Jerks of the Week - March 23, 2015





Jerks of the Week: March 23, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Old Man, the Heroic Man, and the Desperate Man

The week of March 9 was absolutely brutal for me. I'm sure no one else was a fan of March 9 either, given that the clocks moved forward the night before. I saw someone on Twitter say that they felt like they were hung over, and that sounded about right. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought that I downed an entire bottle of vodka the night before.

My solution to this is simple: Never move the clocks back in the first place. I don't see any reason to do it anymore. No one likes it when it gets dark outside at 4:30 in December, and it's depressing for those who work 9 to 5, as they barely see any sunlight until March. I understand that there's some trepidation about this because kids will be going to school in the dark in January, but to that, I say big whoop. If some kids get run over by cars because it's too dark out, I say that's just natural selection.

The return of Daylight Savings time wasn't the primary reason the week of March 9 sucked for me, however. It was because of free agency. For those of you who don't follow the NFL, football players who have expiring contracts are allowed to sign with other teams beginning on the second Tuesday in March. This week is especially busy for me because I grade all of the signings and update my rankings pages. At one point on Tuesday, I was grading stuff that happened four hours ago because I was so far behind.

I remained in my house that week, but things slowed down when Saturday rolled around. I was actually able to leave my house for the first time in exactly seven days. When I stepped outside during the afternoon to head over to the gym, I had to cover my eyes.

"AHHHHHH THE LIIIIIGHTTTTT!" I shouted, even though it was cloudy and raining. My neighbor, who just pulled into his driveway, looked at me like I was a raging lunatic.

I had a solid workout, save for the part where I nearly threw up in the pool because I wasn't used to actually moving around. Afterward, I saw the old man who told me I don't have a real job a couple of weeks ago. Rather than pimp out his granddaughters to me this time, he asked me what I thought about the Eagles' signings. I tried to offer my opinion, but he just replied, "Ah, the Eagles make great signings, you have no idea what you talking about!"

I wanted to reply, "Then why'd you ask me in the first place, a**hole?" But I figured he'd just respond by telling me that I don't have a real job again. Plus, I didn't want to get sucked into another conversation with him. It felt like I came out of a black hole the last time I finished talking to him.

Later during the day, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go to Target with her and then out to dinner. I thought this was a good idea. Not only was this another opportunity to get out of the house, but given that it was now night time, I would no longer have to deal with the blinding sunlight piercing through the storm clouds.

This turned out to be a great decision. Not only did I have a nice time out, but I also gathered some material for Jerks of the Week that I otherwise wouldn't have while cooped up at home...


The Old Man:

Target was surprisingly eventful. After my girlfriend put some clothes in the shopping cart - workout pants, among other things - we got to the candy and food section.

Me: Skittles! Dove chocolates! Doritos!

Girlfriend: You don't need all of that!

Me: Yes, I do. I need it all!

Girlfriend: But we have so many bags of chips.

Me: But not Doritos! It's important to always have a bag of Doritos, just in case.

I put a giant bag of Skittles, two things of Dove chocolates and the Doritos in the cart, all while my girlfriend shook her head, disapprovingly.

We gathered up some other things and went to the checkout line. As we were waiting, my girlfriend spotted some of those celebrity magazines - you know, the ones where they have stories like, "Kim Kardashin's baby is really a vampire bat!" or "Is Brad Pitt an evil demon from another dimension!?"

Girlfriend: I always look at those magazines, but I never buy them.

Me: I don't think anyone buys them.

Girlfriend: That's not true. People definitely buy them.

Me: Yeah, maybe crazy, old cat ladies, but that's it.

Girlfriend: I think a lot of people buy them.

Me: Actually, I could see that. I was having this conversation the other day. I don't get why people are so obsessed with celebrities. Like, who cares if Jennifer Lawrence got a new haircut? There's no reason for anyone to care about this. Do people lead such boring lives that they have to obsess with people who don't even know that they exist?

Girlfriend: Babe, we're in public, can you not go on one of your rants?

I grumbled as I began placing things on the conveyer belt. The cashier, an old man near 70 with an impressive, white mustache, began chit-chatting with my girlfriend. I was kind of in a trance and not really paying attention when I heard him go, "Heh, heh, heh, you swimmers are all the same."

My girlfriend is not a swimmer. In fact, we've agreed that I will one day teach her how to swim. He thought she was a swimmer because she was wearing my sweatshirt, which said "Central Swimming" on it. Underneath it: "Walter." Apparently, he thought that my girlfriend's name was Walter.

I told him that I was the swimmer. He revealed to us that his son used to swim at West Virginia. He seemed like a nice, old man, but he was paying more attention to our conversation than his actual job. He kept folding the same clothes over and over again, and he would put articles of clothing in the same bag as the food items. I also saw him ring up the same $25 dress twice because he was going on and on about how his son was doing some Alcatraz swim-a-thon.

Me: Hey, not to interrupt, but you charged us twice for the same dress.

Old Man: Oh ho, you have a sharp eye there, shonny!

The old man then rang up some headache medicine my girlfriend wanted to buy. He had to ask her for her birthdate for that, apparently just to make sure she wouldn't cook meth with it. She recited her birthdate to him, but kept entering in the date incorrectly. The year required four digits, but he repeatedly typed in the final two, giving him an error. I kept trying to interrupt him to point out what he was doing wrong, but he continuously muttered, "I'm sho shorry, shonny, thish computer sheemsh to be broken!"

Yeah, it's broken, all right... or, maybe, you should enter in four digits when the prompt asks you to.

We were eventually able to tell him what he was doing wrong, but it seemingly took hours. I was worried all of the restaurants would be closed by then, but we were in luck - Red Robin, which was right across the street, was still open...





The Heroic Man:

The Red Robin near us has really gone downhill lately. The last time we were there, which was about half a year ago, they had a TV actually in the ground as soon as you walked in, and there were plenty of hot waitresses walking around. Now, there was no TV, and all of the waitresses were either fat or old. At this rate, Red Robin will either close down or explode sometime in the near future.

Our waitress, who was extremely obese, pretty much sucked for the most part. She took our order, but didn't bring out our drinks, appetizers or actual food - she had other people do it for her, probably because they ran out of butter to fit her through the aisles. I also ordered extra fries on one occasion, but it took her like 15 minutes to bring them out. I figured she was carrying the fries and forgot why she had them in her hand. I imagine she said, "WHY ME CARRY YUM-YUM FRENCH FRIES, ME WANT EAT FRENCH FRIES NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!" And then she remembered that she ate forgot them while she walked by our table.

Another thing that pissed me off was when we wanted to order dessert. My girlfriend told her she wanted a root beer float, while I wanted a vanilla milkshake. Our waitress just shook her head and said, "You have to order your desserts through the touch panel on your table."

Really? You couldn't take our dessert order yourself? Why are you even here in the first place? I'd be fine with no waitress if we could just do the touch pad for the entire order, but the screen was super sticky because they didn't clean it.

The clientele also sucked. One woman, who was having dinner with her dad, was approached by the manager, a skinny black guy with a very soft-spoken voice. They get into an argument, prompting her to shout, "IN FRONT OF MY FATHER!?" and then she stormed out.

Meanwhile, there was a table comprised of four old people next to us. I didn't think much of them until the manager walked over to them. He began speaking to a 65-year-old man who looked extremely smug. The manager was in awe of this guy, and I quickly saw why - he was wearing an Olympic gold medal around his neck!

My girlfriend and I eavesdropped on the conversation. The smug man told the manager that he won the gold medal in bowling (wtf?). The manager then asked the smug man if he ever thought about framing the gold medal, and the smug man looked at him and arrogantly said, "No, I wear this everywhere I go." The manager then bowed and said, "Thank you for honoring our country!"

OK, where to begin? I initially questioned whether this guy was legit. I didn't even think bowling was an Olympic sport, so I asked my girlfriend to look it up. Bowling, apparently, was in the Olympics once - in 1988. So, this guy would've been 38ish back then, so the timing is right.

But that just begs the question: If you won a gold medal in bowling, why would you even wear it around everywhere? And how, exactly, is bowling in the Olympics honoring your country? It's freaking bowling. People who weigh 300 pounds can be successful bowlers. Not that I have anything against bowlers, but I don't think there's anything "honorable" about winning a gold medal in it. The Olympic committee must not have either, because they banned the sport after that one-time shot.

The fact that this guy feels the need to wear his bowling gold medal "everywhere" indicates that he has nothing else going on in his life. He won his stupid gold medal, and now he's living in the past, where the highlight of his day is getting thanked by soft-spoken managers at Red Robin.

This gold-medalist bowler is no hero. He's a has-been bum. And if he's the best celebrity that Red Robin can draw, then that restaurant is going to close down or explode even sooner than I initially thought.







The Desperate Man:

I watched some of the college basketball conference tournament games once I got home. Some of the earlier contests were almost over by the time I got back, but Arizona-Oregon was about to start, so I watched that.

Bill Walton and his broadcast partner were talking to the camera just prior to the second half when something caught my eye. I had to take a picture of it. Let's see if you can spot it:



No, it's not the crazy circus sideshow freak smelling Walton's shoulder. Not that there's anything wrong with circus sideshow freaks smelling the shoulders of old men. That's not what I'm referring to. Let's take a closer look, shall we?



The hot brunette in the background? Absolutely. Whoa, momma.

But there are attractive women everywhere, so why does this one stand out? Well, two reasons. First, there aren't many female sportswriters to begin with, but the attractive ones are very few and far between. I feel like if you're an attractive chick who likes sports, you almost have to get into writing because there are two things that most heterosexual guys like: sports and boobs. If you have both, you'll have a successful career.

Second, well, that one isn't apparent quite yet. Let's take a look at the next shot:



The hot brunette is looking at her laptop, preparing to write about the game. Meanwhile, the guy to her right is preparing to ask her out on a date. Look at him. He looks like he's thinking desperately about what he's going to say to this sports-writing hottie.

Let's see what happens next:



Walton is looking at the clown's crotch - again, not that there's anything wrong with that - but the more hilarious occurrence is happening behind him. The guy cracked a joke that he thought was awesome, so I think I know how this exchange went down...

Desperate Man: Hey, you're cute, I mean, you want to hear a joke?

Sports-Writing Hottie: Uhh... OK?

Desperate Man: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Sports-Writing Hottie: Why?

Desperate Man: To put the eggs through the hoop!

Sports-Writing Hottie: Hmm...

Desperate Man: Get it? Because the chicken has eggs, and there's a hoop on the basketball court, and the balls are substituted by the chicken's eggs? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Sports-Writing Hottie: I have to get back to writing.

Is there any doubt that this happened? I mean, maybe the joke was a different one, but still. The guy looks like he said the most hilarious thing of all time, while the girl is just looking down and seemingly thinking, ugh, why is this creeper telling me horrible jokes while I'm trying to work?

Well, I say it was a valiant effort. I couldn't have said anything more creative; not without alcohol in my system, anyway. And you have to admit: That joke is somewhat close to being remotely funny.

Either way, Desperate Man should at least be proud that he tried to game Sports-Writing Hottie. It is the effort that counts, after all. And besides, it's possible that he could've been even more pathetic. He could have worn a gold medal for bowling around his neck.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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