trying to get her brother to drink.

Adrienne: Why are you telling my 17-year-old brother that it's OK to drink and drive?

Me: Becauzz he duzznt hava drinkkk in hizz hannnnd hic!

Adrienne: My brother doesn't even drink!

Me: Reallllyyyy???

This was news to me. Will had always been at Adrienne's parties, so I assumed that he drank alcohol. I had no idea that he hadn't started drinking yet.

I wrote earlier that I do and say stupid stuff when I'm drunk. Does trying a force a minor to have his first drink, and then drink and drive count? Hmm... not sure.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Always Late Man

I'm not going to name any names or places in this section because I don't want to get into trouble. But this is a funny story definitely worth noting.

Two weeks ago, I was talking to a friend whom I'll refer to as Always Late Man - someone I have yet to mention on Jerks of the Week. Always Late Man made out with a chick at our previous party. Always Late Man and I had the following conversation on AIM:

Always Late Man: I don't think Hot Chick will want to do anything with me at your place tomorrow night.

Me: Why not?

Always Late Man: I don't know.

Me: Dude, she's into you.

Always Late Man: I don't think so.

Me: I guarantee it.

Always Late Man: I'll bet you $20 I won't be able to get with her tomorrow night.

Me: I don't know about betting $20 with you. I think you might sabotage your own game just to win the money.

Always Late Man: For $20? No way. For $100 maybe, but not for $20.

Me: OK, fine. Twenty bucks says you'll do stuff with Hot Chick, and you promise to try your hardest?

Always Late Man: Deal.

The following night, I had a small gathering at my place. Always Late Man texted me at 8 p.m., "Just rented a car." Two hours later, Always Late Man still hadn't arrived despite the fact that he lives only 25 minutes away. This proved to be a problem because Hot Chick was getting drunk and I needed a beer pong partner.

Always Late Man finally arrived around 10:30. We walked into the kitchen to get some drinks. Hot Chick ran up to Always Late Man and looked him right in the eyes.

Hot Chick: Hey... want to do shots with me?

Always Late Man looked at me and whispered, "Can I retract my bet?"

I shook my head. Always Late Man ruined our beer pong game because Hot Chick distracted him. Soon after, he and Hot Chick disappeared. The $20 was as good as mine. Muhahahaha!!!

Fourteen hours later, Always Late Man and I were discussing the night as I was trying desperately not to puke all over my laptop.

Always Late Man: If you find water in your hot tub, that's because Hot Chick wanted to use it, but I told her no.

Me: Good man. Way to control your woman.

Always Late Man: I'm kinda nervous though.

Me: Why?

Always Late Man: She told me she wasn't on the pill, and we didn't use a condom.

Me: Ha! Someone's going to have a little Jon Snow running around.

Always Late Man: Ugh!

Me: You still owe me $20 though.

Always Late Man: I don't have $20.

Me: Figures.

Always Late Man: I'll write you a check.

Me: That's fine.

Always Late Man: The check will probably bounce though.

Me: You know, I'd be shocked if it didn't bounce.

It's only been nine days, but it might as well be nine years because I know I'm never going to see that $20. Hey, I called this guy "Always Late Man" for more than just his tardiness to social gatherings.

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Ee 07-06-2011 02:03 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.162 (total posts: 1)
18     79

You spend too much time playing archaic drinking games and not enough time trying to get laid. If drinking games ARE your game, then at some point you need to see the flaw in your plan. When you are too drunk to stand up or too loud for people to want to be near you, sans punany for you yet again.
Walter 06-29-2011 07:33 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.88 (total posts: 2)
17     18

@Neil - Dennis' wife did say it was a surprise party. I would have seen it if I clicked on the e-vite link in the e-mail. I'm just lazy.

@Wharthog - The lockout will be a JOTW if we miss games. I think it'll be over soon.

@Sherlock and Jasonlique - You guys might be on to something there.

@Funk - The problem is that I'd need to get these girls' permission to post the pictures.

@Mrw423 - Haha if that bastard is born, I'll definitely try to convince him to take the oath.
Jasonluque 06-28-2011 04:43 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.70 (total posts: 1)
23     18

always late man must be Josh...

http://walterfootball.com/jerksoftheweek110530.php

i would love it if Hot chick was Crazy horse girl.....read jerk 3 again with those two in mind
mrw423 06-28-2011 04:41 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.130 (total posts: 1)
20     20

Love the Jon Snow reference. Tell him to send the little bastard to The Wall!
klunge 06-28-2011 12:09 am xxx.xxx.xxx8.63 (total posts: 1)
20     18

Ironic that Always Late Man will himself soon be getting a call from the hot drunken party chick informing him that she also is late...
Funk 06-27-2011 06:09 pm xxx.xxx.xxx5.10 (total posts: 1)
18     18

I still stand by my previous suggestion that, if at all legal, you should be posting pictures of these "hot chicks" because I saw the Asians from Super Bowl and they were "7"'s at BEST. Now, maybe I'm just spoiled from living in Southern California (in fact, I know I am) but it would be great if we could see who these chicks are and if you can grab a picture of them from a social networking site I think that would get around legal ramifications. Just an idea that I think your Readers would love. RATE WALT'S WOMEN!!!! Who's with me?
KKK GUY 06-27-2011 03:19 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.234 (total posts: 1)
18     18

Was she saved?
Wharthog 06-27-2011 12:19 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.23 (total posts: 1)
17     18

I'm surprised the lockout never got JofTW...
Sherlock 06-27-2011 11:40 am xxx.xxx.xxx5.34 (total posts: 1)
32     22

Seems obvious to me Always Late Man is Josh and Hot Chick is Crazy Horse girl. ha, Jon Snow!
Neil 06-27-2011 11:04 am xxx.xxx.xxx0.53 (total posts: 1)
19     18

a) Why didn't your friend's wife print a warning on your friend's b-day party invitation that it was a SURPRISE party?

b) Why didn't you get the hot Asian chick's number/social network info before she left that party?
AJ 06-27-2011 10:17 am xxx.xxx.xxx.181 (total posts: 1)
17     19

It would seem to me that it is like you have an alcoholic problem, sir.
Floppy54 06-27-2011 09:52 am xxx.xxx.xxx.3.6 (total posts: 1)
17     19

You should be a JofW for ruining your friend's surprise party...bad form Walt.
george 06-27-2011 01:06 am xxx.xxx.xxx.160 (total posts: 1)
17     29

JotW candidate: top 100 list. How is Nnnnnamdi only number 18? How is Eli not on the list? Everybody got hurt and at least half his picks got tipped!
Walter 06-27-2011 12:36 am xxx.xxx.xxx4.88 (total posts: 2)
21     17

First comment... we're going to have comment boards like this all over the site soon. We're still working out the kinks, so this is not the finished product.



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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




Fantasy Football Rankings - July 28


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NFL Mock Draft - July 23


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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