Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014





Jerks of the Week: July 28, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor

Previously on Jerks of the Week: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: I accepted another invitation to spend five days in Tampa with this Web site's senior NFL Draft writer Charlie Campbell and his wife Amanda. I went with my girlfriend, and we had a great time. I discussed the jerks I ran into at the Philadelphia International Airport and the Jerks of Disney World, but it's now time to delve into the actual jerks of Tampa. In this entry, I'll be discussing the jerks I saw at the hotel, as well as the ones in Ybor City, which is the main party district of Tampa.

I honestly don't know where to begin with this entry because I have a lot to write about, so I might as well do this chronologically...


Tuesday Afternoon:

I hopped into the shower after the beach trip I mentioned in the previous entry. My girlfriend, meanwhile, did me a huge favor: She went looking for some pineapples.

Why pineapples? Because of its medicinal purposes, believe it or not. Pineapples are most well known for making "man juice" taste good, but it actually helps asthmatics with their breathing. I have a mild case of asthma, which tends to strike at night, so I eat some pineapple before bed each night to help me sleep. I didn't bring any in my suitcase, of course - and even if I did, the idiot TSA people would've probably confiscated it because I'm a normal white guy, and an obvious terrorist suspect - so I needed some during my stay in Tampa. My girlfriend offered to go out and look for some while I was in the shower, which was awesome of her.

Unfortunately, this proved to be a difficult task for her. The first store she went into didn't sell pineapples. The second shop, a smoothie place, had pineapples as one of the things they mix their beverages with. The woman behind the counter, an obvious lesbian, had the following conversation with my girlfriend.

Girlfriend: Hi, do you have pineapples?

Smoothie Lesbian: Yes, we can put them in the smoothies.

Girlfriend: Can I just have a cup of pineapples to go instead?

Smoothie Lesbian: No.

Girlfriend: No?

Smoothie Lesbian: No.

Girlfriend: Why not?

Smoothie Lesbian: They have to be in the smoothies.

Girlfriend: But you're going to use them anyway. I'll pay for them. Can I please have a cup?

Smoothie Lesbian: No.

Girlfriend: Really? I'll pay regular price for a smoothie.

Smoothie Lesbian: No. They need to be in the smoothies.

What a b***h. I don't understand why this was such an impossible request. If she made a smoothie for my girlfriend with pineapples in it, she would have used them anyway. But since my girlfriend wasn't asking for a smoothie, why couldn't the lesbo just give her some pineapples for the regular smoothie price? Is it because she sensed that my girlfriend didn't want to sleep with her? That's my best guess.


Tuesday Night:

My girlfriend and I met up with Charlie and his wife Amanda around 9:15. Charlie suggested that we should go to the Bricks because they have great food there. Unfortunately, the Bricks' kitchen was closed at 9 for some strange reason. Another restaurant that Charlie wanted to go to also shut down at 9. Another bar we tried stopped serving food at that time as well.

I don't understand this. Ybor City in Tampa is a happening place. People are always out. I'm sure they'd want to eat around 9, so why stop serving food then? It's almost as if these establishments are going out of their way to make as least money as possible - sort of like Smoothie Lesbian. It wouldn't surprise me if that wench was behind the insanity of closing most of the eateries down at 9.

We continued to walk down the main street of Ybor. Suddenly, a black bum joined us. I don't know where he came from; he seemingly appeared out of thin air. He started singing. I have no idea what song it was, but he serenaded Amanda once he realized that my girlfriend, Charlie and I weren't paying any attention to him. He continued to sing, and once he was done, he asked for some money or "ciggettes." We all disappointed him by not giving anything to him.

Despite this bum being a nuisance, I have to say that I have the slightest bit of respect for him and the other bums in Tampa. They actually try. They sing and dance, and some even sell roses that they managed to steal from some garden. But the point is that they're putting effort into getting handouts. The bums in Philadelphia, meanwhile, are always passed out on the sidewalk or in the train station. They seldom make any sort of attempt. Perhaps the reason for this is that it's much colder here than it is there, so they have to bundle up in their rags and piss-covered newspapers. For this reason, I'll never understand why bums never migrate south for the winter.

Anyway, we finally found a place that was open. It was called the Green Iguana, and the "macaroni cheese and buffalo chicken bowl" on the menu caught my eye.

Me: Macaroni and cheese and buffalo chicken...

Charlie: You want to go here?

Me: Macaroni and cheese and buffalo chicken...

Girlfriend: I think that's a yes.

Me: Macaroni and cheese and buffalo chicken...

I couldn't even think. I was so mesmerized that I had to try it. Unfortunately, it didn't come with a side, but that was OK because my girlfriend ordered something that would include French fries.

It seemingly took forever for the food to arrive, but there it was: a bowl of melty macaroni and cheese, plenty of buffalo chicken and crumbs of blue cheese. The waitress got my girlfriend's order wrong - she gave her tacos instead of a slider - and failed to include the fries, but once I took my first bite of their macaroni and cheese and buffalo chicken, I didn't care. I'm not kidding when I say this, but it was the most amazing thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. My sister would later call it a "heart attack in a bowl," but I'd gladly endure a heart attack for another bite of it. I wouldn't even mind if it was "Ebola in a bowl." It was that damn good. In fact, I recommend traveling to Tampa just for the Green Iguana's macaroni and cheese and buffalo chicken.

I actually did pay the price later. I woke up at 5 a.m. and had to sit on the toilet twice for 20 minutes each. Endless streams of diarrhea squirted out of my buttocks, and by the time I was finished, the entire toilet was brown, and I was sweating profusely. But it was worth it.





Wednesday Night:

Wednesday was a lazy day. It looked like it was going to thunderstorm throughout the afternoon, so we didn't bother going anywhere. Instead, we planned to lounge by the pool until we heard thunder. That actually never happened, and the sun even emerged while I was swimming.

We stopped by Charlie's house for some drinks in the evening, and then we went over to Daily Eats, a restaurant that serves great breakfast bowls. I wrote about having one last year, and I decided to go for something different this time. I opted instead for a bacon chicken ranch bowl.

It sounded delicious, and it didn't disappoint - at least not at first. Unfortunately, as I soon discovered, they put too much onion in there. I don't mind a bit of onion in something, but this was major overkill.

Want to know how much onion there was in that bowl? I actually had a nightmare that night about having to eat a giant bowl of onions. These onions were in thick, long strips, and I was forced to keep shoving them into my mouth. I woke up in a sweat with an onion aftertaste still in my mouth. It was a miracle I didn't vomit everywhere.


Thursday Morning:

Our hotel offered free breakfast from 6-10. Getting up prior to 10 was a challenge, but we were able to do so, and following breakfast, we passed out for a few hours.

Breakfast was definitely worth waking up for - especially on Thursday when I needed any sort of food that didn't have onions in it. Seriously, it could have been a bowl of feces, and I would have been pleased as long as the person's s*** didn't contain any onion residue.

The food was great. They served these awesome honey-smoked sausages on Wednesday, and they offered delicious bacon Thursday morning. They also had a machine where you could make your own waffle. Of course, it was too complicated for me - after all, I just got my first smartphone a few months ago, and I just recently discovered how to turn it off - so my girlfriend was great enough to make my waffle for me each time, beginning Thursday morning.

I naturally wanted bacon to complement my waffle. The guy in front of me took tons of bacon, and I feared that there weren't going to be any left, so I scooped most of the bacon remaining onto my plate. The dude behind me gave me a dirty look as I walked away. Clearly, he doesn't understand how fat I am. If I see a tray of bacon, I'm going to take most of it and ask questions later.

The one thing I didn't like about breakfast was that there was always an empty tray on the counter. There was one full tray of scrambled eggs, sausages/bacon and home fries, while the other one was constantly empty. I constantly argued about this with my girlfriend.

Me: It sucks that we keep waking up too late, and the really good stuff in that other tray is gone!

Girlfriend: I don't think they ever have anything in there.

Me: No way, then why would it even be out there every day?

Girlfriend: I don't know.

Me: Think about what they could have in there. They probably have pancakes, or cheese omelets or maybe even Cocoa Puffs! And we keep missing it because we wake up too late!

Girlfriend: So, should I wake you up at 6 so we can see what's in there?

Me: Ehh... nah...

OK, maybe I'm not as fat as I thought I was.







Thursday Night:

We spent most of Thursday at Disney World. We returned to Tampa to get some dinner at the Bricks, which was open until 10 on Thursday night. The soup there was great, but honestly, I wasn't a big fan overall. It literally took 45 minutes for our food to come out. Also, I asked for no mayo on a sandwich I ordered, yet there was still some gooey special sauce on it. At least there weren't any onions.

The only thing noteworthy about Thursday night was what we saw as we were walking back to the hotel. A short black woman was yelling something at a bar door. That's the best way I can explain it. The bar door was closed, yet she was cursing at it:

"I F***IN KILL YA, MOTHAF***A, YOU BETTA WATCH YOSELF! MOTHAF***IN A**HOE, YOU GOIN GETS WHATS COMIN TO YA, B***H BECAUSE I'MA F***IN KILL YA! I'MA F***IN KILL YA MOTHAF***A, WHAT!? WHAT!? YOU TALKIN S**T TO ME, B***H? WHY YOU GOTTA KEEP TALKIN S**T TO ME, BITCH!?"

I'm so glad I had eyewitnesses there to confirm that this actually happened because it was one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. This woman had such complete hatred for this bar door that she kept cursing at it for minutes. People behind her were laughing at her, but she didn't seem to notice because of her malice toward the poor bar door.

My best guess? She asked the waitress at this bar for no mayo, but she got special sauce on her sandwich. I nearly went insane from that myself.


Friday Night:

We planned to go out to the bars on Friday night, but we weren't going to stay out too late because we had to get up at 8 for our flight. After scarfing down some pizza, we went to a small bar before making what Charlie called "our triumphant return to Coyote Ugly."

I was pleased to see that Tyrion's Girlfriend was there, but I guess she was promoted because she didn't have to dance on the bar. Some of the other bartenders did instead, as did several of the female patrons at the bar. In a sense, they were more entertaining to watch.

One of the non-working girls on the bar was some Asian chick. She was average-looking; a bit too skinny for my liking. I didn't think much of her until she got off the stage and stood next to some guy behind me. He gave her a bottle of water and said, "You're doing a good job, keep it up!" Minutes later, the Asian chick was back on stage.

What the hell was that about? Was she training to become a Coyote Ugly bartender, or was it her lifelong dream to prove that she can dance as well as them? If it was the latter, she was failing miserably because having her on the bar was more annoying than anything because she got in the way of the real dancers.

Another "dancer" worth mentioning was a fat chick who spent most of the night grinding with some black guy. Charlie pointed this out, and everyone laughed but me. I found it appalling. Her blubber and terrible cleavage were bouncing all over the place. It was disgusting. It was even worse when she somehow managed to get on the bar. How she accomplished that, I have no idea.

However, she was not the fattest person at the bar. A monstrous fat black chick sat at one of the booths in the back. I couldn't believe how big she was; the "monstrous" adjective is quite flattering for her. She had rolls upon rolls everywhere on her body. She had 10 chins on her face and 20 on each of her limbs. In fact, she was so big that she actually had to sit at her own booth while all of her friends were at another one.

This girl was so obese that I had to make jokes. I pointed to Tyrion's Girlfriend and then to the beast, and said, "That's Tyrion's girlfriend, and that's the Mountain's girlfriend." Later, when the monstrous chick was no longer around, I told my girlfriend, "Look, the fat girl's gone. Her friends wheeled her out of the bar." My girlfriend responded, "That's so sad." I was joking, so it goes to show you how unbelievably fat this woman was because someone actually believed that she had to be wheeled out of a bar. She probably was for all I know.


Saturday Morning:

We got back to the hotel around 1, and I went to sleep around 2, so waking up at 8 was quite difficult. "Maybe they'll have pancakes, omelets or Cocoa Puffs in that second tray," I told my girlfriend as we stepped into the elevator.

I was disappointed. The second tray was still empty, so not having pancakes, omelets or Cocoa Puffs made me sad - at least for a little bit. My girlfriend once again set up the waffle machine for me as I piled tons of honey-smoked sausages onto my plate.

A black mother and her young daughter (about 7) were using the other waffle machine at the same time (there were two). There was nothing particularly noteworthy about the mother, but her daughter was built like an NFL nose tackle. She was fat, yet muscular and compact at the same time. It was like her parents were training her to become a member of the Oakland Raiders in the future.

The waffle machine counted down from 2:30 when turned on. I was waiting for mine to finish up, but the fat girl wasn't as patient. She lifted it with 45 seconds remaining, and in doing so, incurred her mother's wrath.

Mother: What are you doing!? It's not done yet!

Fat Daughter: BUT MOMMA I'M HOWNGRY!

I had to turn my face to prevent them from seeing that I was laughing so hard. It was already funny that she couldn't wait 45 seconds for her waffle, but the way she said that was hilarious. The cherry on top was that after we sat down, I overheard her exclaim, "LOOK MOMMA THEY GOT LUCKY CHARMS!"

I nearly choked on my waffle. It was just too funny to see someone that young be so obsessed with food. This made me happy as well, because I knew then and there that someone else at this hotel was just as curious about what was in that empty tray.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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