Jerks of the Week - March 16, 2015





Jerks of the Week: March 16, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: The News: Predators, Mushrooms, the Weather and the Undead

Some people say that journalism is a dying profession. In fact, an old man told me I don't have a real job a couple of weeks ago. This old man did attempt to pimp out his granddaughters to me in the same conversation though, so I didn't put much stock into his insults.

Journalism isn't dying. It's just changing. People used to work in newspapers, but those days are over. Everyone can have a blog now and make money off of it as long as it has a decent amount of traffic. People used to read magazines while riding the train, but now they listen to podcasts. News broadcasts, meanwhile, are also irrelevant; why watch the news when you can just hop onto Twitter and find out what's going on in just a couple of seconds?

The standard TV stations still broadcast the news, but only because old people don't use the Internet. I'll be shocked if there are still nightly news programs 20 years from now. They're just useless. Again, everything you need to know is on Twitter, and while you're looking at tweets, you can watch the latest lolcats gif or download porn. The Internet is a truly wonderful place.

News broadcasts suck now anyway. I watched Gotham and the Following one recent Monday night. Once those shows were finished, FOX announced that its 10 o'clock news program was about to begin. I tried grabbing the remote, but couldn't find it. It wasn't on the coffee table, and it wasn't stuck in one of the couch cushions. I rummaged through the blanket that was covering me, but no luck there either.

That's when it hit me: I'd either have to get up and search carefully for the remote, or I'd have to endure the 10 o'clock news before reruns of Seinfeld came on. Being a lazy, fat man, I opted for the latter - a decision I would soon regret.

The FOX29 10 o'clock news was the biggest flaming pile of garbage I had ever seen. They led off with the usual, which is poor people getting shot in the ghettos of Philadelphia. Yawn. It's actually news when a day goes by and some little kid doesn't take a bullet from some a**hole drug dealer. That would definitely be worthy of a lead story in a Philadelphia news broadcast.

After that, the FOX29 news broadcast began showcasing some of the strangest stories ever. They began with a tease heading into the commercial break: "There's a predator on the loose in the King of Prussia and Cherry Hill Malls!"

That's awesome. They're telling us that there's an invisible monster running around and slicing people into pieces? Sign me up! Perhaps the authorities can catch it and set it loose in the hood so that it can skewer the child-killing drug dealers. Or, better yet, they could unleash it in the FOX29 news broadcast building. Call me crazy, but watching news anchors get sliced and diced to bits by some alien monster is way more exciting than watching the news. I wouldn't even have the urge to download porn while this was going on.

At any rate, here are five of the "news" stories that FOX29 made its viewers endure. I'll discuss each story and then offer what I believe should be the appropriate punishment, when applicable.





The Predator:

Unfortunately, the "predator" wasn't some alien monster. It was a man at the mall who followed attractive women into changing rooms, went into the stalls next to them, and videotaped them changing. In other words, some douche who is too cheap to pay for soft porn.

The women that FOX29 interviewed were either baffled or irate about this situation.

"I don't know how these stores let this happen!" shouted a fat woman.

"It's scary that there's a predator on the loose at my local mall," said an ugly woman with a unibrow.

"I demand that all the videotapes he took of me be returned to me immediately!" a woman with a giant gap in between her teeth yelled.

I found it interesting that FOX29 chose to interview the three women that this guy probably would not videotape. If anything, I bet they were mad that this "predator" opted not to capture them changing on his cell phone.

Oh, and this "predator" thing needs to stop. If a guy kills, attacks or sexually assaults people, then sure, he's a predator. If he just videotapes women, he's not a predator. He's a creeper; not a predator. Let's get our lingo correct, ladies.

And seriously, way to blow the whole thing out of proportion. Maybe it's different because I'm a guy, but if some chick videotaped me for the sole purpose of fingering herself later while watching me, I'd be completely flattered. In fact, I'd help her out. I'd make sure that she had a charger with her in the stall so she could tape me as long as she wanted. I think most guys would feel the same way.

Punishment: Some people would suggest throwing this guy into jail. Others may say that he should pay a big fine, do community service and give back all of the videos he made.

I think all of that is unnecessary. If he goes to jail, the taxpayers would just have to shell out more money so that he can have a decent living environment (minus the butt boinking in the shower). A big fine is not a deterrent. Community service is too harsh of a punishment. Releasing the videos, meanwhile, would ruin all of his hard work, and that would be a shame.

I'm a big fan of eye-for-an-eye punishment, so here's what I would do: I would find a massive gay guy, and I'd lock the two in a room together. I'd then force the "predator" to strip down naked while the monstrous gay dude jerks off to him. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And then I'd find another huge heterosexually challenged male and repeat this process 99 more times.

I think it's a perfect solution. This "predator" would truly learn his lesson, and he would feel the same sort of humiliation that these women felt. But not the women who were interviewed, by the way. There's no way in hell that anyone would ever want to see them naked.


The Predator II:

Believe it or not, there's another predator on the loose! And no, we won't have Alien battle him in an action movie anytime soon.

This "predator" was arrested for sexual assault. Cool. An actual predator, right? Eh, maybe not... This so-called "predator's" sexual assault comprised of the following:

  • A 15-year-old female student of his sent him nudes.

    That's it. That's all he did for sexual assault.

    I call bulls***. If I'm getting booked for sexual assault, I want to have actually assaulted someone. It's like this guy is getting punished for something he didn't do. He should've been arrested for creeping, if anything. It's just wrong for throwing someone in prison for assault when they didn't take any known actions.

    Who's to say the girl isn't to blame, by the way? This chick could've gotten this guy's number, perhaps from Facebook, and then just sent him nudes of herself. How is that the guy's fault? And how would that be anything close to assault? It just seems like there's a loophole to be exploited here. If you don't like someone, pay some 17-year-old chick to send this dude nudes, and then call the cops and have him arrested for sexual assault. Seems like a foolproof plan to me.

    Punishment: This is a difficult one because we don't know what happened. If it's discovered that this guy didn't really do anything and just had the nudes pop into his phone one day, no punishment is necessary. In fact, no punishment is almost a requirement because it would set a precedent for the prior plan I had for hiring chicks to send nudes to guys you hate.

    If, however, he went out of his way to text this chick and ask her for her nudes, I say that nudes of him should be plastered all over the Internet for all to see. Like I said, an eye for an eye is the best way to go.

    One caveat: If this is an attractive-looking dude with a big wang, the law-enforcement agency in charge of posting his nudes should hire someone to Photoshop love handles and a small penis onto his body. That way, all women will know who he is and won't want to bang him as a result.

    Oh, and if you don't think this punishment is enough, my counter to that would be locking him in a room with a giant gay dude and having the gay guy jerk off to his nudes in front of him.







    Mushrooms:

    Our next story took us to some black lady's house. She apparently has been one of many people to be victimized by a phenomenon that's been going on in the slums of Philadelphia lately: Mushrooms have been growing out of first-story floors.

    "I ain't plant no mushroom in the groun!" she shouted incoherently.

    Riiiiiight. Just like your gun "accidentally" went off a shot the kid in the head when you were trying to sell your shrooms to the local drug addicts.

    Punishment: This woman and all of the other drug-dealing goons who just happen to have mushrooms growing in their kitchen should be forced to eat their entire supply of mushrooms. And to top it off, a giant gay guy can jerk off while they're doing this. What? The gay dude is unnecessary? Why not?


    The Weather:

    It was time for the weather forecast. A major snowstorm was threatening the area, so FOX29 News, in its infinite wisdom, thought that getting public reaction would be a good idea.

    "We don't want no more snow," said a fat Mexican chick.

    Fantastic interview, FOX29. You managed to find an extremely unattractive woman to tell us, in her f***ed-up grammar, that she didn't want "no more snow." Couldn't they have gotten some hot chick to do this? Throw in some nice cleavage, and I wouldn't have been wondering if this particular female did actually want more snow because of her double negative.

    "Samuel Wilson isn't happy with the weather," the FOX29 reported segued.

    Oh, you don't say? Some douche doesn't like the snowy, cold weather - that's definitely worth pointing out. While you're at it, FOX29, why not announce that you talked to someone who thinks puppies are cute? How about telling us that some college stoner you found is a fan of pizza?

    "I can't believe we put faith in a dumb animal like a groundhog, but here we are, heh heh heh..." grunted Samuel Wilson, a scruffy man with a porno stache in his 60s.

    Uhh... who is this "we" you're talking about, Samuel Wilson? "We" don't put any sort of faith in a dumb animal like a groundhog. You do, but "we" don't.

    I didn't think anyone took groundhogs seriously before I heard this interview. After all, how can something that's barely an upgrade over a rat possibly know when spring will be arriving? And besides, they do the whole groundhog bit in western Pennsylvania, so who's to say that it won't be warm there while it's cold here? The unveiling of Punxsutawney Phil is more tradition than anything; it's not an actual weather forecast. If human females with giant boobs can't get the following weekend right, how is a dumb rodent living in the ground supposed to know what's going to happen a month from now?

    I figured everyone was aware of this, but then I heard the Samuel Wilson interview. Samuel Wilson, a man who puts "faith" into a groundhog's weather predictions. Someone please put this moron out of his misery. If you know him, have some 17-year-old chick send him nudes so that he can go away for good.

    Punishment: Fifty years in prison; 40 with good behavior. I know I said that an eye for an eye was the way to go, but this idiot is just too stupid to function in society. He needs to disappear before he convinces more people to put "faith" into what groundhogs think.


    The Undead:

    Believe it or not, there are zombies living amongst us. It's true, and unfortunately, Daryl Dixon isn't here to save us all with his trusty crossbow.

    FOX29 broke the news when it teased this story going into its next commercial break:

    "Coming up next, we talk to a woman who was struck and killed by a SEPTA bus!"

    I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. It took all of my energy, but I finally got my fat a** off the couch and searched for the remote. It turns out it was under the couch. I cursed myself for enduring 20 minutes of a local news broadcast, solely because I failed to look beneath me. I changed the channel and was happy once more.

    Punishment: The FOX29 news broadcast needs to come to an end, and all those involved need to suffer for what they put me through.

    I've decided that the FOX29 building needs to burn down with all of the a**holes who work there trapped inside of it. That would put a smile on my face. Oh, and if you think having the giant gay dude jerk off to it would help, I'd be all for that.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
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    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Sept. 17


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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