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Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012




Jerks of the Week for April 9, 2012


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Men at the New Pool

One of the guys in charge of my new gym reads this Web site, particularly the Jerks of the Week section. If you think he's mad that I write about the people at his gym, guess again. On the contrary, he once said to me, "I can't wait for the girl jerks of the gym, Walt."

There are two girls I will mention, but they're not jerks. The first is the hot girl at the front desk I mentioned in an earlier entry. She's so hot that I'm completely flabbergasted every time I see her. I seriously struggle to speak.

Hot Girl: Have a good evening!

Me: Yeah, what about... uhh... wait...

Hot Girl: What?

Me: Good morn... I mean... urm... I... umm... uhh... derr...

Hot Girl: What'd you say?

Me: Eh... wait...ye... o... mu... burr... bleh...

Hot Girl: You said that you want me to have my way with you all night? OK!

Me: Yu... ni... ro... blah... ma...zu...

Hot Girl: Oh, you don't want me to do that? Too bad. I was looking forward to it.

Damn it. I was THIS close to getting raped by a hot girl.

The other chick I wanted to mention is my hot lifeguard friend. She told me about something that transpired at the pool a couple of weeks ago.

There's a guy, about 50, who walks in the pool. He supposedly was in some car accident, so he does this for rehab. There's another guy, a bit younger, who swims at least mile every day. The pool was crowded this particular day, so the second guy (let's call him Swimmer) asked the first man (let's call him Walker) if he could split the lane with him. Walker obliged, and the two men shared the lane. No big deal.

No big deal, at least until the pool emptied out a bit. Walker noticed this, so he grabbed Swimmer during one of his laps. The hot lifeguard chick overheard the entire conversation and then repeated it to me:

Walker: Hey, the pool cleared up.

Swimmer: So?

Walker: There are other lanes open.

Swimmer: What's your point?

Walker: Go to the other lane!

Swimmer: No, I'm not moving!

Walker: Move over!

Swimmer: No! You move over!

Walker: F*** you!

Swimmer: No, f*** you!

The two men kept yelling and cursing at each other. My hot lifeguard friend went over to them to try to settle things down.

Hot Lifeguard: What's going on here?

Walker: He won't move to a different lane!

Swimmer: He has no right to tell me to move to a different lane! I want to stay in this lane!

Hot Lifeguard: Seriously, guys? Can't one of you just move over?

Walker: I'm not moving! I was here first!

Swimmer: You're not even swimming! I'm swimming! You're just walking!

Hot Lifeguard: Ugh, really?

Walker: I walk because of my rehab! This is a free country, so I can do whatever I want in the pool!

Swimmer: Fine! Walk in the pool! But do it somewhere else!

Hot Lifeguard: Guys, you do know how ridiculous you sound, right? You're not 6-year-olds. Start acting like grown men.

Walker: I'll start acting like a grown man once he moves over!

Swimmer: I'll never move! You move!

Things kept escalating. The two men actually began splashing each other. Yeah, like they actually were 6 years old. It was ridiculous, but my hot lifeguard friend couldn't do anything about it, so she called the office. Minutes later, a 250-pound personal trainer who looks like a monstrous linebacker came to the pool.

Walker: Just move already, damn it!

*** Splashes ***

Swimmer: No! I'm not moving for someone who walks!

*** Splashes ***

Personal Trainer: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?

Walker: Oh... uhh... nothing sir!

Swimmer: Yeah, no problem, no problem.

Personal Trainer: I HEAR YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING BECAUSE NEITHER OF YOU WILL MOVE TO A DIFFERENT LANE!

Walker: No... no... no... it's OK...

Swimmer: Yeah, I'll move.

Walker: No, I'll move.

Swimmer: It's OK, I'll do it.

Walker: You're actually swimming. I can move.

Swimmer: No, you're hurt. I'll move.

Personal Trainer: WOULD ONE OF YOU IDIOTS MOVE ALREADY!?

Believe it or not, both of these pansies actually switched lanes. Personal Trainer walked up the stairs to the front office, glaring at them in the process. I imagine that both men peed in the pool a little bit.






JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Old Ladies at the New Pool

I'm really going to make an effort to talk to my hot lifeguard friend more often. Not because she's hot, but because I can easily mine her for tons of Jerks of the Week material. The Selfish Lane Men weren't the only jerks of the pool she saw recently.

Before Hot Lifeguard told me about the Selfish Lane Men, she recounted an exchange she had with a lady in her 50s who asked her about the pool depth.

Pool Depth Lady: The pool is deeper.

Hot Lifeguard: What do you mean?

Pool Depth Lady: The pool is deeper.

Hot Lifeguard: You mean like the water level is higher?

Pool Depth Lady: The pool is deeper.

Hot Lifeguard: Was it deeper after you jumped in? Like, did the water level rise in the last hour?

Pool Depth Lady: The pool is deeper.

Hot Lifeguard: What do you think we did, excavate the bottom of the pool?

Pool Depth Lady: The pool is deeper.

That's all she kept saying according to Hot Lifeguard. "The pool is deeper. The pool is deeper. The pool is deeper." The reason for this? I have three ideas:

1. Pool Depth Lady and Swimmer are in league together in an attempt to destroy Walker. Pool Depth Lady was simply informing Hot Lifeguard that she snuck into the gym the night before and excavated the bottom of the pool with Swimmer. With a deeper pool, Walker would no longer be able to walk, and thus, his rehab would be ruined. Without proper rehab, Walker would surely shrivel up and die.

2. Pool Depth Lady and the fat ladies at my old gym are in league together in an attempt to destroy me. "The pool is deeper" was a complaint in this case. Everyone knows that fat ladies can't float. They need to walk, and because the pool is deeper, they won't be able to join this new gym and devour me while I'm swimming. Thank God the pool is deeper.

3. Pool Depth Lady is a crazed lunatic. I'm favoring the third option at this point, though nothing would really surprise me. But Pool Depth Lady isn't the only strange older woman at this pool.

I was in the hot tub one day when this skinny lady was trying to convince an obese woman to go swimming.

Skinny Woman: Why don't you swim a few laps.

Before I show you the rest of the conversation, I have to describe the expression on Obese Woman's face when she heard this. She looked so disgusted, almost as if someone farted in her face. Or, to give you a more appropriate example considering the girth of this woman, it was almost as if a live cow she was attempting to devour farted in her face.

Skinny Woman: Swim a few laps. You'll feel good.

OK, I have to say something else. Skinny Woman should be given a medal of honor, or a Nobel Peace Prize certificate, or something of that nature. America's the fattest country in the world, and Philadelphia is the fattest city in the fattest country. There are too many enormous people around here. Someone needs to tell them to do a few laps at the pool, so what Skinny Woman is doing is really commendable.

Skinny Woman: Come on, you should do some laps.

Now, the live cow was farting and squirting diarrhea into Obese Woman's face. She looked like she wanted to eat Skinny Woman, but that wasn't going to happen because Skinny Woman didn't have any meat on her bones. Instead, Obese Woman countered with an excuse.

Skinny Woman: A few laps won't hurt ya.

Obese Woman: NO HAVE SWIM CAP!

Skinny Woman: You can use my swim cap.

Obese Woman: NO HAVE GOGGLE!

Skinny Woman: You can use my goggles.

Obese Woman: NO HAVE SHAMPOO TO WIPE CHLORINE AFTER SWIM SWIM!

Skinny Woman: You can use my shampoo.

Obese Woman: NO HAVE ENERGY FOR SWIM SWIM!

Skinny Woman: You can do it!

Obese Woman: BUT ME HAVE ENERGY TO EAT YOU TO STOP TELLING ME TO SWIM SWIM! NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

Skinny Woman: Ahhhhhhh!!!

OK, OK, that last part didn't happen. The live cow just kept squirting diarrhea and stinky farts into Obese Woman's mug.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Freezing Pool

One day, the pool is deeper. The next day, the pool is colder.

I've made it known that I don't like to swim when the water is colder than 84 degrees. I'm a grumpy, fat, old a**hole, so I don't need cold water because that'll only make me angrier. Besides, jumping into a frigid pool is so shocking that it could give me a heart attack. Eating tacos, Cheetos and Oreos every day might have something to do that, but why would I give that up? A heart attack is well worth the risk.

The pool temperature usually hovers around 82 or 83 degrees. Occasionally, it's 80 or 84. One recent Monday, however, it was much, much colder.

As soon I entered the pool area, I heard a terrible screech that sounded like, "Eeeeehhhhh!!! Eeeeeeeehhhhhh!!! Eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh!!!" It initially sounded like Ben Roethlisberger was taking advantage of some poor girl. I then thought it might be some sort of fire truck. Or perhaps Big Ben was raping some poor girl while driving a fire truck. That would take some major skill.

This may shock you, but Big Ben wasn't involved. There weren't any fire trucks either. Instead, it was some kid who ran out of the pool, wailing and crying for his mommy. Smelly Swim Coach, who seemed annoyed by the entire situation, looked at me and laughed.

I didn't know what the hell was going on. Why was that kid crying? I didn't see Jerry Sandusky anywhere, so it wasn't anything sexually related. And why wasn't anyone in the pool? Seriously, there was no one in it. Walker and Swimmer could have had three lanes to themselves, assuming that they agreed upon moving out of each other's lane.

I asked Hot Lifeguard what was up. She pointed to the bulletin board. One key thing stood out: "Pool temperature: 76 degrees."

Seventy-six degrees!? There was no way in hell I was swimming in that. Can you imagine how many heart attacks I'd have jumping into that type of frigid water? I think my body would just spontaneously combust from all the heart attacks I'd incur.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to badger Hot Lifeguard about it.

Me: What the hell? Seventy-six degrees!?

Hot Lifeguard: I don't even want to hear it, Walt.

Me: What the hell happened?

Hot Lifeguard: I don't know. I have no control over this. Everyone's been complaining all day. Everyone keeps yelling at me, but I have nothing to do with this. It was like this when I got here. So please don't complain.

When a hot chick tells you not to complain, you don't complain. That's one of the rules. If you follow all of the rules, a hot chick may take sexual advantage of you - or so I've been told.

Meanwhile, the aforementioned kid wouldn't stop crying. He ran down the side of the pool and kept shrieking, "Eeeeehhhhh!!! Eeeeeeeehhhhhh!!! Eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh!!!" Hot Lifeguard would have said something about him running, but A) the pool deck was dry because no one was in the pool all day, and B) his mom was with him. The two eventually reached the door. The mom opened it, and she actually flung the kid out of the pool area. It was hilarious, and what made it even funnier is that I could still hear his wails from the hallway. That kid is going to grow up and enter therapy because of this 76-degree pool. Hell, he might even become a serial killer in 15 years. As long as he doesn't kill me or anyone I care about, that's fine by me.

So, did I gut it out and swim in the frigid water? Hell no. I opted to take a dip in the hot tub instead. There wasn't any hot chick with a purple swimming suit for me to leer at this time. In fact, I was alone, so I was free to turn off the jets. It was the most fun I ever had.

I eventually got dressed and went to Taco Bell to celebrate my taxing workout. Sure, this might have brought me one step closer to a heart attack or spontaneous combustion, but give me a break. Driving to the gym, talking to a hot lifeguard and floating in the hot tub is very tiring. I don't even know why I swim laps. Maybe Walker is on to something.




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Jerks of the Week - Oct, 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
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Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
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Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
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Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
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Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
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Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
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Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
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Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
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Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
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Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Oct. 31


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 29


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents





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