Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2017





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 9, 2017


JERK OF THE WEEK: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 1

If you've never heard of Harrisburg, I don't blame you. Hell, I'd like to congratulate you. Harrisburg, for those of you who live outside of Pennsylvania, happens to be the state's capital. I'm not sure why Harrisburg was chosen, but perhaps it's because it's about halfway between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. That, or some egomaniacal a**hole named Harris decided that he needed to be more important than everyone else, so he built a city and named it after himself, and then, if that wasn't enough, he made it the capital of Pennsylvania. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I recall learning this in my fifth-grade geography class.

Prior to the weekend before Christmas, I had only been in Harrisburg as a passerby. Driving from Philadelphia to Penn State involves going through Harrisburg. I was also stranded at a Harrisburg bus station once when my bus from Penn State to Philadelphia broke down. I was there for three hours with no money to buy food or beverages, and I was nearly molested in the bathroom by a strange-looking individual. I was taking the bus at that point because I hadn't obtained by driver's license yet - I was too lethargic to do so - but that experience provided a swift kick in the a** in that regard. Weeks later, I was finally a legal driver.

That all changed a couple of weekends ago, and it all started on a preceding Tuesday when my fiancee asked me if I wanted to make an overnight trip to Harrisburg with her; she had to get her official real-estate license, and we'd meet up with her brother Jimmy, who lives in Pittsburgh and wouldn't be able to make it home for Christmas.

Me: Harrisburg... but... molested in bathroom... I'll pass...

Fiancee: Come on, Walt! It'll be fun!

Me: Harrisburg? Fun? Ha!

I eventually changed my mind. A weekend trip with my fiancee amid a crazy football season sounded nice, and Jimmy is a good friend of mine I hadn't seen in quite a while. Plus, there was very little chance I'd be molested in the bathroom of our hotel room. At least that's what I thought when reminding myself that I'm a man and I need to be brave.

Anyway, our trip up to Harrisburg was uneventful. It took about two hours, but we reached the state capital without any issues. Our first order of business was getting my fiancee's real-estate license at some sort of government building, which we eventually found after driving around some neighborhoods. One of these neighborhoods had a bunch of houses overlooking the Susquehanna River.

Fiancee: Wouldn't it be nice to live in one of these houses and have a view of the river?

Me: No! These houses are falling apart!

I wasn't exaggerating, as the houses were very old and seemed on the verge of collapsing. It only got worse as we approached the government building, as the homes around there were effectively shacks that appeared as though they'd blow away in mild gusts. My fiancee must have noticed the disgusted expression on my face.

"I guess it wouldn't be nice to live here," she admitted. "Harrisburg is bankrupt, after all."

Of course, it is! Most big cities are, especially those consumed by government corruption. It's a shame that Harrisburg natives have to live in these sorts of houses, knowing full well that if a wolf shows up demanding three little piggies, he can simply blow their house down. But hey, at least they get a view of a polluted river, so that's nice!

My fiancee went into the government building to retrieve her license. I whipped out my laptop, expecting to wait an hour or more. To my surprise, she returned 15 minutes later.

"Look at my fancy real-estate license!" she said sarcastically. She handed it to me, and it was basically just an index card with her real-estate license number on it. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, given that Harrisburgh is bankrupt. Hell, I'm mildly shocked that the city could even afford index cards!




Jimmy was arriving around 9-10 because he had to work that day, so my fiancee and I had a lot of time to kill. Upon reaching our hotel - there were no molesters in the bathroom; I checked - we let our phones charge a bit, and then she looked up things to do in Harrisburg.

"There's a Target!" she exclaimed. "We can go to Target!"

Really, Harrisburg? Is that all you have?

Fiancee: Oh, there's a Harrisburg Mall! Want to check it out?

Me: Is it any good? Do they have cool stores?

Fiancee: Umm... there's a Bass Pro Shops... and a Victoria's Secret... and some store called 2nd & Charles.

Me: Isn't that a property on the Monopoly board game?

My fiancee ignored my clever quip and looked up reviews for the Harrisburg Mall. She read the following to me:

"This mall, like so many in suburban America, shows its age. Again, like most of the country's shopping malls, Harrisburg mall smacks of the 1980s-1990s era in which they experienced their heyday. Since then, the ability to rent out storefronts has become harder (sometimes impossible), and the appearance of patchwork remodeling leaves you wondering what these monuments to consumerism will be like in another 10-20 years."

This piece-of-s*** review was written by someone named Andy Newhall, a douchebag hellbent on using snarky catchphrases like "monuments to consumerism" to make himself sound smarter than he really is. This guy is so pretentious that he probably loves the smell of his own farts so much that he carries a bottle around to catch his farts, which he then smells while drinking a wine he let breathe for 20 days. F*** you, Andy Newhall.

I looked up some other reviews, and they were pretty depressing:

"Yikes! This mall is horrible. We were walking out of Pay Less and a bunch of people were saying horrible curse words to each other. You would think it would be a nice mall, I mean it's kind of a nice mall but, this mall gets a horrible feeling when you come here. I feel bad for saying this but it's the truth." - Alexandra A.

Oh no, not horrible curse words! Question, Alexandra? Which curse words are horrible, and which are not horrible? Is s*** not horrible, but c**t horrible? Can you please provide us a review of this?

Here's another review for the Harrisburg Mall:

"Poor quality customer service and cheating associates, who charge wrongly. Customer care service rude and unprofessional. The 800 number never works and on line emails to contact customer service are always blocked and show error message. Very disappointed with Macy's customer service associates. On line chat equally hopeless. Once you get the Macy's card they keep charging you even for disputed charges and they suck you, and you can not cancel your Macy's credit card on line or by telephone. They need to be sued by lawyers for cheating customers." - Suzy J.

Hmm, well, I'm quite surprised by this because I never thought lawyers actually sued people, but rather, people hired lawyers to sue others. But maybe I just don't know anything. Still, the "cheating associates" comment is quite unnerving. I suddenly imagined myself entering Macy's, buying a pair of shoes, and when I hand over a $100 bill to pay for $49.99 sneakers, the cashier gives me back $5 instead of $50. No, wait, that's stupid. I don't buy shoes.

Oh, and by the way, who uses an online chat to communicate with a mall? I imagine Suzy J. is some sort of crazy cat lady who wants lawyers to sue her cats for pooping and peeing outside of their litter boxes.

Last review:

"This is possibly the 3rd worst mall I've been to. First being the Cressona Mall in Frackville, PA. Look it up. Its depressing. I went to a movie here once, and I had to use the bathroom once. I don't foresee myself ever returning for any other reason. You can get the same things at other places, and have a better experience. Please, turn this thing into housing or a good school or something that Harrisburg really needs."

I suddenly have the urge to go to Cressona Mall in Frackville, Pa. What the frack is in Frackville, Pa.?

But wait, what's this about a bathroom? What's wrong with the bathrooms at the mall? Did someone molest you there too, and if so, was it one of the cheating associates? Quick, someone call the lawyers so they can sue these molesting, cheating associates!






I expected the worst as we drove up to the Harrisburg Mall, which is located on Bass Pro Shop Drive. I wish I were making this up.

We parked in the 2nd & Charles lot, and I was still eager to learn what exactly was in this store. It sounded like something fancy, so perhaps a suit shop? We entered, and HOLY CRAP!

I'm not lying or being sarcastic when I say this, but 2nd & Charles might be my favorite store of all time. How can I describe it briefly? Hmm... well, imagine a Barnes & Noble, and now imagine if instead of books, that store had video games, comics and anything relating to movies and TV shows.

This 2nd & Charles store was huge, and it was built exactly like a Barnes & Noble, but they had various video games, comics and trading cards on their shelves. And not just new video games; they had old Nintendo and Super Nintendo cartridges for sale as well. In one of the display cases was a Super Nintendo that they were selling for $40. I almost splooged all over the glass!

I was entranced. I spent about an hour walking around 2nd & Charles. In fact, my fiancee got so tired of waiting that she sat down on one of the chairs, looking like a typical man does while getting his soul sucked out of him at a shoe store.

I ended up buying some sort of console that plays Nintendo, Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis cartridges. I'm going to try it out once the season is over, and I'll let you know how it works. I'm so eager to play it that I just splooged again!

Anyway, my fiancee were about to enter the actual mall when something caught my eye. It was a figurine from one of the Final Fantasy games. You know, the good ones, on the original Playstation? Anyway, I was disappointed to see that it was from Final Fantasy VIII and not Final Fantasy VII.

"Ahh, that sucks," I said.

"Yeah, it does," said a voice behind me. I turned around, and it was a skinny, sickly looking store employee with red hair and unkempt facial hair. He looked like someone who had never spoken to a woman in his life.

Sickly Store Employee: You'd think that in a hundred years, humankind would've built a weapon to combat the titans.

Me: What?

Sickly Store Employee: They had 100 years to design the perfect weapon to beat the titans, but all they could use was the weapons from our age to beat the titans. Do you expect machine guns to take down the titans? I think not!

Me: Uhh...

Sickly Store Employee: If I were one of the titan-fighters, I would have spent my intelligence points figuring out how to build new weaponry to destroy the titans. I would be humanity's last hope, unlike the actual characters, who can't beat the titans because they don't have the appropriate weaponry!

I had absolutely no idea what this guy was talking about. No clue. And yet, he was super passionate about it. He seemed super pissed that humanity couldn't design the appropriate weapons to beat some sort of titans.

My fiancee and I stood there for 10 minutes, nodding our heads, pretending to understand what this strange individual was talking about. My fiancee kept responding, "Haha, yeah, but we have to..." but before she could say "go," he'd go on another rant. I finally decided to say something to help get us out of this.

Me: Well, you can find plot holes in anything, really.

Sickly Store Employee: Yeah...

We did it! We finally ended the conversa...

Sickly Store Employee: Yeah, no. I can think of at least eight magnas and games that don't have plot holes. For example...

This guy listed all eight. I can't remember what they were because I had never heard of any of them. My fiancee and I spent what seemed like hours listening to this guy talk, and we couldn't break free from the conversation.

And then, finally, another employee approached him and said they needed help up front. Thank. F***ing. God.

"We'll continue this conversation the next time you're in here," he said.

Uhh... no we won't. Because we don't live in your god-forsaken, bankrupt city, so we won't be seeing you again.

As we entered the common mall area, I suddenly realized what Suzy J. meant by "cheating associates." This man cheated me out of an hour of my life, and I demand that I have it returned to me. Hopefully the lawyers sue him for doing this. Maybe they'll have a great case if I tell him that he's the one who tried to molest me in the bathroom.



I have lots more to write about my trip to Harrisburg, so stay tuned next week for Part 2 of Walter Goes to Harrisburg!

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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